Unplugged

Take a look. Take a good look. This is who you lost to.

A light socket.

So let's review, the Mets lost this weekend to a pitcher who hadn't been in the majors since 2007, a 46-year-old man, and a man who once dressed as a light socket. And not just lost to them, got taken to school by them.

Forty years ago, the Mets beat the likes of Dave McNally, Jim Palmer, and Mike Cuellar in the World Series. Forty years later, the Mets can't touch Rodrigo Lopez, Jamie Moyer, and Joe Blanton. Your predecessors must be proud. I know I am.

But what do you expect when your best chance at runs is getting excited when Fernando 6-4-Tatis is batting against Chan Ho Park with a runner on base because he hit two grand slams against Park in an inning over a hundred years ago. The Mets, at this juncture, have a better chance of getting runs from a Jerry Lewis telethon than from this current roster.

Punk'd? More Like Park'd

The Mets lost this game well before the Chase Utley home run.

They lost this game because sixteen hits could only bring home four runs.

They lost Wednesday's game when Dan Iassogna called Carlos Beltran out on the double play that should have scored the fifth run as Beltran was clearly safe. Funny how there was a recent conversation about how bad the umpiring has been this year, and it was awful again tonight on many counts ... most which benefited the Mets, but that call was key (forgive me if I start scoffing every time an umpire starts complaining about instant replay ... seriously, I'm starting to not care if baseball games go ten hours each just so we can have replay review every single damn play ... either that or we need to invent "Umpbots"). And even if that call was right, you knew that it would be a key point in the game since the Mets had one chance to blow Cole Hamels out and he didn't do it.

They really lost this game in the seventh, when Snoop decided to call a sac bunt with a guy at the plate who hadn't had a sac bunt in seven years. Fernando Tatis has some pop, no? Well, not when he's called to bunt, giving away your sixth hitter. And with a successful sacrifice (another, most likely terrible call), you give away your seventh hitter as Ryan Church was intentionally walked to set up Omir Santos ... meaning that hitters six and seven were wasted, leaving the bulk of the work to be done by hitters eight and nine. I know Snoop loves Omir but man, that wasn't quite gangsta.

But they really, really, really lost the game because of their inability to score a damn run off Chan Ho Park. Ryan Church had him 3-0 and let two meatballs zip right on by him like they were old men in vans wearing trench coats asking him if he wanted candy. Then on 3-2 he swings at slop in the dirt. I've grown a small affinity for Church, as he's become the red-headed step child of the organization. But if that at-bat was any more putrid I'd have to close my windows and throw towels under the doors.

So let's review the rubber game of the series: Tim Redding on the mound, which has recently resulted in poundings by the Red Sox and Marlins, a spent bullpen with Frankie having been burned for two innings on Wednesday. I guess that J.J. Putz will have to close tomorrow we should be prepared for the "give up" lineup on Thursday, resting guys for the Yankee series.

• SS Valdez
• 2B Cora
• 1B Murphy
• 3B Hebner
• LF Martinez
• CF Reed
• RF Emil Brown
• C Alberto Castillo
• P Redding

With Carlos Muniz as the only guy available out of the bullpen. (But seriously, they're probably going to have to pound Moyer like chop meat again to have any sort of chance.)

And I'm mildly disappointed that Pelfrey didn't drill Hamels after the "choke" comments (but kudos to Alex Cora for going up the middle hard on him). He made up for it though by telling Utley and Shane Victorino to shove it. I'll take any moral victory I can get.

Did I mention ... Chan Ho Park???!?!?!?!??? For crying out loud.

Even MacGyver Gets More Run Support

I'm starting to think that MacGyver had more to work with than Johan Santana.

I'm also starting to think that if you gave Johan a rubber band, some cellophane, and a three inch swatch of sandpaper that he could build an armored tank trained to shoot lasers at Jayson Werth.

The Mets lineup, meanwhile, seemed to go up to the plate against Chan Ho Park with rubber bands instead of bats, as they only managed one hit in six innings against him. (As the kids like to say: WTF?)

The good news, besides the Mets 1-0 win against Philly on the strength of a physical error by Pedro Feliz and a mental error by Werth (not to mention Carlos Delgado's blinding speed on the play) is that the lineup's pathetic performance against Park has bought him a few more turns in the Phillie rotation, possibly buying the Mets a couple more games in the standings as Park implodes.

But that's speculative. Hey speaking of explosions, let's see how Johan is coming with that tank:

Wow, Johan really can do it all. Very nice.

Oh, and I guess they really couldn't take Oliver Perez's musings in the dugout, as he's finally on the disabled list with patella tendinitis (it's the fanciest name they could come up with to confuse us into thinking that this is an actual injury). Jon Niese takes his place on the roster and will start on Friday instead of Ken Takahashi. If Niese does well, then perhaps you can call him "Ollie Pipp".

The Chan Ho Experience

It's always nice to beat the Philadelphia Phillies. But I'll be honest with you: If the Mets didn't do what they did to Chan Ho Park tonight, I would have gone on this space and called for the decertification of the Mets franchise. I would have lobbied the family of Chub Feeney to get that done.

Friday night was one that they had to have, and should have had. Thankfully, they didn't play down to the level of competition (translated: they didn't turn Chan Ho Park into Greg Maddux) and they indeed got that 7-4 win Friday night.

(As much as Mets fans and Phillies fans are blood enemies, fans of both teams will walk arm in arm on one fact: and that's the fact that Chan Ho Park stinks no matter what side of the rivalry he's on. I mean, Mike Pelfrey almost hit a homer off him.)

And I humbly pass along my title as soothsayer to Bobby O, who predicted before the game that Pedro Feliciano would be the deciding factor. He certainly was as important as anyone, as he pitched 1 2/3's innings facing the hard lefties and the somewhat difficult righties and minimized the damage in the sixth and seventh innings. Sure, one may point out that he did give up a dinger to Chase Utley and that he received a gift when Greg Dobbs ran the bases as if his eyes were bigger than his stomach. But last year, Pedro wasn't getting anyone out in that situation. He did what he had to do, which was get the ball to Putz (I love him more today than yesterday ... but hopefully not as much as tomorrow) and Frankie.

I don't know what to expect from Oliver Perez tomorrow. Well no, I take that back. I fully expect he's going to pitch like garbage. But it seems that whenever I have a strong feeling that way no matter who the pitcher, he comes up huge. And Perez does pitch well against the Phillies, so I'm all for Ollie staying in the rotation tomorrow. He absolutely can come up huge. I don't expect it, but that's why it could happen.

And by the way, Gary Sheffield will most likely be in the lineup tomorrow against Jamie Moyer. Lifetime, he's hitting .481 (13 for 27) with four home runs. So I expect success. But that's why an 0-for-4 will most likely happen.

He's On A Mission From God

Heath Bell wants you to sell him your women.

And why shouldn't you? After all, he's made New York his personal playground with two saves out of three games here ... and if the Padres didn't play so sloppily it very well could have been three for three after tonight's 6-5 loss.

On the one hand, those who think that Heath Bell should pipe down with all his anti-Met propaganda have a valid point. After all, Bell hardly set the world on fire when he was with the Mets, and he should be thanking them for trading him to the Padres and affording him the chance to be the new Trevor Hoffman, instead of worrying about the social habits of his former team. If you look at the obsession meter, Heath Bell lies somewhere in between Lisa Sheridan and a Philadelphia Phillie.

On the other hand, if Gary Cohen's account from today's game is true (and why wouldn't it be), and that Bell was closing in the minors while being a long man while up on the New York part of the shuttle, then he does have a point. It does nobody any good to keep switching roles upon entering and exiting the majors. It reeks of no organizational plan. But again, that's our problem (apparently), and Bell should be happy to be gone. I'd be too if I had five saves the first week of the season after going nowhere with the Mets. But dude, enough. You know? Enough. Enough of your saves, and enough of your chatter. Go save the world somewhere else while Braden Looper comes to town this weekend and points out more of the Mets' organizational flaws.

Honestly, it breaks my heart to see a boy that young goin' bad.

And speaking of piping down:

"This is the most gratifying win I think I’ve ever been a part of as a Padre, watching the total team effort that we gave tonight result in a win." -Jake Peavy

Somebody show Jake a calendar and tell him it's April!!! Really? Most gratifying win? A victory in the first week of the season for a team that's one ten-game losing streak away from trading you to Milwaukee for Seth McClung and a case of Schlitz? Does anyone have perspective anymore?

Oh, and Mike Pelfrey might miss a start. If he does, expect the Mets to call up Chan Jose Lawrence.

Cousin Oliver Redux

Could Brian Stokes have been the key all along?

Now far be it from me to be the one to make excuses for the outfit in the pen and the way they've been going these days. Heck, during the early stages of the Mets' 10-0 lead tonight, when you were thinking if there was anyone out there who thought the Mets' bullpen could blow this lead, the answer was yes ... me! But here's what I'm thinking:

Forget the whole "different roles" thing. That's an excuse. A lame one at that. But could it be ... just maybe ... that the whole reason the bullpen has reaked of fresh roadkill is due to the lack of a long option in the pen?

When Darren Oliver played here in '06, the Mets' record in games he's pitched in was 17-28. Look through his game log and you'll see a lot of the scores of the games he's been in are of the 15-2, 11-3, 10-1 variety. Now, go through this season and check out the boxscores of similar games with similar scores. For example: May 12th against the Nationals, where the game was decided by the sixth inning:

Sosa 1 IP
Sanchez 1 IP
Smith 1 IP
Wagner 1 IP

How about two days earlier, a game which was 10-3 after six innings:

Heilman 1 IP
Feliciano 1 IP
Sosa (Who's this Sosa guy?) 1 IP

Even July 3rd, a game with was 11-0 after five and a half.

Schoeneweis 1 IP
Smith 1 IP

Games like this in 2006 saw Darren Oliver eat inning, after inning, after inning. The above blowouts featured names that would be better serve to use their limited bullets on close games, and not blowouts (though the Heilman appearance was very well one of those "I need to find my game" appearances. Apparently, he lost it again.)

Tonight was one of those games that you knew was going to be a patchwork bullpen game with John Maine restricted in his first game back from his shoulder issue. And in a game without Brian Stokes, even with the score 10-0 (which would end 12-0) you would have seen Schoeneweis pitch an inning ... Filthy pitch an inning ... Smith pitch an inning ... heck, Jorge Sosa could have come in tonight just for laughs (Sosa is in the Seattle organization, in case you were wondering. I know you weren't. Heck, I wasn't until I was looking through old boxscores. How did I miss Jorge Sosa going to Seattle? Or should the question be: How could I not?)

But with Stokes on the roster, he fills the Darren Oliver role and gives the rest of the beleaguered some rest by pitching four innings and getting a save in a 12-0 game. And now I'm wondering if there's a way to keep Stokes on the roster when Country Time comes back. Which of course, there is ... with Eddie Kunz eligible to be sent down, and Fluff Castro probably overdue for a spot on the D.L.

And speaking of bullpens, notice how the Phillies bullpen melted late for the second night in a row? Yes, I felt dirty rooting for Chan Ho Park. Dirtier still rooting for Joe Torre. And dirtiest of all when Jeff Kent was up with the Dodgers down by two runs and second and third, and he lined one down the left field line to tie the game which was met with "Yes! Jeff!" A swear which was quickly followed by "I still hate you Jeff!!!", which is the baseball equivalent of blessing yourself after you swear which is what my grandmother did a lot ... thank you, Nana!

But we'll have to send the Dodgers some sort of bouquet of flowers of some sort for sweeping the Phillies and helping the Mets climb back into a tie for first. Hopefully Manny doesn't think it's lettuce and mistakenly eats it. Thank you, Nomar.

Postcards From The Edge

Dear Aaron Heilman,

Drink lots of fluids in New Orleans. It's hot there this time of year.

-Metstradamus

Dear Willie Randolph,

Aaron Heilman's splits going into tonight read as such:

Bases empty: 2.65 ERA, 1.00 WHIP, .175 BAA
Runners on: 9.53 ERA, 2.12 WHIP, .370 BAA

And just for fun:

RISP w/2 outs: 21.60 ERA, 2.70 WHIP, .412 BAA

Why you would wait for a runner to reach base to bring Aaron Heilman in continues to be one of the great mysteries of my life. Sure, the runner should have never been on base because it was a bad call on the Pierre play. But dude, when there's runners on base, Heilman needs to pitch with a shrink behind him sitting in a lawn chair. Why would you do that to Aaron? Somewhere in this city, Aaron's on the phone talking to someone about his mother to work out his mental block. And I blame you.

-Metstradamus

Dear Tim Welke,

Thank you for continuing to convince the masses to bring instant replay to baseball. When you basically helped the Mets lose with your bad call to start the eighth inning, you are helping to score a greater victory for the sport in the process. So when a Derek Jeter foul ball in the ninth inning of Game 7 of the 2010 World Series against the Mets is overturned and made a walk-off, series winning home run, baseball has you to thank.

-Metstradamus

Dear Luis Castillo,

Congratulations on your second home run in three days. Those guys in front of your locker are there because it's time for your "random" drug test. Not that they don't trust you but ... you know, just in case.

-Metstradamus

P.S. They also want to ask you something about Mindy McCready.

Editor's disclaimer: The author of this blog is not insinuating that Luis Castillo is on the juice. That would be silly. He only means to illustrate that we live in a time that people will always associate unexpected power with performance enhancing drugs, which is an ill-informed point of view. Performance enhancing drugs are used more to bounce back from injury, which Luis has now. So as much as Luis gets injured and hobbles around, he can't possibly be juicing.

But when he hit that home run, tell me you weren't thinking it for a split second. (Liar.)

Dear Chan Ho Park,

The one start you made for us in your life is a start that I'll never have back. If you had never wore a Mets uniform, that might have been us that got swept by the Rockies instead of Philadelphia. And if my team is eliminated from the playoffs this season by one game, guess who I'm blaming?

-Metstradamus

Dear Clayton Kershaw,

I look forward to you throwing a no-hitter against the Mets one day. I'll find a way to blame Chan Ho Park for that too.

-Metstradamus

Dear Jonathon Broxton,

My cat likes to howl at the moon. So can you take a step to the left? You're blocking the moonlight.

-Metstradamus

Triumphant Return

Congratulations, Nelson Figueroa. Your first major league appearance since '04 was a highly successful one. Not only was your return to the majors a heartwarming story, but with your six strong innings of work you've taken your first step up the ladder of the Met History Hierarchy ... that is to say, you're one step above the likes of Geremi Gonzalez, Chan Ho Park, and Jose Lima.

It would have been a shame for you to bomb as the other three have ... what with your family going insane for you in the luxury box. It would have been a shame to have your name lumped in with the others like some sort of law firm from hell (Park, Lima, Gonzalez and Figueroa LLC). Nobody in Shea wanted that fate to befall you. Instead, you were more than adequate ... heck you were damn good ... you were so good that people in Ohio thought you had 14 K's through four innings instead of the four you actually had! Although to be honest, we all knew you weren't getting that no-hitter that you had through four and 2/3 ... because as nice a story as you are, no-hitters just don't happen around these parts. Sorry, Charlie. But damn fine job anyway, dude.

Now while you're treating your shoulder, can you be sure to save some Icy Hot for Jose Reyes' tight hamstring, please? And if there's some left over, Luis Castillo's knees? Thanks.

How Chan Ho Park Still Hurts The Mets

Only in Flushing can a guy who had a stat line of .295/.351/.421 in 190 at bats, along with getting some big hits (specifically against Ryan Dempster) can be put on waivers and allowed to be picked up by the Braves to make room for a guy who gets to spring training late because of visa problems, and then when he gets here, goes 7-for-33. But he can play more positions, so in he goes, and out goes the baby with the bath water.

No wait, think of the hypocrisy of this, if you will. This is an organization that has no problem taking a guy and putting him in positions he doesn't normally play. But they don't think about putting Gotay in the outfield? And why would they need to, with Marlon Anderson and Damion Easley on the team to play first base? Someone has gotta tell me how Fernando Tatis makes sense? Because on a random April day in 1999, Tatis hit two grand slams in an inning? Don't even try telling me that has nothing to do with it ... because this guy wouldn't have been invited to spring training if that wasn't on his resume.

And by the way, do you know who those two grand slams came off of? Chan Ho Park. Chan Ho Flippin' Park! That's why Ruben Gotay is an Atlanta Brave: because Chan Ho Park gave up two grand slams in an inning in 1999! Chan Ho Park hasn't been on the Mets in months, and he's still retroactively killing us (albeit in a Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey kind of way).

Two days before opening day, and I'm already sobbing myself to sleep. Maybe this is the season I finally get that ulcer I've been cultivating. (The 2008 Mets: Your Ulcer Has Come).

With Apologies To Jose Feliciano (And Pedro Feliciano too)

Chan Ho, don't be discouraged, The Mound it ain't so hard to understand...

Chan Ho, if you sign now, I know that you can lend a helping hand.

Because there's good in everyone,

And a new day has begu-u-un...

You can see the strike zone if you try.

And I know, things will be better

Oh yes they will for Chan Ho on the Mound...

Yes they will for Chan Ho on the Mound.

Desert Elixir

Closers beware. Damion Easley is your worst nightmare.

First, it was Brian Fuentes. Now, it is Jose Valverde looking for a therapist, thanks to Easley's ninth inning blast which led to a 9-4 Mets victory.

It's the circle of life, you see. Last year, Jose Valentin was the old (or for you politically correct folk, "experienced") second baseman who took advantage of an injury to return to baseball relevance and have a solid season. This season, Valentin's circle starts to head back to the beginning, as he is now injured, and Easley is the aged second sacker taking advantage with some well-timed home run daggers.

Last season, it was all of those first inning runs that made the difference. For a 2007 change of pace, the Mets decided to wait until inning nine and give everybody agita. The Mets won yet again in a place where they have dominated over the past few seasons, outscoring Arizona 93-24 since 2004...and 76-16 in eight games in Arizona! (I'll ask again: Is there any way we can make some last minute changes to the Citi Field plans to include a roof and a swimming pool in the outfield? I asked this last season, and finally the wire services have picked up on my idea...without giving me credit, of course.)

Let's also acknowledge the good work of Aaron Heilman, since we spend a lot of time focusing on the bad. And let this be a lesson to all of you aspiring eighth inning set up men out there (or as the frequently absent Keith Hernandez would say: "All you kids out there"), pitching a 1-2-3 eighth inning while tied or down by a run is just as important as pitching a 1-2-3 eighth inning while up by a run. Yes Aaron, I'm talking to you. Now do you see? Now do you see the lift that you can give a club going into the ninth inning when you simply keep the game close? There's no glory in it...much like the glory you seek by being a starter. But choosy baseball fans know that pitchers who excel in their roles will get just as loud an ovation at the twentieth anniversary reunions as do the glamour positions on the team if you just do your job.

And welcome back to power hitting, David Wright. Sugar Pants' second home run of the season was a long three run job to right field which may or may not signal the return of Wright to his "comfort zone". We know the Mets have returned to their comfort zone which is the zip code of 85004...Phoenix, AZ. Nothing but comfort here.

***

And speaking of comfort, the Mets are so comfortable with the depth of their pitching staff, that they have designated Chan Ho Park for assignment. Jorge Sosa, who would have pitched on Monday instead of Park if they had known about Orlando Hernandez's injury a bit sooner, will probably be the one coming up. Make no mistake, Sosa scares me half to death, but his numbers in New Orleans are impressive...especially the lack of home runs that he has given up. So once again I repeat to myself: "In Omar We Trust...In Omar We Trust...In Omar We Trust". I'm writing it on the blackboard 100 times.

Speaking of Omar, how could he have been accused of having a batting practice conversation with Miguel Cabrera? Cabrera's gaining so much weight and bulk that he was near everybody on the field and ten guys in the stands at the same time.

Forgive Me, For I've Been Away Too Long

Let me ask you a question:

If I worked at King Kullen during the ages of...say...15 and 25, and years later I went off and sold drugs to minors, or had Anna Nicole Smith's baby, or called my 11 year old daughter and left a message calling her a rude, thoughtless little pig and made headlines around the world, it wouldn't be called a "King Kullen Scandal" now, would it?

So why is it when a kid works as a clubhouse lackey for the Mets between 1985 and 1995, then goes on to distribute steroids to major league baseball players after he leaves the Mets, how did this become a Mets story? Why do I have to watch SportsCenter and see shots of Shea Stadium as they tease the story that this Kirk Radomski character supplied half the league with anabolics and other good stuff?

Look, it's guaranteed...let me say that again, it's guaranteed that when all is said and done with this steroid mess, that there are going to be former Mets involved. Fine. But this Radomski nonsense is a baseball story. The Mets were a damn summer job for this kid. But of course, it's the Mets guy that gives out the steroids if you go by everything you read. "Former Mets employee gives out steroids" you hear, like Shea Stadium was the steroid market of baseball. Give me a damn break.

That was what started my weekend away.

***

When can you be happy with a loss, and pissed off after a win? I'll tell you when...

When Oliver Perez gives up a three spot in the first inning against Washington on Friday, yet still went seven innings, striking out nine without giving up a walk. It shows that Perez, with all his past control problems, isn't scared of going to the strike zone after getting touched for a long home run. Pitchers get hit. It's a fact of life. It's no reason to become scared of the strike zone. Perez trusted his stuff, and came away with a strong outing. And even though the Mets lost the game, yet still came away intact.

Meanwhile, I don't want to be the one to write about how much Aaron Heilman pitches like garbage, and then find out that he's been pitching hurt all season, as has been speculated on. But look, if Aaron Heilman is hurt, he needs to go on the disabled list. If he's on the field (as he was on Saturday night as he gave the Nationals the lead in the eighth inning), then he's healthy, and is open for criticism. If he's trying to pitch through an injury that is seriously hampering him and he's trying to be brave, then I would look pretty dumb if I raked him over the coals for making me sweat every eighth inning he's been in on this season.

But damn, does Aaron Heilman need to give me heart attacks every game? He did it on Saturday in a game the Mets were lucky to win, and gave up two hits on Sunday in a game that he did his best to take away from John Maine but finally pulled through.

Maybe I've been spoiled regarding the stellar pitching of the '06 pen, but I'll reiterate that you never quite know where Aaron Heilman's head and heart at regarding not starting, and who knows just how good is concentration is this season because of his mental/emotional state. I'll admit that I may be totally off base because of the elbow tendinitis, but Heilman now officially scares me.

***

And now, the Mets get hit with the double whammy of losing Orlando Hernandez to shoulder bursitis (we knew that was coming), and Jose Valentin to a partial ACL tear (not to mention Moises Alou's pending MRI on his right shoulder...yikes!) So because of that, we get treated to a heaping spoonful of Marlins bloop hits off of Chan Ho Park in a 9-6 Mets loss. But as far as I'm concerned, if a pitcher gives up a home run to Alfredo Amezaga, who hadn't hit a dinger since last August, that pitcher forfeits all rights to sympathy regarding bloop hits. It's an unwritten rule of baseball.

***

Finally, condolences to the family and friends of Josh Hancock. It's incredible that this franchise has to go through this all over again, five years after Darryl Kile. Hopefully, they can find the strength to get through it again.

No Rain Except Purple Reign

So...nice rainy weather we're having, isn't it?

Where was it four hours earlier? It could have really helped bring some of those May flowers and rained out the disaster that took place this afternoon. Instead, the only rain at Shea today was the raining of hits by the Colorado Rockies on Mike Pelfrey for an 11-5 defeat which really wasn't that close (kind of like the play to end the game with Carlos Beltran's grounder in the hole really wasn't that close either...I mean, he was safe by three miles! I hope traffic delayed Rob Drake's ride to the airplane he was trying to catch by calling Beltran out to when everyone in the park could see he was safe. Even Keith Hernandez saw Beltran was safe and he wasn't even in the park. Yeah, the Mets probably didn't have nine more straight hits left in 'em, but we'll never know now, will we Rob Drake??? All right, I feel better...wait, no I don't.)

How mad were the Rockies about losing on a drag bunt the night before that they came out and basically took Pelfrey behind the woodshed with Willy Taveras (five hits) and Todd Helton (four hits and a goatee that is nesting small birds) taking turns with the belt (with cameo appearances by John Mabry, who got two hits and four RBI's proving that you don't necessarily need Mapquest to get from the interstate to the Mendoza Line)?

So is Mike Pelfrey in over his head? Maybe. But why send him back to the minors now? There's nothing for Pelfrey to be gained by going back to New Orleans and dominating AAA hitters and having people wonder if he's just a quadruple A pitcher. No, let him learn and take his lumps up in the majors. Besides, who else can come up? Chan Ho Park and his 7.00 ERA while facing minor league hitters? Hardly.

Pelfrey will be fine. I don't know when, but under the tutelage and possible butt kicking of Rick Peterson, he'll be fine. Until then, we may have to see Pelfrey play Charlie Brown for a little while until he learns how to spot his fast ball. Rick Peterson would probably say that Pelfrey is like a chicken that comes out of the oven all crispy on the outside so you think it's done, but then you slice it open and it's all pink and cold in the middle. Pelfrey would be better served to broil up in the majors instead of going down to the microwave oven known as AAA for a quick fix.

***

Just to warn you, my presence will be scarce during the Nationals series due to a short little weekend getaway. Those looking for your Metstradamus fix (and if you're addicted to this blog, I worry about you greatly) can find my latest Flushing University contribution this Friday. And also, if you've ever wanted to hear my docile tones (again, I worry about you...even more than the first time), the boys at Metsblog were kind enough to invite me to their radio show to discuss Mike Pelfrey, Aaron Heilman, and Rafael Santana (yes, that Rafael Santana) along with Zoe Rice for their Bloggers Roundtable, which takes place between the :30 minute mark and the :45 minute mark. You can find the show right here.

I thank Matt and Anthony for putting up with me, and for letting me prove once and for all that I talk entirely too much (and you thought I wrote a lot).

What You Already Know: The Rotation

"Ouch, my foot." -Achilles

Yup, this is the part of the program everyone is dreading. It's the starting rotation, ladies and gentlemen. Otherwise known as: "Disaster in the Skies".

But is the Mets starting rotation really the disaster that everyone thinks it is? Check out the ERA's from the spring:

• Tom Glavine: 1.29 in 14 innings.
• Mike Pelfrey: 1.29 in 14 innings.
• John Maine: 1.00 in 9 innings.
• Oliver Perez: 2.70 in 20 innings.

And keep in mind with Perez that four of the six runs he's given up game in the first game of the spring against the Tigers. Since then, he's struck out Big Papi and his grilling buddy twice each in a game, and has 15 K's overall in the spring. Not bad for someone who started out the spring by drilling a Sports Illustrated reporter in the leg. Also keep in mind that John Maine pitched shutout ball in a playoff game while facing elimination, yet questions surround him. Something tells me that if Maine wore Yankee pinstripes, he's have a Yankeeography already...but that's just me.

So that leaves one more spot to analyze, and don't automatically pencil in 35 starts for Orlando Hernandez. Many, including myself, assumed out of hand that the Mets signing of guys like Chan Ho Park and Aaron Sele were for the bottom of the rotation. But the bottom of the rotation isn't the problem. For all the crap you hear about the Mets rotation problems, ask baseball GM's if they would like to have Pelfrey, Maine, and Perez at 3-4-5. Ask the Nationals. Ask the Rangers. Hell, ask the Cardinals if they would rather have Pelfrey, Maine, and Perez rather than Adam Wainwright, Anthony Reyes, and Braden Looper (bold AND italicized for added effect).

It's the one-two punch that's the problem. The Mets tried to rectify that with Barry Zito. Didn't happen. So Tom Glavine is going to have to gut it out one more season as the ace. It's dicey yet possible. But with Orlando Hernandez and his myriad of injuries (Arthritis? ARTHRITIS??!?) and his mystery age hanging over him, Park and Sele become insurance for Hernandez and nobody else. And the Mets could really use either Park (8.68 ERA this spring) and/or Sele (6.11 ERA after a strong Thursday outing against Atlanta) to step up and take that Hernandez's spot, because in my humble "Monday Morning Quarterback" type estimation, the Mets are a better team with Hernandez as a long man out of the 'pen and not the number two guy in the rotation.

Yeah, I said it. He pitches this afternoon against the Cards and may change my mind (and as of now, he's given up one run in 5 and 2/3 innings so...mea culpa mea culpa mea culpa in that regard). But I heard (or read) somebody say it best: Orlando is going to get bombed every third start, and be spectacular every third start. It's the other third that will tell his season. Well, that's fine...but not for a number two starter.

So what is to be done going forward this season? Let's start here: As far as I'm concerned: Pedro Martinez is out for 2007. It's not because I dislike Petey...it's not because I don't want him back. It's because these Mets (and Met fans alike), can't hang even one hope on the return of Pedro Martinez...and especially on the return of Pedro Martinez to the form that we come to expect from Pedro, whether it be vintage 1999 or 2000 or even 2005. I want whatever Pedro does to be a bonus, almost like he would be the Mets trade acquisition in August and September.

Otherwise, the closest thing to a realistic acquisition for the top of the rotation would be Mark Buehrle of the White Sox, who is in his contract year. The Mets might also talk to Jamey Wright if the Rangers don't have him on their 40 man roster by March 28th. But is Wright any better than anyone who is already at the back of the Mets rotation? Probably not. And that's why we shouldn't worry all that much. Because gone are the days of having to sign the Jose Limas and the Geremi Gonzalez's of the world now that guys like Maine and Perez are settling in, and that Pelfrey has shown that he's ready for the majors. Heck, if we're really lucky (and if we're all good little boys and girls), then the minor league fairy might deliver Philip Humber under our pillows on a humid night in July. But I'm considering that a Pedro-like longshot for the sake of my own sanity.