Stimulus Splinter

When last we left Ralph Kiner, he was comparing Fernando Martinez to Ted Williams.

On Saturday, Kiner was at it again ... comparing Ike Davis to Ted Williams during the SNY broadcast.

So let me get this straight, we have not one, but two Splendid Splinters in the New York Mets organization? Wow! Get that Canyon of Heroes ready for the next hundred years!

(The bad news is that in the parking lot after the game, Kiner told a fan that Frank Catalanotto, Alex Cora, Dillon Gee, his goldfish, and fagiolini rigati all reminded him of Ted Williams.)

But the fact remains, Davis has come up and been involved with five wins and only one loss with the Mets. The Stimulus has batted .350, cleared the bullpen with a home run, saved Snoop Manuel's job, fixed Oliver Perez's control, used mind tricks on Yunel Escobar, ended Jason Bay's slump, turned Henry Blanco into Rickey Henderson, optimized the batting lineup, and made Larry Jones drop that infield fly on Friday. All that's left for Davis to do now is put more Mets pictures on the walls of the ballpark, revamp the tiered pricing system, and end poverty and hunger in the inner cities. Who says he can't do it? He already has the Ted Williams swing down. The rest should be easy.

Gator Bait

I can vouch for Ralph Kiner when he says that the best way to get away from an alligator is to run zig-zag. Because I heard the same thing years ago from an independent source. So Ron Darling had best remember this when the alligator comes after him during a round of golf and not be so dismissive.

You know what he also said during Thursday's loss to the Twins? He said that Fernando Martinez reminded him of Ted Williams. Well, so much for lowered expectations, right? This might scare me more than being chased by an alligator (or Sean Green coming into a game). Because you can't run from expectations ... zig-zag or otherwise.

Sage Wisdom

Leave it to Ralph Kiner to provide perspective during Tuesday's telecast:

"It's not even worth questioning because you know what's gonna happen ... When you're a star pitcher like he is it doesn't mean a thing what he does today, tomorrow, or the next day. It's when the bell rings that it counts and that's all they have to worry about." -Ralph Kiner on Johan Santana's rough outing on Tuesday

I really don't need to hear any more than that. And for those of you who may wonder why Oliver Perez gets the brunt of spring hate while Santana gets to go into the EZ-Pass lane I only say this: When Oliver Perez becomes a star pitcher who doesn't fall out of shape after signing a big contract, call me. Otherwise, I'll hold on to that extra standard, thanks. I was fooled once before.

Besides, Santana gave up a home run to freakin' Kaz Matsui. And anything Kaz Matsui does against the Mets should be inadmissible in the court of public opinion. For heaven's sake he once hit two home runs against Billy Wagner in an intersquad game. He's been killing the Mets ever since he was ... a Met! Hopefully the Astros will take advantage of this special offer:

"Orioles general manager Andy MacPhail said the Orioles may begin to seek outside help at second base. The status of Brian Roberts is starting to become a legitimate concern."

Gee, would have been nice to know this two months ago.

Oh well. Omar Minaya probably would have gotten little more than pocket lint for him anyway. Besides, there are greater things to be concerned with than trading Luis Castillo and how Johan Santana does in a spring training outing ... like who the hell let Roger Clemens into Port St. Lucie and why didn't security promptly throw him out for crimes against humanity? Is this where my tax dollars are going? I really could care less if all the Astros on the 40 man roster were related to Clemens. He can watch Koby on MLB.TV like the rest of us.

Baseplugs

I've never really been comfortable using this platform to promote myself. But now that I've convinced myself that this very platform in and of itself is a mechanism to promote my demented point of view anyway, I've made myself feel better. So here goes (deep breath):

If you want to actually hear what I'm thinking about the New York Mets instead of just read it, then this Wednesday and most Wednesdays from 9PM until 11PM, you can come look and listen to Sports Talk New York Live, where your friendly neighborhood blogger will be talking Mets for about ten minutes unless he starts going off on a tangent about rancid beer, earthworms, or Christmas gifts gone horribly wrong. Your hosts, Mark and A.J., will do their best to reign me in and make sure I take my meds.

The best part, no doubt, will be this week's guest and your other favorite blogger Greg Prince, who will discuss his new book, which I'll plug later.

There ... now that wasn't so hard, was it? But I feel so dirty promoting only myself. Let's hype some other stuff that you can plan your Wednesday around:

First, why not prepare for the show by taking an afternoon trip to Modell's in Times Square, where they will be hyping up the "Mo Zone" in Citi Field ... where you can watch the game from behind the right field wall? At old Shea, I got to watch about an inning of a game from behind that left field wall under the bleachers, and it was kinda like a dungeon without the stockades.

Oh, and Doc Gooden will be there to meet and greet you, continuing his return to the Mets family. 3:30 start time, which will give you plenty of time to get home to see Oliver Perez wage his latest war on control.

Then, why not have something cool to wear while you're listening to the show. Why not order a brand new Ralph Kiner shirt from Gary Keith & Ron's website, and acknowledge the longest tenured announcer in Mets history, who is getting better with age?

And don't forget about their line of t-shirts and other fine outerwear at their website ... proceeds of which all go to charity.

Afterwards, you can curl up with a good book ... much like Faith and Fear in Flushing. After listening to Greg discuss the book on that show that I'll be making my weekly appearance on (this self promotion thing becomes easier and easier, doesn't it?) why not read him than right after you listen to him?

Okay, got all that? Go see Doc, buy a t-shirt, read a book, and listen to me on the internets. See? Life is good when you let a blogger plan it for you.