Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Vindication Has Its Price

Welcome back to MLB Network, I'm Bob Costas with our continuing coverage of the Mark McGwire steroid admission. We sit down now with the man who gave up McGwire's record breaking 62nd home run in 1998. Steve Trachsel, welcome.

Thanks, Bob.

So you have to be vindicated now that Mark McGwire has admitted that he cheated.

Gee, he cheated? Never would have guessed it.

Well you don't have to be so sarcastic about it.

You wanna take about the past, Bob? Let's talk about the past. Mark f^$*#ing McGwire hit .375 off me ... six for sixteen with three home runs. All tainted.

I'm aware ...

Yeah, well are you aware that he hit an historic life changing home run off me? Of course you are. Everyone is! And every time that s**t goes on television there's my sorry butt throwing that pitch. And you know what? It wasn't a bad pitch. By his ankles. And that Frankenstein hits it out. And the whole country is like "Aaaah we love you Mark" and all that crap and there I am on the mound for a half hour watching that freak do hand gestures with Sammy Sosa, and he didn't even like Sosa.

But Steve ...

I was on commemorative posters. And coffee mugs. And my name was on plaques that were sold for sixty-two bucks. Ha-ha, really f***ing funny! Except that my lame ass is captured for all eternity on plaques and mugs and posters and Sports Illustrated ... forever! And now you're going to tell me that it was steroids that did it? Well shiver me f***ing timbers, Batman! He cheated. I'm vindicated. Big deal!!!

Well doesn't that make you feel good?

Yeah, except now my family has to watch that home run two hundred and forty six more times in the next week. There I am standing on the mound all over again. Yaaaaaaaaay Trachsel!!! Whoop de damn do! You know what, screw McGwire ... I'm sorry I played in the steroid era!!!

Then how do you explain Brad Ausmus' .476 lifetime average and 1.402 OPS against you?

It was the era. Send Ausmus to congress too.

Or Delino DeShields' .408 lifetime average against you?

Roids. All roids.

Roids? He was 170 pounds!

Greenies?

Or what about Jeff Suppan's home run in Game 3 of ...

Y'know Bob?

Yes?

I'm not here to talk about the past.

5 comments:

Schneck said...

In an interesting sidenote to the Costas-McGwire interview I heard that they edited out the part where McGwire said to Costas, "Now that I've come clean about steroids, Bob, let's talk about your hairpiece." Can't a man with that much money do a bit better?

Angel said...

Stuff like this is just unacceptable. It brings dishonor to the game whenever you learn about things like this. It's best that they all come clean to get it over with and return to some kind of golden era. Really you have to feel for the pitchers.

Metstradamus said...

Feeling for the pitchers is a slippery slope ... how many of the pitchers were juicing? I'd be willing to bet more than you think. That's why asterisks are clumsy. If McGwire gets an asterisk, all those pitchers who got key 7th inning strikeouts get them too. Unless we're only going to be high and mighty about the big names because it's sexy to do so.

I agree it's unacceptable. But it's unacceptable on all counts ... not just hitters.

Rickey Henderson said...

For the record, Rickey never did 'roids.

Anonymous said...

Considering the history with LaRussa's players and roids I'm quite sure that Suppan was doing something during those playoffs. I mean, have you seen his and Weaver's stats since then?