Garbage Out! Garbage In?

Get out!

That's what the Mets told eleven players last night at midnight by not offering them arbitration. Among them is broken down icon Mike Piazza, and the ageless Roberto Hernandez. But outside of him is a who's who of hate list regulars. Braden Looper, Miguel Cairo, Mike DiFelice, Danny Graves, Felix Heredia, Doug Mientkiewicz, Jose Offerman, Shingo Takatsu and Gerald Williams.

But finding themselves lonely without any of that valuable veteran leadership (i.e. old people), the Mets brought Jose Valentin on board to a minor league contract (now reported to be a major league deal). The 35 year old only played 56 games last year because of injuries to multiple knee ligaments (greeeeat), but in 2004 he hit 30 HR's as a shortstop while driving in only 70 runs and hitting .216 while striking out 130 times.

He's Jose Valenkingman.

But fear not for he's a switch hitter, which gives him the flexibility to strike out from both sides of the plate in a given game. He's played second, third, short, left, and one game in right field in his major league career, so he can strike out from more positions on the field. A versatile Kingman.

But as you know, there's nothing better than the real thing. So ladies and gentlemen, I give you...
KONG!