My Brother The Recruiter

I have an autographed hat on my wall unit. My brother got if for me during a trip to the spacious Comerica Caverns of Detroit. After professing his love for the then-Detroit Tiger who signed the hat (okay, he told him he was a fan, but professing love is a more powerful adjective), he put his recruiting skills in motion:

"Hey you should come play for the Mets one day!"

The player laughed, but my brother was subsequently shooed away by security.

It took a few years, but the seed that my brother planted years ago has finally beared fruit, as indeed, Jose Lima is a New York Met. It's not exactly Omar Minaya flying to the Dominican Republic to break bread with Pedro Martinez, but hey...it takes a village, right?

So let's break this down okay? The first thing you have to know is that on the field, Jose Lima is a looney toon. Now that's not necessarily a bad thing...but he's a nut. He sings, he dances, and he screams bloody murder into his glove. Now sometimes, he screams into his glove because outfielders make errors. And sometimes, he has been known to scream at his outfielders in full view. Now, if Lima were to do that to, say Cliff Floyd, then Lima might wind up on the DL because Cliffy, on a good day, will stuff the looney toon into a locker...and not one of those spacious corner lockers either. So Lima better watch his step, because emotion can sink him to depths lower than low.

You should also know that the last time Lima sniffed the playoffs, he pitched a wondrous, emotional, complete game against the eventual NL champion Cardinals. And that is the positive side of emotion. If Jose Lima has his stuff, emotion will lift him to the highest of highs...kind of like when you eat nothing but chocolate covered potato chips and drink a Coke Zero per hour and you feel like you want to use your walls as big giant trampolines. That's Jose Lima.

But here's the other thing you should know: There is a definite message being sent to Victor Zambrano...and even though this was Valentine's Day, this message was not attached to a dozen roses. The message is that Victor Zambrano is not thought highly of in these parts.

Think about it...Kris Benson and Jae Seo get traded because they have some value...so that would seem to cement Zambrano in the rotation, right? Well, I submit to you that the only reason Zambrano isn't gone instead is because he has no value. And now, even though he has won a starting rotation spot by default, Minaya is still willing to bring in a thirty-three year old singing, dancing looney toon picked up off of the scrap heap known as the Kansas City Royals to push for that 5th spot. Now you tell me how Victor Zambrano is supposed to feel? Here's a guy once traded for Scott Kazmir...now it's understood that Jose Lima is a better option to pitch in the rotation than Victor.

What have I forgotten, oh yeah, Lima allegedly infected a woman with herpes while never telling the woman he had it. He is otherwise a pillar in the community (he was a candidate for the Roberto Clemente award), and his wife is an internet sensation. Melissa Lima will take over the roster spot once occupied by Anna Benson, hopefully sans political commentary and unsolicited baseball advice.

So what does it all mean in the end?

It means Victor Zambrano should hold off on his local real estate search, I have a Met autograph, and Omar Minaya owes my brother a finders fee.