Friday, February 23, 2007

Right Down Broadway

No...it's too easy.

It's like when Craig Kilborn berates his pitcher at the end of "The Benchwarmers" so badly that the pitcher throws the straightest, biggest meatball you've ever seen...so big that even the worst of little leaguers (or Jeff McKnight) could hit it.

Well, Orlando Hernandez coming down with a case of arthritis (good lord) is that pitch that's so easy even I could hit it. But it's too easy.

It's like kicking a child...or beating Charles Barkley in a footrace...or finding Paris Hilton in a bar.

There's no challenge in it.

I do have to ask one question though: if it's arthritis, why exactly did he have to be flown to New York? Did the trainers forget to board the equipment trucks to the spring complex? Are there no Duane Reades in Port St. Lucie? Is there a state wide Geritol shortage in Florida?

Well, I guess there would be a scenario where that last question would be a yes.

"Arthritis is the leading cause of disability in people over the age of 65." -wikipedia
But Orlando is 37.
"And I'm Walter Payton." -Billy Crystal, in Running Scared.
***

For those of you wishing you could be a soothsayer like me, don't. It's a curse.

I told my brother that I was going to the Ranger game on Thursday. His excitement for me was tempered by the fact that I told him that the Rangers would lose 3-2.

Well, I hate being right.

Sometimes, sooth saying stinks.

So you kids out there that think this is glamorous...go get a medical degree and make some money...and cure arthritis in the process.

6 comments:

G-Fafif said...

I watched my first hockey game in ages tonight. Well, OT and the shootout between the Islanders and the Maple Leafs. I know we're in different camps where this indoor activity is concerned, but I have to say I was uncommonly excited by this non-baseball event, more so given the positive outcome for my veritable neigbhors (up the road apiece and hang a right, basically). Maybe I was just happy that Howie Rose had something to do on a cold winter's night.

fredstradamus said...

Ah, dood! I was up trying to find a score, with Liz dragging me by the ear up to bed. "But he said they were gonna lose 3-2 and I just wanna see ... awwwwwww!" That's when she turned off the tv.

Sorry bro ... it's the curse of the evil genius!

Unser said...

Totally agree. There's more to this than "arthritis". Get ready . . .

Is it weird that, right now, it's easier to get decent seats to a Phillies-Mets game at Citizen's Bank Park, than it is to get decent tix to any game at Shea? Did I hear that the Mets' brass has decided to wait until late March before it sells single game tix to the general public?!? Oh wait, I can get upper deck reserve seats to mid-week games - lovely.

Liberal Mutt$ said...

HAHA! Liberal Mutt$ fans probably want El Puque to become a spokesman for the disabled!

HAHAHA! Liberals are always making excuses for why they can't perform! Real Americans don't whine about arthritis they go out and do their jobs!

That is why the MUTT$ are never going to be winners.

Toasty Joe said...

Whoa, a "Benchwarmers" and "Running Scared" reference in the same post. My head is reeling.

Steve Sommers WFAN said...

The Icelanders are my Daddy.