Sunday, May 03, 2009

Stew In Your Juices

Not to be over-analytical about a rainout, but the last thing this team needs after a brutal loss is a rainout. Another team? They'd use the time off to be with their families, play some poker, catch up on some correspondence. The Mets? It's just another 32 hours they get to rock back and forth in a corner curled up in the fetal position wondering why ... why?

It's also another 30 hours the Mets have to decide what to do with Oliver Perez. Bullpen? Minors? Public flogging? Trade him to some intergalactic baseball league that doesn't have internet so that Minaya could outwit the GM of Neptune into giving him a third handed relief specialist?
"If I need it, then I have to go [to the minors], because right now I don't help my team. "Right now, I don't feel I'm doing my job." -Oliver Perez
Well Ollie, don't despair. There's plenty to do in Buffalo. And you'll get to play in the gorgeous Dunn Tire Park.

Hey, you might see more Met history there than at Citi Field (and that's just on the roster itself.)

Is it history you want? Well, you could also visit the Buffalo Sports Hall of Fame, located conveniently in the HSBC Arena.

Yes Ollie, it gets cold in Buffalo. Lake effect snow is a bitch. But hey, turn that cold into a way to keep your control sharp:

That's right, target practice. Make your control just as sharp as those icicles by knocking 'em down. (Just don't let one of them come down and take out your eye.)

Oh yes, the Anchor Bar. Good chicken wings. Just don't eat too many of them. Remember when Ted Higuera had you on that "conditioning program"?

Oh, and about that "live entertainment" you see on the marquee?

That's right Ollie: Dunk Tank. Especially if you get off to a slow start in Buffalo.

(Editor's update: The Mets have decided that it is best to let Oliver Perez work out his problems in the bullpen. This will probably ruin a perfectly good bullpen. It definitely ruined a perfectly good photo essay. Sigh.)


Schneck said...

Its looking like this sudden, suspicious, knee injury might solve the problem. A couple of weeks on the DL and a few rehab starts to get past this "injury."

weesle909 said...

Told y'all. I knew Ollie would be horseshit.

And speaking of horses, I picked 'Mine that Bird' in the Derby.

OK, not really 'picked' - I said it had to coolest name. But I did mention that before the race. So I win something, right?

MetFanMac said...

I'd have gone for the public flogging myself. That would be a great promotion, actually: "The first 500 people to come to Citi Fieldand get to flog Oliver Perez! Fun for the whole family!"

Hazeleyes said...

Hmmm... a knee injury.

All that is really wrong with him is that he is a charlatan.

Able to fake out GM's for a long time.

But his snake oil is not working anymore.

So he fakes a knee problem and gets sent to the BP. Where he can only ruin a relatively good thing.

I think Omar is on some other team's payroll and wants the Mets to tank.