Frenchy Is Peachy, But ...

Mike Bordick also started his Mets career well.

I was getting into the whole Jeff Francoeur thing too ... "Hey, two for four! Two RBI's! Look like line drives in the box score! Frenchy's always smiling! Maybe I was wrong!" Then I was reminded of Mike Bordick hitting a home run on the first pitch he ever saw as a Met before he fell off the face of the planet.

So not only was the liquid in my half full glass emptied on to the floor, the glass was smashed to the floor, and I was made to lick the mess up with my tongue before being made to watch Donne Wall's career highlights on DVD. (Luckily, that last part only took 36 seconds. But it was painful nonetheless.)

But Frenchy did have a good debut. I'll give him that.

Job Opening

Rey: Taxi!

(Shags cab and enters)

Cabbie: Where to?

Rey: Shea Stadium.

Cabbie: Umm, you know that place don't exist no more.

Rey: Huh?

Cabbie: Yeah, they tore that down, the Mets don't play there no more.

Rey: Then take me to wherever the heck they play.

Cabbie: Umm, you know they're on the road right now.

Rey: I know ... I also no they have no more shortstops left. So I figured I have a chance to play.

Cabbie: Oh yeah, and what's your credentials?

Rey: Are you kidding, I was part of the greatest infield ever!

Cabbie: Please. Where was that, Franklin High? Now the '99 Mets, that was the greatest infield ever.

Rey: I know! I was on that infield!

Cabbie: Yeah right. Who do you think you are, Rey Ordonez?

Rey: Yeah! I'm Rey Ordonez.

Cabbie: Well hello Rey! I'm John Olerud. Let me put on my batting helmet. Heh heh heh.

Rey: No, I'm serious!

Cabbie: Okay, you're Rey Ordonez. Whatever. Look, it's going to take more than one loss to get the Mets to let a guy off the street ... oh, sorry, "former world class athlete" to play shortstop

Rey: Look, I can still catch the ball. I can't hit, but I never could hit. But the Mets lost not only the game but like ... eight shortstops to injury. It's time to come back and be a Met again.

Cabbie: Please.

Rey: Just leave me off right here, in front of the rotunda.

Cabbie: I hope you get the job.

Rey: Thanks (pays and leaves).

Cabbie: He don't tip like no major leaguer.

(Rey rushes to the offices, but finds out he's too late to re-claim his job.)

"F&%k!"