Sunday, July 24, 2005

Smokin' Dope And Battlin' Hose

I like Harold Reynolds. I'm a fan of Harold Reynolds. But the Baseball Tonight analyst is ingesting some serious drugs. Before tonight's Cubs game, he listed three teams that would make sense by trading for Ken Griffey Jr. I believe the first two were the Astros and the Yankees. The last team he mentioned was the Mets, because they have Cameron as a chip.

Wha?

So let me get this straight...it makes sense for the Mets to trade a center fielder who is currently playing out of position for an older center fielder to come to New York and play out of position? It makes sense for the Mets to trade for someone who already vetoed a trade to the Mets once before? It makes sense for the Mets to acquire a man whose hamstrings look like that marinated shredded chicken featured in Taco Bell's spicy burrito? In what universe does this make sense...exactly?

Let it be reiterated that I am a big fan of Harold Reynolds. But Metstradamus cannot sanction Mr. Reynolds' line of thinking...especially since Ken Griffey Jr. is a charter member of the Hall of Hate.

Speaking of smoking dope and the Hall of Hate: I put together a 25 man roster of players I hate, not a roster of 25 guys I want to see the Mets trade for! If any Mets official reads this blog, they obviously misunderstood...so stop these trading for Jeff Kent thoughts right now!!! He's OLD! He's a CANCER! Have I mentioned the OLD part? Why don't you torture me more by signing David Cone so you can trade him for Kent? And what is Ryan Thompson doing these days? The Mets don't have quite enough 300 strikeout hitters in their lineup, so he can come back too. Maybe you can get Gene Walter to anchor the middle relief! What's next? Bobby Bonilla III? Al Harazin II? David Wells I?

There's a saying: "Been there, done that, bought the DVD." We've been driven down this road, the car crashed into a brick wall, and the DVD is called "The 1993 Mets highlight video", all of 34 seconds long. Before you go down that same road, stop...breathe, and turn the Volvo around.

STOP THE INSANITY!!!

***

You really can't make this stuff up.

ESPNEWS' Anthony Amey teased Sunday's Red Sox/White Sox matchup as the "Battle of the Hose".

Seriously.

The Prostitutional Union of Laboring Ladies (P.U.L.L.) is currently picketing the Bristol, CT offices for the slanderous comment.

(This is what's known as a "joke grenade". It's not going to hit you right away, but it will hit you if you think about it. Hint: repeat the line "battle of the hose" out loud.)

8 comments:

Christopher Trottier said...

Whatever happened to the days when Ken Griffery was a somebody?

Metstradamus said...

Those days were ripped from the calendar just as Griffey's hamstrings were ripped from his bones.

erik love said...

P.U.L.L.,that's fuckin hillarious metstra(can i call you metstra?)I swear i nearly pissed my draws. For an old fart, you sure are funny. Where do you get this stuff?

Metstradamus said...

I get most of my stuff from my friends at the retirement home. There are advantages to being old ;)

And yes, you can call me metstra.

Anonymous said...

For the love of everything in the world . . . make these horrible horrible trade rumors stop!!!!!!!!!! Jeff Kent is hideous looking, Alfonso Soriano plays like an ugly ugly man, and lets face it, the entire Reds team look like they've fallen off the ugly tree and they suck too! Why would we want any of these people? Why do people like torturing Mets fans????

-- Too lazy to register and login (but rest assured I'm a good looking bastard)

Anonymous said...

Right on the money as usual, Metstradamus. You my friend are the lone voice of reason among the plebian, blue collared folks known as us Mets fans. In light of your namesake, could you predict what will actually happen at the dreaded Trade Deadline?

Metstradamus said...

If I am the voice of reason, we're all in trouble!

I actually think it's going to be something small, for the bullpen. Omar has one eye towards 2006 anyway, which is when your BIG move will happen.

I keep coming back to Adam Dunn, but I think it's going to take a very creative, three-team type deal to get him (probably too creative to work). The safe bet would be to predict Soriano, but if the Rangers insist on Milledge, it's not happening.

Fred said...

Your "joke grenade" ... you shold have thrown yourself on it!

Just kidding, brother of mine ... a co-worker once said that to me about one of MY joke grenades!

You're right re: trades ... the Mets are onto something the way they are. Nothing huge will happen this year.