Carlos Power Trumps Hoffpauir

It's a simple rule I have for baseball games (especially baseball games during the final week of the season):

If I'm going to catch pneumonia watching baseball during a nor'easter, my team had better win.

Despite the efforts of future hall of famer Micah Hoffpauir (from my seats tonight I kept asking Hoffpauir if I could deliver his induction speech), that rule was adhered to, thanks to ... Ramon Martinez, Robinson Cancel, and Ryan Church??!? I guess if you played that trifecta, you'd be able to retire on your winnings.

So with apologies to Jon Stewart, Here now: Your moment of Zen:
Good luck Milwaukee ... Micah's your problem now.

Jump For Joy But Pray For A Soft Landing

I know, we should be excited over Friday night's victory. Perhaps there's something good percolating in Queens. But jeez, Fluff ... jump with somebody your own size. This is a celebration mismatch. If I wake up tomorrow and find out that Fluff Castro strained a meniscus jumping (which is entirely possible), and that Jose Reyes bruised his hip, er ... receiving, I'm going to freak. Jump with Cancel!

On second thought, never mind. In Denver, a jump between Castro and Robinson Cancel might cause a snow drift.

They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha Haaa!

It's becoming evident that Willie Randolph has gone completely insane.

It's not his fault. But circumstances are driving him to the asylum.

Of course, it doesn't help that Sandy Alomar Sr. had the kind of flashback that makes slow catchers look eerily similar to Lou Brock during Game 1 of the double dip against the Rangers. But here's Willie Randolph on Alomar's decision to send Brian Schneider home on a short fly ball to Milton Bradley in the eighth which basically blew any Mets chance at a comeback:

"In retrospect, he was thrown out by a lot (at home), so it probably wasn't a definite good send," said Randolph, who served as the Yankees' third base coach for 10 years. "But it's lonely over there at third base, and you make a decision. The throw was good, but it didn't put a damper on that inning right there."

It's lonely?

Wait a second, shouldn't that mean that instead of having lots of friends around to talk to, that Sandy Alomar Sr. would have extra time to, oh I don't know, think about why sending a catcher home on a short fly ball would be a bad idea? Lonely??? Alomar made a bad read because he was lonely? Sandy Alomar Sr. needs to go on eHarmony.com?

"Go Schneider! Run like the wind! I want to be lonely again!!! Booooooooooorn Freeeeeeeeee! As free as the wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind bloooooooooooooows!"

Koo-koo! Koo-koo! Koo-koo!

(Or is that ... Dae Sung Koo-Koo?)

Then, after Robinson Cancel saved Randolph's bacon by getting a pinch-hit two run single in the sixth giving the Mets the lead for good in game 2 while everyone in the stands were chanting for Pedro Martinez to stay in the game (and saved the Mets from the awful stat that the team is 0-9 when being tied after six innings), Randolph says this:

"Because of the rainout, yeah it almost felt like we went one for three really ... but the record shows otherwise so we'll take it."

Willie Randolph has become one of those chain smokers that can't enjoy food anymore because he's smoked so much that everything tastes like tar and menthol. Even a series win feels like a series loss to Randolph. That's not supposed to happen to a manager until he's been around 25 years. Willie hasn't even managed four.

That ... my friends ... is what working for this organization will get you. Fewer brain cells. So yes, fire Willie. Fire Willie Randolph so he can regain his sanity and get a cushy job as Joe Torre's bench coach. Save him from a fate of sneaking on team flights in disguises so he can't be fired.

Fire Rick Peterson so he can become Barry Zito's love guru. (Or maybe he'll go to San Diego and straighten out Heath Bell's fastball again).

Fire Tom Nieto so he can go to another organization and a whole other fan base can forget that he works for them until it's time to fire seven coaches.

Fire them all. Except Jerry Manuel, that is. Yes, by all means promote Jerry Manuel ... who outside of one division title in 2000 is a .500 manager ... a perfect match for a .500 roster. He'll fire up the troops just fine.

Yes, give us Jerry. Arm him with more of the weapons of Omar Minaya's past ... such as Tony Armas Jr. And bring back the rest of the Expo luminaries: Shane Andrews. Fernando Seguignol. Orlando Merced. Wilton Guerrero. Trace Coquillette. And what's Mel Rojas doing these days, anyway?

Bring 'em back. That'll do the trick.

Ah, f**k. Guess I've gone crazy too. And I haven't even flown back and forth from the west coast every other week. Think how Willie feels.

Most be lonely on those flights.