Here's Where I Jump Off

You wanted hell? You got holy hell instead.

Big Apple women may soon be able to take a ride on Derek Jeter -- the bridge, that is.

Bronx leaders have proposed naming the soon-to-be-built East 153rd Street bridge for the Yankee shortstop.

"There have been conversations at the community board, and I know the idea is being examined," said Bronx Borough President Ruben Diaz Jr., a Bombers fan who confesses to a "man crush" on the Captain.

"It's something I am ready to support. We're moving on it."

Just in time to clinch the World Series from hell. They're not going to stop until every mode of transportation in this damn city is named after a Yankee, are they? You've already got something named after DiMaggio, now a Jeter Bridge? What's next, the DMV wants you to make sure you follow your Joba Traffic Rules?

Meanwhile, as the city seeks to name a real city bridge after Derek Jeter, there's a fake bridge in Citi Field that the Mets haven't bothered to name yet ... even though they had all these wonderful things planned in 2009 to honor the Mets. Instead, all they did was send Mariano Rivera their pitching rubber along with putting up a few pictures to placate Mets fans and hope they forget about all of this "memorabilia nonsense".

Maybe they're planning to take the bridge and give it to Jeter to honor the greatness that is he, so he can drive his Ford Edge on it over and over again (the one in blazing copper, of course).

Isn't there a small pond in Forest Park we can name after Mike Vail?

The Metseidon Adventure

The Mets' 4-2 victory over the Cubs was marred by yet another incident of another incident involving another water leak that turned into a tidal wave in the locker room. John Maine, who made his return to the clubhouse recently from injury, never had a chance.

Maine, unfortunately, drowned as a result of the latest mishap. He's day to day. The damage to the state of the art locker room will be around a little longer.

Oh, and that mold that grew in Jerry Seinfeld's suite? Yeah, it got a little out of control during the Cubs series.

Indestructible

So what's more surprising: that the Mets actually won a game in Petco Park, or that Livan Hernandez didn't dislocate a finger while teaching the kids in the front row the fist pump with explosion?

Oh yeah, I forgot. Livan is the indestructible one on the team ... like the Terminator. One specializes in superior artificial intelligence that adjusts to his surroundings, the other has a 63 mph curve ball.

Johan Santana hasn't been quite as indestructible from the mound, but he's slowly getting back to that point, as we're starting to see the second half Santana we all know and love. Sure, it doesn't matter. And yeah, it's only the Padres lineup. But it's the same Padres lineup that sent Terminator to an early shower, and beat the Mets about 200 straight times. So we'll just have to collect as many individual victories as we can, even if we can't add 'em all up in October and exchange 'em for a stuffed Daffy Duck at the bazaar.

***

With the way things have gone this season and this weekend, set against the backdrop of the Yankees sweeping the Red Sox at the new Yankee Stadium, something in my mind brought me back to an obscure piece written that I had linked to before. It's haunting as you go through it, so let's look back for fun (from 2007):

A study of the two new baseball stadiums by feng shui expert Judith Wendell found the Yankees' future home has good luck while the Mets' Citi Field will be plagued by "a lot of disturbed energy."

Oh, it gets better.

The Yanks broke ground on Babe Ruth's birthday, Aug. 16, and are repeating many elements of the old stadium, including the angles for home plate and the positions of the dugouts. Cathedral arches and the entire façade will also recapture the old Yankee Stadium incarnations.

"In feng shui terms, they are taking the 'predecessor chi' and bringing it with them and graphing it on to the new stadium, which is very good for luck," said Wendell, whose company, Sacred Currents, consults with building and homeowners.

As opposed to the team in New York that wanted no reminders of their old stadium whatsoever, right? You mean, that would have been good luck? Ah s**t.

"Unlike being christened with water [at Yankee Stadium], I felt energetically blocked," she said. "When I did dowse around the site, my rod spun wildly in various spots, thus denoting disturbed energy."

I hear there's a blue pill for that.

But now, get ready to laugh:

There is one bright spot for Met followers: Citi Field's color scheme of dark blue exposed steel with green seats and red brick are what Wendell calls a "power combination."

HA! LOLZ!!! POWER COMBINATION??? THE TEAM THAT HAS THREE HOME RUNS ALL SEASON??? ROFL!!!!!! Green seats and red brick are a power combination ... for Mark Reynolds, maybe. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!

Jeez, forget moving in the fences, what this place needs is a smudging ceremony. But it involves lighting a fire, so with the Mets luck in stead of lighting a match, they'll set fire to John Maine's arm ... the one that isn't hurt.

***

I see that Satan showed up the home plate ump from center field and got what he deserved. Remember all you kids out there, you're not allowed to argue balls and strikes. It's rule 9.02a.

***

And finally, if you were wondering how player development was going since Tony Bernazard left, wonder no more, as the crack staff has obtained this exclusive footage (that's been on the internet for ten days ... I think the crack staff is using the under .500 record as an excuse for being lazy):

Nice Park

So wait, you mean Larry Jones isn't going to name his next child Blue Smoke Jones?

"It is the biggest park that I have ever played in in my life. It is a huge ballpark to center and right center and right field. You know, I actually feel sort of sorry for some of the guys out there because their power numbers are really going to take a hit; guys like David Wright , [Carlos] Beltran, [Carlos] Delgado. The days of them hitting 35, 40 homers -- they're over. I juiced the ball just right of center field as hard as the good Lord can let me hit a ball, and it hit midways up the center-field wall for a double," he said. "And every time there was a long fly out or a double that hit off the wall or something, David Wright would run by me and go, 'Nice park.'" -L. Jones

So this was the reason for the 800 foot valley in right field ... the Wilpons wanted to be sure to build a park that Jones couldn't kill them in. Ah, I see.

***

Any chance signability issues will cause Stephen Strasburg to drop to the 72nd slot? Yeah, I picked a bad season to hold a draft party. Oh well, more submarine sandwich and potato salad for me.

***

Hey, the WNBA season starts tomorrow, so you may already know this. But in case you don't:

The Phoenix Mercury have sold the naming rights on their uniforms to identity theft services company LifeLock Inc. — cementing what is believed to be the most lucrative sponsorship deal in the WNBA and opening the door for sports franchises to tap into a traditionally taboo revenue stream.

The Mercury name, pictured front and center on the uniform, will be replaced with the LifeLock insignia. A small Mercury patch will be stitched on the upper left portion of the uniform, across from an Adidas symbol on the right.

This is it ... the beginning of the end. And after the Bernie Madoff scandal, the Mercury may have given the Wilpons an idea:

Another reason not to slide: Dirt obstructs the view of potential sales. At least the jersey's not black..

Wistful

Just an ironic point, but don't you find it strange that there are more reminders of Shea Stadium in Larry Jones' house than there are in the Mets' house?

Here's hoping that hitting at his new home away from home, Citi Field, doesn't give Larry a reason to name his daughter "Shake Shack Jones"

The Cream

This is completely unacceptable. Six runs in the first inning and one the rest of the way? Dammit, same old freaking Mets. That's it. Time to clean house. Fire Manuel! Trade David Wright for Joe Crede! Trade Jose Reyes for Cutter Dykstra so we have grit! Fire Omar Minaya! Fire the Wilpons! Trade Mr. Met for Slider!!! I'VE HAD IT!!!

By now, you should have figured out that I'm, umm ... kidding. (I know I know, not funny.) And I can kid because John Maine continued his dominance of the Marlins on Monday night, and went back on track in the process. And hey, the Mets have won three of four! Joy.

Omir Santos played his third straight game and smacked a grand slam in that first inning. And we all know that even before the slam that Snoop has a man-crush on Santos. So when Brian Schneider returns from injury, the Mets have a very interesting decision to make. Will Santos go back down? Will Fluff Castro invent an injury? Will Fluff Castro have an injury invented for him? Will the Gary Sheffield experiment end? Will Fernando Martinez be traded for milk to make room on the 40 man roster? These questions and many others will be answered on the next episode of Soap.

"What? A visit to Debits Field and no mention that the scoreboard went on strike in the 4th, which only 40% of the fans noticed, since it's
misplaced?" -kjs

You're correct. And I noticed. Here's the proof:

They even made an announcement before the game that one of the amenities would be "non-operational" during the game. I didn't hear what it was, and I didn't want to know. Just would have given me one more thing to bitch about.

(Editor's note: There was a similar announcement before Monday night's game about something in the park being non-operational. Turns out it was Gary Sheffield's mitt.)

A Place For Your Cup, But Not For You

In this season with a litany full of firsts came another first: First regular season game for your blogger at Kiti Field. After attending one preseason game (and only sitting in my assigned seat for about two innings), I would be a fool to assume that I would know everything I need to know about these new digs. I knew that this old dog would need to learn some new tricks.

Here's what I didn't expect to learn: I didn't expect to learn that just because my ticket has a seat number on it, it doesn't necessarily mean I have a seat.

No, seriously. I had Section 406, Row 5, Seat 10. It was printed right there on the ticket. I found seats eight and nine fine. But where was seat ten?

In fact, we had seats 7-10. Seat seven doesn't exist in this row either. Eight and nine? Bolted to the floor. Seven and ten? Nowhere to be found.

As you can see in the picture above, seat ten had a cupholder. Seat ten, however, didn't have a seat!

I'm extremely confused. But then came an oasis:

Gasp! A seat! It came after one of the staff members was told that the seats were missing and he said, "Oh, I have to get you folding chairs". Then he stood there for ten seconds before he realized he actually had to go get the chairs. And honestly? Seat ten was quite comfy. It had arm rests, was all cushiony, and I could move it closer to the railing if I wanted to.

But I still have to get used to this new math. Eight and nine? Sit right down. Seven and ten? Empty spaces with cupholders. I have a lot to learn about Kiti Field.

(Editor's note: Really, I have a lot to learn. Was the seat intended for handicap access? Because that's the only thing my feeble mind could come up with. And if it was, why would they sell it to me? Or is this whole thing just completely screwed up? Please help me become a better blogger and let me in on the joke.)

Here's what else I learned on Sunday: I learned to recognize the Daniel Murphy groan. It's the specific groan you hear from the crowd after Murphy butchers another fly ball while you're off getting a hot dog from the Nathan's stand. It's a very distinctive sound that the crowd makes that's unmistakeably Murphy. I swear instead of the Baseball Tonight crew, Dick Clark and Ed McMahon should be doing "TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes" from a platform in left field.

So here's the scorecard: Two games, one calendar month. One windburn, one sunburn. Two games almost single handedly ruined by Oliver Perez, who has his own distinctive crowd groan. It sounds more like "boooooooooo!"

And now there's talk that Perez is going to the bullpen. Nice. A $36 million mop-up man who needs to be coddled and stroked for every step he takes. All because Perez's most consistent two months of his career came right before free agency (gee, no red flags there). And because the Mets penny pinched on Derek Lowe because they were afraid of his age and that he'd be useless the last year or so almost like Pedro Martinez turned out to be.

Yeah, about that ... Oliver Perez is useless now!

$36 million. You could bailout the MTA with that money. Instead, we get to watch Oliver Perez derail every fifth day and move his large contract to the bullpen when Tim Redding, now thrust into the role of savior, returns from injury. Until then, please welcome 40-year-old rookie Ken Takahashi to the big leagues to provide veteran leadership and no doubt to fool everyone to think his 0.77 ERA in Buffalo means anything, just as it didn't with the journeyman he replaces: Casey Fossum. (Nelson Figueroa is in Buffalo right now saying "you've gotta be kidding me".)

Maybe the roster spot would have been better filled by our hotshot catcher, Jesus Flores. Oh wait! We let him go so in the Rule V draft he could hit 47 home runs against the Mets this series!!!

What? Too soon?

(Speaking of catchers, I hear Fluff Castro is on the DL with a hurt feeling.)

I mean, Perez has to go to the bullpen, right? Snoop Manuel threatened changes if this garbage continued, and Perez has continued his garbage on Sunday. Would Manuel go back on his threat?

That wouldn't be very gangsta.

Autograph This!

But wait! You have the Mets all wrong! If the Mets were to clean off Dwight Gooden's autograph, it would have been done with Mets history in mind: by Bret Saberhagen with a bottle of bleach.

This whole Doc Gooden autograph flap is three parts hysterical and two parts pathetic. As I'm sure you are aware by now, Gooden had the audacity (note sarcastic tone) to sign a blank wall by a Citi Field bar as a cute little spontaneous act. The Wilpons, upon learning that Gooden neither pitched nor was drafted by the Brooklyn Dodgers, decided to wipe the autograph clean. Many fans, including myself, thought that the autograph should stay and become the start of a makeshift mural of famous Met signatures ... you know, kind of like throwing a bra up at Hogs and Heifers.

The Mets, at first, took their familiar stance of anti-fan. Here's the part that got me:

"We still plan on honoring our past, but there's a right way and a wrong way to go about it." -Mets P.R. Director Jay Horwitz

To me, there was never any doubt that the Mets, eventually, would put up more Mets memorabilia around the park ... whether it was because they were taking their time getting around to it or whether they were going to cave in to fan pressure. The Doc autograph forced them to do it sooner rather than later. But in the Mets world, as in most business settings, there's a right way and a wrong way.

Translation: If the Mets had come up with the idea of former players autographing a wall and making it a mural first, that would have been the right way. Because somebody outside the organization thought about it before the Mets braintrust could, that was the wrong way.

But, eventually, the Mets changed their minds. Here's Horwitz explaining why:

"We got a lot of calls on this and it was a topic on [sports radio] all day, so we're going to listen to the fans. This is a way for us to honor our past."

Is the Mets organization really that clueless as to not have an inkling about the fans desire to have a new park that honored their own? Really? They had to wait for the issue to hit sports radio? Fans have only been talking about the owners' obsession with the Dodgers and their perceived ignorance of Mets history for weeks and months!

Years, even.

Yet instead of recognizing a cool idea as it's hitting them over the head, they wait until they get some bad PR on sports radio before listening to their fans and saying "all right, you got what you wanted ... here's some ice cream to take to your room", and then ... and this is the best part ... telling us that this was "a way for us to honor our past."

"Us" ... didn't do a damn thing to honor anybody or anything. Mets fans honored their past by screaming bloody murder about it. Hell, the New York Post honored the Mets' past more by originally bringing it up. "Us" made a decision based more on avoiding bad PR than "honoring our past."

Remember when Doc was at Modell's? Various bloggers got to submit some questions for him (which was supposed to be an honest to goodness Q&A but the party was in kind of a rush), and I actually got a couple of mine answered. I asked how it felt to be back at Shea and about the ovation he got after so many years away from the Mets family. Here's what he said:

"The ovation they gave me, just now gave me chills. The fans here have been very forgiving to me, and they’re supportive at all times. And that’s just a great feeling. It was great to be back."

I bring that up not only because I was going to bring it up anyway (his favorite and most influential Met, by the way: "Keith Hernandez, undoubtedly"), but because here's one of the most popular and one of the best Mets ever, a guy who spent a lot of time away for various reasons, who is now making inroads to become a part of the family again, and the family is embracing him. And the Mets, in one fell swoop, have threatened to screw it all up for no good reason.

"Last year when I came to say goodbye to Shea, the ovation the fans gave me made me want to come around more, but when things like this happen, it makes me feel like maybe the Mets don't want me around," Gooden said. "Maybe I shouldn't be, I don't know."

Well why would they want him around, when the CEO of Spongetech or Armando Reynoso is just a phone call away when they need someone to throw out a ceremonial first pitch?

I'm a Mets fan. They were my first love. But the Mets are a business first, a brand second, and somewhere down the list they also play a little baseball. And it's never been more apparent to me than right now that I root for a business. I should just root for IBM, or Nestle. Or Sanford L.P. (They make Sharpies, you know.) It's really no different.

Beginnings of What, Exactly?

They played the wrong Chicago song.

When Tom Seaver and Mike Piazza reprised their first pitch from Shea Stadium's last pitch tonight at the brand new Citi Field, "Beginnings" was blaring over the sound system. In the reality we know as Mets baseball, "Old Days" would have been a better choice for this 6-5 historical blemish. Too many eerie reminders of the old days.

First off ... a cat? Come on. Waaaaaaaaaaay too convenient. Waaaaaaaaaaay too coincidental. You tell me that that by chance there was a cat roaming the field to open up the new stadium on Opening Night when one of the signature moments of Shea Stadium involved a cat? Yeah, I'm sure some cats made the trip ... but Opening Night? Please. If there weren't so many flight restrictions in New York there would have been a parachutist in the second inning. Somebody set that up.

Then, let's return to older days like ... last season, as in Jody Gerut becoming the first player ever ... ever ... to open a new stadium with a home run, a stadium that's supposed to be impossible to hit a home run in, or at least Gerut-proof just as Shea was supposedly "Gerut-proof" last season. Somehow, that wasn't a coincidence either.

Or, let's go back in time to ... yesterday, as in another outfielder having a ball go right off his glove and helping to bring in the winning run which, if it wasn't balked home, it would have been driven home by David Eckstein. You remember Eckstein from 2006 when he was being a general pain in the ass during the NLCS, never to be seen or heard from again until the next momentous moment in Mets history, the opening of a new park. Of course Eckstein would be around to screw that up by driving in two runs with three hits. What, the Padres couldn't trade for Yadier Molina and Jeff Suppan?

No, they decided instead to get two former Mets to close out this game for the Padres. Filthy Sanchez and Heath Bell. Six up, six down. First game ever at Citi Field, and it's closed out by Sanchez and Bell ... from the old days. Heath not only was dreaming about this moment, but he got it to come to fruition with a 1-2-3 ninth. Awesome. Just awesome.

And I'll state the obvious: if this is what we are to expect from Mike Pelfrey over the coming weeks, then Citi Field is going to turn into the House of Angst for a New Millennium. Oliver Perez goes on Wednesday for the Mets. Maybe the appropriate Chicago song will reflect the final score ... as in 25 or 6 to 4. And we'll have endings before the beginnings actually begin.

Drifting All The Way Home

People have asked me over the offseason if I thought the Mets could win with Daniel Murphy's defense in left field. My response was that if the Phillies could win with Pat Burrell playing left field, then the Mets could win with Murphy.

Murphy's drop which led to the two unearned Marlin runs had nothing to do with an infielder playing outfield. That had nothing to do with range, ability, nothing lying alongside of the UZR road. That was, plainly and simply, dopey. And we'll just have to accept that along with all of the good things Murphy is going to bring to the table, every once in a while he's going to do that. Hopefully, not all of his blunders are going to be the kind of mistakes that turn Johan Santana gems into Josh Johnson gems.

Now, here's the thing about this 2-1 loss which drops the Mets to 3-3: There's no reason for panic because they dropped two of three to Florida. Sure, you don't want to waste Johan Santana starts, and they haven't wasted many since that June day in '08 when women went crazy and Yankee fans were ... well, Yankee fans. You can, however, start panicking if the Mets lose two out of three to the Padres at home. And before you tell me I'm crazy for even suggesting that scenario against a team that Gary Cohen said would have trouble merely competing during a spring broadcast back on March 19th, remember this: Oliver Perez starts on Wednesday. Jake Peavy starts on Thursday. If the Mets somehow lose Monday's opener, then all those pigeons ready to push that panic button could be let loose by Thursday. Remember, this Padre team is 5-2.

(What it probably all means is that the Mets will lose Monday and win the next two. Logic? What's that?)

Hopefully, logic will hold for at least one game, and the Mets will pull out a win for the first real game ever in the new digs. Even with the two games against the Red Sox, even with me having been to one of them, I still don't know how I'm going to react to seeing a Mets home game that counts played somewhere other than Shea. Every opening day I was ever at was played at Shea. I was there for Craig Swan's two run single in 1980, after skipping school. (There were really only 12,000+ at that one?) I was there for Seaver's return in '83 ... again, after skipping school. Strawberry's dinger off of Pascual Perez in 1988? Yup, skipped school again. The Rockies' debut at Shea? I probably skipped some nutty college class for that too. In fact, I was at every home opener between '87-'93. If I hadn't skipped so much school I probably would have made more of my life.

And I have to admit that I was a little emotional after being at Citi Field for the first time, and having it really hit me that Shea is really gone, reduced to a pile of rubble that shrinks every day as if it was a division lead in September of '07. But the past is the past, and the future is upon us. If you're like me, you'll have to remind yourself every once in a while that progress is good.

My only hope is that the vibe from the stands, the atmosphere that made Shea so unique, the one that Mets fans created will make its way across the parking lot. There was always a certain roar that came from Shea that was so recognizable to me that I could close my eyes, have a random game on, and I knew that the game was being played at Shea. Something was always different from the roar after a strikeout at Shea than the roar after a strikeout anywhere else. That was more fans than building, but the building had a little something to do with it.

Who knows if that roar will return ... we're all still feeling our way through this new park, and you know that at least in the beginning, there will be a lot of people visiting more for new architecture and better food than to watch Luis Castillo butcher a ground ball. So that unique atmosphere might not be all there to start. That's to be expected. Hopefully familiarity and a pennant race will bring that atmosphere, along with some home field advantage, to the new digs. Here's hoping.

Happy housewarming.

Have You Ever Been To Ebbets Field?

After the implosion at ... and the demolition of Shea Stadium, I admit that I wasn't in a huge rush to go see a game at Citi Field. When your best friend in the whole world moves away after thirty years, rushing out and finding a new best friend isn't the first thing you do. So I wasn't going to look for a game. A game was going to find me.

I just didn't expect it to be the second game ever.

So I had to brace myself for the train ride, one which I hadn't taken since the final disastrous game at Shea, sooner than expected. If you normally take the 7 train, and you haven't yet, brace yourself. Because when you get completely used to seeing something and then have it not be there anymore, it's a shock to the system. You know something's different when you can see Citi Field all the way from Junction Boulevard. You really know something's different when the pile of rubble sitting where Shea used to be is getting smaller and smaller (yet you still see some royal blue twisted metal amongst the crushed concrete.)

My relationship with Citi Field is going to be a little awkward for a while. I knew Shea like the back of my hand, but I'm going to have to get used to the new digs, where the stairs are, how to get to the Pepsi Porch (tough for a guy who drinks Coke Zero all the time), and where all the souvenir shops are. (Editor's note: my biggest complaint about the new place so far is walking into one of these shops, and the first thing I see when I walk in are the Brooklyn Dodgers jerseys, while the classic Mets jerseys were tucked away in the back. Until they sell David Wright jerseys in Chavez Ravine, we should work under the premise that the Dodgers are never coming back.)

But for a guy who complains a lot, I have to say that I think Citi Field and I are going to be fast friends. The park is so nice that I'm sitting in the seats and for a moment I'm trying to figure out what time my flight is to get back to New York, because until now parks like this were always elsewhere. Now I leave the park and there's the 7 train home ... and, you know, the rubble and the chop shops.

Food? Great. The chipotle wings have a nice kick, the pulled pork sandwich has the right amount of tang, and I happen to like the smoky bacon sauce that goes with those box frites, thank you very much. And the cannollis? I wouldn't know ... they were all out by the sixth inning. Hopefully, these two days will teach these guys to make sure there's enough for everybody. If you hold press conferences to hype up the food, make sure there's enough.

There also seems to be an overtly friendly atmosphere from the staff, something that many people say have been missing from Shea. Although you could kinda tell that the usher at the left field entrance had his share of fans who didn't know how to scan their barcoded tickets. But everyone seems happy to help.

Of course, I can't have a ballgame go by without a strange moment, and it took place in the Jackie Robinson Rotunda, as I was checking out the pictures of Ebbets Field and taking pictures when an esteemed member of the Citi Field staff asks me:

"Have you ever been to Ebbets Field?"

Now, I may have some gray peeking out of my hat these days, but for crying out loud, I'm 38 years young. Ebbets Field was demolished more than ten years before I was born!!! The only explanation I can think of is that the "start" by Oliver Perez aged me about 30 years in one day, which is entirely possible.

So no, I've never been to Ebbets Field. But I was at the park that this was modeled after in many respects, which is Citizens Bank Park, an outstanding park despite the team that plays there. And maybe that's the complaint, that this park came after all of the other new parks, and that once you come in from the Ebbets Field vibe outside, you see a lot of Philly. You see a little Cincinnati. You see a little St. Louis. You see a little of what the Wilpons saw everywhere else. It doesn't make Citi Field any less enjoyable. And it doesn't make it any less home.

***

At least you can't blame the Mets 9-3 loss on Gary Sheffield ... and I'm loving all of your responses to my Sheffield rant, which I still stand by. Low risk/high reward seems to be the new buzz phrase for anyone signed under a million bucks. But when you're talking Sheffield, the risk is never low as long as there's a chance that he's going to say something stupid. And high reward? Well let's just say that anybody who thinks there's a chance that a 40-year-old who's coming off an injury riddled season and a terrible spring is going to have hit 20/80 is living in a fantasy world. So don't hold your breath for that pot of gold at the end of Gary Sheffield's enormous rainbow. The best you can hope for is finding a lost wallet with no identification and a few bucks in it.

It's obvious that you either love him, or hate him. If you want to read a more even handed approach, check out Dan Graziano's piece on FanHouse. Seems we all might be a little bit right.

So maybe we can all get along one day?

Food For Thought

From the inside of the flight up to New York from Florida:

Ramon Castro: Psst ... Ollie.

Oliver Perez: Zzzzzzzzzzzz.

RC: Ollie, wake up!

OP: Wh, wha ... what?

RC: Dude, tomorrow night man.

OP: What about it?

RC: We're going to have a game in the new park tomorrow.

OP: I know. You woke me up to tell me that?

RC: We're not in the lineup tomorrow. You know what that means?

OP: No pray tell, what?

RC: We can sneak off to Shake Shack and have some burgers.

OP: Have you lost your mind?

RC: No no. We have to sample all the food.

OP: I'm going back to sleep.

RC: But I can't sleep. I can't sleep without thinking about all the food options I've been reading about. C'mon Ollie. You and me.

OP: No way Fluff, no way. I'm not sneaking with you anywhere. Warthen basically called me a fat bastard in public, and if I sneak off to Shake Shack and get caught I'm going to be hung. I need to stay in shape.

RC: C'mon, Ollie. Haven't you heard? The food is like, phenomenal! We've gotta score some.

OP: You're obsessed.

RC: Ollie! Pulled pork sliders.

OP: Stop it.

RC: French fries in bacon sauce.

OP: Please stop.

RC: Piiiiiiiizzaaaaaaaaa. From a real brick oven.

OP: I'm going back to sleep before you make me crazy.

RC: C'mon dude! Berry parfaits! What's more baseball than berry parfaits???

OP: Lord, deliver me from temptation.

RC: "BUY ME SOME PEANUTS AND BERRY PARFAITS!"

OP: Shut up.

RC: Oliver! You don't understand! We're not in Shea anymore. Gone are the days of dirty water dogs and messy sausage and peppers. This is the big leagues of food, dude! Everyone loves this stuff. Mac and Cheese! Steak Tacos! Cannollis!!! Ollie ... Cannollis!!! And we won't have to pay the seven bucks for a slice of pizza because we're Mets! We're Mets!!!

OP: Fluff, I'd kill you except you'll probably die from the hundreds of pork sliders you're going to eat in one sitting.

RC: Mo Vaughn would have loved this.

OP: I hear Mo Vaughn is going to throw out the first sushi roll tomorrow.

RC: And I'm going to catch it ... and eat it! Because all these food options are going to make us the best team in baseball!

OP: No, it's going to make us the fattest team in baseball.

RC: You don't know that. We exercise and stuff. You want to run with me?

OP: That's my line.

RC: C'mon! I'll race you down the aisle. First one to the flight attendant wins.

OP: Stop it.

"Ladies and gentlemen we've turned on the fasten seat belts sign for our final descent into JFK airport."

OP: See, now I lost a chance to sleep. Thanks a lot, Fluff. Fluff?

RC: Zzzzzzzzz. Shaaaaaaaaaaake Shaaaaaaaaaaack. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

OP: Jackass.

(If you're going to the game today and get a chance to sample the food, your friendly neighborhood blogger would love and appreciate some of your reviews in advance of his trip there on Saturday. Leave 'em here. And enjoy the game.)

Javy Vazquez, Citi Field, And You

(Your self portrait may vary.)

If the Javier Vazquez trade to the Braves doesn't convince Omar Minaya that spending money to fill holes isn't more prudent than dabbling in the trade market, I don't know what will.

Because once upon a time, there was talk that Vazquez could be dealt for Luis Castillo. Although most thought he was worth a bit more than that, the Braves gave the White Sox two of their top prospects. Vazquez's true worth is most likely somewhere in between.

The Braves, with their limited payroll, are somewhat forced to think this way. The Mets, with their own television network, a new ballpark with higher priced tickets, and their name rights deal with CitiBail still intact, do not have to think this way. (Which reminds me: that whole "Citi/Taxpayer Field" idea? Yeah ... thanks a lot, Quixote and Sancho. Those windmills never knew what hit 'em). Yet there are multiple "reports" that the Mets would rather trade prospects for a JJ Putz than spend money ... our money, used ultimately to bail out Citi and line the Wilpon's pockets ... for the guy with 62 saves last season.

But I'm not worried ... yet, because those reports are just that. The Vazquez deal should serve as a sobering agent if there are any further ideas about spending prospects to get an injury prone closer. Besides, the Mets have had a habit of reeling in the big fish during the last few winters. And with the price on K-Rod seemingly dropping, and the Mets as pretty much the only suitor out there, not even Omar Minaya can screw this up at the winter meetings in Vegas next week ... unless of course he blows all that taxpayer money on the slots at McCarron airport.