Friday, December 16, 2005

A Loop Back To His Roots

"But will they boo me?"
"Braden, people in St. Louis don't boo anybody."
"No, you don't understand...I'm not just anybody. I'm Braden Looper. You can't spell my name without the word boo. Will they boo me?
"Braden, you have nothing to worry about."

And thus, with one fictional reassuring converstaion with his agent, a return to the team that drafted him originally was consumated.

Yes, this will be a challenge for the people of St. Louis and their long standing policy that nobody get booed. Jason Isringhausen rarely gets booed in St. Louis, even after blown saves. Bobby Boo-nilla found it fit to come to St. Louis to escape boos. Even Roger Cedeno rarely gets booed in St. Louis...although I suspect that Cardinal fans have no idea he's even on the team, that's how little consequence Cedeno's career holds at this point.

And now those Card fans who have called their counterparts from Queens "Pond Scum" (partly due to Mets fans' own long standing policy to boo hot dog vendors if they're not doing their job to the best of their ability), undertake their latest Met reclamation project, Braden Looper.

Of course, now that Looper will be shoulder pain free, and put in a role that's better suited to his abilities (a role that requires a court order to stay at least 500 feet away from all left-handed batters, even his teammates) he'll be fine. Tony LaRussa and his average of 3.2 pitching changes per inning after the fifth will ensure that messers Delgado, Beltran, and Floyd will not see Looper all season. Unfortunately, he may also never see Tike Redman, which would be quite unfortunate.

(Editor's note, most of the pictures used on this website are shamelessly "borrowed" via a google image search. It makes me feel less guilty than taking them from an actual website. Nevertheless, stealin' is stealin', kids. So stay in school, don't do drugs, and if you're caught, give the offended site a plug on your blog's sidebar. And don't forget to visit the Mets Hall of Records for Mets reference. Thanks to Bob Tompkins for reminding me that "borrowing" pictures is not a victimless crime. This has been a public service announcement.)


G-Fafif said...

It is lowest common denominator behavior for baseball fans to blame all their problems on the closer who saves a lot of games and blows a few. That said, fucking Braden Looper sucked, it was all his fault. In my own protoblog days of 2004, I nominated him for team MVP (him or Cameron) ahead of his September meltdown and nobody in my email group gave me an argument. The calm, reassuring anti-Armando of that first year crumpled and blew away like so many leads in the Pittsburgh night.

St. Louis Cardinals: New Busch, New Boo.

In purely self-promotional news, Met Hell is back in business:

Anonymous said...

Metstradamus! I've suspected it for quite awhile . . . you're using scans from my website, aren't you? No problem--you're welcome to them! But how about pointing some more Mets fans my way?


Bob Tompkins
The New York Mets Hall of Records

Metstradamus said...


You tugged at my heartstrings through the sixth circle. I will have to go more in depth about it on the blog (while plugging the heck out of your article as well).


You got it!!!!! Thank you for being a loyal reader and for being understanding of the fact that I am a blatant petty internet thief.

Shari said...

Hi Metsradamus- I actually am probably the only other person who still has that 1979 team baseball card.

BTW-Congrats on the "Best Newcomer" nomination on!

Happy Holidays to you & your family!

Shari said...

Bob- Shari from the 7 Train here-love your site, sorry I didn't realize that you have given us a link. I just added you to our list of links.

Look at that-Mestradamus bringing the Die Hard Met Fans together!

Metstradamus said...

Shari, sorry I didn't see your reply earlier. (It's been as tough a week for me as it's been for everybody else). Thanks for the kind wishes and Happy Holidays to you as well!!!