Battle Plans

I suppose that when you consider the line of two runs in four innings for Oliver Perez on Thursday night against the Marlins, it's on pace to be a quality start, which would be three runs in six. Now that's like saying that winning on Opening Day puts you on a pace to be 162-0 so take it for what it's worth.

But it was this post-game quote from Perez that caught my attention:

"I didn't even think about striking out any guys. Sometimes you try to strike out guys and you start getting lost and lose your focus. Right now I'm just trying to not throw more pitches than four and five (per batter). The less pitches you have, the more deeper in the game you can go."

At least we have Oliver not thinking, which is a positive step forward. What Oliver meant to say was this:

"When I grow up, I want to be Jamie Moyer. And I figured I would speed up the process before I get my sorry butt sent to Buffalo, and I don't feel like pitching in the cold. I hate cold."

Nice that Oliver is trying to make Philosophy 101 work for him. And spring training is the time to do it. Here's what I hope doesn't happen: Oliver, Dan Warthen, and Snoop Gangsta decide that's this is what we want to do with every batter, all the time ... and that broad strokes and unwavering changes in philosophy are the way to go. Because it's nice that Oliver wants to be more efficient and that Snoop wants to throw strikes (necessary since Met pitchers led the free world last season by walking ... well, the free world). Great. All for it.

But not only do the bloggers know what Oliver and the Mets want to do, so do the opponents. You'll throw more strikes? Okay, we'll swing more. Oliver wants to be more efficient and only throw four or five pitches per batter? Great. We'll take more pitches ... especially those pitches that sail over our heads ... and maybe foul stuff off for good measure. Can't the plan be fluid to the situation as opposed to hitting the A button at full power all the time?

You know, if Eisenhower had given away the plans, we'd all be speaking German.

The Quest For A Championship Continues, Can't Ya Tell?

During the Mets 4-2 loss to the Phillies, Angel Pagan went 0-for-4, snapping his streak of ten games with a stupid baserunning play.

Angel hopes to start a new streak against Jamie Moyer, today on FOX. The Mets will continue to stick to Snoop Manuel's plan to stay concentrated on what’s ahead and continue that quest for a championship. Pagan, meanwhile, will continue his own quest to find the fifth base. Luis Castillo keeps telling him there's a fifth base, much like the fifth Beatle he swears he unlocked in Beatles Rock Band.

The bad news is that the fifth Beatle looks a lot like Steve Phillips. It's a fixable glitch, unlike the Mets lineup.

Two Thirds, Three Balls, And Six Runs Create The Circle Of Life

Oliver Perez waited on the mound for Jerry Manuel to reach him, no doubt to remove him from his much ballyhooed matchup with Pedro Martinez before Martinez could stroll to the mound. He didn't know what to do. All he knew was that he was being pulled with a 3-0 count on the opposing pitcher, and his career was crumbling around him.

So he walked off the mound, into the dugout, down the tunnel towards the clubhouse. He kept walking. Down the corridor, past the old home run apple, out the bullpen gate, over the chop shops, across the bridge ...

Down Main Street, past Parsons Boulevard, and off he went ... Walkman in tow, to search for the meaning of it all. He heard of the ovation that Pedro received, the inside the park home run, the attempted comeback, and the unassisted triple play. As his head filled with the news of the Mets' latest demise that he caused, he looked up at the combination of cumulus clouds and isolated thunderstorms that signify the mixed bag that was his life. He knew he needed a change. He knew that change would not come in Flushing, where the organization that gave him $36 million dollars was deciding that they would remain status quo for the foreseeable future.

Oliver thought much of the circular nature of life during his walk. Eric Bruntlett set up his historic triple play by making two errors to put runners on, so Bruntlett completed his circle. Of course, that whole inning doesn't happen without his six runs in two thirds and three balls. So where was Oliver's circle? Where could he go to complete his journey? Wandering around looking at clouds while three run homers fly over your head certainly wasn't the path of a thinking man such as Oliver.

AP Alert (New York) - Mets' pitcher Oliver Perez announces his
retirement.

And with that, Perez was officially disappeared. But the competitor in Oliver remained. He would stare out his window that night. And when he wasn't imagining the tooth fairy spreading pixie dust all over the neighborhood, his brain was on an endless search to quench the competitive craze inside him. It was at that moment that he took a look at one of the many newspapers that he had ordered subscriptions to in Buffalo when he was bored during his rehab stint:

"Eureka! If this guy Favor can do it, so can I! I'm going to un-retire and play for the Vikings!!!"

The news conference was, in no exaggeration, bizarre. Capping off a day where news helicopters chronicled the landing of his personal airplane, the Vikings.com server crashed upon the flood of clicks to order a "46" jersey, and the ceremony upon where Perez's jersey said "Oliver" on the back ("I wanted it to be like my idol, Vida Blue"), Brad Childress, Ziggy Wilf, and Perez took the podium in Minneapolis without realizing where Perez would play. Quarterback, after all, was taken. Perez needed a position which was available, and where he would cause the least damage. Long snapper seemed like the perfect compromise.

But it was slow going for Perez, coming into camp mid-stream, learning a new position. Many of his snaps would hit Ryan Longwell in the face. Childress had a problem ... how could the Vikes have a kicking game if his new long snapper misses the holder completely? Surely, Favre can't keep going for it on fourth down. Not even a call to old pitching coach Rick Peterson would help.

BC: Coach? Coach Peterson?

RP: Yeah?

BC: Hi, it's Brad Childress. I want to ask you about Oliver Perez ...

RP: (click)

But then, like a bolt of lightning from the sky, former Viking great Fran Tarkenton agreed to talk Perez through his problems as a special consultant. Tarkenton and Perez would sit around the camp fire, and Fran would tell the most wonderful stories.

FT: Yeah Oliver, I knew a guy who juggled knives, another guy who stayed in a small box for hours on end, and still another guy tried to catch a bullet between his teeth!

OP: Wow Fran, that's incredible!

FT: I know! That's what I kept saying! But don't try this at home.

And with that, Ollie was rolling. Thanks to his new mechanics, and his friendship with Tarkenton, all his snaps were true. Longwell was perfect for the season, Chris Kluwe led the league in net punting average, and Perez was the getting more hits on his player page than any other long snapper on the internet. Life was good. The Vikings were going to Dallas to take on the Cowboys in the playoffs was even better.

There was added pressure on Perez for the game, as he was going to play center in the shotgun formation, snapping the ball to a Hall of Fame quarterback. Tarkenton told him that whatever he did, to be sure to snap the ball high to Favre. It wasn't the kind of pre-game pep talk he was used to from Fran, and he went into the game tight. Sure enough, when Childress called for the shotgun team with two minutes left in the half, Perez went into the game at center ... and had the most brutal athletic competition of his career. His first snap hit the scoreboard. His second snap rolled to Favre. His third snap went so far out of the end zone, it took a great catch by Endy Chavez from keeping the football from going into the first row of the stands.

OP: Why'd you tell me that, Fran?

FT: HA HA HA HA HA!!! I hate that sonofabitch Favre! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

OP: Oh.

The Vikes were out of the playoffs. The love affair between Minneapolis and Perez was over. Talk radio was all over him to make a decision about his playing career. It was then that Perez announced his retirement to ESPN's Ed Werder.

EW: Can you say without hesitation that you're retired for good?

Perez: Yeah ... yeah I can. And I'm comfortable with that.

But it wasn't over. After a very brief stint with the circus as a knife thrower, Perez wanted to return to baseball ... and he wanted to return with the Phillies. After the retirements of Pedro Martinez and Jamie Moyer, they were looking for a starter. And Perez wanted to come back to a division rival ... just like Favre did. But unlike the poison pill that the Packers put into their trade with the Jets, the Mets put no such restrictions on the Vikings. If Perez wanted to give up six runs for the Phillies in the first inning, fine by them. Besides, Omar Minaya had filled his rotation need by re-signing Orlando Hernandez.

So Perez returned for more baseball in 2010 ... and fired a no-hitter at Citi Field.

The circle was complete.

There's Some Grit In Them Furry Beasts

As if going to Pittsburgh for a one game rainout makeup isn't exciting enough, the Mets were also able to catch the phenomenon known as Anthrocon 2009, a convention where people can dress like animals. Boy, it was the club's lucky day ... let alone Kevin Burkhardt's lucky day.

This has to be the reason that Tim Redding has such an awful start today ... apparently, Redding's goatee was a keynote speaker at the event. Who knew?

But in this period of time where we're all kinda waiting for the bottom to drop out, we might be seeing the beginnings of evidence that maybe nobody should be throwing in the towel on this team just yet. Down 5-0 to the Pirates' best starter on a one-game stopover (akin to spending seven hours at Atlanta International) would have been an easy game to throw in the towel on. But not only did the Mets actually string some hits together to get some runners on base, they strung some more hits together to actually drive those runs in! Eight of them!!!

And believe it or not, at 8-5 ... even at 8-6, I didn't have that nagging feeling of doom that I usually have with this franchise. Honestly. I honestly thought there was no way that doom can befall them again. Law of averages, right?

Wrong!

Because it was then that Frankie came in with a two run lead in the ninth, and two batters later the freakin' game was tied. And not only tied, but tied by Adam "Carlos Beltran is a no-good classless goon who doesn't make enough plays to win baseball games" La Roche. If you thought I tore the house apart, not to worry. I just laughed.

However my cat, on the opening of the Furry Beast Convention, was quite pissed. So pissed in fact, that she briefly joined the Pittsburgh faithful in their heckling of Frankie.


Can you blame her? She's been through so much ... to have a blown save on a day dedicated to animal fur was just too much for her cat-like patience to take. She snapped, as I'm sure most of you did. But alas, more grit to come as Fernando Tatis was hit with a pitch to top off a big day for him, and Ryan Church drove him in to help seal the deal. And even Frankie came back to have a big tenth inning after coming within about a foot of losing the game completely in the ninth on a two-out line drive. Yes, the "resiliency" and the "grit" has been there more this season than in the last two ... but no more so than Thursday.

Unfortunately, this game probably means the Mets will be without Rodriguez's services on Friday against the Phillies. But speaking of the Phillies, I'm going to keep gettin' positive on you: Not that the Mets' three starters are any guarantees (Livan Hernandez, Fernando Nieve, and even Johan Santana isn't a guarantee these days), the Mets are facing Rodrigo Lopez (yes, Rodrigo Lopez), Jaime Moyer (who the Mets have hit this year), and Joe Blanton (who's improved lately in the way that you can improve from dog meat to merely beatable). The series is winnable, boys and girls. I know the Mets have made some struggling pitchers look like Bob Gibson, but Lopez hasn't pitched in the majors in two years. The Mets absolutely can't welcome him back to the majors by making him into a stud. And the other two pitchers aren't lights out by any means. So two out of three is not impossible (or, if you're not into double negatives, possible), especially if Tatis has indeed found his stroke and lost his looping swing.

Passing The Savings On To Bill Welke

Four saves in four days? Heck, last season's Mets couldn't get four saves in four weeks. Surprising since I fully expected J.J. Putz to get the call tonight after he got the rest on Wednesday night. So Frankie Rodriguez? Money well spent indeed as he finished off a two game sweep of the Phillies on Thursday.

But really, it's five saves in four days as Frankie not only saved four games, but he also saved Bill Welke from well deserved scorn. I mean, can someone explain to me how Jose Reyes gets obstruction called on him for being elbowed in the ribs by Shane Victorino, who went out of his way to find him like he was Mark Gastineau chasing Brian Sipe?

And I don't want to hear about how smart and crafty Shane Victorino is. He's a baseball war criminal, and needs to have one put in his ribs for that next time, whether the media agrees with it or not. And if the Mets are not allowed to read the tabloids anymore, then who cares what they say anyway ... Good Vibes! Hey, If Larry Andersen can call for Jose Reyes' head, I can call for Victorino's ribs. Would anybody else on the Phillies have tried that besides the Flyin' Hawaiian? Maybe there should be a rule put in place named after him like a certain hockey player had for him.

Welke? Awful. And that's not even taking into account the blown call on the double play earlier in the game. That Jayson Werth home run should have never happened, and Frankie probably should have never been in the game. But because Welke fell for Victorino's "crafty play" (somehow I figure that Angel Hernandez taught him everything he knows), Rodriguez had to make yet another appearance, successful though it might have been. The ironic part is that Snoop Manuel hitting Welke with the bill of his cap while arguing the play will get more attention from the commissioner's office than Victorino's elbow. Oh well, it'll be one or two less late inning Omir Santos substitutions we'll have to dissect.

Instead let's dissect good things, like four saves in four nights, Mike Pelfrey's good outing, and home runs at the new spacious home by the three players who need to get (or keep) going, Beltran, Wright, and Reyes off of Jamie Moyer, who is finally listening to what his mother most assuredly told him at some point and is acting his age. Complain if you will about no production against the bullpen, but again, the game should have never been that close.

And did I mention that Victorino needs a baseball in his ribs?

The Chan Ho Experience

It's always nice to beat the Philadelphia Phillies. But I'll be honest with you: If the Mets didn't do what they did to Chan Ho Park tonight, I would have gone on this space and called for the decertification of the Mets franchise. I would have lobbied the family of Chub Feeney to get that done.

Friday night was one that they had to have, and should have had. Thankfully, they didn't play down to the level of competition (translated: they didn't turn Chan Ho Park into Greg Maddux) and they indeed got that 7-4 win Friday night.

(As much as Mets fans and Phillies fans are blood enemies, fans of both teams will walk arm in arm on one fact: and that's the fact that Chan Ho Park stinks no matter what side of the rivalry he's on. I mean, Mike Pelfrey almost hit a homer off him.)

And I humbly pass along my title as soothsayer to Bobby O, who predicted before the game that Pedro Feliciano would be the deciding factor. He certainly was as important as anyone, as he pitched 1 2/3's innings facing the hard lefties and the somewhat difficult righties and minimized the damage in the sixth and seventh innings. Sure, one may point out that he did give up a dinger to Chase Utley and that he received a gift when Greg Dobbs ran the bases as if his eyes were bigger than his stomach. But last year, Pedro wasn't getting anyone out in that situation. He did what he had to do, which was get the ball to Putz (I love him more today than yesterday ... but hopefully not as much as tomorrow) and Frankie.

I don't know what to expect from Oliver Perez tomorrow. Well no, I take that back. I fully expect he's going to pitch like garbage. But it seems that whenever I have a strong feeling that way no matter who the pitcher, he comes up huge. And Perez does pitch well against the Phillies, so I'm all for Ollie staying in the rotation tomorrow. He absolutely can come up huge. I don't expect it, but that's why it could happen.

And by the way, Gary Sheffield will most likely be in the lineup tomorrow against Jamie Moyer. Lifetime, he's hitting .481 (13 for 27) with four home runs. So I expect success. But that's why an 0-for-4 will most likely happen.

Blogging The Enemy

Well, here it is: the first ever true live blog on the Musings ... etc. We'll be following Brewers/Phillies on this Mets off day and see if this darn lead can be stretched to four games. It's Sheets vs. Moyer (neither of whom the Mets seem to hit very well so it will be nice to see them try to destroy each other for a change.)

We can talk about whatever you want ... the game, the Mets, whether Ryan Howard can defeat Prince Fielder in Sumo, cheesesteaks, beer, anything around the realm of this game. Just beware, I'm moderating the comments, and I'm in charge of approving the comments ... that's just the way this apparatus works. So don't be alarmed if your comment doesn't hit right away, and please don't hit resend 46 times. I'll get to you, I promise. Stupidity is encouraged. Just be nice.

Let's play blog.

Quite Frankly...

You know how you tease, kick, and mess with your little brother to no end because you can? But heaven forbid somebody else picks on him you get pissed and beat the ever lovin' snot out of him? He's my brother. Only I can tease him about his wavy hair, or his flood pants, or his velvet green jacket. If you tease my brother, you better at least be around often enough to buy him gum or take him to the arcade or something.

Well, the Mets are like a little brother to me. They're kind of like our little brothers. We can tease and punch and kick them all we want because we love our little brother about his bullpen, his stadium, or his crazy dances. But he who teases them without being around to support them will feel the wrath of the big brother.

Certainly, we've seen and heard enough from the national baseball pulpits and the local media with axes to grind. But when Stephen A. Smith decided to throw his stone at the Mets all the way from the annals of the NBA, well that's how you know that this has gotten way out of hand.

Stephen A. Smith is dogging the Mets? What, Kobe Bryant hasn't demanded a trade in the last ten minutes and he's bored?

The premise of his article was basically this: "Hey, the Phillies stink. But the Mets stink worse. So why can't the Phillies win the division?" I'll tell you why. Because while we're busy beating the Pirates and Nationals 5 of 6, the Phillies are splitting with those same teams. Because while John Maine and Oliver Perez are struggling at the moment, and while they may not be the most established pitchers out there, would Stephen A. Smith take Kyle Lohse over either of them? Would you?

If Tom Glavine is ancient, what does that make Jamie Moyer? Spry?

So who's next to take a swing at the Mets? Does Merrill Hoge want a piece? Perhaps Tommy Smith wants to say that the Mets are going to exit in the first round. Or maybe Carson Daly wants to tell us that the Mets farm system is weak.

Seriously folks. It's bad enough when baseball people take shots at the Mets because at least they're paid to watch baseball (although taking into account some of the things that come out of their mouths, it's debatable how much baseball they actually watch...or whether they're actually watching it with their eyes.) But when columnists better known for basketball start taking shots at the Mets, it gets beyond baffling.

It's partly the Mets fault for losing games in the fashion that they have lately...the rip your heart variety that this franchise has been known for. And it's partly our fault for turning every bad loss into Game 7 of the 2006 NLCS. Met fans do have a tendency to go a little bit overboard. But that's the point. Met fans have every right to go overboard. Met fans live, die, and go to purgatory (winters only) with this team.

I wonder what Stephen A. has to say after this weekend's action...as while the Mets were busy sweeping the Nationals, the Phillies were losing two out of three to the Pirates. How much did we lose it after Thursday's disaster? Okay. Double it. That's what Phillies fans should be feeling at this moment. But as long as Stephen A. is telling them that the Mets stink worse than that, and as long as John Kruk is going on television and telling us that nobody in the N.L. East is starting to pull away...as the Mets go up five games on the field with less than fifty games to go...than why should they feel anything but confident? They're still the best team on paper, the Phillies...right?

I'm willing to put it on the line and say that finally, this may be the beginning of the run that the Mets have been hoping for. Something was different about the Mets this weekend. Seeing Luis Castillo clapping like a madman while traveling the bases with the go ahead run is starting to make me think that the fire might be back in the Mets' bellies. Seeing the rest of the team follow suit is heartening as well. Seeing Orlando Hernandez stalk the bench after pitching seven sweet innings and talk up everybody from the bench coaches to the peanut vendors showed me something (and kinda scared me a bit too, but in a good way.) And you know that Carlos Beltran hitting two home runs doesn't hurt as well.

Maybe I shouldn't be so hasty in proclaiming that. After all, Jake Peavy and Chris Young await the Mets at Shea this week, while the Phillies host the slumping Dodgers (and miss Brad Penny in the process), and the Braves visit the fairly terrible Cincinnati Reds, followed by the Cardinals. So it's a good thing that the Mets have that five game cushion to play with going into this week. But the way they shook off Thursday by dispatching of the Nationals makes me think that this coming week may not bring the doom that Stephen A. is probably expecting right now.

Grumpy Old Men

Thursday night was the first time that Statler and Waldorf pitched against each other.

Oh, sorry, that's Glavine and Moyer.

Luckily, the right muppet came out on top. I don't know whether Tom Glavine would be Statler or Waldorf, but he helped pitch the Mets to a 5-3 victory to take the series from the Phillies, despite giving up two home runs to new arch-enemy Jimmy Rollins. Luckily, a mechanical adjustment fixed that:

"I was rushing in my delivery and rushing to try to make pitches...After the second inning, when I threw my warmup pitches in the third inning, I kind of tried to make a little conscious adjustment and it felt good. It felt like my pitches were a little bit better during the warmup and just tried to go with it, and it seemed to work." -Tom Glavine

And there lies the difference between Glavine and say...Oliver Perez. Aah, you're groaning. I know some of you think I've given up on poor Ollie. And that's just not so. I haven't given up. But Oliver did lose the strike zone. All I wanted to do was provide a public service to help him find it. I was only trying to be being helpful.

But the only difference is that Glavine was able to figure out what he needs to do between innings, and is not totally dependant on Rick Peterson to tweak himself. Perez, meanwhile, seemed lonely out there on the mound, hoping to get out of the third inning so that he could get some Rick Peterson advice to get him through the fifth. If only he had gotten that third out, he might have made it. Instead, we saw one of the most painful innings that I had ever seen, because Perez was on an island with no life preservers near him.

It's the disadvantages of youth.

But Ollie could very well come back with another strong outing his next game with some tweaking from Peterson, and I'll be roasted for putting up that sign. I expect it. Hell I welcome it. That would mean that the Mets got themselves another victory.

***

I've gotta give Jimmy Rollins credit. He pissed off everyone in New York along with their mothers with his comment, but he backs it up by hitting the lights out of the ball. Good thing he's been pretty much the only one hitting consistently on that team or the Mets would have been in real trouble this series.

Instead they have gone 6-3 in the first nine games, which were thought to be a tough way to kick off the schedule. You would have taken that in a heartbeat, no? And now, the Nationals come to town and present a chance for the Mets to fatten up...especially now that the Nats have gotten their win for the week, bringing Atlanta back to the pack a little bit in the process.

Of course I say this, which means the Nats are going to come in and sweep the Mets because they're motivated to win in Manny Acta's former house. Nothing is a sure thing, but a sweep may be a must here. Something tells me that the fate of the other four teams in the division are going to be decided by how little (or how often) they lose to the Nationals. The Braves have one. Can the Mets take advantage?

Probably not, now that I've jinxed it. Good going soothsayer.

Your 2007 N.L. East Preview: Philadelphia Phillies

Memo to Jimmy Rollins: Print this post.

Because maybe if it's on paper, it'll read that you're the favorites to win the division.

The Phillies are the chic, trendy pick to win the N.L. East this season. Now when I think chic and trendy, I don't think of a guy eating a cheesesteak from Tony Luke's with Cheez Wiz dripping down the corner of his mouth to his chin, finally settling on the second "L" on his Aaron Rowand "Phillies" jersey. But yes, picking the Phillies have become as trendy as chai tea and half caf lattes at Starbucks.

It probably has to do with America's love affair with Ryan Howard and Chase Utley. It's merited. Chase Utley had a hitting streak of 35 games last season (snapped by the Mets in early August), and hit .309 in the three hole last season. Howard? He's a beast. Batting average: .313...OBP: .425...58 HR's and 149 RBI's are just monstrous numbers.

Yikes!

Jimmy Rollins, unfortunately for Mets fans, has the talent to match his bravado, hitting a decent .277 from the leadoff spot, with 25 HR's. The starting pitching is plentiful in Philadelphia, as there are six decent starters to choose from (a problem the Mets wish they had). And Aaron Rowand provides a heart and soul guy not seen in Philly since the days of Lenny Dykstra (yeah, that Lenny Dykstra).

But I'm about to lay the smack down as to why the Philadelphia Phillies will not only not win the division, but why they aren't even going to contend for the wild card...my top 10 reasons why the Phillies will come up empty:

1. The Bullpen: They got away with one last year. By all rights and purposes, Tom Gordon should have been reduced to fossil status last season. By the end of the year, he almost was...check out his ERA by month: 0.84, 2.19, 2.70, 4.63, 9.64 (in 4.2 August innings), and 3.60 in September. WHIP: 0.84, 1.05, 1.10, 1.63, 1.50, and 1.60. Batting average against: .114, .213, .229, .288, .263, .282. And outside of Ryan Madson, the names that Charlie Manuel has to choose from for middle relief don't exactly strike fear in my heart. Antonio Alfonseca? Holy extra digit, Batman! And do you realize that at press time, Matt Smith is the only lefthander in the Phils' pen?


2. The Starters: Let's not make these guys out to be the Glavine, Smoltz, Maddux, and Avery of their time. Cole Hamels is studly, but may very well have a sophomore jinx tagged on him (I doubt it...but it is a possibility). The Met hating Brett Myers is good as long as he hits the strike zone as well as he hits his...(come on, you know where I'm going with that, right?) Freddy Garcia was a good pickup, but is he going to keep the ball in the yard (little known fact: Citizens Bank Park is the size of your average suburban backyard)? Is he going to stay healthy? Is his fastball ever going to rise above 85 mph? And how come we have to hear Julio Franco jokes from the peanut gallery known as the national baseball media, yet Jamie Moyer is simply known as crafty? He's old! Not quite as useless as Julio on the field, but almost as old. Adam Eaton, mark my words, will turn out to be the biggest waste of free agent dollars in the 2007 season. It's going to haunt the Phillies if this is the guy that causes Jon Lieber to be traded somewhere.


3. Pat Burrell: Burrell's numbers aren't bad as a whole (25HR's, 95 RBI's). But his .258 average and 131 K's are not what you want protecting Ryan Howard. You want more damning stats? RISP in 2006: .222 in 153 AB's. RISP with two outs: .167 in 78 at bats. Bases loaded: .240 with 17 RBI's in 25 at bats. These numbers are bound to hover around that area or worse considering that the Phillies have been trying to trade him all winter...and that the Phillies "faithful" have made Burrell their official whipping boy, as detailed by me here.


4. Charlie Manuel: Look at the managers in the National League east for a second. You have Manny Acta in Washington, Fredi Gonzalez in Florida, Bobby Cox in Atlanta, Willie Randolph here in New York, and Manuel. If you had to pick one manager to potentially have rumors of an in-season firing surrounding him who would you pick? Who would you pick if you had to lay $100 bucks on it? Acta? With the lack of talent surrounding him that would be cruel. Gonzalez? Would there be a worse P.R. move than firing Gonzalez after letting go of Joe Girardi? Cox? He's been in Atlanta since the civil war...you think he's going anywhere at this point? Randolph? We're talking about the Wilpons here, even Art Howe got one year longer than he should have...you think they're going to develop a short fuse all of a sudden with Willie? Guess who that leaves...


5. Wes Helms: If you put the Mets and Phillies infields side by side, you could make the argument that Howard, Utley, and Rollins cancel out the Mets trio of David Wright, Jose Reyes, and Carlos Delgado. That leaves Wes Helms vs. Jose Valentin. That's a tough call, but considering that Valentin provides power to the lowest power position on the board, and that Wes Helms, who's never had more than 274 AB's in a season, I gotta say that Wes Helms has some proving to do. He hit .329 last year in 240 AB's, but also had 55 K's which would translate to about 120, 130 K's through a full season. Do you want Wes Helms in the same lineup with Pat Burrell?


6. 10,000: This team is headed towards a distinction known by no other franchise in professional sports history. They are 43 victories away from 10,000 losses in their history. Think about that...it's mind boggling! The San Francisco Giants, who have been playing baseball just as long as the Phillies, have a total of 8,702 losses. That's almost 1,300 less losses than Philadelphia. If the Phillies languish around .500, you don't think that 10,000 is going to hang over them like a scarlet number? (By the way, if the Phils start out 39-42, loss number 10,000 could come against the Mets on July 1st, Sunday night, on national television.


7. Karim Garcia: Come on. You expect me to take a team that has Karim Garcia on it seriously? Really? The Latino Bambino? Enemy of pizza delivery men everywhere? I frankly don't care if he makes the team or not. His aura already wafts through the city like that smell that hit NYC back in January.


8. Adam Eaton: I know I mentioned him way back in reason number two, but allow me to reiterate: This signing was so bad, it deserved it's own write-up. Adam Eaton got $24.5 million over three years for going 18-9 with a 4.55 ERA in 193 and 2/3's innings. Sound reasonable? Those were composite stats over the last two seasons. When Kris Benson got his "overpriced" contract, he at least pitched 200 innings in one season. And one more thing that may or may not have anything to do with anything, but Adam Eaton once landed on the disabled list...for stabbing himself in the stomach.


9. Pat Gillick: Genius my ass. His big plan was to trade Bobby Abreu to the Yankees for nothing, but have all this salary to improve the team. His big purchase with that extra money: Adam Eaton. And now, he's going to have to figure out what to do with Aaron Rowand. With trade rumors swirling around him, Gillick is going to have to hit a home run in dealing him. Does he get bullpen help? Does he get another starting outfielder back? Does Jon Lieber get traded for bullpen help? Is there any chance that Braden Looper can be returned to the Phillies in that deal so that he can log important innings for the Phils (insert evil laugh)?


10. John Kruk: He isn't going to make a throw, field a grounder, hit a double, or even put on a uniform (praise Buddha) for the team that he once starred for this season. But you know what he will do? Piss me off without fail. What that has to do with the Phillies finishing out of the money in 2007? I don't know. But John Kruk was a Phillie, he pisses me off, and he's already predicted the Phillies would win the division. I don't know how, but he will cause the Phillies demise...someway, somehow. This might be a good start:

Prediction: Third place, 82-80