Saturday, February 24, 2007

The Truth Will Find You...Brett Myers!

So Brett Myers hates the Mets.

Hey, who doesn't these days?
"I hate the Mets...I want to beat them more than anyone else. What we need to do is make sure none of their fans get in our building. We shouldn't sell tickets to Mets fans."
Now before we all jump down Myers' throat remember, there's a perfectly sound reason for Myers' tirade.

He's Satan.

Think about it for a second: Brett Myers wears 39. 3+9=12. 12+11 (Jimmy Rollins' number), is 23

Brett Myers had 23 at bats in 2002, when Myers had a Donruss rookie card which was card number 23.

In 2003, Brett Myers went 14-9. 14+9=23.

In 2004, when Myers was 23 years old, he had 23 assists in the field.

In 2005, Brett Myers averaged 8.69 K's per nine innings. 8+6+9=23.

Not convinced yet?

Brett Myers pitched on April 23rd of 2006...after which, Myers had season total of 23 and 2/3's innings pitched.

In 2006, Brett Myers assaulted his wife on June...23rd.

Myers pitched on August 23rd of '06. At the end of play that day, Myers' ERA stood at 4.23.

Backtracking: On August 17th of '06 (17+06=23), this Met fan bought a ticket to a Mets/Phillies game just like Myers wouldn't want me to do. I was sold a standing room only ticket to a game Where Carlos Beltran hit a home run...his 23rd road home run of the season.

Carlos Delgado, who wore number 21, hit 2 home runs that day. 21+2=23.

"Myers Marriage Counseling" has 23 letters.

And as you know, the number 2 divided by the number 3 comes out to .666, the number of the devil.

Hence, Brett Myers is Satan.


fredstradamus said...

I'm convinced ... BURN HIM!


Coop said...

Wow, now *that* is really something! Are we going to chase him with pitch forks and torches when he comes to town?

Tommy_Calzone said...

I love it.

We have ONE great year and everyone hates us.

bring it on bitch.

I hope he is pitching April 9th.

Anonymous said...

Sheer comic brilliance, Damus. You're a true talent.

The Metmaster said...

Bravo. You are amazing.

What this clown now has done is encourage Met fans to swarm to Citizens Bandbox. I see large patches of blue and orange in the stands. What a dick. But it's good to be hated. It is a compliment. Yankee fans can no longer call the Mets not relevant anymore. In '86 the National League loathed the Mets, and the team loved every minute of it. They fed off it. Perhaps it is the Yankees' secret weapon.

Yadier from Queens said...

It seems like you're enamored with this "23" movie? Is it really supposed to be that good? Will there be a movie review?

Its interesting that the Mets are "hated" for one good season. I believe its a bit overblown. Its not easy to be the favorite or frontrunner when everyone is gunning for you (you can't sneek up on people). It makes winning a World Championship just that much harder. It makes what dynasty teams such as the Yankees and others did that much more impressive.

Metstradamus said...


I very rarely see movies. For what it's worth, I heard the movie is disappointing.

Sean said...

That, my man, was genius. What made you think you'd be able to come up with all that?

fredstradamus said...

I'm guessing the crack cocaine, Seanny!

Metstradamus said...

I'm more a methadone guy.

Toasty Joe said...

"Myers, wife-beating scum-bag" also has 23 letters.

Anonymous said...

This is a laugh riot! Very cool stuff and you did a great job...building the suspense.

Keep up the good work and, man,,,I am a new fan of Metstadamus.

Good writing bro'

--Frank D.

Tommy_Calzone said...

"I hate the Mets...I want to beat them more than anyone else. "

Even more than his wifey?

k5nyc said...

Metra I must buy you a beer this year at a game. Your blog has been the only thing to keep me entertained this off season.

k5nyc said...

metstra sorry I spelled it wrong

Rickey Henderson said...

Freaky stuff. Strong work there buddy.

Jon Heyman said...

But if Brett Myers is Satan, what does that make Bobby Bonilla?

Metstradamus said...

Satan takes many forms.

rhoden wheldon wayne said...

even wild bill would run and hide,,, then reaching to scratch his junk.,. would find something furry ._.