Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Under Destruction

So when do we get past the point of "working things out"?

I know, it's still spring training. But we're at March 31st now. This is usually the time of year where pitchers start to stretch things out and have good outings. What does Oliver Perez do? Seven runs, seven outs, three home runs. One of which, it must be noted, was hit by Brendan Ryan.

You might think that Perez is still in "warm-up" mode, or that he's "trying different things", or that Jon Niese preliminarily moving up to the third starter position over Perez and Maine is merely "Jerry Manuel's strategic geometry", but what I know is that giving up a home run ... over the power alley ... against the wind ... to a shortstop who still looks like he might still get carded at the local establishments at the age of 28 ... I don't care if it's Digital Domain Park in March, Citi Field in August, or Must See TV Thursdays on Mars ... it's a @#&$*#ing problem!!!

Oliver keeps pitching like this, the most exciting things we'll see and hear this summer will be Mike Francesa and Steve Phillips have the following conversation on WFAN over and over again:
MF: No Steve, I hate Carlos Beltran more.

SP: Oh I beg to differ Michael, I hate Carlos Beltran more.

MF: Listen Steve, I've been in this town for over twenty years and I'm tellin ya, I hate Carlos Beltran more.

SP: With all due respect, I've tried to trade David Wright and Jose Reyes. And I hate Carlos Beltran more.
Please remind me to throw my radio out the window every Friday and on days where Oliver Perez pitches.


James Allen said...

From the people who brought you "Beer Money," it's SNY's newest game show: "Who Wants to Hit a Home Run Off of Ollie Perez?" This week, it's Betty Sanchez, 52, from Staten Island. Go Betty!

Berbalerbs said...

SP: With all due respect, I've tried to trade David Wright and Jose Reyes. And I hate Carlos Beltran more

Fantastico, Senor 'Damus

FeceMcGee said...

Man I'm racking my brain trying to get the "trade Wright and Reyes" reference but I can't figure it out. I'm dumb.

at the expense of ruining your joke, can you explain it to me??

Metstradamus said...

Fece, check out this and this.

Lisa Swan said...

Thanks for the Steve Phillips linkage. I just heard that Phillips also got a job with AOL's Fanhouse site. Blech.