And The Scarlet Number 2000 Fades Away

For nine years, I've had the indignity of having witnessed the last Yankees world championship in person. Now, I don't have to say that anymore.

So I suppose that's a good thing (along with Shane Victorino being the final out ... I'll take what I can get, I guess.)

But it's not enough that the Yankees are back to being World F***ing Champions (thanks Chase), but Hideki Matsui won the MVP award after a six RBI night ... meaning that Jeff Wilpon is now salivating over the thought of signing him to play left with his surgically repaired knees.

(Hmmmmmm ... advertising dollars.)

But here's the good news: Thanks to Bud Selig letting FOX walk all over him with November baseball, spring training starts in just about two weeks. Then we can start worrying about important things ... like how to beat the Pirates now that they have Akinori Iwamura, or how to replace Frankie Rodriguez after he blows out his elbow pitching winter league in Venezuela.

The bad news is that Jose Reyes will still be rehabbing 48 of the 124 tears in his hamstring.

Satan's Series

At midnight on Monday, October 26th, the New York Yankees won the 2009 American League pennant, completing a World Series matchup with the Philadelphia Phillies.

Also at midnight on Monday, October 26th, the movie Armageddon was starting on my cable system.

How fitting.

The movie had a happy ending. But this, my friends, is Baseball Armageddon. There is no happy ending. Satan has been unleashed. The minions have arrived on earth. The Mayan calendar has ended little more than three years earlier than expected. The world will never be the same. And the next two weeks are going to be the worst two weeks on earth.

In one respect, this awful season couldn't have ended any other way. The good news is that now, there really is no possible season that could possibly be any worse than this. (At least 1993 saw Toronto in the fall classic to defeat the Phillies.)

But in another respect, we have a final battle where there can be no winners. Only pain and anguish. I'm here, fellow Met fans, to quell that pain and anguish ... because you're unknowingly inflicting it on yourselves.

About a week ago, I set out on a quest to win a Nobel Peace Prize. Unfortunately, my original plan to bring the sabermetricians and the scouts together in harmony was put to rest when I was informed that they were no longer at war. But undeterred, I still seek this honor. Because this, this is a much more noble (Nobel?) crusade.

Anyone over the age of 40 will surely remember, and those under that age surely read about it in their history books, but in 1980 Jimmy Carter pulled the United States Olympians out of the Moscow games because of the Soviet Union's invasion of Afghanistan. The athletes didn't like it. But it was for their own good. Friends, consider me your Jimmy Carter. (Carter, it should be noted, is a past winner of the Nobel Prize for Peace.) Though I realize that I'm not the boss of you, I'm making a decision on behalf of all of you that you may not like, but please trust me when I tell you that it's for your own good, and the good of the planet.

I'm boycotting the 2009 World Series, and pulling all Met fans around the world out of it. You may not like it, but it's for your own good.

For those of you who have made that decision already, good for you. You're doing a service to your community. But I see way too many of you on the internets feel that you have to choose a side. Maybe it's because it's the World Series, or because you don't want to have baseball on somewhere on your dial and not be watching it, and choosing a side will help you be able to watch the games. Let me tell you that no good can come of either outcome.

I'm all for hatred of the Phillies, but rooting for the Yankees is not the answer. Do you really want to have your Yankee fan friends to be all nice to you and tell you that "hey, you've gotta root for New York" (sorry, I hate that) only to then come up to you all winter and tell you that "Hey, we took care of the team that you couldn't ... you're welcome!" in that slimy, smarmy, Yankee voice? Do you want that condescending pat on the back from those people welcoming you to the dark side? You want to be on the same side as these people for the next 4-7 games? When they go back to laughing at you the rest of the winter, and when John Sterling provides the soundtrack to your winter, you're going to be sorry you rooted for them.

Conversely, Yankee hatred is a staple of society. But siding with the Phillies is also not the answer. I understand staying along league lines. But do you want to be on the same side of any argument with Brett Myers? Shane Victorino? Jimmy Rollins??? JIMMY ROLLINS??!?!? The same guy who's insecurities led him to bring up the Mets during their World Series parade? Really??!? When Phillie fans go back to pouring beer on your head and knocking you out with one punch in Citi Field, while Comcast Philly or My Philly 17 puts it on television (yes, this happened), and when the Phils clinch the series in New York and take the World Series trophy for a spin around the Citi Field parking lot that you once knew as your beloved Shea Stadium before heading to the airport, you're going to be sorry you rooted for them.

You get the point, right? Rooting for either one of these teams is like getting into bed with the head cheerleader for a night, only to have her tell the entire school about your shortcomings in bed. Is this what you want??? All winter??!?!? Have some self respect.

But worse than that, do you really want Mets fans fighting with other Mets fans about why rooting for one over the other is more palatable? Maybe these kind of arguments wouldn't happen too much in bars across New York ... and maybe only one of these drunken discussions between Met fans would result in a bar fight. But my friends, that would be one bar fight too many. The few friendships between Met fans that would end because one of them rooted for the Yankees would be one friendship too many. Don't let yourselves be driven apart by taking sides in this mess. Let the Yankee fans and the Phillie fans be the ones to throw hands with each other. Let's not eat our own young, or commit Met on Met crime. You're playing right into Satan's hands. This is what he wants. This is why he's here with his minions.

That's why my solution, my message of peace, is your only chance at a dignified existence over the grueling days and weeks to come. Trust me, it's not worth it. You want to make a statement, turn your backs. Walk away. Have dinner with your families. Watch Armageddon on your local cable system ... it's on, like, all the time! And it has a happy ending even though Bruce Willis dies. (C'mon, like you didn't know.) Read Ron Darling's book, or Greg Prince's Faith and Fear in Flushing. Buy a box set of Gilmore Girls. Anything! You have the power to reject Satan, and stop the inevitability of doom for yourselves. You have the power.

And if your curiosity takes over and you must know what is happening between the minions of Satan, get the scores through telegraph or Pony Express (they still exist, right?) And if you must use the television, at least have the decency of turning on the Spanish version on WWOR so that Joe Buck doesn't cause your ears to bleed. And for heaven's sake boo ... everything. Every play, every strikeout, every hit, home run, and balk ... regardless on who's on which side of the play. Boo.

But you can't take sides. It's for the good of humanity. Please, heed my message of peace and freedom. Oh sure, some might twist that around and say "well, you're taking away our freedom to pick a side." But what I'm saying is this: free yourself from the tyranny that you have to take a side to watch this World Series. Friends, follow me. Follow me to freedom. To Switzerland. To a brief respite of happiness before you have to deal with the Metropolitan signings of Jason Marquis and Hideki Matsui to keep Oliver Perez company on the disabled list. Help me fight evil.

The fate of the world is in your hands.

From The Makers Of Kazuo: It's The Other Matsui

It's a comment worth spotlighting:

"What about making a deal with the Spanks for H. Matsui? He's in the final year of his contract and he's due $13 million for the season. The guy is not the feared hitter that Manny is, but he's the anti-Manny--personality wise--a true professional. And if he's healthy enough, you can pretty much count on him to hit around .300 with a .370 or so OBP and drive in 90-100 rbis. Unfortunately he bats lefty. If the Mets were willing to take on half of that $13 million for next season, he could probably be had for a mid-level prospect I would think. Nady would be better, but we'd probably have to give up more to get him cuz he's younger and he's getting a lot less $$$. It's a risk of course but it might be better than say committing more money and years to a player like Abreu or Dunn. Wilpons would have the added bonus of money from the Japanese media and fans." - Chris in Japan

If the Mets want a bat for the outfield to lengthen the lineup, you could do worse than Hideki Matsui. Don't believe me? The Mets apparently tested that theory by looking into trading for Andruw Jones.

Hideki is interesting, because of all the Yankees hitters I hate to see up with the game on the line, Matsui might be Yankee Enemy No. 1 ... yes, even over Derek Jeter ... that's how clutch he's been against the Mets. And isn't that something that the Mets are apparently looking for?

And that whole deal with the bonus money from Japanese endorsements, I don't think that's how you should run a baseball team ... trading for people that will bring people through the gates regardless of how they fit in the lineup or in the room. But with Bernie Madoff bilking the Wilpons out of the Gross National Income of a small country, there's no doubt that this is something the Wilpons would consider (I'm not that naive.) The Yankees apparently can afford to lose that advertising since they're paying billions of dollars for CC Sabathia and Mark Teixeira.

Ultimately, I don't think it happens because as of now, he still has a place on the Yankees as part time DH, rest of the time left fielder. As long as he has a regular place in the Yankee lineup, there's no way he'd be wheeled to the Mets for a mid-level prospect. And I'm not sure the Mets would be willing to take on another injury risk to play the outfield (although the mere fact that they discussed Jones would blow that theory to bits.)

But you guys are not only thinking, you're coming up with ideas more creative than trading for Andruw Jones. You're all smarter than a fifth grader (and the fifth graders are smarter than me), and I'm proud of you.

Small Miracles

I gotta be honest with all of you: I fully expected the Mets to lose this game tonight ... the pitching matchup didn't seem to be in the Mets favor, and it's just like the Mets to follow up a stirring win with a heartbreaking loss. But these two games against the Yankees ... especially an 11-2 win in the second and final game of this series, goes to prove how maddening this team could be.

That not only a team, but a pitcher like Ollie Perez can be capable of what he did tonight, could be the same team and pitcher capable of a whole bunch of stinkers like the ones they put forth this season is positively looney. I look for things in this team ... patterns ... they like this, they don't like that ... it's mid-May and I can't figure them out to save my life.

I certainly didn't think they would win after the fourth inning when the three blind mice (meaning the three umps not named Reilly) reversed Carlos Delgado's home run call into a foul ball ... the three umps that were in worse position than the one that actually made the right call.

I've seen games like this before: Mets have a chance to win/sweep series, Mets go on a roll in final game, Mets get screwed by a bad call, Mets use that as an excuse go in the tank, Team B wins. Inevitable. And when Hideki Matsui (I don't ever want to see him get an official at bat in a big spot ever again) hit that fourth inning home run to close the gap to 4-2, my doom fearing mind saw that "Yankees 5 Mets 4" final that of course was going to turn that Delgado home run ball with the black scuff mark on it into the most famous scuffed baseball since Mike Scott roamed these parts.

(Side note: For those who think that instant replay would slow the game down: In the time it took for the umpires to huddle and screw the call up, for Willie Randolph to argue the call, for Jerry Manuel to argue the call some more and get kicked out, somebody down the third base line with a video monitor could have watched the damn play, signaled home run, and we all would have been on our merry way at 6-0. Besides, if baseball was truly worried about slowing the game down, there would be pictures of Steve Trachsel at every ballpark with a red line through his face reading "Do Not Admit" underneath.)

But a remarkable thing happened: The Mets hit. And hit some more. And hit even more. Ryan Church went to the right of the black seats. They batted around in the eighth. Jose Reyes went yard again. And for a brief time, the Mets we all knew and loved ... and so desperately want to love again ... came back to us. They knocked at our door, flowers in hand (or was that the head of Ross Ohlendorf) and implored upon us not to give up on them.

And since we're suckers for gifts (like when your cat gives you a dead bird), we invite them in for coffee. Heck, what else are we going to do?

Speaking of cats and dead birds, there are certain times when I wish for a cat to take it's claws and puncture my eardrums out. Watching Sunday Night Baseball is one of those times. For fear of going all Fire Joe Morgan on you, this is for those of you who attended the game: I swear our friend Joe Morgan uttered this exact phrase during an iso replay of Jose Reyes' home run:

"You know what I like about that? He ran around the bases. He hit it, and he proceeded to go around the bases."

Yeah, I hate when batters decide to stop at first base after a home run and wave the hot dog vendor over. Bud Selig oughta invent a rule against that when he's not so busy not implementing instant replay.

(Editor's note: This was followed by some nonsense about how Derek Jeter is like a fullback and Jose Reyes is a halfback and they both must know how to dance because they're shortstops ... and Morgan remembering a Shea Stadium/Yankee Stadium doubleheader last year where the second game was rained out ... except it was two years ago and it was the playoffs so the Mets and Yankees weren't even playing each other.)

I really have to turn the sound down on these Sunday Night games and blast my iPod. The song lyrics have a better chance of matching up with the play on the field.

Small Soldiers

Sometime during the eighth inning, the screen showed that if you stuck around past the game, that you would see a movie called "Small Soldiers".

No thanks, CW11. I've seen enough small soldiers on my television for three plus hours. Of them all, here are the three smallest (in lack of size order):

• Tom Glavine: All right, let's see. An ace is defined, in part, as the guy your teammates look to when you need a big victory. You can all come on this site and comment that John Maine is the ace, or Jorge Sosa is the ace, or Oliver Perez is the ace simply because of their stats. But let's be real. When your offense has been slumping, and you finally get to a rookie who can't find the plate, that team looked to Glavine to give them a quality start. Now, a quality start is giving up no more than three runs in no less than three innings. Heck, five runs in five innings would have been fine. Five runs in five innings is like remembering to bring your number two pencil to your SAT exam, and that's all Glavine needed to do. Glavine instead gave up seven runs in four innings. An ace has gotta have a tad more intestinal fortitude than that. It's not like the team was asking for a whole lot.
• Willie Randolph: I have figured out why the price of gasoline is so high...because Guillermo Mota insists on using buckets of it to put out fires. Yes, Mota is pitching like a dog this season (a sleeping dog who doesn't pay any mind to baserunners). But the two runs in the sixth inning could have been avoided, if only Willie Randolph had just made the prudent decision to walk Hideki Matsui with runners on second and third and two outs. Matsui has probably gotten as many big hits against the Mets as a certain Revlon wearing Ford driving shortstop we all know. And if you don't believe your eyes, then believe what you see on the stat sheet: Matsui was a career .349 lifetime hitter against the Mets before today. The on deck hitter, Robinson Cano, is a career .235 hitter. I know Willie likes to manage by the seat of his pants and I would prefer he stay that way. But today, Willie made the wrong move.
• Carlos Beltran: We here at Folgers have replaced the Mets' normal center fielder with Bobby Abreu. Let's see if they notice...YES, WE'VE NOTICED! PLEASE BRING OUR OUTFIELDER BACK! I know...Carlos Gomez can play left field like Todd Hundley sometimes, but give the kid some credit for the way he battled Mariano Rivera on an eight pitch at bat which resulted in a single. Then, Jose Reyes takes Rivera eight pitches deep for a single of his own. So after that, you mean to tell me that Carlos Beltran swings at the first pitch and foul pops it to the catcher? To complete an 0 for 6 day? This offense scored eight runs on the strength of Jose Reyes and the bottom of the order. Ruben Gotay can't continue to be the lynchpin of the lineup. What could the Mets have done if the middle of the order is hitting like it's capable of? Not to belabor the point but...no hits in six at-bats!!!

There...your small soldiers. We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.

The Final Test, And The First Test

I laughed as I watched Chris Russo today, as he was talking about how Friday night was the final test for Oliver Perez...apparently he's been predicting Perez's demise all season long, but Ollie would not oblige. Tonight, Russo said, was Oliver's final test.

Grade: A

Russo also said during an earlier show that Joe Smith had to show him something...how even though he hadn't given up a run all season, he still had to show Russo something in the eighth inning, even though the eighth inning wasn't his domain. Unfortunately, Smith gave up a grand slam to J.J. Hardy that day. But on Friday, the Subway Series, Smith came in and struck out Derek "history will show that I got two hits in every single one of my at-bats" Jeter to finish off the eighth inning.

Grade: A

Oliver, after tonight, has earned the benefit of the doubt. From Russo...from me...from everyone. He's earned the right not to have certain bloggers put up snarky "missing posters" with one bad start. He doesn't have to do any more. Of course we don't want him to have another 24 walk night. But if he does, I'm not going to worry because he'll most likely bounce back in the next start. And because with the most chips on the line, he's come up huge. First in Game 7 last season, and now Friday night...both nights with the crowd at its most electric...Oliver has come through with flying colors.

As for Mighty Joe, when you're done wondering why Aaron Heilman wasn't summoned for the eighth inning, take some time to wonder when Joe Smith is going to see more eighth innings. It's going to happen at some point, either when Heilman gets wheeled at the trade deadline, or next season after Smith shows over a full season that he can handle the pressure of a tight spot. Today was his greatest test...D.F.J. at the plate with a one run lead, in a situation where you know Jeter is going to get a hit...only, he didn't. All D.F.J. had was a smirk on his face for the home plate umpire which said "How dare you call that against me? Don't you know I'm Derek Jeter and the women think I'm dreamy?"

Then there's Endy Chavez, his throw from left which nailed Johnny Damon stretching to second for the first out of the game, and his home run which provided the difference against Andy Pettitte. Can we get this guy a breakfast cereal?

Seriously, if we can't get him on the all-star team, I think he deserves his own breakfast cereal. It's the least we can do to show proper appreciation. But can we put marshmallows in it? I love marshmallows.

And were you scared when Hideki Matsui was called safe on what could have been the last out of the game? Not because he was really out (tie does go to the runner), but because plays like that are usually followed by a 600 foot bomb. I was concerned...all right I was shaking in my boots. If these were the Yankees of the late nineties, it would have happened. Now? Not so much.

Game two is Saturday (later today), and I don't have a good feeling. Not because of any inside information or such, but because watching a Met game on FOX feels like watching a Met game on YES. Bad karma. I'll feel better on Sunday...not only because ESPN just feels better than FOX, but because I'm not even going to watch ESPN. I'll instead be at Shea, meaning the most insightful commentary I'll hear is when my brother asks me to buy him another beer...and I'll take that over Joe Morgan any day of the week.