The Florida Marlins: Behind The Blow

Well, another red letter season has come do an end (and that red letter is F ... I'll let you figure out what that stands for.) And believe it or not, I still have s**t to say. The following is one in a series of random stuff I'm throwing against the wall about person or persons of my choosing. These are your New York Mets: Behind the Blow.

Somebody asked me if I was going to put the Marlins organization on the ballot for the annual Hall of Hate vote in 2009, after knocking out the Mets in 2007 and 2008. I can't do it ... because in '09, they end the season in Philadelphia instead of New York. So we might need them.

Now when they inevitably lie down and die against Philly to give them their third straight division title, then I'll think about it.

By the way, the Marlins have re-signed Wes Helms. I just thought I would mention that.

For close to four full seasons, I've tried like hell to point out the crimes of baseball: Suit-wearing casual fans invading ballparks. Shane Victorino being the Theo Fleury of baseball. Brett Myers hating the Mets and being an otherwise pillar of society. Cody Ross waiting to yell at Mike Pelfrey until he was a safe distance away from him. Hanley Ramirez and his intense jealousy about New York that festers into hate. Wallace Matthews' writing about the Mets as if he's that kid who's three feet shorter than you that keeps daring you to hit him.

Baseball criminals all.

But the worst part about the Mets spitting the bit two years in the row is that I can't keep the criminals out anymore. They've stormed the castle and they're drinking our alcohol. And I have nary the energy to argue with them anymore. Shane Victorino? You're not obnoxious at all ... you're gritty and gutty. Myers? You are a pillar of society. Cody Ross? Yeah, you're absolutely right ... how dare Mike Pelfrey's fastball run inside. Hanley Ramirez? Yeah, those days where you have hundreds and not thousands of fans at your football stadium? New York's fault ... totally. Wallace Matthews? You're completely writing what's in your heart, and not trying to break records for negative comments ... totally. Jimmy Rollins? You're right. Baseball needs more robots. How dare we show emotion? Bandwagon fans who get their tickets for free and know nothing about what they're watching? Sure, pose for pictures during play and block my view. What do I care? I'm just a paying customer ... which is latin for "sucker".

Though I will say that the new shirt that the Marlins are selling on their website has gone a little too far.

Also available in black or teal.

(Updated Editor's note: And with this, the venom is back. Because we need Joba Chamberlain's f***ing hat in the hall of fame to encourage the bloated legacy of a guy who hasn't pitched 150 innings in his career ... but he's a Yankee so let's all bow!!! But before you get upset about the lack of items from Shea Stadium's last game in comparison to all the Yankee items, don't be so sure that the Mets hadn't sold everything to the highest bidder already.)