No thanks, CW11. I've seen enough small soldiers on my television for three plus hours. Of them all, here are the three smallest (in lack of size order):
- Tom Glavine: All right, let's see. An ace is defined, in part, as the guy your teammates look to when you need a big victory. You can all come on this site and comment that John Maine is the ace, or Jorge Sosa is the ace, or Oliver Perez is the ace simply because of their stats. But let's be real. When your offense has been slumping, and you finally get to a rookie who can't find the plate, that team looked to Glavine to give them a quality start. Now, a quality start is giving up no more than three runs in no less than three innings. Heck, five runs in five innings would have been fine. Five runs in five innings is like remembering to bring your number two pencil to your SAT exam, and that's all Glavine needed to do. Glavine instead gave up seven runs in four innings. An ace has gotta have a tad more intestinal fortitude than that. It's not like the team was asking for a whole lot.
- Willie Randolph: I have figured out why the price of gasoline is so high...because Guillermo Mota insists on using buckets of it to put out fires. Yes, Mota is pitching like a dog this season (a sleeping dog who doesn't pay any mind to baserunners). But the two runs in the sixth inning could have been avoided, if only Willie Randolph had just made the prudent decision to walk Hideki Matsui with runners on second and third and two outs. Matsui has probably gotten as many big hits against the Mets as a certain Revlon wearing Ford driving shortstop we all know. And if you don't believe your eyes, then believe what you see on the stat sheet: Matsui was a career .349 lifetime hitter against the Mets before today. The on deck hitter, Robinson Cano, is a career .235 hitter. I know Willie likes to manage by the seat of his pants and I would prefer he stay that way. But today, Willie made the wrong move.
- Carlos Beltran: We here at Folgers have replaced the Mets' normal center fielder with Bobby Abreu. Let's see if they notice...YES, WE'VE NOTICED! PLEASE BRING OUR OUTFIELDER BACK! I know...Carlos Gomez can play left field like Todd Hundley sometimes, but give the kid some credit for the way he battled Mariano Rivera on an eight pitch at bat which resulted in a single. Then, Jose Reyes takes Rivera eight pitches deep for a single of his own. So after that, you mean to tell me that Carlos Beltran swings at the first pitch and foul pops it to the catcher? To complete an 0 for 6 day? This offense scored eight runs on the strength of Jose Reyes and the bottom of the order. Ruben Gotay can't continue to be the lynchpin of the lineup. What could the Mets have done if the middle of the order is hitting like it's capable of? Not to belabor the point but...no hits in six at-bats!!!