Monday, June 16, 2008

They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha Haaa!

It's becoming evident that Willie Randolph has gone completely insane.

It's not his fault. But circumstances are driving him to the asylum.

Of course, it doesn't help that Sandy Alomar Sr. had the kind of flashback that makes slow catchers look eerily similar to Lou Brock during Game 1 of the double dip against the Rangers. But here's Willie Randolph on Alomar's decision to send Brian Schneider home on a short fly ball to Milton Bradley in the eighth which basically blew any Mets chance at a comeback:
"In retrospect, he was thrown out by a lot (at home), so it probably wasn't a definite good send," said Randolph, who served as the Yankees' third base coach for 10 years. "But it's lonely over there at third base, and you make a decision. The throw was good, but it didn't put a damper on that inning right there."
It's lonely?

Wait a second, shouldn't that mean that instead of having lots of friends around to talk to, that Sandy Alomar Sr. would have extra time to, oh I don't know, think about why sending a catcher home on a short fly ball would be a bad idea? Lonely??? Alomar made a bad read because he was lonely? Sandy Alomar Sr. needs to go on eHarmony.com?

"Go Schneider! Run like the wind! I want to be lonely again!!! Booooooooooorn Freeeeeeeeee! As free as the wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind bloooooooooooooows!"

Koo-koo! Koo-koo! Koo-koo!

(Or is that ... Dae Sung Koo-Koo?)

Then, after Robinson Cancel saved Randolph's bacon by getting a pinch-hit two run single in the sixth giving the Mets the lead for good in game 2 while everyone in the stands were chanting for Pedro Martinez to stay in the game (and saved the Mets from the awful stat that the team is 0-9 when being tied after six innings), Randolph says this:
"Because of the rainout, yeah it almost felt like we went one for three really ... but the record shows otherwise so we'll take it."
Willie Randolph has become one of those chain smokers that can't enjoy food anymore because he's smoked so much that everything tastes like tar and menthol. Even a series win feels like a series loss to Randolph. That's not supposed to happen to a manager until he's been around 25 years. Willie hasn't even managed four.

That ... my friends ... is what working for this organization will get you. Fewer brain cells. So yes, fire Willie. Fire Willie Randolph so he can regain his sanity and get a cushy job as Joe Torre's bench coach. Save him from a fate of sneaking on team flights in disguises so he can't be fired.

Fire Rick Peterson so he can become Barry Zito's love guru. (Or maybe he'll go to San Diego and straighten out Heath Bell's fastball again).

Fire Tom Nieto so he can go to another organization and a whole other fan base can forget that he works for them until it's time to fire seven coaches.

Fire them all. Except Jerry Manuel, that is. Yes, by all means promote Jerry Manuel ... who outside of one division title in 2000 is a .500 manager ... a perfect match for a .500 roster. He'll fire up the troops just fine.

Yes, give us Jerry. Arm him with more of the weapons of Omar Minaya's past ... such as Tony Armas Jr. And bring back the rest of the Expo luminaries: Shane Andrews. Fernando Seguignol. Orlando Merced. Wilton Guerrero. Trace Coquillette. And what's Mel Rojas doing these days, anyway?

Bring 'em back. That'll do the trick.

Ah, f**k. Guess I've gone crazy too. And I haven't even flown back and forth from the west coast every other week. Think how Willie feels.

Most be lonely on those flights.

10 comments:

MetFanMac said...

Willie's Photoshopped eyes are following me around the room... dedle deedle deedle

katherine said...

I agree with Willie that it doesn't seem like we won the series against Texas. I think the reason for that is that the loss of the first game on Sunday was SO painful. That was the worst game of the season for me. I was a little upset by Sandy Alomar's blunder, but I was apoplectic when Delgado hit into the double play.

When he came up to bat I KNEW he would do that . I begged Willie to double steal the runners. In all my years of watching the Mets I don't know if I have seen a more soul-deadening rally killer than Delgado. I think he must be responsible for the malaise on the team. He is a walking giant negative-energy field.

At the very least, please Willie, bat him further down in the order. He can hit his solo home runs just as well from 7th or 8th position.

dmg said...

from where we were sitting (mezzanine along the third base line) the real alomar crime was not in sending schneider on that play but on holding him up on the previous one. with bases loaded and one man out (schneider on second), tatis pinch-hits a solid single, scoring trot nixon. but alomar holds up schneider when he was already around third base. his sending schneider on reyes's flyball to right was, at least to the folks in my section, overcompensation for his earlier blown call.

a total buzz-killer. but he's lonely, and wanted the company, i guess.

tim said...

Willie is starting to look like Captain Willard from Apocolypse Now! He's got Jerry Manual acting like Chief Phillips sitting there waiting to get killed by a barage of arrow and spears from the natives. He's got Alomar acting like Lance, tripping on acid in the front of the boat. Petersen is like Chef Hicks, who has always been a little off and the rest of coaching staff is like Clean, who you just know are going to end up dead once the smoke clears.

Of course, the Wilpons and Omar represent Jerry the CIA guy (Fred) General Corman (Jeff), Colonel Lucas (Omar) were the ones that sent him on his mission ill-prepared. "Terminate the National League pennant with extreme prejudice.

The question is whether Willie is going make it out of the cage when Petersen's head is rolled in front of him, and get a shot at slaying the elusive pennant (Colonel Kurtz).

And we're walking around like Dennis Hopper taking photos with no film in the camera.

"The horror...the horror."

Jaap said...

maybe Willie was dissing his team's offensive performance by commenting how lonely it is out there coaching third base.

If that rain delay was any indication maybe the coaching staff can all get jobs helping the groundscrew roll out the tarp in the future.

You've gotta hand Omar one thing: who else is so adept at finding Hall of Lame members find second jobs moonlighting as pinch hitters for the Mets?

On the bright side, after two reasonably good performances, Oliver Perez is due a major meltdown which should refocus everyone's hatred away from Willie for a day anyway...

Schneck said...

If you stare at Willie's photoshopped eyes for too long, you start hearing random Art Howe quotes in your head. Maybe it's just me.

katherine said...

Jaap, turning on the game to see whether Good Ollie or Bad Ollie will appear tonight, will be a little like watching "Abbott and Costello meet the Wolfman" - it could be scary, but at some point you also might just have to laugh.

Demitri said...

This is when I really miss MLB extra innings. In 2002, while watching a game to see Mo Vaughn fall down while running the bases (on the rare occasions when he didn't strike out) or Jeff D'Amico getting torched, I could always scan around to see what else was going on in the baseball world.

MLB.TV just isn't the same. Once i've jumped through hoops to get authenticated, with retina scan and secret question, I have to make sure I have Micro$oft's Flash also-ran "Silverlight" installed, etc etc etc.

By that time, I'll go flip on Sportscenter to see that the Phillies have put up 20 Runs on the Cardinals, and I realize that I have to avoid reading the local Philly papers or idiotic newscasts.

I wish I liked some other sport besides baseball.

The Metmaster said...

Ok, boys and girls. Anyone 50 years or older will remember the lyrics to Metrsradamus' post. It was a tasteless classic of the early-mid 1960's but I remember EVERY SINGLE DAMN WORD! Thanks Metstra for bringing me back to my childhood. What's next? "Those Lazy, Crazy, Hazy Days of Summer"?

"Remember when you ran away and I got on my knees and begged you not to leave or else I'd go berserk? Well, you left me anyhow and now the days got worse and worse and now you see I've gone completely out of my mind...
And. They're coming to take me away, hahah, they're coming to take me away hahah. Ho ho, hee hee, hah hah. To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're coming to take me away Ha, Ha!!!!

Here's your homework assignment kids. Google the title and crank up the audio!

tim said...

Yeah, you remember some mind numbing sixties trash, but a modern epic like Apocolypse Now!, forget it.