Stimulus Splinter

When last we left Ralph Kiner, he was comparing Fernando Martinez to Ted Williams.

On Saturday, Kiner was at it again ... comparing Ike Davis to Ted Williams during the SNY broadcast.

So let me get this straight, we have not one, but two Splendid Splinters in the New York Mets organization? Wow! Get that Canyon of Heroes ready for the next hundred years!

(The bad news is that in the parking lot after the game, Kiner told a fan that Frank Catalanotto, Alex Cora, Dillon Gee, his goldfish, and fagiolini rigati all reminded him of Ted Williams.)

But the fact remains, Davis has come up and been involved with five wins and only one loss with the Mets. The Stimulus has batted .350, cleared the bullpen with a home run, saved Snoop Manuel's job, fixed Oliver Perez's control, used mind tricks on Yunel Escobar, ended Jason Bay's slump, turned Henry Blanco into Rickey Henderson, optimized the batting lineup, and made Larry Jones drop that infield fly on Friday. All that's left for Davis to do now is put more Mets pictures on the walls of the ballpark, revamp the tiered pricing system, and end poverty and hunger in the inner cities. Who says he can't do it? He already has the Ted Williams swing down. The rest should be easy.

A Living Dance Upon Dead Minds

So it's the bottom of the seventh on Wednesday afternoon, one man out, Jose Reyes on second, and Luis Castillo grounds one in the hole at short. Reyes tries to take third base on the play.

Jose Reyes ... of all people ... should know better than to try something that dumb. Reyes has made that play on baserunners tens of hundreds of times. Besides, you learn this in little league, that you don't advance when the play's in front of you. So why on Earth would Jose do this? I mean, people wonder why we get frustrated with the Mets. All the talent in the world, but sorry ... this team has a low baseball IQ. Has had a low baseball IQ for a while.

And it's starting to rub off on the fans. Look, I know it was a weekday afternoon game and there's a lot of kids in the crowd. And I'm not blaming the kids. But in the eighth inning, immediately after Kelly Johnson put the Braves in the lead off of J.J. Putz, what's the first thing that happens in the crowd? You guessed it ... an attempt from left field to do the wave.

Are you kidding me? "Hey, we just got our hearts ripped out. Let's do the wave!" C'mon. How can we expect our team to play smart when our camp counselors are teaching young fans bad habits like the wave? This must stop, now.

***

Ask yourself this, when was the last time you were watching a Mets game and thought "wow, that's a heady play", and the subject wasn't Alex Cora?

But is it stupidity? Or is it something else?

You know how a pitcher throws 98, and he solely relies on that, even when 98 becomes 92? His coaches constantly hammer him to change speeds and play smart, but he still wants to blow everyone away?

Now Reyes is fast. Hasn't lost a step like our fictional pitcher. But does Reyes think he can beat everything out just because he's fast? Does he think, "Aah, if Yunel gets it I'm still fast enough to beat it out or discourage a throw"? If that's the case, that's carelessness and it's a lack of attention to detail. Escobar's a good shortstop, but it's not like you've got Fluff Castro running ... it was Luis Castillo. It would have been a near impossible play to get Castillo from the hole if Reyes had held. And then if he would have wanted to advance after the throw (like he's done), fine.

Instead, Reyes gave Escobar the Get Out of Jail Free card because of a combination of arrogance, and a lack of brainpower. And this is why the Mets can't get out of their own way. In games like Wednesday's game, where it goes back and forth and is decided in extra innings, it's little things like a stupid baserunning play and other mistakes that you can avoid by merely thinking that can cost you five or six games which, near the top of the N.L. East, is all it takes.

(Not to mention the physical errors, such as David Wright jumping out of the way of a ground ball that went through his legs. How does this happen, exactly?)

***

And speaking of "How does this happen", I missed Gary Sheffield's game tying home run in the eighth. Why? I was buying ice cream. Okay, it happens.

Now, check the helmet that I bought the ice cream in:


If you said "Hey wait a minute, that's an interlocking NY painted over the Final Season at Shea logo", give yourself a big round of applause. Then laugh.

Then cry.

Seriously? A paint job over a plastic cup? Was it sponsored by Spongetech? I give up. Instead of harping on that, let's see how rehab is going and play "Where's Oliver?"

Today, Perez found a good way to stay in shape as he landed a part in the local production of "Billy Elliot the Musical." His habit of leaping over the foul line made him a natural fit for the part. Unfortunately, on the very leap you see above, Perez aggravated his patella tendon and will miss an additional two weeks.

***

Oh and a word of advice to Snoop Manuel since the team is on its way to the west coast: If the phone should happen to ring at 3AM, and you didn't order room service ... just let it ring.

Scrambled Hubris

Hey, the Braves are in town. And as such, I think it's time to revisit something:

"I've got to say that there was something particularly satisfying about taking two from the Mets and their two best pitchers right after Metsradamus dismissed us as not even in contention for winning the DIVISION, much less anything else. You said we would be lucky to break .500 (...) The Mets still can't win at Turner Field. The Mets still can't beat the Braves. Order has been restored to the baseball universe." -Anonymous Braves fan, April 7th, 2008

So how's that baseball universe treatin' ya, buddy? Seem a little disoriented? Of course you do. Now you know how Ryan Church feels. Yeah, remember him? He of the late slide that callously caused your shortstop to miss a couple of games.

Oh, by the way, Yunel Escobar has played 63 games since Church's slide. Church has played 15 ... and for a couple of months, he couldn't differentiate eggs from light sockets.

But his slide was dirty. Yeah, our bad.

But hey Anonymous, you'll always have those two games in April. They'll keep you warm during those cold winter months. Now go trade Will Ohman to us for a box of hammers.*

*Assuming your true identity is Frank Wren.

Quantity Of Crap

There have been a whole bunch of days in the history of this franchise that have ripped your hearts out as Mets fans. Game 7 in 2006, Game 5 in 2000, Game 6 in 1999, Game 4 in 1988, and countless regular season games just in the last ten years that are too numerous to mention.

But in terms of sheer quantity of events today, this ... May 20th of 2008, may turn out to be a seminal moment in all of your Met rooting lives.

Think. Think about all that has happened in your lives today. First, you turn on SNY to see and hear everybody running around yelling "controversy!"

Of course, they're talking about the Ian O'Connor article in which Willie Randolph was wondering why SNY painted him in a bad light ... only showing him in moments of seething and frustration and not when he's schooling his players, and why Met fans were booing their team in April. And then he wondered how much of that has to do with race. And at the time, I saw this reaction to it along with others and thought that there really was nothing else of substance I could add.

But Randolph's reaction to the article on Monday could perhaps be stranger than the article itself.

"It does seem like it's piling on after a bit. But, I understand it. I think I mentioned feeling `almost racial.' That was a tongue-in-cheek kind of reaction to what I've been feeling. Not that this is racial. The Wilpons hired me not because I am black, but because they feel I can do a good job for them. They trusted me and hired me because I can do a job and not the color of my skin.

"There's been a lot of negative stuff going around here and I've been feeling some of that, and I was expressing how I felt at the time, but it wasn't anything to do with race and I wasn't trying to bring race into it.

"I'm not necessarily upset with anyone. I understand what they do."

The "tongue-in-cheek" thing bothers me. Not because I necessarily think that Willie's b.s'ing us. I mean, read the article. Anybody who cites Isiah Thomas as an example in his defense has to mean it tongue-in-cheek, right? Right?

But if he meant it tongue-in-cheek, then what exactly did he expect? Did he expect Ian O'Connor to print the quotes and then qualify the whole article by saying "but dear readers, he didn't really mean all that so everything you just read is useless"? Did he expect O'Connor to use judgement and not to print it at all? A very Pollyannic view of the world by Willie, don't you think? I mean, would you think that a guy who's managed a baseball team in a baseball market like New York for over three years (not to mention his time in the city as a player and coach) would understand a little better the way things work, no? That "tongue-in-cheek" thing doesn't translate too well to words on a back page.

And if Willie wants SNY to, as he says: "Show the whole person, the whole attitude, the whole persona", how about a freakin' reality show? Willie's World, perhaps?

Ah yes, reality. The same reality that smacks you in the face like it did me in the first inning of game one ... the very same lousy first inning that Tom Glavine couldn't get out of to save his life last September ... of the first game of the doubleheader today. He gives up a HR to Luis Castillo (of all people), then he loads the bases with one out and I'm thinking "Yes! Yes! Oh Sweet Revenge! Finally, Some Justice In This World!" (Yes, when I think, I think in capital letters.)

But no, Alou lines out to third and Carlos Delgado flies out to right field. And Tom Glavine got to do what he couldn't do during Game 162, and that's set down 17 opposing hitters in a row in the innings that come after number one. Before you knew it, Glavine was not only steaming towards a victory, but towards coming back for 2009 and proving that Citi Field is the perfect place to pitch a no-hitter.

(Thanks Tom. Coming up next ... my lunch.)

Sure, Tom Glavine may come back ... but before we go to game 2 in this doubleheader from hell, we are reminded that Pedro Martinez might not come back to throw a pitch in Citi Field, much less a freakin' no-hitter. And we find out that the next time Mike Piazza comes to Citi Field, it isn't going to be as a visiting player ... but it'll be to unveil his number 31 on the wall.

So now it's apparent that too many things are swirling around. Like sharks surrounding blood. So could there really be any other ending to a game two that featured the Mets being mowed down by the immortal Jorge Campillo (really? Jorge Campillo?), than one that involved actual blood ... like the blood from Ryan Church's head? Of course not. No, not just a normal loss to complete a run o' the mill sweep. What's so torturous about that? No, Ryan Church has to bleed and acquire his second concussion as a Met with a Yunel Escobar kick to the head (much like all the kicks in the head Met fans have taken in the last year.) The MVP of the team so far this season is morphing into Eric Lindros right before our very eyes. Absolutely excellent.

I wonder if Church will remember anything after a good night's sleep. I wonder if he remembers how good that Yankees series went.

I wonder if anybody remembers.

It's almost pointless to do this Heil-o-Meter thing again, since the whole team has a needle on the negative side right now. But the only thing us fans can do now is pile on ... it's all we're good for right now. Heilman comes into the first game, a game which was still pretty much in reach, and immediately gave up a walk and a home run. And the only thing I can do is laugh to keep from crying. And did you all notice that Matt Wise pretty much "pulled a Heilman" in the second game, giving up a crushing two run HR in the eighth to Mark Kotsay ... and Keith Hernandez couldn't tell if it was a fastball or a changeup that Kotsay hit? Kinda reminded me of Richard Pryor in Brewster's Millions, where he threw his 83 MPH fastball, and everyone in the ballpark thought it was his changeup because it was so damn slow. Matt Wise is Monty Brewster. With Aaron Heilman as Doug Sisk (Hey, with Ryan Church concussed and a roster spot perhaps becoming available, maybe Jorge Sosa can come back and "fortify" the bullpen.)