Wednesday, February 15, 2006

My Brother The Recruiter

I have an autographed hat on my wall unit. My brother got if for me during a trip to the spacious Comerica Caverns of Detroit. After professing his love for the then-Detroit Tiger who signed the hat (okay, he told him he was a fan, but professing love is a more powerful adjective), he put his recruiting skills in motion:

"Hey you should come play for the Mets one day!"
The player laughed, but my brother was subsequently shooed away by security.

It took a few years, but the seed that my brother planted years ago has finally beared fruit, as indeed, Jose Lima is a New York Met. It's not exactly Omar Minaya flying to the Dominican Republic to break bread with Pedro Martinez, but hey...it takes a village, right?

So let's break this down okay? The first thing you have to know is that on the field, Jose Lima is a looney toon. Now that's not necessarily a bad thing...but he's a nut. He sings, he dances, and he screams bloody murder into his glove. Now sometimes, he screams into his glove because outfielders make errors. And sometimes, he has been known to scream at his outfielders in full view. Now, if Lima were to do that to, say Cliff Floyd, then Lima might wind up on the DL because Cliffy, on a good day, will stuff the looney toon into a locker...and not one of those spacious corner lockers either. So Lima better watch his step, because emotion can sink him to depths lower than low.

You should also know that the last time Lima sniffed the playoffs, he pitched a wondrous, emotional, complete game against the eventual NL champion Cardinals. And that is the positive side of emotion. If Jose Lima has his stuff, emotion will lift him to the highest of highs...kind of like when you eat nothing but chocolate covered potato chips and drink a Coke Zero per hour and you feel like you want to use your walls as big giant trampolines. That's Jose Lima.

But here's the other thing you should know: There is a definite message being sent to Victor Zambrano...and even though this was Valentine's Day, this message was not attached to a dozen roses. The message is that Victor Zambrano is not thought highly of in these parts.

Think about it...Kris Benson and Jae Seo get traded because they have some value...so that would seem to cement Zambrano in the rotation, right? Well, I submit to you that the only reason Zambrano isn't gone instead is because he has no value. And now, even though he has won a starting rotation spot by default, Minaya is still willing to bring in a thirty-three year old singing, dancing looney toon picked up off of the scrap heap known as the Kansas City Royals to push for that 5th spot. Now you tell me how Victor Zambrano is supposed to feel? Here's a guy once traded for Scott Kazmir...now it's understood that Jose Lima is a better option to pitch in the rotation than Victor.

What have I forgotten, oh yeah, Lima allegedly infected a woman with herpes while never telling the woman he had it. He is otherwise a pillar in the community (he was a candidate for the Roberto Clemente award), and his wife is an internet sensation. Melissa Lima will take over the roster spot once occupied by Anna Benson, hopefully sans political commentary and unsolicited baseball advice.

So what does it all mean in the end?

It means Victor Zambrano should hold off on his local real estate search, I have a Met autograph, and Omar Minaya owes my brother a finders fee.

7 comments:

Fredstradamus said...

Ahh, yes ... a baseball park with a merry-go-round, and being "escorted" away by HUGE Dominican Henchmen (what'd you call them? Bodyguards? Hmph!). Such a Hemingway kinda moment, only with popcorn.

Omar, Papi: about the check ... have your people call my people.

iamSINATRA said...

By the way...

You let this go under your radar.

HE'S BACK...to teach the younguns how to steal bases and to win poker games in the locker room (during post season games only).

This and the recent Juan Samuel signing to the minors have put me back in touch with my Prozac connection.

Thanks Omar!

What's next? Vince Coleman to teach the "art of demolitions in combat"?

fredstradamus said...

Nice quote: "Rickey Henderson is returning to the Mets, and it's not because general manager Omar Minaya wants to make Julio Franco feel better about his age."

That's just awesome! LOL!

Metstradamus said...

I did see the Rickey story. Some things are just too easy...even for me.

Benny Blanco said...

I don't know about anyone else but for some reason I'm VERY hyped and excited about the Jose Lima signing.
FOrget that 6 ERA, this is the man that can sing the National Anthem. This man has his own band, "Banda Mambo".
This is also the original creator of the "rally cap".
I really like him.

mr. met said...

Well, I submit to you that the only reason Zambrano isn't gone instead is because he has no value.

Not the only reason. The other reason is that the Mets have a problem admitting they fucked up and fucked up big time. Trade a 11 year old Cy Young potential arm for a 30 year old who has done nothing but lead the league in walks and hit batsmen? I just puked.

Metstradamus said...

Mr. Met I agree 100% from the Wilpon's point of view. But Omar, who is rid of 15 of the 25 players on the roster during his arrival (not to mention has attempted to trade a good portion of the other 10), I don't think cares less. And I think once Omar is firmly confident in his own ability to make transactions (and once the Mets are too high in the standings for anyone to care), he wouldn't hesitate to dump him and admit a failure of a previous regime.

But others wisely hesitate to acquire him. Hence the problem.