Stimulating

It had to be a long, long day for Ike "The Stimulus" Davis. At 11AM Monday morning, he's batting cleanup for the Bisons.

(Editor's note: Isn't the plural of "Bison" just plain "Bison"? I mean, you spend money on a minor league jersey and it prominently displays bad grammar? What are we teaching our young players? What are we teaching the youth of America? Oh well, if you can have a grammatically incorrect professional team like the Maple Leafs, who really should be the Maple Leaves, then I guess you can have Bisons. Okay, I'm done.)

As I was saying before I rudely interrupted myself:

At 11AM Monday morning, Ike Davis is batting cleanup for the Bison for a 1:00 start. His day ends as the sixth hitter for the New York Mets in a game that ended with two hits, a run knocked in, and a pie in the face from Jeff Francoeur at about a quarter past ten. I go that long without a nap and I get cranky. I'm sure the last thing that The Stimulus is feeling is cranky.

You can't get much better than two hits and a pie in your major league debut. Hell the pie was probably the first true smile that Met fans have had in a long, long time (I don't count that Nelson Figueroa pie last season ... that was more of a "thank God this abortion of a season is finally finished" pie.) But as "feel-good" as it was, this may have been the pie that made pies passe. Think about it, if Stimulus knew the pie was coming five seconds before it actually hit him, then that means the pie has become way too predictable. Either that, or Francoeur has become way too predictable.

Dousing him with the grounds keeper's hose ... now that's a postgame celebration, my friends.

But seriously, it isn't like that pie was Ike's introduction to Frenchy. Jeff was all over him all pregame with smiles and hugs as that's obviously a relationship that has blossomed this spring. At least Davis has somebody that will show him the ropes and teach him not so much how to play baseball, but how to be a major leaguer. That's an advantage for Davis. And with Frenchy only being three years older than Stimulus, they can discuss similar things like God O' War 3, Beavis and Butthead, and Ultimate Fighting. Eventually, these are the guys that are going to bring back the hotfoot. And Howard Johnson can sure as hell coach that.

Oh yeah, there's the matter of how Davis actually played.

They kept talking about John Olerud. Olerud in 1999 helped make probably the most perfectly constructed lineup that the Mets have had. Not the best, or most productive lineup, mind you ... but the construction of it was classic from 2-5 with Alfonzo, Olerud, Piazza, and Ventura. Lefty, righty, lefty, righty, all prototypes of what those batting slots should have. Ironically, what that lineup probably could have used was a guy like Frenchy batting sixth (too bad he was only 15 years old at the time.) And it's that construction that has obviously spoiled Snoop Manuel as he's tried to make Mike Jacobs into Robin Ventura by batting him fourth and fifth all season. (Ventura once hit a grand slam single ... Jacobs once had a grand slam breakfast at Denny's. Similarities end there.)

If Davis is anywhere near Olerud, I think we'd take that ... at least until he goes 0-for-10 against the Phillies, then we'll start complaining again. But there was a shade of Olerud in his game tonight. The long reach. The sweet classic lefty swing. And in the seventh inning, the ability to hang in on a curveball to ground it into center field after getting pushed off the plate by an inside curveball the pitch before. That's usually the benchmark in whether a rook is ready, how he responds to that. Davis did well. He stepped in the bucket a little bit on that pitch, so he has a ways to go. But he didn't look completely overmatched. As we move forward the next two weeks, that could change. He'll see Carlos Zambrano. He may see Derek Lowe or Tim Hudson. He may see Jonathan Broxton. All vets with either a clue, or with unbelievable stuff. We'll see what The Stimulus can create out of that the next week or so.

The best thing to happen on Ike's first night in the majors was that the night ended. Now, Davis can be a major league ballplayer instead of the looming savior that he has been made out to be since spring training ended. Having to hear about LeBron James every day for the six months leading up to his NBA debut and then having the entire day of James' debut be dedicated to a guy who had never played a professional athletic competition in his life drove me absolutely nuts. For crying out loud his nickname was "King" and he had done nothing except dunk on a bunch of 15-year-olds a foot shorter than him. That kind of lead-up and hype drives me unbelievably insane. But the best part of James' debut was that from that moment on, he was an NBA player, like every other NBA player. Now that he's among the best if not the best that the NBA has to offer, he deserves all the hype he gets.

My disclaimer here is that I'm not, repeat: not comparing Ike Davis to LeBron James or his baseball equivalent. But the hype that Davis was getting was morphing into a local version of the national attention that LeBron got. Between Mike Francesa doing an entire segment devoted to Ike Davis on his show every day to the constant mentions of his call up during the pre-game show to having hoards of media surrounding him when he steps out of the dugout can be a little much. Perhaps it was that hype that pushed the Mets to call him up in the first place. But now that he's played his first game, all that stops. He can now be a major leaguer instead of a mythical creature. (I guess you can say the Mets released the Kraken.) That can only be good for him as he can now put smiles on our faces for his production with the Mets, rather than put agita in your coffee cup for the things he was doing in Buffalo.

It'll be fun watching him take the next step in his career ... such as what Jon Niese did tonight. Niese wasn't dominating as he gave up eight hits and walked three in his 5 and 2/3's tonight. But what he did was get himself in trouble, and then get himself out of trouble by coming after guys and being aggressive. He wasn't scared of throwing any of his pitches, whether they be heat or off-speed, in the strike zone. Now you might say that it's a trait that only makes him better than say, Alay Soler, and you would be right. But what Niese showed Monday is that while he's going to have those struggles as he did against Colorado, he's also going to have those games where he's going to battle and give you good innings. And that those games might out-number the struggles if only by a little. From Niese, that's all you can ask for. He's also got a ways to go, but he took a step forward.

Oh, and Angel Pagan hit a big home run. It's an opportunity to tell you that when I was in Washington last season, a few Mets were kind enough to sign a baseball for me. Angel Pagan was signing too, right before the game. He had to get to the dugout as the anthem was done and he was leading off the game. But he said "I've got time for one more." Standing near him was me ... and a nine-year-old girl.

I just walked away. That's a war I can't win.

Under Destruction

So when do we get past the point of "working things out"?

I know, it's still spring training. But we're at March 31st now. This is usually the time of year where pitchers start to stretch things out and have good outings. What does Oliver Perez do? Seven runs, seven outs, three home runs. One of which, it must be noted, was hit by Brendan Ryan.

You might think that Perez is still in "warm-up" mode, or that he's "trying different things", or that Jon Niese preliminarily moving up to the third starter position over Perez and Maine is merely "Jerry Manuel's strategic geometry", but what I know is that giving up a home run ... over the power alley ... against the wind ... to a shortstop who still looks like he might still get carded at the local establishments at the age of 28 ... I don't care if it's Digital Domain Park in March, Citi Field in August, or Must See TV Thursdays on Mars ... it's a @#&$*#ing problem!!!

Oliver keeps pitching like this, the most exciting things we'll see and hear this summer will be Mike Francesa and Steve Phillips have the following conversation on WFAN over and over again:

MF: No Steve, I hate Carlos Beltran more.

SP: Oh I beg to differ Michael, I hate Carlos Beltran more.

MF: Listen Steve, I've been in this town for over twenty years and I'm tellin ya, I hate Carlos Beltran more.

SP: With all due respect, I've tried to trade David Wright and Jose Reyes. And I hate Carlos Beltran more.

Please remind me to throw my radio out the window every Friday and on days where Oliver Perez pitches.

Dogs And Ponies

“I am totally surprised by the reaction to my recent knee surgery. Any accusations that I ignored or defied the team’s wishes are simply false. I also spoke to Omar Minaya about the surgery on Tuesday. He did not ask me to wait, or to get another doctor’s opinion. He just wished me well. No one from team raised any issue until Wednesday, after I was already in surgery. I do not know what else I could have done." -Carlos Beltran

There's nothing. There's nothing Carlos Beltran could have done. There's nothing anybody could have done. There's nothing anybody could ever do. This is because Beltran works for trained animals, mostly dogs and ponies, in three-piece suits.

That has to be it. How else can you explain it? When other teams have major injuries, it's a press release. When other teams fire belligerent employees, it's a paper statement. When other teams open ballparks, there is much rejoicing. When the Mets do these things, it's the equivalent of a tanker truck spill blocking the Lincoln Tunnel combined with a 20-car pile up on the L.I.E. It's unbelievable how this team can take free lunch and make it into a world-wide health hazard.

So let me get this straight: Dr. Richard Steadman, Beltran's doctor, concludes that his knee needs surgery. Dr. Richard Altchek, the doctor hired by the Mets, agreed. So what is the issue here? The issue is that Mets management, none of whom to the best of my knowledge has a "Dr." in front of their names, needs to talk about this in a boardroom even though if the opinions of one of the best doctors in the country, and the doctor that the team hired agree with each other. So why the delay? So Beltran can miss the entire season? Why have a medical staff if you're not going to trust their opinion?

And correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't there supposed to be a change in the medical procedures and lines of communication which would have helped in these matters? Wasn't that supposed to be reviewed? That's what we were told on Apology Day, right? No, instead we get the same old garbage that results in another fiasco, which is what everything the Mets touch seems to turn to ... a damn fiasco. All because management needs to be the ones to make final call on medical procedures even though nobody in that front office is a doctor of anything.

It's amazing how the only people entrusted to think are the people that have no brains.

But that's where we are ... another mess that we're thrown in the middle of. A mess of which you have Mike Francesa expounding on his medical knowledge (another one who isn't a doctor), you have Michael Kay reminding us on the airwaves that Beltran really wanted to play for the Yankees all along, and you probably have players all around the league wondering how many pigs, dogs and ponies have to sprout wings and fly over the Pepsi Porch for them to sign here or waive their no-trade clauses to come to this embarrassment. Think of the consequences if this had happened before Jason Bay signed here. Then he'd really be off to Beirut. And who can blame him?

Oh, and good luck getting Beltran to come back here after 2011 when his contract is up, as he counts the days until he can move Curtis Granderson to left field. Because when the first thing you think of after an injury to one of your star players isn't "gee, how are we going to replace his production", but "gee, how can we nail him on a technicality so we can get a couple of million back", you're going to have some problems regaining his trust.

All in all, it's just another reminder that we don't root, root root for the home team so much as we root for a business. One that's run by dogs and ponies.

Defenders Of Dead Carcasses

How do you know the Mets have hit rock bottom ... again? Well, not only have Met fans turned their anger into wild cheering for Andy Green at-bats, but even Mike Francesa' foundation of tweaking the Mets has collapsed on itself. He went on his simulcast today and told us all to leave the Mets alone. Mike Francesa!!!

My world is officially upside down:

"Enough, with the Mets! You don't have to, anymore, get the point across. (...) The Mets are like, you tied them to a tree and you just keep pounding them with their hands and feet tied. And you just keep beating on them, and beating on them, and beating on them, okay? It doesn't take any toughness now to beat on the Mets. They are like a dead carcass on the side of the road. We understand that. The year was a disaster, they've been terribly inept and terribly unlucky in the same year, enough! You gotta stop beating on the Mets ... The Mets right now could get knocked for anything. The Mets could cure cancer tomorrow and get knocked for it. (...) It's no fun picking on somebody when everyone's beating on them. Enough already, move on. The season's dead, it's over. (...) Beating on the Mets cannot be something that you think is any more clever, or tough, or a real strong opinion, to me its just piling on now. Get off the Mets back already! I can't take it anymore! (...) There's nothing left, I mean how about just everyone just back off a little bit and move on, I mean enough's enough, jeez. You can't tell me you like it anymore, it's gotten to be sickening."

For the record, I still like it. It's fun. Besides, if you don't keep reminding everyone how inept the Mets are in this age of ADD media, people will forget and move on to stories like Brett Favre coming back (or Brett Hinchcliffe).

For example, it was revealed today that Neil Diamond's musical career was sparked by the departure of the Brooklyn Dodgers. To which I reply: "Now we know why the Mets insisted on playing Sweet Caroline all these years."

See Mike, isn't piling on fun?

But Mike's moratorium on Met bashing lasted about 30 minutes, at which point he blasted the throwback uniforms. So I guess not all is wrong with the world after all. I, for one, am relieved.

If you'd like to hear Francesa's entire rant, play the video below:

Skeptic Tank

Experts say that you should be careful about what you see in players in April and in September. With the Mets season pretty much over, this is going to be the longest September in a long time. So it's okay to be skeptical about Cory Sullivan.

Two triples on Wednesday and some good looking defensive plays lately is like an oasis for this team, this time. But can you really believe what you see? After all, if you look at the new fangled way people are looking at defense these days, Cory Sullivan has UZR ratings that are negative ... as in less than zero. Last season alone, his UZR/150 rating was -58.5, and -111.9 in center field alone. Now I can't explain how one comes up with a UZR rating, but a numbers that low would basically make someone less useful in the field than Timmy Lupus. How do you get up in the morning at -111.9?

Those ratings are better this season, but still negative. I'm guessing this means that all these diving, running, sliding catches he's making ... Carlos Beltran would be camped under those balls for a couple of seconds.

But Sullivan is indeed making these catches, which is more than you could say for, say, Angel Pagan on Doug Davis' single (sidebar question for Snoop: How do you bench Pagan for making a dopey decision, but not Luis Castillo for making a lazy throw?) And besides, another way to evaluate a player is how they perform when the team they play on has been playing meaningless games since early June. Sullivan is a bright spot. To Snoop's discredit, there aren't many of those.

Now, let's hope that Sullivan doesn't go into next April undervalued ... or overvalued.

***

My bad:

"I don't know how David Wright has made it through the season healthy" -Metstradamus, multiple times over the past week.

I knew saying that was a bad idea every time the words came out of my mouth.

***

But hey, there are reasons to cheer up. First off, the Mets are wearing throwback uniforms this weekend that don't involve the Dodgers! Of course, they don't really throw back to anything the Mets have ever worn, but the fact that they're honoring the Giants and not the Dodgers is a small step in the right direction.

And hey, you might be able to see this weekend's games on the cheap, thanks to the Mets! Yeah, they're slashing ticket prices! The New York Mets: the Crazy Eddie of Major League Baseball. Awesome.

***

More cheer: You know it's rare that interesting things happen to two members of the Metstradamus Hall of Hate that end up on You Tube, but for those who haven't seen them, here's part one of the snicker parade, courtesy of NY Baseball Digest and Baseball Think Factory:



I'll never listen to his opening theme song the same way again ... "He'll get you the sports any way that he can." HA! He's getting a lot of flack for this on the web, but his pompousness has brought it on himself.

Shane Victorino, on the other hand, didn't bring this on himself. At least I don't think so:



Now, that's a very bad thing to do ... spill beer on a player. We don't condone that here on this website, even if Victorino is in the Hall of Hate by a landslide vote, and even if he is the devil. You still shouldn't spill beer on him.

(I did chuckle when it happened. I know, I'm going to hell ... oh what am I saying. Have you seen the standings? And have you seen that Pedro Martinez pitched five effective innings for the Phillies? I'm IN hell!!!)

My favorite part is the Phillies fan throwing peanuts at the Cubs fan after the beer was thrown. And the whole row got thrown out to boot.

Now remember for all you kids out there, this is not acceptable behavior. And if you enjoyed the previous video, you need penance. Donate to your favorite charity. Or, donate to Gary, Keith, and Ron's favorite charities by buying t-shirts and stuff. And if you use the code "blogger" before August 15th, then you can take 15% off of everything ... including tickets for the final game of the season where you can attend the end of season Gary, Keith and Ron event.

Remember, use the code "blogger" for discounts. If you use the code "Metstradamus", a video of Keith laughing at you will pop up on the screen. So just type "blogger".

Plankton

Everything bothers me. You know that, and I admit it.

But I don't know what bothers me more:

Is it the compliment provided by Tom Verducci that reads so backhanded that if Rafael Nadal hit it, it would have won the French Open?

"So where does that leave us in these uncertain times for the next world champion? Find a team in a deep championship slump; say 23 years. Check for improved run prevention, especially because of an upgraded bullpen that alone might be 40 runs better. Check for athleticism and a core of star players in their youthful prime years. Throw in strong revenues (thanks to a new ballpark) to allow for midseason payroll additions (a decided edge over most clubs in these times). And you get a world championship for the Mets in the debut of CitiField, a ballpark planned as a sweet homage to Brooklyn and Ebbets Field but opening as an unintended monument to a federal bailout of a bank and the world's most notorious Ponzi scheme, a fraud by a Mets season-ticket holder that claimed the club's owner among its victims. Strange times, indeed."

Or does the fact that Mike Francesa called Verducci's pick "way out on the plank" during his interview with Sean Casey on Wednesday bother me more?

I guess to Francesa, anybody who isn't the Yankees or Red Sox would qualify as "way out on the plank". Yeah, two straight collapses. I know. I know. Believe me, I know. But that's no reason to put them on the same outer plank as the Padres, the Pirates, and the Calgary Vipers.

But I guess it doesn't matter, since Verducci's prediction alone has basically freed up my summer. After all, there's no reason to watch any baseball since SI's jinx will no doubt strike again upside our heads. Thanks Tom. With all this free time I can't decide whether I want to find a cure for brain freeze, or invent an automatic Cheez Whiz dispenser and have the Slap Nuts guy sell it on SNY at 3AM for me.

List Hunt

Answer me this:

Do you really want to know who else is on this "A-Rod list?"

Do you really want to know who tested positive for the juice in '03?

I'd rather not.

They say that nobody who is exposed as a juicer should surprise you anymore. And I thought: "Well, if a good portion of the 2003 Mets were on the juice it would surprise me." Why?

They only won 66 games. And it would really hurt me to think that these guys destroyed the "sanctity of the game" and still couldn't win more than 66 games in the process.

But then I thought, "You know, it really wouldn't surprise me. It can't surprise me. Can it really surprise me that this particular team couldn't even win while cheating?"

So I really don't want to know if Jeff Duncan was on Prednisone.

Or if Orber Moreno was on Deca-Durabolin.

Or if Jay Bell smoked some tainted mushrooms.

I don't want to know. And to be honest, I kinda wish this would all go away. But it isn't going to anytime soon because baseball took it's sweet time dealing with this (while getting every last dollar they could off the fans during the McGwire/Sosa era), and they can't even get an anonymous test right (how exactly does it take six days to destroy evidence?)

Besides: at this point, is anybody on that '03 Met team, or any ballplayer for that matter, is really worried about being outed at this point? Chances are, most of those players have already been outed in the Mitchell report (which everyone has pretty much forgotten about), are not nearly as big as Rodriguez and whom nobody will care about, or is Robby Alomar ... who wouldn't be worried about his name being on that list because, umm ... he has bigger problems right about now.

(Editor's note: Way to go Orlando Sentinel ... "Ex-Met great Roberto Alomar"? Seriously? "Ex-Blue Jay great", maybe. "Ex-Indian great", I'd believe. "Ex-Met awful", that's acceptable. "Ex-Met great?" Are you serious? Does anybody do homework anymore? And would he have been an "Ex-Met great" if the story involved Alomar giving a million dollars to overseas orphans? No, because giving money to overseas orphans doesn't get you in the newspaper.)

(Editor's note, the sequel: The author of this blog long ago mused on Barry Bonds. His thoughts on Alex Rodriguez are largely the same. He doesn't believe in asterisks, he thinks the media ... then and now ... have gotten the focus of the issue all wrong. And he thinks the fact that Rodriguez cares way too much about what people think of him has gotten him in all this trouble. Peer pressure, thy name is A-Rod. So this blog's author will not bore you, fine reader, by repeating himself.)

(Editor's note, the other sequel: How often can you come out with a book about drugs and groupies and not even shock anybody? With all the steroids and lawsuits out there, that's exactly what Darryl Strawberry has done. What could he possibly write that wasn't already talked about or implied in Pearlman's book?)

***

I think Ryan Church has won me over:

"It was [shocking what Francesa said], actually. It was one of those things where it made me pissed off, but the season's over and I think he's a Yankee fan, so he's got nothing else to do, so he might as well pick on somebody. I know I felt like crap [from the second concussion] when I came back but everybody's entitled to their own opinion and stuff like that, but I know what I said and what I didn't say. I'll have to get an 'I [Love] NY' shirt, if that makes anybody feel better."

Well I feel better already.

Balk Balk! Like The Chicken You Are!

The real Carlos Delgado is back. The one we all know and love.

The real Armando Benitez is also back. The one we all know and love...to hate.

Combine the two, and you have a recipe for a sweet night. And oh, how sweet it is.

Sometimes, karma lies dormant for a while. We had all hoped for this the minute Armando left the Mets...hoped for the Mets to have his number from the start. Instead, he went 12-for-12 in save opportunities against the Flushing Nine in 2004, and we all wondered what the Mets did to deserve that.

Oh that's right, they hired Art Howe, signed Shane Spencer and Karim Garcia instead of Vladimir Guerrero, and traded Scott Kazmir for Victor Zambrano. Now I remember.

But that bit of karma has been in someone's hip pocket for a long time, just waiting for the right time to be played. And between Lastings Milledge, and a gaggle of walks, it has indeed been well played over the past couple of seasons. But if there was a quintessential way to defeat the man we affectionately call "Blow-nitez", two balks and a walk-off bomb by Diesel was it. Especially after Armando threw his infield under the bus after a recent game against the Rockies:

"I'm doing my job, I got three groundballs and what happened?" Benitez asked. "We had an opportunity to win the game. How many times we got somebody on base and nobody moved him? Somebody had to pay and the person that paid was me. He hit a good pitch, a slider away, and a sinker."

Amazing that when it's someone else's fault, our friend Benitez is willing to expound to reporters afterwards. Not like when he was here right?

Oh, here's Armando's pearl of wisdom tonight...after he had nobody to blame but himself:

"I lost the game."

Yes, you most certainly did. Here's what Omar Vizquel should have said afterwards:

"I'm doing my job, I dive and rob Julio Franco of the game winning hit in the ninth, and Kevin Frandsen makes a great play on the barehand stab of my flip and what happened?" Vizquel asked. "We had an opportunity to win the game. How many times we got somebody on base and nobody balked him all the way home in the first eleven innings? Somebody had to pay and the person that paid was me."

Maybe Vizquel can put that in his next book whenever he decides he wants to piss off another teammate.

Tonight, for the first time since his departure, I can truly say I'll miss Armando Benitez when he leaves Shea Stadium. I'll miss his karma.

***

Speaking of members of the Hall of Hate, I had high hopes for one of them today, as Mike Francesa started out the "Mike and the Mad Dog" show at Shea Stadium by warning about revisionist history regarding Roger Clemens, and how people are making him out to be this savior after making his appearance in the owner's box at Yankee Stadium announcing his comeback. And how Clemens has never been a savior in his Yankee history, only a mercenary.

Loved it. Francesa was making sense.

Then, inevitably of course, he blew it.

Somehow, of course, he and his partner Russo called Met fans hypocrites for booing Barry Bonds and holding protests while cheering Guillermo Mota.

To clarify, Mr. Francesa, a group of fans at Boycott Barry organized the protests with the blindfolds. Somehow, Francesa associated this with "the Met fan" as Francesa liked to refer to us as repeatedly, as our protest. It wasn't our protest. The fans in the park on Tuesday played along (as evidenced by the crowd being somewhat subdued until Bonds came to the plate in the tenth), but it certainly wasn't organized by Mets fans. But hey, why let a little research get in the way of painting "the Met fan" with a broad brush.

And by the way, if you gentlemen are going to get on "the Met fan" for cheering Guillermo Mota upon his return (and if you see the small sample on my current poll question, it's basically split down the middle between cheers and boos...although I'm surprised more people didn't click the chicken and beer option), then "let's be fair", as you like to say Chris, and get "the Giant fan" for cheering Barry Bonds the way they do. Why not get on them, even though Giants fans actually have good reason to love him, because steroids or not, he saved your franchise from being moved to Tampa Bay in the early nineties.

Go ahead Chris, be fair.

Oh who am I kidding, this is a guy who's good friend Mike North got a shot at the Imus time slot on Tuesday morning, and according to someone who actually heard his show this morning, responded by calling the Mets "red-headed stepchildren". In reasoning that only proves that he's Russo's friend, since the Yankees got all the coverage in the morning newspaper, while the Mets got none, "nobody cares about the Mets."

...

...

THE METS DIDN'T PLAY ON MONDAY THAT'S WHY THEY WEREN'T IN THE NEWSPAPER YOU NASAL DISCHARGE!!!

I know, I shouldn't care what any of these people say or do, but I can't help myself. Watching these guys are like a drug, or a relationship that's a bad idea but somehow you can't break free from. Besides, restraint is no fun...for me, or for you.