Friday, November 18, 2005

Hate List: Special Roosevelt Ave. Remixes

Top five places to take Country Boy Billy on the "Wagnerpalooza" Tour:

  1. ACME restaurant, 9 Great Jones st.
  2. Corona Ice King
  3. Douglaston driving range
  4. Spanky's BBQ, Times Square
  5. Jackson Hole restaurant, 35th and second

Top five candidates to become Cliff Floyd's new best friend:

  1. Jose Reyes
  2. Chris Woodward
  3. Xavier Nady
  4. Pedro Martinez
  5. Mayor Bloomberg

Top 5 games on the 2006 schedule that have the potential to be horribly played games due to the new ban on amphetamines:

  1. April 26th at San Francisco
  2. June 5th at Los Angeles
  3. September 13th at Florida
  4. September 29th at Washington
  5. Any game against Atlanta

Top 5 ways Mo Vaughn likes his cheeseburgers:

  1. Well done
  2. With onions, lettuce, and tomatoes
  3. Big
  4. Lifted to his mouth with the help of a forklift
  5. With a roasted pig with an apple in it's mouth on the side (with duck sauce)

Top 5 players we wish would follow Kenji Jojima's lead, and cancel all future visits to New York:

  1. Tom Gordon
  2. Jose Offerman
  3. Kaz Matsui
  4. Chipper Jones
  5. Dae Sung Koo

Top 5 successive disasters the Mets may incur this off-season:

  1. Wagner uses the Mets as leverage to get more money from the Phillies
  2. After Wagner re-signs with Philly, closer B.J. Ryan signs with the Yankees to become their set up man
  3. Panicking, the Mets then make the Petit/Seo/Heilman for Huff/Baez trade with Tampa Bay.
  4. Danys Baez then breaks his kneecap in a freak fly-fishing accident.
  5. Plan D is Braden Looper

Top 5 athletes that give me that warm fuzzy feeling that will take me through Opening Day:

  1. Henrik Lundqvist
  2. LaDanian Tomlinson
  3. Dominic Moore
  4. Ricky Davis
  5. Jaromir Jagr

Top 5 athletes that make me think that April can't get here soon enough:

  1. The Jets offensive line

Top 5 signs Carlos Beltran can show us that 2006 will be different than 2005:

  1. Steals, steals, steals
  2. A dinger on the first pitch he sees next season
  3. A hit with the bases loaded
  4. A hit against the Phillies (only .211 in oh-five)
  5. Did I mention steals?

Top 5 signs that 2006 will be the same as 2005 for Carlos Beltran:

  1. Continues his Shawn Green impression by grounding to first base in every clutch situation
  2. Coached by Juan Samuel in off-season
  3. Cotton balls in his ears to drown out boos
  4. Argues with official scorers about errors
  5. Takes up poker

Top 5 destinations for Mike Piazza:

  1. Angels
  2. White Sox
  3. Twins
  4. Orioles
  5. Blue Jays

Top 5 players that Bobby Valentine will take off the Mets scrap heap and turn them into Japanese League champions as he did with Benny Agbayani, Matt Franco, and Satoru Komiyama...just to rub it in:

  1. Dae Sung Koo
  2. Kaz Ishii
  3. Felix Heredia
  4. Danny Graves
  5. Manny Aybar


mr. met said...

Have you gone to Spanky's yet? I want to go, but have not had chance to yet. The pigs with wings on the outside attempt to drawn me in daily as I walk by it on my way to work.


Ian said...

It's amazing that Mo looked exactly the same when he was diving for grounders as he does eating a giant hamburger in a helmet.

Metstradamus said...

I have been to Spanky's twice. Great stuff. The jalapeno poppers are a nice touch. Virgil's BBQ is also very good.

mr. met said...

I love Virgil's. Their wings are awesome and everything else is too. BBQs sucks ass. Brother Jimmy's is good if for no other reason than hot waitresses bringing me smoked meat products and beer.

But we need some banging crazy good BBQ. This stil pales in comparison to the stuff in the South. Damn hicks can cook.

Kyle in Newport News said...

Damn straight, mr. met. And I'll bet you can't get fatback at any of those places in NYC. :)

Anonymous said...

at least if you are going to show a picture of Henrik Lundquist...put him in a Ranger sweater....Happy Thanksgiving to you and the special one...


P.S. There is room on the Giants least you would not have to worry about green and white bunting and watching Herm Edwards cry....

Metstradamus said...

Happy Thanksgiving to you as well. Were you the $310 million winner? Darth Marc says that if you won the money, you would buy the Jets and disband them. Then I'd have to kill you.

Anonymous said...

If I did win and buy the Jets...I would be smart enough to hire you as a GM, watch you fail, laugh at your failure and then fire