Call Off The Drought, It's Raining Good Times

Nice of Brian Stokes to throw Frankie Rodriguez a save chance ... his first since the all-star break. Because we wouldn't want Frankie to get rusty.

And we certainly wouldn't want him to go as long without a save as Angel Pagan went without a home run.

How great was that grand slam that gave the Mets a 9-5 win? Wallace Matthews had nice things to say about it. What's next ... giraffes flying by my window? Joker's Wild comes back on television? Oliver Perez pitches a decent game?

Petey, Victor, And Dying A Little Inside: A World Baseball Tour Of The Tortured Mind

Sometimes when I'm "away", it's because I've got nothing of value to say. But sometimes when I'm away, I'm actually away, which is why I have some random thoughts from the past few days, centering around this World Baseball Extravaganza.

First off, let me say that it can be really confusing not only for people who watch these games, but for the people who watch the people who watch these games. I, for example, was on an airplane on Wednesday watching the Netherlands (no, their baseball spikes aren't wooden) play the Dominican Republic. And at the same time that I'm rooting to see the upset, I'm also watching Pedro Martinez pitch and pumping my fist with every 91 mph tailing fastball he was throwing. This prompted my wife to ask me "who exactly are you rooting for?"

And that's the problem with this tournament. There are Mets and their enemies playing for every team (think how weird you felt when J.J. Putz chest bumped Brian McCann after the USA defeated Canada), and teammates facing off against each other. It's like an intense LSD trip where Davey Johnson is managing again, and Bert Blyleven is teaching A ball pitchers his big curveball while Sidney Ponson is offering me peyote.

(But what made me the most unhappy about that first Netherlands/D.R. game was Steve Phillips laughing and joking about how he traded Nelson Cruz away from the Mets and now he's a good hitter. Meanwhile, Metstradamus dies a little inside ... That, and the fact that we had to deplane during the bottom of the ninth, so I had to wait to check into the hotel to find out that the Dutch pulled off Upset Part One.)

First, you have David Wright playing with Jimmy Rollins. And I love how Derek Jeter sits between them in the lockerroom and he's being painted as Kissinger to Wright and Rollins. This is the same Derek Jeter who has had chance after chance after chance to make sure that Alex Rodriguez was accepted in that Yankee lockerroom, but instead let A-Rod twist in the wind because of an Esquire article. But he sits in between Wright and Rollins and he's Alfred Nobel. Okay. Jeter is the greatest captain in the world. Much better than Cats. I am a sheep. I will believe everything I read. Baaaah. Baaaah.

And not only did you have Jose Reyes playing with Hanley Ramirez, but you had Jose Reyes playing with Miguel Olivo, who you remember from their brawl in 2007, started in part because of excessive celebrations by the Mets. So it was funny when Olivo hit his second home run of the game against Panama, and he came to the dugout with a ... wait for it ... choreographed home run handshake!

Gasp!

But now Jose Reyes is back in Mets camp, thanks in part to an error by Hanley Ramirez during Upset: Part One. Way to go, Hanley.

***

Oh, and speaking of dying a little inside:

First, I gotta watch Victor Zambrano throw a pitch so bad that I'm convinced that Kevin Youkilis swung at it on purpose because he knew he'd reach first base on the strikeout (Youkilis acted like he was upset with himself but I'm convinced that was part of the rouse.) Then in his second appearance, he almost hits David Wright while instrumental in beating the States. (Can you imagine Wright being out for ten weeks with a broken bone off a pitch thrown by the hand of Victor Zambrano? I'd start chugging Drano Bombs on the spot.) And you know that this potentially could mean that Omar Minaya is taking a look at him as long as Tim Redding can't get out college players. Resist, Omar. Resist!!!

(At least Freddy Garcia improved against those same Michigan Wolverines. Out-freakin-standing!)

***

Then there's Frankie Rodriguez, who had this to say about the Venezuelan media after saving Venezuela's victory over the States last night:

"They're trying to stick it to us. You ask anybody in that clubhouse and they'll tell you the same thing."

I didn't know Wallace Matthews was Venezuelan.

The Florida Marlins: Behind The Blow

Well, another red letter season has come do an end (and that red letter is F ... I'll let you figure out what that stands for.) And believe it or not, I still have s**t to say. The following is one in a series of random stuff I'm throwing against the wall about person or persons of my choosing. These are your New York Mets: Behind the Blow.

Somebody asked me if I was going to put the Marlins organization on the ballot for the annual Hall of Hate vote in 2009, after knocking out the Mets in 2007 and 2008. I can't do it ... because in '09, they end the season in Philadelphia instead of New York. So we might need them.

Now when they inevitably lie down and die against Philly to give them their third straight division title, then I'll think about it.

By the way, the Marlins have re-signed Wes Helms. I just thought I would mention that.

For close to four full seasons, I've tried like hell to point out the crimes of baseball: Suit-wearing casual fans invading ballparks. Shane Victorino being the Theo Fleury of baseball. Brett Myers hating the Mets and being an otherwise pillar of society. Cody Ross waiting to yell at Mike Pelfrey until he was a safe distance away from him. Hanley Ramirez and his intense jealousy about New York that festers into hate. Wallace Matthews' writing about the Mets as if he's that kid who's three feet shorter than you that keeps daring you to hit him.

Baseball criminals all.

But the worst part about the Mets spitting the bit two years in the row is that I can't keep the criminals out anymore. They've stormed the castle and they're drinking our alcohol. And I have nary the energy to argue with them anymore. Shane Victorino? You're not obnoxious at all ... you're gritty and gutty. Myers? You are a pillar of society. Cody Ross? Yeah, you're absolutely right ... how dare Mike Pelfrey's fastball run inside. Hanley Ramirez? Yeah, those days where you have hundreds and not thousands of fans at your football stadium? New York's fault ... totally. Wallace Matthews? You're completely writing what's in your heart, and not trying to break records for negative comments ... totally. Jimmy Rollins? You're right. Baseball needs more robots. How dare we show emotion? Bandwagon fans who get their tickets for free and know nothing about what they're watching? Sure, pose for pictures during play and block my view. What do I care? I'm just a paying customer ... which is latin for "sucker".

Though I will say that the new shirt that the Marlins are selling on their website has gone a little too far.

Also available in black or teal.

(Updated Editor's note: And with this, the venom is back. Because we need Joba Chamberlain's f***ing hat in the hall of fame to encourage the bloated legacy of a guy who hasn't pitched 150 innings in his career ... but he's a Yankee so let's all bow!!! But before you get upset about the lack of items from Shea Stadium's last game in comparison to all the Yankee items, don't be so sure that the Mets hadn't sold everything to the highest bidder already.)

Bad News Bees

Here's the disadvantage of working a 14 hour day: The Mets beat the Pirates in eleven innings and the only coherent thought in my head right now is that Ronny Paulino's bright yellow catcher's pads make him look like a killer bee:

Really? Is that what it's come down to for me? Am I that sleep deprived that it's come down to playing "Project Runway" with Ronny Paulino's pads?

(Hey, weren't the Mets supposed to trade for this guy?)

Well at least I'm not so tired that I would resort to defending Roger Clemens and his pride in himself as an "example for kids". (Especially the 15-year-old blondes, apparently.)

All Right, I'll Be The First

You saw the collapse last season.

You saw that strange news conference that basically announced that Willie Randolph was not going to be fired, where Willie looked extra lost without the mustache.

You saw Omar Minaya keep up his end of the bargain by acquiring one of the best pitchers in baseball (of course, I'm talking about Brian Stokes.)

So the question must be asked: What happens if the Mets start the season by falling behind the Braves, the Phillies, and even the Nationals by a good amount of games ... then what? When a team on paper as good as the Mets have, assuming that a slow start isn't caused by a key injury or two (or five), what's the quickest way to improve the team?

Do you make a trade? With the bulk of the top minor leaguers gone in the Johan Santana deal, good luck getting an impact player back.

Fire a coach to send a message? Rick Down would like to remind you that they've tried that already.

Raise ticket prices mid-season? Don't tempt the Wilpons.

That leaves one option: Willie Randolph.

He has to know. He's got to know. After last season's news conference, he's gotta know that his job could be on the line ... even if his job shouldn't be on the line. Because if that 3-8 start comes to fruition, somebody in the mainstream media is going to write it (and that someone will no doubt be Wally Matthews). And once that happens, the onslaught will snowball (too many metaphors?) to the point where Willie is going to feel the heat every day even if he never lets you see him sweat.

If that 3-8 start comes to fruition, you could probably read the comments before anybody writes 'em.

• How could Willie take Santana out in that situation, Omar only paid $137 and a half million for him! He's gotta go!
• Marlon Anderson to the plate against a lefty when you got Damion Easley sitting on the bench?
• Willie can't handle a small child much less a bullpen!

You know how I know those comments are coming if the Mets start 3-8? Because the comments would be there if the Mets start 8-3! A slow start combined with, say, Jimmy Rollins reminding everybody why he's the reigning N.L. MVP, and the Willie Randolph watch begins.

So I'll be the first to ask you this (because someone has to): Is Willie Randolph on the hot seat right now ... before the season even begins?

Good Day Sunshine

"I have started to notice a pretty distinctive pattern in this world. If you are negative, it will breed more negativity around you, and then that negativity comes back. It bounces back at you eventually, over time, and you are the one who is effected. The same is also true with being positive by the way. If you try to remain positive in your life, and work, it comes back to you. It’s pretty simple. Negative people hang with negative people. Positive people, hang with positivity. And negative people more often than not, tend to be counterproductive." -Tom Green

In this space would normally be more whining about how the Mets are once again losing their chances of grabbing an ace, with Dan Haren going to the Diamondbacks. (Six prospects? How do you kids say it ... OMG? WTF?)

But it's come to my attention that I've been too negative. A buzzkill. A Negative Nancy, if you will. With this in mind, I'm going to be positive. Here's what's right in the Mets' world:

• The Mets still have David Wright, last I checked.
• No player has been involved in a late night accident in a taxi cab in the last year.
• Raul Casanova is not only a Met, but he's younger than Sandy Alomar Jr.
• Lastings Milledge has zero career walk-off hits against the Mets.
• Citi Field is ahead of schedule, and will have a Fish Shack in 2010.
• Ryan Church hasn't released a rap album.
• Guillermo Mota is no longer employed in Flushing.
• Scott Kazmir hasn't pitched a no-hitter yet.
• Jose Reyes is still pretty fast.
• There's no truth to the rumor that John Maine left the team holiday party rubbing his shoulder muttering "boy, that feels weird."
• Steven Register has not shown up on the Mitchell Report.

See, the sun shines.

***

Speaking of the Mitchell Report: Now that it has come out, and it's two guys known the world over as Yankees that are taking the brunt of the bad press, isn't it about time for Wallace Matthews to write something for the express purpose of riling up the Mets fans? I can read it now:

Yeah, Mets fans. Laugh it up. Laugh it up now that your greatest enemy has been fingered in the Mitchell Report as the biggest name mentioned. But just remember: A Mets clubhouse guy started all this. And my sources tell me that he invented steroids. That's right Met fans, a Met invented Deca-Durabolin, among other performance enhancers. Don't blame the gritty, gutty Roger Clemens for taking steroids during the season where his team beat you. Blame your team for not beating the all-mighty Yankees who, despite a payroll of a billion dollars, still scrap for everything they get. While your team is a bunch of steroid inventing monsters. It just means the Yankees were smart enough to take steroids and get that gritty, gutty edge that they need, because that's what champions do. If Mike Piazza was on the juice, maybe he would have been quick enough to have gotten out of the way of that beanball. Now it's time for all you Met fans to accept Andy Pettitte as your savior and repent once and for all.

Have I beaten Newsday's all-time record for angry comments yet?

(Editor's note: Here's what Wally actually wrote).

***

Mike Stanton, according to the report, bought HGH in 2003 while he was with the Mets ... and still went 2-7. He probably sprinkled the HGH on his cupcakes thinking they were chocolate chips.

Maybe Mike Stanton owes Met fans an apology?