Thursday, March 30, 2006

An Open Letter To Anna Benson, From The Desk Of Metstradamus

Dear Yoko,

You probably don't know who I am, which means that you're not familiar with my blog. But to fill you in, there has been much discussion about the Mets starting rotation, and the wisdom of trading your husband for bullpen help. There are many Mets fans that are in a panic over the starting rotation. And I blame you.

You attached yourself to Kris Benson's hip...helped engineer a trade to New York to further your own career (which worked, because for better or worse, every sexually frustrated Met fan knows who you are), you weaseled yourself on talk shows, magazine covers, and gossip columns, and in a Paris Hilton-esque way, you're kind of a household name. And you did it all because you were married to a major league ballplayer.

But I see that now the gravy train is over, now that your constant chirping about the Mets free agent moves, your NC-17 rated outfit at a children's party, and your incessant pleading to not trade "us" to Baltimore has gotten your husband traded to Baltimore, you've decided to ditch your husband. Now that you've caused my readership unnecessary agita with your fragrant eau de whore, you've jumped ship. You got your husband traded to the worst team in the universe, and you bailed.

You should know that your husband would still be a Met today...would still be a division title contender...had it not been for you and your stench of wench.

But he's now in baseball hell. And it's your fault.

Half of my readership is in hell. And it's your fault.

And if the Mets starting rotation is in shambles in 2006 because you had to go and get your husband traded before you abandoned him, then all of my readership will be in hell. It will be your fault.

Maybe you can volunteer to sleep with them (that's if you yourself can sleep at night). You know, ease their collective pain.

But you're not going to. Why would you? There's no publicity in it for you. And that's what you crave...the publicity. And now that you rode your husband's back to stardom, you've kicked him to the curb. Great. Now maybe without your constant demands of physical relations in stadium parking lots, he'll finally have the energy to pitch 250 innings in a season...good for him. But because of you, he'll do it in Baltimore. He'll pitch 250 innings while Jorge Julio gives up home runs after home run...and it's your fault.

You claim that your marriage to Kris was "irretrievably broken". I claim that you...are irretrievably broken.

Anyway, I hope Kris sleeps with all of your friends.

Twice.

Each.

Yours truly,

Metstradamus

P.S. Don't even think about hitting on Pedro.

P.P.S. Though I hear some guy named Derek in the Bronx is available.

16 comments:

Darth Marc said...

Derek has had much better ass than Anna and it hasn't affected his game. Nice try.

All I'm going to say is this. I told you that I would give you reason to hate me. Enjoy....

Anonymous said...

Metstradamus,

To be on the same hate list as Anna Benson is an honor....

Bite Me...

Mario

Tommy_Calzone said...

He should be puttin a hit out on her skanky ass.

Anna Benson is scum said...

This talentless, stupid, lowlife moneygrubbing loser should end up on the XXX shelf shortly. She offers nothing and her ignorance and false 'patriotism' while criticizing Delgado are deplorable.

Kris is better off without this lowlife POS. Unfortunately now he's stuck in Baltimore with those losers to get shelled in that band box.

Oh well. At least he found out the truth about the gutter trash who he got tricked into marrying.

F anna benson!

But most of all.. F JACKIE!

Anonymous said...

all of you are wrong.....read the NY Daily News....he f' up by cheating on her with one of her friends.....he is a loser...and Anna..I will be waiting for the phone to ring...LOL

Mario

Fredstradamus said...

Mario, Benson (aka, Robert Guilliame [sp?]) from the television show "Benson" ain't even calling, so don't hold your breath!

Metstradamus said...

Wait a minute...Anna is so busy working her career, yet she finds time to hunt her husband down in Fort Lauderdale and catch him with one of her friends? So after all of the public claims of Anna sleeping with all of his teammates, Kris would really be dumb enough to cheat on her with A FRIEND OF HERS...with all of the options he would have in Fort Freakin' Lauderdale? And she just happens to catch him???

Sounds a little too convenient for me.

Tommy_Calzone said...

Baseball hasn't seen a set up like that since 1919.

Metstradamus said...

No kidding. Now if George Mitchell wants to investigate something worthwhile...

GOP FOREVER!!! said...

hahaa. liberals like the Bensons betray the holiness and sancity of marriage

that is why the HOMELAND will have them deoported!

J. Mark English said...

This is a fantastic site for any Mets fan! Including myself...

Were you watching SportsNet tonight? They still have a lot to work on...

J. S. in ATL said...

You are all falling into my trap.

Anonymous said...

Dunb post.
It was Omar who traded KB, not Anna.

Metstradamus said...

Mr. English, SNY is growing on me a bit. Just a bit.

Smoltzie, I'll get you. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But I will find you.

Anonymous, great insight from you. Imagine, the general manager making trades. I would have never figured that one out. Thanks for convincing me that I should ban anonymous posts.

Anonymous said...

The point being that if Omar really traded away a good starter because of his wife's low-cut Xmas outfit, then the issue is the balls on the GM, not the balloons on the missus.

Metstradamus said...

It wasn't the balloons on the missus. It was the mouth on the missus. In all seriousness: That woman was bad news from the very beginning. She had an agenda which included encouraging Benson to re-sign with the Mets so her modeling career got off the ground. But she talked his way out of town. Benson might still have been traded if Anna had shut her know nothing mouth, but she didn't help matters. OR...if Anna had been even more of a pain in the ass sooner, Benson could have been gone and Jae Seo might still be here. All I'm saying is that if the rotation is indeed in shambles as people predict, I blame the wench. I have to believe she forced Omar's hand at least a little bit.