Thumbelina

When the Mets signed Alex Cora, they did so on the same day that Derek Lowe went to the Braves. I then compared Cora to a bag of Funyuns.

Yeah, here's the thing: I like Funyuns. Always have. Cora had more nutritional value to the Mets than Funyuns have when I eat them.

But don't go running to the stores to load up on them, they're out of stock for ten weeks. Yes, Alex Cora is out for the season with not one, but two bad thumbs. Which begs the question: how in the world did he hit a home run in San Diego with two busted thumb ligaments? And can we have a banner hung in left field to honor that?

In other news, Livan Hernandez's thumb ligaments are fine ... it's just his stuff that's out for the season, as another hitter in a deep slump comes to New York and finds his stroke in a 10-1 loss to the Giants. The season has gotten so bad, and fans have gotten so upset that they're now raucously cheering one-out walks to Andy Green while down by nine runs in the ninth. They've become so mad that they're happy, and the whole foundation is collapsing upon itself. The Mets will be physically rehabbing in the offseason, while their fans will be rehabbing with hours and hours of intense therapy. Good eye, Andy.

In even more news, Jeff Wilpon had to perform more damage control as he personally travelled to Buffalo to apologize for making Bison fans miserable watching the one team which might be less fun to watch than the Mets.

"There's disappointment in the fan base and ownership here as well as ownership in New York with how they've performed. We have to fix that. It's something we want to do better and we will do better for the city of Buffalo and for the Mets. It's good business to do better and it's also the morally right thing to do because Buffalo has opened its arms to us and we really appreciate that."

So basically what he's saying is that the team that he gave to Buffalo is an affront to Jesus, who is probably pissed off that somehow, Mike Lamb still has work. But funny how good business comes before morals in that statement. Money, then values. Of course.

Wilpon also went on to apologize to the city of Buffalo for jobs lost due to the recession, the state government, Oliver Perez's rehab starts, Brett Hull being in the crease, lake effect snow, Scott Norwood, Patrick Kane punching the cab driver, and Terrell Owens' reality show. He hinted that all of those events were somehow caused by Ryan Church.