Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Substance Abuse

You know, I don't see what the big deal is revolving Kenny Rogers and the "dirt" on his hand.

I can now safely disclose to you without fear of punishment that I myself blogged for the first two months of the '06 season with Bosco on my hand.

Well, it was cold out and I figured as long as the temperature was low enough, I could go to my mouth. What better way to go to your mouth than to enjoy some chocolatey goodness in the process. I certainly never thought that it gave me an unfair advantage in my blogging.

But when FOX sports aired a clip of me blogging with the yet unidentified substance (you may not remember it, it aired during a Rockies game), I had to clean it off.


And lo and behold, Tony La Russa called me and told me to knock off the BS or he would take the next step. He figured the sugar would keep me awake longer and therefore give me an unfair advantage. Below is a side by side of me blogging before and after La Russa's ultimatum:


You may not believe this, but there is a certain acceptable level of cheating when it comes to blogging. In fact, six out of every ten bloggers use some sort of chocolate substance, whether it be Bosco, Hershey, or a Three Musketeers bar melted down into a paste, to help them though their posts. Is that really considered cheating? Is it a performance enhancer?

A thesaurus...now that would be cheating. Those who read this blog must have already figured out that I can hardly spell thesaurus much less know how to use one. So where, exactly, is the extra advantage?

13 comments:

Vinicio said...

THe mets will WIN the 2007 world SEries!!!

Mike V said...

You are one funny bastid, Metstra.

Mets in 2007 said...

You're hysterical, dude.

Is that a wedding ring I see on your finger? How's Mrs Metsradamus feel about you staying awake all night blogging? "Come back to bed, Metsy..."

Ed in Westchester said...

I thought the smudge on Kenny was from missing while wiping after his pre-game constitutional.


This blogger prefers Snickers.

beezermess said...

You are a very sick individual...I haven't laughed that hard in a very long time....
I am glad that we are friends....to a certain extent..

OvaltineLover said...

I keep a personal blog and, like you, prefer chocolate motivation to keep me going. Unfortunately, my substance of choice was Ovaltine which kept pouring off of my hand and arm into my keyboard, eventually jamming up the 'h' and the 't' key causing much confusion to my few readers. Sentences like: ' oday was no e bes day o be a Me fan.' took some time for people to figure out. Oh well.

The Metmaster said...

"…you're a portly fellow… a bit long in the waistband? So what's your pleasure; is it the salty snacks you crave? No, no, no, no… your's is a sweet-tooth. Oh, you may stray, but you'll always return to your dark master: the cocoa-bean!"

Metstradamus said...

Cosmo?

The Metmaster said...

Exactly!

jabair said...

IM TELLING YOU GUYS, IT WAS DOG SHIT ON KENNY ROGER'S HAND.

DETROIT HAS SOME TOUGH "CURB AFTER YOUR DOG" STATUTES SINCE THEY HAVE TO MAINTAIN A "CLEAN" REPUTATION, AND POOR KENNY HASNT FIGURED OUT THE INSIDE OUT PLASTIC BAG TRICK YET.

Anonymous said...

from what i hear, darth prick likes to blog with "KY Jelly" on his hands

jabair said...

how many votes is jeannie zalasko allowed to cast for the AL Hank Aaron award?

I think darth likes to apply the KY Jelly on his palms while blogging

Shea Gadfly said...

Thanks for reminding me that I had a chocolate bar in my pocket. Nothing is worse than going for your mid afternoon snack and finding out that it is all melty and gross.

I owe you one...