Monday, September 29, 2008

The Manifesto (New And Improved)

Guess that sabbatical I suggested last year wouldn't have been such a bad option, eh?

There's a saying, you might have heard of it.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
That's how I feel. Not that this team duped me, but that I let this team dupe me. To a certain extent, we were all fooled by this team ... that this time would have been different. This team, with Daniel Murphy and Argenis Reyes and Nick Evans and an improved Mike Pelfrey and a more focused Oliver Perez and a rejuvenated Carlos Delgado and a revived Jose Reyes and a more honest Snoop Manuel and a less complicated Dan Warthen and Billy Wagner pitching from the windup and all of the moving parts that made the 2008 team less "bored" than their 2007 counterparts and that this team was choke-proof.

We put our blinders on and begged this team to tell us it would be all right. And if it wasn't going to be all right, we begged them to lie to us.

I was fooled. Again. Roger Daltrey, I'm not.

I was looking for the footnote to 2007. Seven games with seventeen to play is a monumental choke job. There were two footnotes that were possible when history was to look back on 2007. One of them was: "The Mets would bounce back from that horrible collapse to make the playoffs the following season." The other was "The Mets would plunge into the abyss after the collapse, missing post season play for the next 25 seasons."

No way did I think of the third option: "The Mets repeated their historic collapse of 2007 in 2008 when they were once again eliminated on the final day of the season by the Florida Marlins." But that's what we're stuck with. Because one choke is a fluke ... two is a trend.

(And three is grounds for contraction.)

Here's what's bothering me already about Collapse Part II: Every time somebody who watches maybe nine innings of baseball all year tell me that this team needs intangible, imaginary concepts like "heart" and "fire" and "guts". I've heard it already. I've used those terms. Sometimes, they apply. This year, they're inconsequential. We don't need "heart" or "fire" or "guts".

We need a bullpen.

Whereas 2007 was one giant choke, 2008 was more like many small chokes encompassed into a big picture that you need to look past the "big picture" to really see. Not that it's any consolation to us, but 2008 was less choke and more suck. If baseball was an eight inning game, the Mets would have had an eight game lead going into the final weekend of the season. Curse you Abner Doubleday for choosing the number 9.

But most of all, curse you Mets bullpen. Curse you Mets bullpen for being the sole ... and I mean the sole reason that the Brewers are going to Philadelphia and not to the golf course where they've been every year since Ben Oglivie roamed County Stadium. And curse you for forcing me to resort to the most simple and the least eloquent to put your accomplishments into a tidy twenty words or less:

You all suck.

When Oliver Perez was slugging through his innings of work on Sunday, I thought of the relief pitchers I would want to keep for '09. The first guy I thought of was Joe Smith. And I'm guessing that Snoop agreed with me. When Perez started slowing down, in came Smith into an impossible situation: bases loaded, one out. He was lucky to escape with only letting one of Ollie's runs to score.

The second guy I thought of? Brian Stokes ... because we need a long man. And he was second in to preserve the tie game that Carlos Beltran created with his two run HR that rocked the house for ... what turned out to be ... the final time. Stokes also didn't disappoint with a scoreless inning.

After that, I really don't trust anybody to come back. But if you had put a gun to my head for a third guy? You guessed it, the third guy in. Scott Schoeneweis.

Um, never mind. I'll stick with two.

But really, if everybody in that bullpen was to depart I wouldn't be heartbroken. Certainly, the only way anybody in that bullpen besides Smith and Stokes attends Opening Day at Corporate Field is either with a ticket or a contract with the Padres. And I'm to the point now ... at this very moment ... if anybody besides Johan Santana were to leave this team, I'd shrug my shoulders in an act of indifference. That includes the Carloses, that includes Jose Reyes, that includes the very handsome David Wright, that includes everyone.

And that's why I'm glad that the current team didn't show their faces at the Shea Goodbye ceremony. Some may disagree, but it took a lot of effort to get the angry crowd (or the portion that didn't leave right after the game like myself) to feel good about anything. And the ceremony actually accomplished that ... seeing this current crop of star-crossed imitators posing as Mets would only send the crowd back to step one of the twelve step program.

We certainly needed one today with the range of emotions the crowd had to go through today. Ticket holders today had just about an hour and a half to go from happy to angry to morose to sullen to nostalgic all at once. After the sixth inning, I'm thinking about changing work schedules so I could get to Game 3 of the Cubs/Mets playoff series on Saturday. By the ninth inning, I'm looking up at the soda stains on the back of the upper deck stands ... trying to take in every nook and cranny that this Stadium had to offer me in the last 32 years of my life, and resigning myself to the fact that "Holy crap, this is it. Once I leave here, that's that."

And that's why I had to stay. Some left, and I can't blame them. Everybody has to deal with these things in their own way. I stayed. I'm glad I did. It started with some reminders as to why we're thought of as second class citizens by the people that provide us with this stupid sport called "baseball", as we were told at 5:23 that the ceremony would start in five minutes. Eight minutes later we were told the ceremony would start in two minutes. This confirmed what we already knew: that this team's only good at counting when they're counting the money they're going to make by selling the dugouts and the championship banners and the NYC parks logos that encase the trees.

Sorry if that comes off as being petulant.

(Some Phillies website referred to my Choke Manifesto from last season as "petulant". I don't necessarily disagree, and there's sure to be more of it in the coming post, and in the coming weeks and months. So if you're expecting anything different, you might be disappointed.)

Then we were reminded that there were very important Mets that had "other things to do" rather than be here for the only closing ceremony that Shea Stadium will ever know. Great, more misery. Not that Nolan Ryan, Hubie Brooks, Mookie Wilson and the like didn't have better things to do. But after what Mets fans had to endure on Sunday, the previous week, and the previous two years, everything felt like a slight.

But then the players who were here came out. And we were excited again for a few minutes. The highlights, of course, were guys like Doc, Darryl, Piazza, and Tom Terrific. But what got me were the guys that helped introduce me to baseball that you don't see anymore. Did anybody really expect to see Dave Kingman come back (or for that matter, show his face in public anywhere?) When was the last time Craig Swan was at Shea Stadium? And my first ever favorite Met, Doug Flynn? They really invited Doug Flynn? Boy, I didn't think this organization had it in 'em to be all-inclusive and recognize players from all eras and not just the good ones. The Mets have been accused of not recognizing their history. Every single criticism in that regard has been well deserved.

But Doug Flynn? Well played, evil geniuses ... well played.

It was all emotional, and it made us forget for a little while that our franchise is once again the joke of the sporting world. But it reminded us that this is it. The old barn is gone forever. No playoff games with the Cubs ... and no next season. It'll be knocked down and made into a parking lot by April.

It's a lot of childhood they're knocking down.

Unfortunately, every time I think about all the good times I've had at Shea, and even the multitude of bad events I've witnessed personally (Pendleton in '87, Gibson in '88, the Yankees clincher in 2000, Scott Speizio in '06), I'll think about the fact that while our bullpen sucks, it was former Met Matt Lindstrom officially closed out Shea Stadium by knocking the Mets out of the playoffs. And that it was the Marlins who were scooping dirt from home plate as a keepsake ... and as a symbol of conquest.

And that the Honeymooners episode that was shown tonight was the one I referenced yesterday: the one with the cornet. Everything was supposed to be louder than everything else. Instead, Shea Stadium exits stage left ... quietly.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Everything Louder Than Everything Else

I have to admit that Friday night put me in a foul mood, and it carried over to Saturday, lingered on my train ride to Shea, and festered during the short rain delay as everybody in my section found it easier to leave the section through my row, of which I was the only one sitting in.

Up.

Down.

Up.

Down.

Sort of like the last week of the season. Down on Monday. Up on Tuesday. Down on Wednesday. Up on Thursday. Down on Friday.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaay down on Friday.

The thrill was gone at Shea during that loss, so Snoop Manuel turned to Johan Santana one more time. And Santana knows that if the thrill is gone, then it's time to take it back.

Take it back he did ... by the throat ... on three days rest. And in the process he turned my frown upside down (for now).

Not all 2-0 wins are created equal ... certainly not here. Most 2-0 Met wins feel like you just went through the gauntlet at Oklahoma. Saturday's 2-0 Met win felt like mere confirmation that Johan Santana is worth every player, every penny, and every bit the effort spent to get him to Flushing in '08. But even with a full year of Santana, here we are ... right back in the very same place we were last year following a big win against the Marlins. Tied with a team for the last playoff spot with a lefty on the last year of his contract taking the hill. Last year it was the Phillies for the division, I was all in. We know how that turned out.

This season, now we know that it is the Brewers and the wild card ... and I'm all in yet again. I have no choice.
"I ain't in it for the power
I ain't in it for my health
I ain't in it for the glory of anything at all
And I sure ain't in it for the wealth."
At $8.50 a beer and $26 for a "Final Series at Shea" tee shirt, you know damn well I ain't in this for no wealth.

But as the song goes, I'm in it 'till it's over and I just can't stop ... even if I tried. (It's some sort of birth defect.)

So indeed, sign up all your raw recruits. It's all hands on deck today ... for players and fans. So let's make a deal:

Fans: if you have a ticket, go. I know, the weather report has been awful the last few days. But rain system that's worse than a drizzle gets labeled as "The Storm of the Century" these days. Screw the inaccurate forecast and go. Go! And as loud as it was on Saturday, everything must be louder than everything else today. So scream your head off. Remember, you have all winter to dry off and rest your voice.

Players: In return, promise us you will try your very best not to go to the bullpen in the first inning like a certain game last season that we aren't going to mention again. You may think I'm kidding, but this is Oliver Perez we're talking about.

And may I just say as a personal aside to you, Ollie, that today would be a terrible time for the bad Oliver Perez to show up. To paraphrase Alice Kramden: I like the good Oliver Perez. And after your stumble in your last game, I'm not going to let you give up (runs). And if the bad Oliver Perez ever shows up around here again, I'm going to hit him right on top of the head with this cornet.

Now to you Ollie, to the rest of you players, and everybody in attendance tomorrow ... take that cornet and go hit that high note. Make it louder than everything else you've ever hit.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Reaper

Our story begins with a knock at the door:

Shea Stadium Usher: May I help you?

Reaper: Hi, I'm here for your season.

SSU: Excuse me?

RP: You heard me, cough it up!

SSU: But the season's not over. There are games tomorrow and Sunday, and the Mets are still alive.

RP: Alive? You call what happened Friday being alive?


SSU: Well, mathematically we're still alive and I'm not authorized to hand over the season anyway.

RP: (Sigh) Lemme speak to your boss.

(Usher frantically seeks out an authority figure)

Jeff Wilpon: May I help you.

RP: Yes, I'm here for your season and you have a difficult employee.

JW: Yes, I know ... I have many difficult employees these days. But look, you know I can't just hand over the season to you.

RP: Yes well you know what happened last season. I came for the season on Saturday afternoon. You had to go and try to take it back from me when it was rightfully mine. I drove all the way back to my cottage in North Tonawanda, and then your season flatlined so I had to drive all the way back. I'm not driving all the way back tonight and I'm not leaving without your season.

JW: Is there something I can give you in the meantime? Matt Wise's career?

RP: I got that last May.

JW: Aaron Heilman's soul?

RP: Don't you remember? My assistant came for that back in '06.

JW: All right, listen ... you can stay here. I have a luxury box already set up next door at Citi Field, and I'll get you a ticket to tomorrow's game. But I need you to take a more pleasing form ... I can't have you in the stands looking the way you do.

RP: How about this?


JW: Who are you supposed to be?

RP: Missy Peregrym. I'm in some television show called, oddly enough, "Reaper". Your fans will just be so happy to see a good looking celebrity they'll never get the connection.

JW: Fine.

RP: Oh, and when I take your season, I'll just take the Stadium too. I got the pick-up truck so I don't need to take two trips.

JW: Fine, just get it out of here. I never liked this place. Isn't it going to take you a while to knock it down and get it into the truck?

RP: Nah, when your fans turn into an angry mob on Sunday they'll help destroy it and make my life easier. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

JW: Yeah, whatever. Just don't laugh like that while you're here ... you'll scare the children.

RP: Fine. I'll be by the door with my wolf.

JW: Randy Wolf? Ooh, can he pitch?

RP: (Sigh)

Friday, September 26, 2008

Carlos Power Trumps Hoffpauir

It's a simple rule I have for baseball games (especially baseball games during the final week of the season):

If I'm going to catch pneumonia watching baseball during a nor'easter, my team had better win.

Despite the efforts of future hall of famer Micah Hoffpauir (from my seats tonight I kept asking Hoffpauir if I could deliver his induction speech), that rule was adhered to, thanks to ... Ramon Martinez, Robinson Cancel, and Ryan Church??!? I guess if you played that trifecta, you'd be able to retire on your winnings.

So with apologies to Jon Stewart, Here now: Your moment of Zen:

Good luck Milwaukee ... Micah's your problem now.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Just For Mets

I never bother with post game news conferences. People get up to the podium and say the same boring things over and over again. Drives me nuts.

So when it was time for Snoop Manuel to discuss what was perhaps the worst loss of the season afterwards, I got ready to leave the room only to hear his opening statement:
"Oh it's baaaaaaaaad. It's baaaaaaaaad."
Sign number one your season is in trouble: When your manager sounds like Emmitt Smith in the rocking chair from the Just For Men commercial, it really is bad. Emmitt, thespian that he is, sounded like he was dying in the commercial (I don't know how you die from gray hair but that's another conversation.) This Mets season is dying a slow painful death too.

It should have been a glorious evening with the Braves not only doing to the Phillies what they did to the Mets this week, but with Julian Tavarez and Shane Victorino arguing like two old ladies going after the last hair clip at Target.

(Editor's note: If Shane Victorino and Julian Tavarez fought to the death, I wouldn't know who to root for.)

Instead, only missed opportunity ... much like that ninth inning where Daniel Murphy tripled to start off the inning, and David Wright struck out for the first out, allowing the Cubs to walk the Carloses to get to the absolutely putrid Ryan Church ... who promptly grounded into a fielders choice for the second out to expedite the end of the inning, and perhaps the Mets' playoff hopes.

(Retrospective Irony: If Murphy had only singled rather than tripled, the Carloses get at-bats instead of intentional walks after Wright's strikeout. But if Wright doesn't swing at ball four, then at least one of them gets an at-bat. At least Wright is still handsome, and has a wax statue.)

Oh it's bad, especially when Fredi Gonzalez has announced that he's playing his regulars in the final series of the season.

Asked why, Florida's manager said: "To stick it to the Mets again just as we did last year because we hate them and we hate everything about them For the integrity of the game and for the way you should play the game. That's the only way to do it. Like we did last year."
Yup, I think Wednesday was the last nail in the coffin. Oh it's baaaaaaaaaaad.

(Editor's note: In the spirit of missed opportunity, I am usually keenly aware of chicken finger night on Wednesdays, when my job puts out chicken fingers for the staff. Last night, I missed the chicken fingers. I felt like Ryan Church, David Wright, and Fluff Castro combined. So it was that kind of night. I choked. Clearly, it's an epidemic.)

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

A Moment Of Praise

I don't know if Tuesday's events are the start of something magical, or simply another "dead cat bounce" that delays the inevitable like John Maine's 13-0 win and the corresponding Phillies loss was last season. But whatever happens, let me just say this:

Johan, you're the flippin' man.

Dude, you could have come here, negotiated your new contract, and proceeded to become a huge disappointment like most people that make their way here to Flushing for big bucks. You could have torn your ACL and your MCL stepping out of a golf cart. You could have taken the mound wearing earplugs. You could have trafficked weed in peanut butter jars. Nobody would have known the difference.

Instead, you haven't lost since I saw that crazy woman get dragged out of Shea in a strait jacket. And that was a while ago. Every big start that this team needed in the last three months ... you've provided. It's too bad your talents have been wasted on this team and this bullpen ... you should be a 20 game winner. You should be in the Cy Young conversation. You should have had the opportunity to really turn this town on its ear.

In fact it's to the point where if you start this Sunday and have a clunker, I can't even be that mad at you. I mean yeah ... I'd be a little mad because if you had a clunker the last day of the season, I'd have to go on another "meaning of life" quest to the Arctic Circle or something because I wouldn't even know what do say, do or think at that point. But I'd wind up taking it out on Aaron Heilman, Tom Glavine, and Armando Benitez anyway. Because what you've done up until this point should have been more than enough. What you did last night ... eight innings of gutty baseball pitched with a hit and a fielder's choice where you beat out a double play ... on a night where I had the "season's over" proclamation ready to go, should really be enough.

Instead, this freakin' team is still fighting for their lives. But whatever happens from here on in, just know that it's not your fault Johan ... it's not your fault.