Sunday, September 27, 2009

Gangsta Depreciation

Thank heaven for Gary Cohen, proving that I'm not the only one yodeling in a canyon. Here's what he said on Saturday in not so many words: "Why the $%*& is Fernando Tatis starting at first base for a 66-88 team while Nick Evans is rotting on the bench? Have we gone to the Tony Bernazard school for developing players?"

So he didn't say exactly that, but he started the conversation out loud ... the same conversation rattling in my head between all of my personalities. I've never seen a manager manage like it's spring training from April-August, only to be eliminated in September ... and then manage to win the game. Doesn't it worry you that Snoop Gangstalicious got the vote of confidence from the Wilpons, and still fills out a lineup card as if he's going to lose his job tomorrow? And if that's true, doesn't it also worry you that he truly believes that the man who's going to save his job single-handedly is Fernando Tatis? This is what he's banking on? He might as well go to a roulette table and ask if he could put all his chips on 44 blue.

As you can probably surmise, I could care less that Tatis hit a two-run home run to tie the game. Did it help? No. The Mets still got it handed to them by the Marlins in a game where my psychic abilities came rushing back to me in one fell swoop. Jorge Cantu batting against John Maine and what comes to my head? "Cantu is going to hit it 500 miles." Meanwhile, in the real world, Cantu hits a screaming liner to left to give the Marlins the lead. Close enough. It was then that I left the room thinking "when I walk back in, I'm going to see an "8" next to "FLA". What do I see when I come back? A f*&%ing eight, that's what. Eight for them, three for the Mets. Show me what I've won, Gene!

"Absolutely nothing, Metstradamus!"

I'm never right when it comes to those stupid lottery numbers, am I? Noooooooooooooo! Instead, I have fishes and eights and Fernando Tatis dancing in my head while I'm stuck in this torture chamber of a season for another eight days waiting for Jose Reyes to play a minor league game which doesn't exist. Welcome to my world ... where the circus is in town, the common sense is optional, and it's always Fan Appreciation Day. Speaking of, don't miss Fan Appreciation Day this season as the Mets take on the Nationals on Wednesday ... too bad you have to go to Washington to be appreciated because the Mets don't seem to have a Fan Appreciation Day this season. Instead, check out Fan Depreciation Day.

Oh wait, that's every day for us. I guess that doesn't make is so special, does it ...


doyle said...

For the love of Zeus, will you please stop being insightful, funny, and entertaining.

I am hooked on your blog, so the nightmare continues. My last link to the Metropolitans are your reports from the abyss.

Please stop the madness!

Anonymous said...

It's not just you, dude. I'm going to have permanent neck damage from shaking my head innumerable times at Jerry's man-crush on Tatis.

kjs said...

The greatest gift the Mets can give their fans is saying, "See you in April, suckers!" when some nonentity grounds out to end the season.

The greatest gift the Mets could have given Gary Cohen was two Sundays off so he could use his Jets season tickets.

The greatest gift the Mets fans can give other Mets fans is to drop all their season tickets and plans. Tune out SNY. As long as tickets are sold, Minaya, Manuel, and the rest of the clowns are here to stay.