Thursday, March 26, 2009

Brainwashed

This is comforting:
"I really liked when he left. He came into camp in good shape. I thought he was throwing the ball very well when he left camp. I was a little reticent when he left, and my worries have come to fruition.

"I think he’s not in shape. The arm is out of shape. Certainly the better body shape you are it’s easier to get your arm in shape. Even though the weight is about the same as the end of last year, he is still not the same guy we saw, the energetic guy. Even the life around the clubhouse is not the same."
-Dan Warthen, on Oliver Perez
This is the guy the Mets spent $36 million on? A guy who can't be away from Warthen for a minute without falling apart and forgetting everything he was ever taught? Obviously, Warthen is going to have to fix his motion, get his command back, chop up happy pills and sneak them in his food, and re-teach him basic math. And no more slumber parties or sleepovers for Oliver where he can pick up bad habits, snack before dinnertime, and learn curse words in Czech.

Heck, Warthen should just become Ollie's roommate. After all, Perez obviously needs round-the-clock supervision. Warthen is going to have to remind him how to get out of bed in the morning, tell him that walking involves left ... then right, go through the steps of chewing breakfast (up, down, up, down), and how to drive stick. How else will Perez make his way to the park on game day? Not to mention the fact that the Mets play in a new park now. Without Dan Warthen, Oliver will wander the new parking lot looking for the bullpen mound. Oh, and you have Vinny Castilla, Ted Higuera, and the WBC to thank for this.

Damn you Higuera, what the hell did you do to him? Was he put on a training program that involved every Denny's franchise in San Diego? Was every movie you rented from Netflix the one where they all die at the end? How did this happen in two weeks?

7 comments:

Dan said...

Seriously, I was starting to get worried 'bout the starting rotataion back a couple weeks ago. Now I'm pretty much figuring we gonna have a great bullpen (a year late) and a mediocre starting staff. But the rotation should be good enough to keep us in the division hunt till 'round September, when from the mouths and pens of the collective media all the late-season demons of yesteryear will be summoned. Let’s just hope the team can shoulder the challenge this year. We ain’t getting back to the playoffs unless we finish strong. That’s why I think how we get started this season ain’t so important.

Unser said...

File this one under ridiculous. If Warthen is right, Ollie should be fined. Yes, really, FINED. You're making millions of $$ per year, just signed a contract and you show up after the WBC out of shape?

These guys need to be held accountable.

number15 said...

i was in the minority as a proponent of the resigning of perez. i also think spring training performance is a terrible indicator of regular season production. these things said, i am very troubled by this story, given oliver's resume. i agree, metstra; ollie needs an accountabili-buddy

Brian said...

Haha...I can't the image of Ollie wandering around the parking lot out of my head. Apparently they're going to keep home plate marked out there so he may very well just pelt cars until Warthen leads the glassy eyed buffoon towards Citi.

[Warthen in hushed tones] Everything's gonna be okay. Let's just come over this way. Thaaat's right. There we are.

Schneck said...

While Warthen's honesty is nice I don't see how sharing these thoughts publicly helps an already fragile psyche. It almost sounds like "Don't blame me if this guy sucks. I didn't want him in the WBC so this is not on me." I don't think that attitude serves his pitchers well.

katherine said...

I think there is a method in Warthen's madness. Remember last year, in June or July, when Billy W publicly trashed Ollie for pitching a terrible game? Ollie really pulled it together after that! He just seems to really need universal condemnation from his peers to start performing well.

Slimbo said...

I see this being another Pete Harnisch situation...by July we could see Oli on the DL with depression.