Stimulus Splinter

When last we left Ralph Kiner, he was comparing Fernando Martinez to Ted Williams.

On Saturday, Kiner was at it again ... comparing Ike Davis to Ted Williams during the SNY broadcast.

So let me get this straight, we have not one, but two Splendid Splinters in the New York Mets organization? Wow! Get that Canyon of Heroes ready for the next hundred years!

(The bad news is that in the parking lot after the game, Kiner told a fan that Frank Catalanotto, Alex Cora, Dillon Gee, his goldfish, and fagiolini rigati all reminded him of Ted Williams.)

But the fact remains, Davis has come up and been involved with five wins and only one loss with the Mets. The Stimulus has batted .350, cleared the bullpen with a home run, saved Snoop Manuel's job, fixed Oliver Perez's control, used mind tricks on Yunel Escobar, ended Jason Bay's slump, turned Henry Blanco into Rickey Henderson, optimized the batting lineup, and made Larry Jones drop that infield fly on Friday. All that's left for Davis to do now is put more Mets pictures on the walls of the ballpark, revamp the tiered pricing system, and end poverty and hunger in the inner cities. Who says he can't do it? He already has the Ted Williams swing down. The rest should be easy.

If We Die, We Die

So what if the middle of the rotation is made up of question marks and silly putty.

So what if the bullpen wasn't cemented until the last spring training game.

So what if Mike Jacobs, who wasn't a lock for the Opening Day roster a week ago is now the cleanup hitter.

So what if Jenrry Mejia is merely the latest prospect rushed through the system despite the decree that things were going to be different 'round here.

So what if outside of Jason Bay the team is still same ol' same ol'.

So what if Snoop Manuel is still the manager.

So what if Omar Minaya is still the GM.

So what if the Wilpons still grip this team like a vice drenched in flop sweat and shame.

Baseball season is here.

And here's how I look at it: Unless the top-level talent performs above and beyond their best performances so as to cover up the mistakes of the rest of the rosters ... unless the newfound clubhouse chemistry really makes the difference between winning and losing ... unless Oliver Perez forgets he's Oliver Perez ... it's most likely going to be a tough grind of a season. I emphasize "most likely" because anything can happen. We learned this last season.

But why stress? Why worry about all that now? It's Opening Day. The Mets are tied for first. They're serving lasagna bolognese at Citi Field. Life is good.

As far as the season goes, I believe it was Alex Cora who told Dustin Pedroia the following when Pedroia was experiencing some flight fright:

"If we die, we die."

Most likely, this season will have casualties. Maybe Minaya. Maybe Manuel. Maybe both. Maybe our collective sanity. Who knows? But make no mistake: The lowered expectations that this team has will make all the bitching, moaning, and complaining fun again.

There will be bitching.

There will be moaning.

There will be complaining.

That's all I can guarantee for 2010. Win total? I had 91 last season and was only off by about twenty. So I'm staying away from picking a number. Instead, I'm going all Range Game and saying that this team could go anywhere from 78-86 wins. I'm counting on a full season from Jose Reyes, a bounce back season from David Wright, a nice season from Jason Bay, and Johan Santana being the 2008 Johan Santana.

I'm not counting on Oliver Perez doing anything. I'm not counting on Jenrry Mejia to fool hitters past a month. I'm not counting on Sean Green to turn into Chad Bradford.

Everything else, I can only hope for. I hope Jeff Francoeur keeps smiling, keeps hitting, and keeps his K's to a minimum. I hope Mike Jacobs can return to the production of his Florida days. I hope that Carlos Beltran's return means something more than a two month audition for a playoff team that plays somewhere other than Flushing. I'm hoping Ike Davis and Fernando Martinez tear up Buffalo until September. I'm hoping that Bobby Parnell learns a cutter. I'm hoping Ryota Igarashi puts spring behind him. I'm hoping Mike Pelfrey bounces back like I think he will. I'm hoping Hisanori Takahashi is nothing like Ken Takahashi. I'm hoping John Maine keeps his puking to a minimum. I'm hoping Jon Niese grows up. I'm hoping Angel Pagan remembers how to get from first to home. I'm hoping Gary Matthews Jr. is slightly more than adequate. I'm hoping Frank Catalanotto was as good an idea now as he would have been five years ago. I'm hoping Pedro Feliciano continues to strike out Ryan Howard and Chase Utley with regularity. I'm hoping Frankie Rodriguez doesn't give up another grand slam to Justin Maxwell. I hope we see Chris Carter. I hope we see Daniel Murphy. I hope Rod Barajas and Henry Blanco are as defensively able as advertised. I hope those two knock some sense into the pitching staff.

Yes, I have a lot of hope this season.

But if we die, we die. As long as we die big.

And if we die, I hope somebody brings punch to the Apology Day party I'm throwing.

Have Cream Will Travel

"If we have to go with (Omir), we will." -Snoop Manuel

And with that, you knew the deed wasn't far away. That one line was the equivalent of the mob boss kissing you on both cheeks, telling you your days were numbered. The Mets' signing of Rod Barajas took forever, but the fate of Omir Santos was quickly sealed with a virtual two to the back of the head.

It happens that quick. It wasn't even nine months ago that Santos was participating in the two high points of the 2009 season, one of them against some guy named Papelbon. His clutch hits leapfrogged him over both Brian Schneider and Fluff Castro to the point that an afternoon game had to be delayed for like four hours so that Santos could pinch hit for Fluff ... only to pop out with the bases loaded. But a couple of well timed hits later sent Fluff to Chicago to catch a perfect game, Omir in the sweetheart suite, and Schneider to the doghouse (and eventually to Philadelphia).

And now, perhaps in no small part to some starters subtly begging for another catcher to work with, Omir is a man without a home. Where exactly is he going to go? He isn't going to be the backup, that's Hank White's job now. Buffalo? Sorry, Josh Thole needs to play. And Chris Coste needs to be that positive influence as Thole's backup. So where will Omir go? Can the Mets really get anybody of value for a guy who gets on base less than three out of every ten and has a 1.000 career average against Jonathan Papelbon?

On Blanco, On Ryota, On Coste and Dickey!

Well, this is comforting:

"Jason Bay isn't the only free agent (outfielder) we're looking at. ...At some point we have to consider other plans." -Omar Minaya

And guess what, we might be at that point

"The Red Sox have had internal discussions about extending their organizational budget to potentially allow for another offer for free-agent OF Jason Bay." -Rob Bradford/WEEI (via Matt Cerrone)

Yeah, watching the world pass you by is always a great plan.

Well you thought you were going to have a special Christmas gift under your tree. Instead, you're preparing yourself for Omar Minaya to bring back Tom O'Malley and teach him to play left field at the age of 49 (just a year and a half older than Julio Franco). Well cheer up. Because Omar and The Acquisitions have put together a special Christmas video just for you. So Merry Christmas and get your ticket deposit money ready. (By the way, those "convenience charges" on your Ticketmaster bill ... they went towards the production values for this thing.)

(And happy birthday to Tom O'Malley, born on Christmas Day, 1960.)

Life's Tough, So Man Up

It's more than a little unnerving to exit an airplane to this:

"Mets Trade For Burrell"

Of course, it turned out not to be true ... yet. To think, I wasted perfectly good vomit over nothing.

Some have asked me if I could ever accept a member of the charter Hall of Hate club as one of our own if he was traded here, or if I would take that person off the list forever. In Burrell's case I'd consider it. But there's a catch.

Burrell, as you all can probably recite, has 42 career home runs off Met pitching in 634 plate appearances. 634 divided into 5,864, Burrell's total amount of plate appearances, is roughly 9.25. Multiply that by that number 42, you get the amount of home runs Burrell would have to hit as a Met for me to take him out of the Hall of Hate.

388.

Statistically impossible? Considering he'd be playing in Citi Field and not Shea Stadium, and that it would be hard for Burrell to get another 5,864 plate appearances on the other side of 30, well then he'd better eat right and take lots of steroids. Life's tough.

***

And speaking of life being tough, seems that the Mets signed and re-signed Elmer Dessens to help mentor Oliver Perez ... and the signing of Henry Blanco is another step in that direction.

Funny how neither Dessens, Blanco, Pedro Martinez, Carlos Baerga, Mackey Sasser, nor anybody else with "intangibles" needed to be in the room to mentor Oliver when he signed that $36 million contract. Weird, huh?

Man up. Nannies are for infants.

Raiders Fans, Be Careful What You Wish For