Monday, August 10, 2009


So what's more surprising: that the Mets actually won a game in Petco Park, or that Livan Hernandez didn't dislocate a finger while teaching the kids in the front row the fist pump with explosion?

Oh yeah, I forgot. Livan is the indestructible one on the team ... like the Terminator. One specializes in superior artificial intelligence that adjusts to his surroundings, the other has a 63 mph curve ball.

Johan Santana hasn't been quite as indestructible from the mound, but he's slowly getting back to that point, as we're starting to see the second half Santana we all know and love. Sure, it doesn't matter. And yeah, it's only the Padres lineup. But it's the same Padres lineup that sent Terminator to an early shower, and beat the Mets about 200 straight times. So we'll just have to collect as many individual victories as we can, even if we can't add 'em all up in October and exchange 'em for a stuffed Daffy Duck at the bazaar.


With the way things have gone this season and this weekend, set against the backdrop of the Yankees sweeping the Red Sox at the new Yankee Stadium, something in my mind brought me back to an obscure piece written that I had linked to before. It's haunting as you go through it, so let's look back for fun (from 2007):
A study of the two new baseball stadiums by feng shui expert Judith Wendell found the Yankees' future home has good luck while the Mets' Citi Field will be plagued by "a lot of disturbed energy."
Oh, it gets better.
The Yanks broke ground on Babe Ruth's birthday, Aug. 16, and are repeating many elements of the old stadium, including the angles for home plate and the positions of the dugouts. Cathedral arches and the entire fa├žade will also recapture the old Yankee Stadium incarnations.

"In feng shui terms, they are taking the 'predecessor chi' and bringing it with them and graphing it on to the new stadium, which is very good for luck," said Wendell, whose company, Sacred Currents, consults with building and homeowners.
As opposed to the team in New York that wanted no reminders of their old stadium whatsoever, right? You mean, that would have been good luck? Ah s**t.
"Unlike being christened with water [at Yankee Stadium], I felt energetically blocked," she said. "When I did dowse around the site, my rod spun wildly in various spots, thus denoting disturbed energy."
I hear there's a blue pill for that.

But now, get ready to laugh:
There is one bright spot for Met followers: Citi Field's color scheme of dark blue exposed steel with green seats and red brick are what Wendell calls a "power combination."
HA! LOLZ!!! POWER COMBINATION??? THE TEAM THAT HAS THREE HOME RUNS ALL SEASON??? ROFL!!!!!! Green seats and red brick are a power combination ... for Mark Reynolds, maybe. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!

Jeez, forget moving in the fences, what this place needs is a smudging ceremony. But it involves lighting a fire, so with the Mets luck in stead of lighting a match, they'll set fire to John Maine's arm ... the one that isn't hurt.


I see that Satan showed up the home plate ump from center field and got what he deserved. Remember all you kids out there, you're not allowed to argue balls and strikes. It's rule 9.02a.


And finally, if you were wondering how player development was going since Tony Bernazard left, wonder no more, as the crack staff has obtained this exclusive footage (that's been on the internet for ten days ... I think the crack staff is using the under .500 record as an excuse for being lazy):

1 comment:

Schneck said...

Nothing like good feng shui porn to start the day.