Sunday, October 08, 2006

Living For This

Hit it, kid...

Hey Tommy Lasorda! Why are you hiding? So your Dodgers got knocked out of the playoffs. Big deal.

So you made a fool of yourself trying to wave on the Dodger crowd. Big deal.

What are you going to do Tommy, hide in the treehouse for the rest of the playoffs?

Sure, you're a Dodger fan. But you're a baseball fan! October is the time to be with others, and to share your linguini and clam sauce with others.

C'mon Tommy, it's baseball!

Awwww, poor Jeanne Zelasko. Why the tears? Because your schoolgirl crush is out of the playoffs? Because you can no longer nestle his picture over your shoulder during pre-game shows? Because he'll be home dripping tears on his MVP award and you'll have to soldier on without him?

Big deal.

Sure, you have a Derek Jeter obsession. And sure, your network thought it necessary to decorate the set today with pictures of Babe Ruth, who's dead, and Sandy Koufax, who hasn't pitched in forty years...and probably jinxed their teams once and for all. And sure, your executives may be crying along with you because your beloved shortstop and Team Toxicity has been ousted from the playoffs by a team that lost one thousand games in 2002 and 2003. But you love baseball! October is for finding other players to stalk...and finding other old pictures to hang on your set.

Buck up Jeanne, it's baseball!

Oh now Krukker, no need to leap off the Sears tower. Why? Because you picked the Dodgers to win every damn game? Because every bit of analysis that you've congealed not only doubted the Mets, but was wrong? Because Lasorda bogarted all of the meatballs at the Bristol buffet table?

Big deal!

Sure, all of your analysis is wrong. But's baseball! When life deals you a lemon, talk about Albert Pujols' intangibles! Talk about how Trevor Hoffman is an unhittable future hall of famer. Talk about how Cliff Floyd's stretched achilles is the latest death blow to the New York Mets playoff chances. Heck, talk about how you still think the Dodgers can win this series! At this rate, nobody is taking anything you're saying seriously anymore anyway.

C'mon you beer swilling tobacco chewing animal, it's baseball!

Now Tommy, you were making such good progress. Why don't you come out from behind the bar?

So your organization provided the Mets with half of their roster. Big deal.

So that Paul Lo Duca/Guillermo Mota for Brad Penny trade bit your Dodgers in the butt two years later in the span of four days. Big deal.

So Shawn Green swung the bat tonight like it was the strongman mallet at the carnival for the exclusive purpose of shoving it down the throat of his former organization.

Big deal.

Tommy! Don't you live for this? Don't you love baseball?

Because baseball. I live for this.

Don't tell me you're hiding too, George.

Don't tell me that you're going to drive that golf cart off of a cliff, Mr. Steinbrenner.

So you spent $200 million dollars for one playoff win. Big deal.

So you had $15 million dollar players at every position except second base. Big deal.

So your manager entrusted the fates of former a bunch of former all-stars on a right arm that hasn't delivered a playoff victory in 11 starts, and he showed the world how desperate he was when he batted the 2005 Most Valuable Player eighth in the lineup.

Big f***ing deal!

Besides, what do you have to be scared of? Certainly, you're not scared of facing the Mets. And why should you be? You're going to win it all, right? You said so back in spring training. So why should you be worried? Why should you hide behind your golf cart? Why should you be worried about facing the Mets in the Subway Series? Turns out you were right all along anyway.

Because you're not going to face them!

Come on, Big Stein! It's f***ing baseball! October is for sitting around the table with three of your closest friends, and perhaps a media member or two, and watch some baseball! Come on Steinbrenner! You live for this!

I sure as hell live for this!!!


So get your fat asses...TO THE TV!!! And let's watch the New York Mets go get that SUBWAY SERIES!!!

(In fact, the subway expansion has more than one new stop...don't want to discount anyone, right?)


Confused said...

is that a tear on her cheek?

it doesnt look like a tear.


Scott said...

Seriously the best post ive ever read on your blog.....ive been reading for a long time and ive never laughed so hard in my life.....thanks for the post and Let's Go Mets!!!

G-Fafif said...


(That's three exclamation points for a three-game sweep.)

jabair said...

its jeters man juice...
while we are at it, can we get some man juice on kevin kennedy also..

F tim mcarver.. he was literraly willing the dodgers to come back, kept talking shit about wagner "imploding"

i wanted to "implode" my d!ck in his mouth...

why do sports networks have an ANTI MET BIAS...

jabair said...

dude.. very clever... man, you got an imagination.. we gotta get you syndicated....

Metstradamus said...

It's a tear...I SWEAR!!!


jabair said...

the mets sweep but on the YESpn, FOX, Sports Illustrated, ABCNEWS, CBSNEWS, MSNBC, etc.. websites, the lead freakin sports story and pics are all about the freakin tigers...

the mets seep was simply listed as a side bar, pretty much in the hate list location.

dmg said...

on the bright side, the skanks didn't leave a lot of men on base, especially in their last two games.

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to let you know, us Met fans at Dodger Stadium took a lot of crap tonight. Cholos throwing nachos at us, Tommy Lasorda's fat ass being paraded around -- I saw a woman cover her son's eyes.

It was well worth it.

Metstradamus said...

At least you and your party all came out alive and were present for all the wonderful sights. You are a lucky human being! Congrats!!!

jabair said...

to top it all off, those insensitive FOX SPORTS pricks were making fun of a blind man because the dumb sons of bitches didnt know what the device was.

i really shouldnt be surprised because their cousins over at FOXNEWS believe that iraq still has weapons of mass destruction

PoweredByLegs said...

It was nice to see the mood in the Champagne fest- not the exuberant "let's take advantage of this because it might not come again" mood, but a more focused atmosphere- that this is only one step in the path towards a WS champ....

let's go mets....

help-a-rascal said...

dude, seriously, that is probably the best example yet of sticking it in the asses of everyone who has wronged us since the playoffs started. just about the funniest shit i've read in....forever.


Unser said...

It's a beautiful morning, isn't it?

Anyone still think that Shawn Green pick-up was a bad move?

Anyone ever think that Marlon Anderson is a number 3 hitter?!?

Anyone catch Steve Lyons during the Yankee-Tiger game say that the Dodgers would win Game 3 because Maddux was pitching and the Dodger would "score at will" against Trachsel? Was Maddux even in the game? Hmmm, I can't remember...I was too busy watching the Mets single-to-death a pitcher with the number 36 on his back.

I'll take McCarver over any of those other "analysts". He may be annoying at times, but at least he knows was he talking about.

Not French said...

Don't care what anyone says, McCarver is still an asswipe.

Kyle in newport news said...

I think announcers should live and die with the teams they swill for. So if McCarver wants to cheer on the Dodgers, for example, he's done announcing for the season when the Dodgers go out. If Jeannie Zelasko wants to cheer on the Yankees...

This might be my best idea ever!

(Let that movie guy from Game 1 announce the Series!)

The Metmaster said...

Oh baby, is today ever sweet to be a Met fan/Yankee hater? It's like Christmas morning. I could not wait for the sun to come up to read and hear the wailing and gnashing of teeth from Yankeeland. I almost choked on my ham and eggs listening to blowhard Mike Francessa erp up his chicken parmagiana decribing the Yankee disaster. He was apoplectic. And the cherry on top of this fantastic Sunday is the report from Bill Madden that Torre is about to walk the plank. St. Joe! The guy who has gotten a free pass longer than any other manager in the game is about to take the hit. He looked embalmed in the dugout late yesterday. We'll have to wait and see whether he does his usual boo-hoo when he faces the cameras again. Madden had a conversation with Steinbrenner after the game and reported that Steinbrenner was furious, madder than Madden has ever seen him. The good old days are back in the Bronx! Panic time and stupid moves are coming to a ballpark near you soon! Francessa said it himself...this is our town again. The Mets own New York. I'm a realist and fully understand that this tsunami of injuries could derail this wonderful ride next week. But facts are facts. We're playing baseball and the other guys aren't. Hot damn, what a day!

Mike said...

Uhhhhh, maybe I'm missing something here. But . . . didn't the METS WIN last night?

Why all the bitterness, all the anger? Who the fuck cares what Zelasko or Kruk or Fatcessa thinks? The METS WON.

I gotta say, fellas, this inferiority complex is kinda embarrassing. We know the Mets are the best team in the majors. We know they're gonna win the series unless something weird happens.

Who cares whether Lasorda & Mad Dog know it?

The Mets won. Enjoy that. Screw these other idiots.

The Metmaster said...

Amen Brother Mike. But when one lives in New York and has had to endure these obnoxious jerks over the years, it's nice to revel in their torment for just a little while.
Hail to our Mets. Hail to our GM who assembled an honest-to-God ass kicking team.

j m said...

Metstra - you nailed this one better than anyone I've read this morning. What an angle. Beautiful, beautiful piece.

Metstradamus said...

(Said in Eric Cartman voice):

But Miiiiiiiiiiike, bitterness is sooooo muuuuuuch fuuuuuuuuuuuuun!


Jim in LA said...

Don't have anything to add, except that I was there last night. Had to take out a second mortgage to scalp my tix, but it was worth it. The mood change when the Mets came right back after the Dodgers took the lead was unbelievable. I almost felt bad.

But then I thought back to '88 and said @#%* 'em.

Despite a good amount of Met haters, a few classy Dodgers fans wished us good luck after the game. Nice surprise.

gbaked said...

McCarver just refered to Albert Pujols as Prince Albert. I think thats really funny.


Jeanie Z is hot. I want to put my [ ] in her [] !! Oh baby!@

Anonymous said...

Oh Metstradamus, that was some emotional release! Whew. Right on.

I'm the guy without a working TV. My son and I have been listening to hundreds of ballgames on the radio for years now. Good thing with radio is you can watch it with your eyes closed and imagine you're in the most expensive box seat, field level.

CONFESSION: The house was empty this weekend. The wife and kids went to some fall harvest festival up north. I got creative and wired a set only used to play DVDS with a coat hanger and vice grip! Couldn't get color, but what I saw through the snowy image (with the FOX sound off and the WFAN radio on) was so beautiful. Floyd, Delgado, Green, Chavez, LoDuca, Reyes, Mota and Wagner.
They never say die. They play with heart. They play hurt. And they play inspired.

It's gonna be a great series. When they win the Pennant I just might have to order cable! Finally.

jabair said...

hey anonymous..

we win the WS and im gonna buy you a new color TV

MC Blue LIPS CHOKES! said...

Slappy aka MC Blue LIps aka MAY-Rod chokes again!

1-15 with 0 RBI's and a crucial error!




Ed in Westchester said...

I am in awe.
This post is fantastic.
Hit all the bastards and hit them well.


Ed in Westchester said...

Oh, and I'm a little worried about Darth. No post yet.




LEt "THE CAPTAIN" be alone as the 'star' of the show! We don't want 'THE CAPTAIN' to keep sulking and pouting like a schoolgirl!

He is the greatest!


Toasty Joe said...

I posted this over at our Yankee friend's blog, but since he's probably shutting it down for the winter, here it is again:

"The Mets are 11 games up in the worst division in baseball. Big friggin deal. When the playoffs start, you'll be exposed for the frauds you are."

Darth Marc, July 3, 2006

He was close with the last sentence, but he got the team wrong.

Toasty Joe said...

"The bottom line is this. You guys are the red-headed step-children in this town until further notice. Deal with it."

Darth Marc, July 13, 2006

Notice has been served.

Michelle said...

LOL HAHAHA I LOVE it! The only way this weekend could've been any sweeter is if the Padres had pulled the next two out (unlikely as it was) and the Mets had played part of that series here in San Diego instead. I was really really hoping to see them here in the postseason. Well that and to see them cream the Padres... But the Cards are still the underdog...
Let's GO Mets!

Darth Marc said...

I'm still alive and kicking....

Metstradamus said...

Your team is also in "the bucket".

adoniram said...

I agree with Mike... what's there to be bitter about? These Mets are comprised of guys you actually want to pull for and they're one step closer to the WS crown.

Also, Jabair, through all your bitterness and vitriol I'm amazed that you knew what that thing that blind dude was wearing was.

You did know right? Because the guys who didn't were "dumb sons of bitches" right? So you were watching and said "those dumb sons of bitches can't even tell that's a "Jordi", an obscure device to help the blind see." That's what you said, right?

I'm with everyone to some degree in lording it over the Met naysayers but when it gets to the point where your enjoyment of victory is based on vindication... it's gone too far.

The Yankees are out, the Mets are in. National TV analysts are morons.

Great, now let's just enjoy the rest of the playoffs.

jabair said...

whether i knew what it was or not, i didnt make fun of the guy on national TV.. dont they have wikipedia in teh broadcast booth.. if i dont know something, i look it up.. i dont run my mouth...

im not bitter.. im angry... im angry that the mets sweep the dodgers and all you ever see everywhere is teh tigers and skanks.. every sports website has power rankings that never really gave the mets the ranking they deserved.. all this talk about NL being a weaker division

the skanks and the mets ended up with the same exact record both at home and on the road. for a 100 million dollars less...

i am angry cause the every time someone got hurt, here came all the experts with the shovels... when the mets played well, the experts ignored us.. god forbid we win teh WS, its gonna be because of our payroll....

oh by the way, go hug a fuckin tree

jabair said...

victory is vindication

jabair said...

"It's good to have butterflies, but they've got to fly in formation right towards the [catcher's] glove,"-the jacket

Anonymous said...


You're actually getting better and better. Great work.

Toasty Joe said...

Get angry, get pissed. I expect to see many Mets comments on there.

Ed in Westchester said...

toasty - I visited and left a short note.

MetsfaninTX said...

Metsradamus - I just wanted to
echo a lot of other sentiment
towards you. You've hit some
homeruns in the past, but this one
is a grand salami. Keep up the
great work -

from the biggest Met fan in Texas.

jabair said...


i got some tornado insurance i want to sell yall!!! wanna make sure all the dale earnhart Jr. silverware is protected!!

Things to do in St. loius:
Watch inbred hicks make left turns all day long and call it a sport.
shop at walmart.
Cow tipping.
take your sister out on a date.
sleep with your mom.
shop at walmart again.
hope you get lucky with your sister.
watch some more hicks make left turns.
get intimate with sheep, hopefully the sheep pushes back this time.
compete with your brother for your sisters affection.
break up with your mom.
get a new tin roof for your trailer from walmart.
floss your tooth. brush your tooth.
go to bed on a plastic covered couch cause your mom is mad at you and your brother got your sister.

The Metmaster said...

Toasty, Ed, Met Fans:

Not to tell you your business, but visit that Cardinals trash site for laughs, but don't leave any comments. Don't dignify it by recognizing it as a baseball blog. These trailer-trash goobers are loving it when they get us to bite. It's exactly what they want. The collective IQ of the Cardinal contributors on that site do not add up to the number of players on a playoff roster. As we can see, little has changed there since Jackie Robinson's day. The only thing redder than their caps are their necks.