
No, I haven't jumped off a tall building. I've been watching some things online to try to cheer me up. In fact, I've been watching them over and over again...helps to self medicate. You could probably use some self-medicating yourself.
But I've been also watching the playoffs. Yes, despite the plethora of reasons not to watch, I can't stay away. I guess the fact that my defenses have been down, and that I've been staring into space like a deer in the headlights for the better part of the past week has made me more susceptible to being hypnotized by Dane Cook.
(You must watch because there is only one October. Now come down from the tree.)
Heck, I hardly reacted when Kaz Matsui hit a grand slam during Game 2 against the Phillies, and sparked their series sweep two nights later. I've become so numb to it all. I mean, it figures...right? Of course Kaz Matsui is in the NLCS the same year we blow a seven game lead with seventeen to play...the same year Scott Kazmir led the American League in strikeouts. Makes perfect sense to me.
I've been like the two guys that parodied Omar Minaya and Willie Randolph on SNL this past week when asked by Amy Poehler why they choked, they just kind of made random noises and shrugged their shoulders (you know you made a major collapse when you've been parodied by the guy from "Goodburger".)
Yes, that's been me.
I have just one request for the 2008 season: Can somebody please make clear to me the rules about celebrations and handshakes? Because I was led to believe that the Mets irritated everybody because their celebrations were not only choreographed, but they were in the on-deck circle instead of the dugout, where it's apparently safe for Miguel Cabrera to throw around Alfredo Amezaga like they were Torvill and Dean.

So why didn't that infuriate the Indians? How come Casey Blake didn't come out and say "F**k the Yankees! F**k everyone on that team! I'll play with two broken arms and a bloody stump for Game four?"
Are the rules different in the playoffs? Are the rules different during tight games? Or are the rules, as always, different for the Yankees?
Or are the rules different because the Marlins got mad? And that it was Lastings Milledge that did the dancing? For those of you that are all po'd that Milledge got the Marlins all riled up to beat Tom Glavine and knock the Mets the next day, that the Marlins were motivated, I counter with this: It shouldn't have mattered! The Mets motivation should have trumped the Marlins motivation!
Except for one thing: they weren't motivated. As Carlos Delgado said, sometimes, they got bored.
(Oh, and the small detail that we stunk for two and a half weeks might have had something to do with it.)
Get mad at Lastings for not hustling after that Dontrelle Willis triple...I'll accept that. For dancing in the on-deck circle? I'll pass, thanks. Silly? During a 5-12 run yes. Motivating the Marlins? They're ones to talk.
But would somebody please write this unwritten rule down so we can all be clear on it? I understand the balk rule more than I understand this.