What Would The Dying Mule Say?

Dear Metstra-dumb ass,

I was turned on to your so-called website recently, and I just couldn't wait to respond.

You know, I'm apalled at the way you would treat someone who is a slam dunk future hall of famer. You really should have a little respect. I just have one question for you...

Did you see that freakin' home run I hit tonight to win the game?

I mean geez, you have been busting my hump non-stop over the last few weeks. You called me the most glorified singles hitter in the league, you said that I looked like a 5 year old at Guitar Center after I was lucky enough to jam with Alter Bridge (and no, my close personal friend Myles Kennedy didn't steal second on me, dope! And I could care less how silly I looked...when was the last time YOU jammed with a rock band that had a hit record?)

You've gone on and on about David Wright this, and David Wright that, and bat him higher in the order and predicting that I was going to fall on my sword and ask Willie Randolph to bat me down in the order so that David Wright could bat higher. Well guess what Metstradopey, I ain't asking nobody for nothing. I'm a 12 time all star and a former MVP. What exactly has David Wright done to deserve batting higher than me? Tell me! What?

I know after I grounded out to end the first inning with two runners on, and Wright jacked one out to lead off the second that you were ramping up to skewer me and my place in the Mets lineup again. I know you were going to ride that David Wright love train as it crashes into my locker for the 10 zillionth time. And as he hit his second home run and then made that diving catch on the suicide squeeze for the double play, I knew your keyboard was working overtime throwing dirt on my grave, you cut rate soothsayer. Well sooth say this! How about that home run! I took that pitch by my eyes in the eighth and jacked it out to right field, just as I've done for years as I broke a tied game and led my team to a 6-3 victory. Over freaking Atlanta no less! The Braves!!!

And did you see me in the dugout? Did you see the big smile on my face??? That sir, is a smile that says "kiss my ass Metstradamus...kiss my ass!"

I may be a dying mule, but you sir, are a healthy dose of jackass.

Yours Truly,

Mike Piazza, 1996 MVP