Thursday, July 13, 2006

I'm Still Standing...Yeah Yeah Yeah!

Well, I created this mess...actually, Alay Soler and Heath Bell created this it's time to come and clean up. Kind of feels like the poor soul that had to clean up the airplane after the '86 Mets came back from Houston.

As much as I despised losing this bet, and as much as it pains me to have exposed you all to the junk that you have been exposed to, I consider the residue of this failed bet an education for all of you. And I don't mean an education in terms of what their messages were (heavens no), but more of an education of what I put up with day in, and day out, and have put up with for a good long time. It's part of the constant persecution faced by me, your fellow Met fan, that spurred me on to spread gospel to all of you through this little blog. It would be easy to come to you all today to say forget what you've read...put it behind no attention to the ramblings of that madman. I'm not going to tell you that. Rather, I want you to remember the previous 24 hours. Because you sometimes have to taste the blood of evil, know the scent, and understand just how low the enemy will stoop to develop an appetite for conquest. Eyes on the prize, boys and girls...eyes on the prize.

But seriously, didn't Darth Marc remind you of James Brown over these past few hours? "I can't go no more. I can't go no more." Only to come back with another unintelligible number. Six posts? Man, that's like two weeks worth of posts on his own blog. While hardly necessary, it's worth a bit of analysis.

First it was some drivel about Anthony Young and "Who Let The Dogs Out", which I believe is still on the charts just below that song about the sodomy in men's exercise clubs that groundscrews dance to in the Bronx.

Anthony Young?

The Mets have employed various lunatics, felons, and psycophants, and Anthony Young is the best you can come up with?

And about the whole "I'm gonna shoot myself if one more Met fan tells me the Met rivalry is better than the Red Sox rivalry", who the hell says this? I don't know which Met fans you talk to, but I know of nobody who actually thinks this way. I think somebody should emerge out of the bars once in a while (if you're Darthy's friend, chances are you're in the bars) and stop talking to creepy strangers while the F train is stuck in, oh my god!

Then, Darth Marc has to enlist the help of another cartoon character to try to slay me with the same tired, old material I've heard from him for nine years. Dude, when it comes to the men who've carried the title of "Batman", Val Kilmer laughs at you.

And before Darth gets all proud of himself for siccing "Batman" on me and thinking that he caught me off guard with that one, he (and you) should know this: If I had won this bet, then this Yankee fan known as "Batman" (who by the way completely sold Darth Marc out by letting me know his potential game plan) had verbally agreed to write a guest column for me as well, at the ready to blast his fellow Yankee fan Darthy for being an overall jinx to his team in various ways. So you see "Batman" is nothing more than a calculating mercenary who burns both ends of the candle, will blog for the highest bidder, and has no problem attacking his own.

Superhero my ass.

Then, the picture album. Awwwwwwwww, how cute...and mature too. I especially like the one that depicts their heroes in the moments after being asked about steroids.

Just when you thought he was done ("I can't go no more!"), in true Darth form, he gets all Zinedine Zidane on us and gets rattled by the gallery. It's just more proof that together, we can fight Sports Blogging Deficiency.

The next post might be my absolute favorite, as our favorite Yankee fan turns his lonely eyes to...Joe DiMaggio? No, Cole Hamels.

Cole Hamels???

What kind of time do we live in where a Yankee fan who has a week and a half to plan his assault has to depend on facts about a rookie pitcher from a town he despises...who has a 5.44 ERA to make his point? Come on Darthy Cakes, I expect more from you than that.

Well...maybe I shouldn't. After all, this is a man who has consistently extolled the virtues of the strength of the American League this season...while of course masking the fact that his Yanks are a little more than a razor's edge out of a playoff spot (notice on his blog that there are a lot more posts about the Yankees after they win, and a lot more posts about the American League, Met bashing, and movie reviews after Yankee losses). Hey, say all you want about the National League East being a piss poor division...and about the NL getting their heads handed to them in interleague play...or about Trevor Hoffman (jackass). I for one would rather be in the position that the Mets are in right now than in the position the Yanks are in...any time, any day, any place. The Yankees certainly never had to apologize for winning division after division after division where past Boston there was no discernible talent to speak of. So why should the Mets?

And for the argument that the AL has become dominant because of the Yankees raising their payroll. Great! Too bad that the Yankees raising their payroll hasn't helped the Yankees win any more championships, since your last World Series win (yes, which came at the Mets expense) was won the last time the Yankees had a somewhat reasonable payroll. Now, the payroll is double what it was just six seasons ago with nothing to show for it. Surely you understand that an organization with standards as lofty as yours must consider two World Series losses and three other playoff losses a complete failure with the salaries you've voluntarily taken on. (And please spare us the innocent bystander act just because it was other teams that signed the contracts...because you know that you're the only organization that can swoop in like vultures when those original contracts make for an unhappy marriage, and are more than happy to get guys like Alex Rodriguez at cut rate prices. And before you give me the fact that you gave up a legitimate talent like Alfonso Soriano depended on our boob of a commissioner to look the other way and give a "well, I'm really not supposed to do this but...OK, just this once, and just because it's the Yankees" speech while knowing full well that Soriano would eventually make his way back to the Yanks in a trade that will make the evenness of the original A-Rod trade a distant memory...and you know damn well that Soriano trade is coming.)

Then finally, the piece de resistance:

"I can be as lame as I want."
Rock on Darthy. It's nice to have goals.

But here is where I'm going to agree with you Darth...

"There is nothing wrong with demanding excellence from the teams you root for."
That sir, is yet another in the myriad of reasons why I started this blog (well that along with the lure of fame, fortune, and world domination). I started this to use a little smart alecky dreck to demand a little excellence from a team in the number one market in the world, along with exposing the injustices caused by the likes of you. And trust me...if the 2006 Mets reach the very pinnacle, I'll celebrate until April of 2007. And yes, I will enjoy this more because of the 20 years of Gene Walters and Bobby Bonillas and Paul Gibsons and David Wests and Vince Colemans, and the ten years working in an office next to yours. Victory is sweeter when it's after 20 defeats. I mean, wasn't 1996 the sweetest one of all for you?

But if it happens, I'll want more. Because there's nothing wrong with demanding excellence from a team with a young manager, a young, talented left side of the infield, a centerfielder in his prime, a tough young bullpen, a farm system that's slowly building back up, a young stud pitcher who's sky is the limit, and a smart, tough general manager who entered a garbage dump and made an organization out of it. There's nothing wrong with that.

But before we start dreaming about a dynasty, let's worry about the first one first. And when that first one comes just remember Darthy:

Anything you've said here in the past 24 hours can be used against you in the court of karma. Especially the one about "I appreciate my good fortune whenever I go to Shea and watch you guys suffer", from a man who gets on the case of Met fans for hating their team more than loving their own. I guarantee you that more Yankee fans pay money to go to Shea during non-interleague games to openly root against the Mets than the other way included.

"There but for the grace of Ruth go I..."
The only place that the grace of Ruth goes these days is to that great speakeasy in the sky for more brandy and hot dogs.

I have a slightly more poignant quote for you...I believe it's on the facade of your little faux cathedral:


Ed in Westchester said...

Metstra - Damn Good post. I loved the closing. Perfect.
I frankly expected more of Darth. Like you said, he had two weeks to prepare, and came up with the lamest sh!t this side of his own blog. Then he chooses some comments, those he felt were lame, but of course did not react to the better comments.
He uses tired cliches about Met fans, yet does not like it when Met fans use the same back.
Methinks the Emperor should revoke his helmet and send him on his way.

Toasty Joe said...

Ahhhh...the voice of reason is back. Thank god.

Anonymous said...

Don't make any more bets, OK?

Anonymous said...


{snort} {snort}

Whuzzzah???'re back....

Anonymous said...

Ed in Westchester said...

"Then he chooses some comments, those he felt were lame, but of course did not react to the better comments. "

Hey, thanks for getting my back there, ed

Jim in L.A. (apparent source of less-than-better comments)

Anonymous said...

I especially like the one that depicts their heroes in the moments after being asked about steroids.

Ahhhh...wit. I knew something had been missing from this page. Take a bow, MD; with one stroke of your delightful electronic pen, you made this Mets fan proud to be one.

Not that they didn't, mind you.

Oh...and while I'm sideswiping, I'd like to add that with that same stroke, you also just about made up for the burdensome lack of cranial activity that had plagued this fair site for a day.

Quick story: There's a guy I knew at work about seven years ago. Not a completely terrible guy to talk to. Had the ability to form words and understand them. The problem came when it was time to get back to work. He would walk away from you as if he was leaving you in peace, but then he would stop and come back as yet another random boring thought entered his head.

He did this to nearly everybody and was just, oblivious. We always wondered what was wrong with him. And you couldn't help but wonder each time as he was walking away if it was finally for good. It would go on for halves of hours sometimes. Three, five, seven...ten trips. Was it some bizarre form of acute separation anxiety? F*ck knows...but he was a weird, lonely dude.

No sense of humor, and didn't appear to grasp lateral thought very well. He would go from affable to extremely bullish, temperamental and hardheaded without explanation. You couldn't feel safe at the end of a conversation until he'd stepped out of audio/vocal range for a good two minutes. And even then, you always wondered if he might come back.

Looking back, the conversations were decidedly one-sided. I'm pretty certain he was a serial killer in his spare time. Couldn't fire him. Nice guy, though...

Ed in Westchester said...

jim in LA - my apologies for offending you, I meant it as a critique of Darth, not any commentors in particular.

I should have worded it better. I would never intentionally offend a fellow Met fan. Again, sorry.

Metstradamus said...

Gambling is only a problem when you lose...

I guess I need to seek help.

Ed in Westchester said...

Cripes, I'm looking over my comment from this morning and realized I came off like an ass, throwing commentors under the bus as it were. That was not my intention, and I am sorry.

Not that it is an excuse, but I spent most of yesterday sick as a dog, and am still recovering.

Note to self, next time think before you write and proof-read before you hit the post button.

Anonymous said...


You are clearly an honorable man. I was mostly trying to be playful, but I sincerely appreciate your sentiments... In all your posts here.

Not enough of you out there.

Your brother in blue and orange,

Jim in L.A.

Anonymous said...




Welcome home, dear brother of mine.

I.M. Forme said...

what's a cole hammels? is that a mens dress shoe or something?

Anonymous said...

good to have you back. Darth just showed us "the typical yankees fan" need i say more?

Glad your back Metstra!

The Metmaster said...

Yankee Grace and Dignity....
What a sham. Instead, Darth Marc exhibited all that's wrong with the Yankees and their fans; extrordinary excess. If he came on the site and said something like "You guys are ok this year. Tough MF's. See you in October".
What could we say?? How do you respond?? Every bullet would have been taken out of our guns. Thirteen words. Say no more. Let "Yankee Grace and Dignity" rule the day. Instead he vented his spleen. "Yankee Grace and Dignity" is a myth. They and their fans have always been graceless winners and losers. Thanks Darth Marc for showing us the way.

Metstradamus said...

Metmaster, if "Patton" is ever remade, you're George C. Scott.

The Metmaster said...

"I will be proud to lead you wonderful guys into battle any time, anywhere".