Monday, September 18, 2006

Smoking Is Bad

Maybe it's the damn cigar.

Maybe someone is trying to tell Willie Randolph that smoking causes lung cancer, emphysema, and heart disease.

Every time our manager has been waiting to smoke a cigar, whether it be his first win, or his first postseason appearance, it sits there and gets stale waiting for him. See Willie? Smoking is bad for you. What else is it going to take for you to see that.

How come Willie can't wait for a nice cube of delicious Entenmann's Marshmallow Devil's Food Cake? What can that cause besides another inch on the hips? C'mon Willie, set a good example for the kids!

It's all about the kids, Willie.

It's all about those fans who took probably the last day of vacation they have this year to vacation in beautiful downtown Pittsburgh hoping to see their team clinch. And now, they're screwed out of a vacation day they'll never have back...all because the Mets can't hit people who are dominant in the right side of their brain.

So now, it's all about the 56,000 fans that are going to flock Shea Monday night after the Mets' latest lefty lemon against Zach Duke. And that's great news for Monday's starter Steve Trachsel, who will no doubt feel wrath like he's never felt before if he comes up with another one of his typical outings where he goes through his night like he just came out of a root canal, and there's 1,000 things he'd rather be doing.

Speaking of which, you know how I feel about Keith Hernandez. The man is a legend among legends in Met-dom...he brought the Mets a championship, and he's one of the most entertaining people you'll ever listen to when he's in that booth. But why is it obvious that when he's in that booth, it's the last place he wants to be?

Gary Cohen: "Ronnie will be back with us tomorrow night..."

Keith: (cutting Gary off) "I won't."

Wow, Keith. Don't rub it in!

Not for nothing but every time there's an extra inning game he whines like a school girl in detention. And every time he's got a night off coming up he sounds like he's five minutes away from a parole hearing. You know, I hear enough whining and bitching from people just trying to get through their everyday jobs (okay, I'm the one doing most of the whining and bitching) that I don't need to hear someone whining about being at a baseball game. My heart bleeds for you.

And Monday is setting up to be the most historical night of the regular season, and you have the day off? Get your ass to work and give us your unique perspective dammit. Your wine will still be there when you get back.

See folks, nobody escapes my wrath during a three game losing streak...not even Keith Hernandez.

***

I will say this: I'm kind of glad the Mets didn't clinch while I was at the Meadowlands watching my other team fall apart...at least for two and a half quarters. If you want to hear more, then from the good folks who brought you Brooklyn Met Fan, now there's Brooklyn Jet Fan. And there seems to be someone there who posts under the pseudonym: Jetstradamus.

Let's just say that's more than mere coincidence.

11 comments:

elliot said...

Can you (or someone) please explain the "hate list" reference to the obscure rule and the Jeter hitting streak?

Ed in Westchester said...

elliot - can't say for sure, but odds are that since Selig is Steinbrenner's buddy, he was combing the books to find some way to keep Jeets' streak alive. Heck, he got pulled the other night after 3 walks and a HBP, and the streak lived. In my book, it should have ended, since he did not finish the game.

Metstra - that about it? Or just general anti-Yank/trying to annoy Darth Marc stuff?

Unser said...

And do we have to listen to Keith telling us how he can get as many playoff tickets as he wants for his daughter just by picking up the phone, while us lowly plebians have to register on Mets.com just to get the chance, if they're available, to purchase Upper Deck seats? Jeez Mex, rub it in, why don't you.

Unser said...

One other thing - D. Wright is the key to this lefty conundrum. If he smacks them southpaws around like he did in the first half of the season, they'll be fine in the playoffs.

Metstradamus said...

Elliott, Ed is correct. Jeter's hit streak continued because the game he had 3 BB's and a HBP, he didn't get an official at bat, therefore according to the "rules", he never played...I guess.

Unser, absolutely correct on David Wright.

sheadenizen said...

No Joe Randa on the hate list? He sure made mine....more times than I care to think about!

Patrick Burke said...

Who is the kid in the picture next to Glavine?

Metstradamus said...

Pelfrey.

elliot said...

Thanks for the answer, folks.

jdon said...

Hernandez can be tiresome. Follow Keith's hitting tips and learn how to not hit 200 HRs in a career that spanned three decades. Level, kids, level. Nobody swings level anymore. I like it when all three are in the booth.. Darling seems to cheer him up a bit. Which is not easy to do with Keith. They didn't used to call him the Black Prince for nothing. When he wasn't abusing clubhouse personnel and terrorizing batboys he was putting stuff up his nose. He is definitely a nabob of negativism. Having spewed all this, I do like a lot of his commentary. But he is such a bi-otch about working

the mad ranter said...

I predict a 9 inning complete game no-hitter for Trachsel that last only 1:57. I predict a 5-consecutive HR game for DWright. I predict Cliff Floyd's security-minded brother will allow the fans to storm the field after the Fish are fried and grab some turf. I predict SNY will outrate both YES and ESPN tonight in the tri-state area. I predict that Keith and Gary will have a nice attitude and not spend their 1:57 together talking about more songs about buildings and food (and bridges). I predict...oops! the drugs are wearing off.
LET'S GO METS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!