It's like when Craig Kilborn berates his pitcher at the end of "The Benchwarmers" so badly that the pitcher throws the straightest, biggest meatball you've ever seen...so big that even the worst of little leaguers (or Jeff McKnight) could hit it.
Well, Orlando Hernandez coming down with a case of arthritis (good lord) is that pitch that's so easy even I could hit it. But it's too easy.
It's like kicking a child...or beating Charles Barkley in a footrace...or finding Paris Hilton in a bar.
There's no challenge in it.
I do have to ask one question though: if it's arthritis, why exactly did he have to be flown to New York? Did the trainers forget to board the equipment trucks to the spring complex? Are there no Duane Reades in Port St. Lucie? Is there a state wide Geritol shortage in Florida?
Well, I guess there would be a scenario where that last question would be a yes.
"Arthritis is the leading cause of disability in people over the age of 65." -wikipediaBut Orlando is 37.
"And I'm Walter Payton." -Billy Crystal, in Running Scared.***
For those of you wishing you could be a soothsayer like me, don't. It's a curse.
I told my brother that I was going to the Ranger game on Thursday. His excitement for me was tempered by the fact that I told him that the Rangers would lose 3-2.
Well, I hate being right.
Sometimes, sooth saying stinks.
So you kids out there that think this is glamorous...go get a medical degree and make some money...and cure arthritis in the process.