Saturday, September 27, 2008

Reaper

Our story begins with a knock at the door:

Shea Stadium Usher: May I help you?

Reaper: Hi, I'm here for your season.

SSU: Excuse me?

RP: You heard me, cough it up!

SSU: But the season's not over. There are games tomorrow and Sunday, and the Mets are still alive.

RP: Alive? You call what happened Friday being alive?


SSU: Well, mathematically we're still alive and I'm not authorized to hand over the season anyway.

RP: (Sigh) Lemme speak to your boss.

(Usher frantically seeks out an authority figure)

Jeff Wilpon: May I help you.

RP: Yes, I'm here for your season and you have a difficult employee.

JW: Yes, I know ... I have many difficult employees these days. But look, you know I can't just hand over the season to you.

RP: Yes well you know what happened last season. I came for the season on Saturday afternoon. You had to go and try to take it back from me when it was rightfully mine. I drove all the way back to my cottage in North Tonawanda, and then your season flatlined so I had to drive all the way back. I'm not driving all the way back tonight and I'm not leaving without your season.

JW: Is there something I can give you in the meantime? Matt Wise's career?

RP: I got that last May.

JW: Aaron Heilman's soul?

RP: Don't you remember? My assistant came for that back in '06.

JW: All right, listen ... you can stay here. I have a luxury box already set up next door at Citi Field, and I'll get you a ticket to tomorrow's game. But I need you to take a more pleasing form ... I can't have you in the stands looking the way you do.

RP: How about this?


JW: Who are you supposed to be?

RP: Missy Peregrym. I'm in some television show called, oddly enough, "Reaper". Your fans will just be so happy to see a good looking celebrity they'll never get the connection.

JW: Fine.

RP: Oh, and when I take your season, I'll just take the Stadium too. I got the pick-up truck so I don't need to take two trips.

JW: Fine, just get it out of here. I never liked this place. Isn't it going to take you a while to knock it down and get it into the truck?

RP: Nah, when your fans turn into an angry mob on Sunday they'll help destroy it and make my life easier. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

JW: Yeah, whatever. Just don't laugh like that while you're here ... you'll scare the children.

RP: Fine. I'll be by the door with my wolf.

JW: Randy Wolf? Ooh, can he pitch?

RP: (Sigh)

10 comments:

Demitri said...

Sigh. Deja vu all over again. This time watching Lo Duca congratulate his teammates added a bit of Twilight Zone weirdness to it all.

As I was tossing and turning - unable to sleep tonight, a strange thought occurred to me: Why didn't Manuel use a 4 man rotation the last week of the season? His counterpart in Philly has gone 3 turns through their rotation on 3 days rest?

ughhh. I'm going back to bed.

kennyd said...

When you let a pitcher off the hook early and often you just know it's gonna bite you in the ass.

Clearly our quota of timely hits was used up the night before.

Guess my tickets for Sunday will allow me now to assist the Reaper in disassembing Shea Mauseleum.

Anonymous said...

If you were there last night, in a corpse of a stadium with a corpse of a fan base watching a corpse of a team lose to the Florida Retirees, the post is appropriate. I could rant, but what's the point?

weesle909 said...

Lifeless. The team, the crowd, and the stadium.

Pray for rain today.

MetFanMac said...

I blame it all on Endy Chavez.

How?

This is how I've got it figured: in 2006, Endy made a deal with some heathen gods. In return for making the greatest postseason catch ever, they get to have the Mets choke in dramatic fashion for every season thereafter.

What? It's at least good as the Curse of the Bambino, and that one didn't even EXIST.

Hopefully, next year's change of venue will confuse those heathen gods and negate the Endy Curse...

upstate met fan said...

Ronnie and the guys were making an observation how Shea wasn't filled. Hey, Ron, I love ya... but are you F#)(&*$ kiddin' me? Are you seeing the same thing I'm seeing out there on the field? If it wasn't for Santana Shea would be empty!!!!!!!!!!! The Mets Organization is very fortunate that it was only half full.

Another thing. I'm happy to see Shea go... that $*(&$* stadium has taken away at least 2-4 games from the Mets this year. I think having Citi Field next to it affected the way the ball travelled trough the air.

With that said, the Mets were done long ago...

AND

Don't be shocked if Shea is not at full capacity tomorrow...I know I won't be.

See ya in 2009!

Ed (not from Westchester) said...

Ah... if only we could clone Johan and fill out the rotation (and the bullpen...

Anonymous said...

So Upstate Mets Fan, you admit you're at half-capacity? That's an Oprah moment. I feel for you. And how can CitiField affect only the Mets and not the other team?

MetsFan said...

"How many did he pitch? How many did he throw?" manager Jerry Manuel said with a grin. "Wow, wow, wow, wow. I think if I had to describe that one, I would say that was gangsta. That was real gangsta."

Jerry Manuel on Santana. Manuel seems to be fixated on the gangsta theme.

Any chance that 50 cent will be available to pitch tommorrow?

caryn said...

First, Metstra, just thank you for being you.

Secondly, I am so very tired of white boys from the suburbs trying to be street and act like they understand what Jerry means when he says 'gangsta'. Seriously, it's borderline racist.