Saturday, September 13, 2008

Life Is A Highway

Schoeneweis: Thanks for the ride, Johan.

Santana: My pleasure.

Stokes: Yeah, we've had smooth sailing with no traffic for 200 miles, and now we're almost home.

Feliciano: Thanks Johan.

Santana: Always glad to ... uh oh.

Stokes: What is it Johan?

Santana: Guys, my foot fell asleep. I'm pulling over. One of you is going to have to drive the last three miles home.

Schoeneweis: I'll do it (trades places with Johan and takes the wheel.)

Schoeneweis: Three miles, can't be too hard

(Schoeneweis runs over a squirrel, then swerves into a ditch.)

Schoeneweis: Oh no! What are we going to do?

Stokes: Let's get the car out of the ditch and I'll drive (the guys push the car out and drive off.)

Stokes: There, just a little detour, we'll be fine (slams into an 18 wheeler, the car comes to rest by the guard rail.)

Stokes: Dammit!

Santana: What the hell is wrong with you guys?

Feliciano: Guys, we need some gas. Let's hit the rest stop ... I'll drive.

(The guys drive into the rest stop, and slam into the gas station. Santana's car explodes into a fireball, the guys ... somehow ... are unharmed.)

Santana: You idiots!!! That's the seventh Mercedes you guys have wrecked! Why do I drive with you guys??!? How the hell are we going to get home???

Stokes: Hey, there's another car in the lot, it's a pick up truck!

Schoeneweis: You mean the one with the vanity plates?

Stokes: Yeah, NIESE 49.

Feliciano: Hey buddy? Can you give us a lift? Hey? HEEEEEEEEY?!?

Niese: (Locks doors and speeds off.)

Schoeneweis: Aww.

(Editor's note: No squirrels were harmed in the making of this short.)


MetFanMac said...

I knew we were in trouble when the Mets loaded the bases twice in the seventh but couldn't score...

Still, it's a mark of how much of a turnaround the Mets have made from last year overall that I had no fear of Niese going in the nightcap.

Coop said...

'Damus, just want to say that YOU ARE THE MAN. That is all. great stuff!

katherine said...

Metstradamus, this was a wonderful post. Combination of funny and TOO TRUE.

I have come to expect the meltdown of Schoeneweis et al. But yesterday all I could say was, "et tu, Brian Stokes"?

At least Luis Ayala is still good. That is really a miracle when you think about it.

Anonymous said...

nice screenplay. The sequel was on today. Like all sequels, it was a bit predictable, with the plot elements even more over the top than the original.

Anonymous said...

Any chance that the confused soul who runs metsblog can be put on the Hate List? He put up the Magic Number, and everything's gone to heck like last year!

MetFanMac said...

"At least Luis Ayala is still good. That is really a miracle when you think about it."


katherine said...

I am so sorry. I didn't think he would need to pitch again so soon. I still think he's better than Billy.