Sunday, January 31, 2010
There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as right field, and as timeless as Mike Piazza's mustache. It is the middle ground between Shea, and Citi. Between a level swing, and a barbecue at Hojo's house. At it lies between the pit of your stomach, and the line at Shake Shack. This is the dimension of an active imagination. It is an area which we call ... The Twilight Zone.
"Look, things were pretty bleak in 2004."
"Very bleak in 2004 ... before I got here."
"I got Carlos Beltran after 2004."
"Hey why are the Red Book and Green Book from 2004 sitting on my coffee table?"
"Oh my God, it's 2004!!!!!!!!!"
"Let's see, let me flip through this Red Book. Who's good, who's good ... ummm, Frank Catalanotto! I will trade for him!!!"
"Now I need someone from the Green Book to find som... John Smoltz!!! I'll certainly make a splash by trading with Atlanta for the great John Smoltz! Ooooooooooh! Now I need to clear room on my mantle for that Executive of the Year trophy!"
Submitted for your approval: A general manager desperate to escape his current problems running a baseball team that his mind drags him back to the very season he started. Maybe to escape his current situation? Maybe to erase the last five seasons from his memory? What would drive a man to pursue two men, relevant five years prior, yet barely on the fringes of everybody's mind now? The answer can only come if you take a trip to a dimension far, far away ... in the Twilight Zone.
(Editor's note: Before anybody jumps down my throat for being negative about anything and everything ... and I know some of you are sharpening your internet swords as you read this ... Frank Catalanotto is a halfway decent signing. There, I said it ... so save your attacks. This piece was meant to illustrate the point that Frank Catalanotto is a good player, but a good player who everybody wanted to be a Met five years ago. Instead we get him now ... now that he's 35 years old which seems to be the cut off point as Omar thinks that players need to age like wine. I mean who's next ... Gregg Jefferies? I shouldn't joke about that. He's younger than Julio Franco. Well, here's hoping that Catalanotto is more Pinot Noir than Thunderbird.)