The Symmetry of Eight-Oh

Of course, it would be 8-0.

Because the first I saw of the Mets game, the score was already 8-0. This happened mere moments after I just got finished dropping some money at Harrah's in Atlantic City.

How much money, you ask? Of course ... 80 dollars.

If you close your eyes, you can distinctly make out the laughter of each individual baseball god, as they just keep throwing the fun little coincidences at me. Not enough I'm in Atlantic City ... Phillie country ... losing money and seeing more Phillies shirts and hats than I've seen in every other visit I've ever taken here combined, but this morning I wake up, flip on SportsCenter, and find myself right smack in the middle of the "Top Ten Mets F**k-Ups Of The Season" (I don't think they actually called it that.) How do you know you've had a bad season? You have enough boners for a Top Ten of the Season list all by yourself, it's only July, and Ryan Church missing third base before scoring the winning run isn't even on the list!

You know how else you know things are bad? When Manny Ramirez gets ejected from the game in the fifth inning for treating his elbow pad like a hand grenade ... and he still goes 2-for-4 with three RBI!!!

And the news doesn't get any better, as Jose Reyes and Carlos Beltran are nowhere near returning, while Oliver Perez returns Wednesday to either set fire to what's remaining of his career, or pitch the best game in his life in a 1-0 Mets loss.

But just when you think your life stinks, think of the 12-year-old youth travel team in Brooklyn who showed up to the field for their scheduled game to find out all the bases were stolen and the pitching rubber was ripped out of the ground, forcing the game to be cancelled.

Perhaps similar acts of thievery are the Mets' last hope.

I Read The News Today, Oh Boy!

Two Mets types are discussing the events of the day in the bowels of Citi Field:

Mets Type 1: You see the news?

Mets Type 2: Sure did. Shame for them, huh?

MT1: Yup. Some thought they had the division locked up.

MT2: Yup. Think of the backlash if we had got him.

MT1: Yeah. Instead, we're just having a quiet day at the ballpark. No distractions, no media crush ...

MT2: Not that it would matter anyway. After all, there's no tabloids in our clubhouse, so if Manny was clipped for PED's as a Met, I doubt the rest of the team would figure it out for days on end.

MT1: You're right. I wonder if the team even knows about Manny?

MT2: Not likely. Heck I bet they don't even know that Angel Pagan was hauled in for multiple traffic violations.

MT1: Hmmm ... You know ...

MT2: Yeah?

MT1: This could help solve a problem of ours.

MT2: How so?

MT1: Well, y'know we put Oliver Perez on the 15 day DL, right?

MT2: Go on.

MT1: Think about it. Fifteen days isn't going to be enough for Ollie to figure out his problems ... he's only had five years.

MT2: You got that right.

MT1: So let's say that one of our trainers, who is treating Ollie in Buffalo for his "patella tendinitis" ...

MT2: (giggles uncontrollably)

MT1: No wait, wait, shut up! What if on the trainers table there's, say, Novocaine ... and another needle that just happens to contain ...

MT2: Gonadotropin??!?

MT1: Exactly!

MT2: It's unethical!

MT1: Or ... it's awesome! Think about it, that's 50 games that Oliver can "rehab" and the Mets wouldn't even have to pay him! And the trainer can write it off as an "unfortunate accident".

MT2: I don't want any part of this. I feel dirty just being in this conversation.

MT1: Come on, it can't miss! Then everyone can blame Oliver for being a cheat rather than us for signing him in the first place, and for not knowing whether to put him in the bullpen or the disabled list! It's brilliant!!!

MT2: I don't know ... I just don't feel comfortable with this ...

(This conversation is interrupted by the Baseball Gods)

BG: Metstradamus how could you!

MD: What? What now?

BG: The whole premise of this conversation you're conjuring up is just wrong ... and it's tempting us to do some nasty things to your club.

MD: Haven't you done enough? What more can you do?

BG: Well, in an ironic twist, we could put a lefty pitcher of yours on PED's, only it wouldn't be Perez.

MD: Umm ... (shakes uncontrollably) you are talking about Ken Takahashi, aren't you?

BG: Guess again.

MD: You wouldn't dare!

BG: Wouldn't we.

MD: All right, what do I have to do?

BG: End your flimsy attempt at a joke, give us a disclaimer, and all will be forgiven.

MD: Forgotten too?

BG: Well ...

MD: All right, just don't mess with Johan.

BG: Deal. See ya soon!

MD: I was afraid you'd say that.

(Disclaimer: The above conversation is fiction. The Mets would never even dream of such a thing let alone put it into practice. Manny Ramirez's suspension is unfortunate and should not be joked about ... even when the Mets go to Los Angeles to face a Manny-less Dodger team later this month. Oliver Perez's injury is real and should also not be joked about. And steroids, steroid maskers, and women's fertility drugs are never the answer.)

You Don't Suppose...

Now that the Mets have all their pitching, and that they've pretty much locked Manny Ramirez out of the hut, you think they might renew their interest in trading for Jermaine Dye?

He's a right handed bat (which they want), he's going to cost about $14 million less than Manny (which they like), and now that the White Sox are seemingly close to Bobby Abreu, there could be a necessity to trade Dye. (May we interest you in a slap hitting second baseman, Chicago?)

But seriously, I don't know what the Sox would want going the other way. It can't be much if they absolutely have to trade him, but it will probably be Homer Bailey in a deal that was rumored long ago. So I doubt Dye to the Mets would actually happen. But this is the kind of blog post you get when my caretakers actually allow me to think.

In an unrelated epiphany, if the Mets sign Victor Diaz as that right handed bat and think that bringing "Little Manny" back would take Mets fans mind off of "Big Manny", I'm going to jump off what remains of Shea Stadium. So they'd better knock that puppy down quick.

Obsessed Much?

J.REYES

That was the caption written under a picture very similar to the one above of Shane Victorino daring to celebrate after a game tying playoff home run and pasted in Victorino's locker before Game 5 of the NLCS. Obviously a jab at Victorino for showing emotion. Funny how this team has surpassed the Mets, left them in the dust, made them eat dust, yet are still obsessed with them. Professionals? Or bitter schoolgirls? You decide.

Too bad the Dodgers didn't see it and get all pissed off and use it as the inspiration to beat the crap out of them the rest of the series. Oh yeah, that only happens to the Mets.

On the bright side, Manny Ramirez is a free agent. The bad news is that the Manny that Omar Minaya goes after will probably wind up being Manny Alexander.

Excuse me while I stick my head in the oven.

Mets Activity At The Trade Deadline

Thankfully, the deadline for the Phillies and the Marlins looked about the same, as Manny will not be wearing teal but will be wearing blue (I for one would rather deal with Manny for a seven game series rather than 60 or so as a Marlin). But somehow, according to Steve Phillips, the Mets are the losers of the trade deadline. As such, the Mets have forfeited the rest of the season in shame. Because you know Steve Phillips ... and Steve Phillips knows baseball.

Fishy Business

It hasn't been a great night all around for the Mets, who lost to the Fish on Wednesday, dropped to series, and dropped to second place in the division. Tomorrow, an off day, has the potential to be a whole lot worse.

Look, I'm into free thinking, and I'm not into telling you how to think. I'm not Big Brother. But I'm here to give you some friendly, free advice that you would be wise to heed. This Manny to the Marlins rumor that's getting way too close to reality? You do not want that to happen. No, seriously ... you don't want Manny to be a Marlin. Look at the Manny Fish. Look directly at it. You are getting sleepy. Your eyes are getting heavy. When you wake up and I snap my fingers, you will hope and pray that after 4:00 ET on Thursday, Manny Ramirez will still be wearing "Red Sox", and not teal socks.

Go ahead and tell me about "Manny being Manny". Go ahead and bring up the goofy fielding. Talk to me until you're blue in the face about the six seconds it regularly takes for Manny to get down the first base line on a grounder to third. You can tell me all of that. But at the end of the day, if you add a future hall of famer to a lineup that has more home runs than anyone in baseball, that spells disaster for the Mets.

Because that future hall of famer ... for two months ... is going to be the most motivated baseball player on Planet Earth. In his quest to stick it to the Red Sox, he's going to stick it to the Mets ... and they'll be fighting for the wild card. Of course after that, Manny will revert to being Manny once he gets that contract. But for two months, it's on.

I'd suggest that the Mets intervene and get Ramirez for themselves to join forces with Pedro Martinez (another player Manny claims was mistreated by the Red Sox), but that's not happening for a myriad of reasons. This trade being discussed now is way too far along in the process. Mets ownership can't even handle Paul Lo Duca being controversial, there's no way the Wilpons would except Manny urinating in the visitors bullpen during a pitching change. And most importantly, the Mets don't have that right mix of young players and prospects that the Marlins do ... it's an advantage Florida has by being bad all these years, selling off their parts, and then being good all at once. The Mets, meanwhile, will tell us that their trading deadline acquisition came during the winter when all their chips were placed on Johan Santana. It will be the easy and legitimate bouquet of flowers to present to Mets fans when the Marlins are getting Manny Ramirez and the Mets respond by bringing back Jay Payton and adding Arthur Rhodes.

So don't expect the Mets to be anywhere near Manny Ramirez this season. I don't expect it ... and I accept it. But you don't want him anywhere near the Marlins either. It's the difference between the trading deadline passing peacefully, and the trading deadline hitting you upside the head with a frying pan. So light another one of those candles leftover from Billy Wagner's injury, and light it for a reconciliation between Manny and the Sox. And if that doesn't work, then you mind as well light your hair on fire instead.

Before Those Inevitable "Manny To The Mets" Rumors Start Up Again...

I say the Red Sox just trade Manny Ramirez to the Packers for Brett Favre.

We've been down this road with Manny before ... and we know where that went. And we know where it should have went.

So since Manny to the Mets before the trade deadline has zero chance of happening, let's give two stories one ending, and force SportsCenter to cut their 6PM show back to thirty minutes since there would be nothing more to talk about ... ever.

Besides, I hear Brett's VORP is huuuuuuuge!

The Sun Shines Through

(Editor's note: Please forgive the potential weather metaphors that are possible with this post.)

The weather read like it was going to be more conducive to ducks ... er, I mean ducks and kites with keys on the end of them, than it would have been for baseball. But as I searched for the cell phone number of my game companion today (more on who that is later on) to ask if he was still into making the trek for Cap Day, knowing that we could wind up turning around and going home without seeing any baseball, that's when the sun started to peek through.

The rain that was forecast for pretty much the whole day (and had me anticipating a day/night doubleheader tomorrow) instead stayed away long enough for the Mets to come up with a stirring 3-2 victory at Shea today. The game worked out just like the weather today: cloudy and stormy early (Pelfrey giving up a run right off the bat thanks to his own sub-par stuff, and Jose Reyes ' glove doing an impression of a skillet on a throw from Endy Chavez that would have had Matt Kemp out by ten feet ... instead kicking the ball away and letting a run score), stabilizing in the middle (Pelfrey giving up two runs in seven innings for an outing that was more more laborious than his line would indicate ... yet probably saved his job) and very sunny late.

(Cue dream sequence music)

This is now starting to get about time where I start getting nostalgic about Shea Stadium. The first game I went to was more like "hey, it's the first game at Shea for me this year" (and I had no real time to sit and be nostalgic that game since I was too busy getting pissed off at the no run support for Pelfrey and trying to catch t-shirts shot out of a cannon ... and yes, I got one that day), so this second game was the one where it started to kick in. I sat in the right field mezzanine today, right near the seats that I spent so much time in during the late 80's, early 90's ... and when Carlos Beltran was up in the eighth as the tying run, I started to get some Darryl Strawberry flashbacks.

Strawberry's stats tell you that in close and late situations, he stunk. So maybe it was the idiocy of youth, or maybe it was the lack of the Internet to look up his numbers on the Baseball Reference website. But every time Straw came up, I had that feeling that something good was going to happen ... he always had the ability to jack one off the scoreboard. If I wasn't longing for Straw's close and late numbers instead of Beltran's (not terrible for his career, but awful for '07 and '08), I certainly longed for that good feeling to come back ... not like the feeling I get when Beltran's up. Damn, why can't Beltran hit one off the scoreboard every once in a while and send Shea rockin' like we always knew Straw could. I mean, things aren't as good now as they were then and back when I was young I had to walk uphill to school in the snow without any shoes or socks and I still believed Darryl Strawberry could hit the scoreboard mere minutes after rolling out of bed and ...

(The fwack of Carlos Beltran's bat brings me back to reality and ends the dream sequence music)

Holy crap! He hit one off of Jonathan Broxton! We never hit that guy. And Carlos Beltran roughed him up!

Broxton, as you know, is as big as a forest ... never mind the tree. So when Fernando Tatis came up, and we know that Tatis sometimes comes up to the theme from Superman, it was like a comic book battle between The Man of Steel and The Incredible Hulk. And with a bouncer up the middle, Superman won.

(Editor's note: Apparently this was a battle that actually happened in an actual comic book ... and Superman won that one too.)

And with that (and a one-two-three inning from Country Time in the ninth), the game was over, and the sun went away, knowing it was now needed more somewhere else.

***

There's a big milestone that happened today that I want to acknowledge.

No, I'm not talking about Manny Ramirez's 500th home run. (Although, that's worth acknowledging too ... not only because Manny is Manny, but also a beast of a hitter who's going to the Hall of Fame ... but because it came off our old friend Chad Bradford. And since former Mets have been muscling in on some milestone hits lately, I fully expect Ken Griffey Jr. to hit home run number 600 on Sunday against Royce Ring.)

Saturday's Mets victory was the 200th regular season win witnessed by my companion today: blogging buddy Greg Prince over at Faith and Fear in Flushing (a blogfest if there ever was one, especially with Mark from Mets Walkoffs stopping by as well). He even mentioned Manny Ramirez to me today in terms of having been through four losses before getting this victory, just as Manny waited a decent amount of time for number 500. Certainly, as Manny is going to the Hall of Fame five years after he retires, Greg deserves a place in the Hall of Fans if there was one. I'm happy to have been the Chad Bradford to Greg's Manny Ramirez.

***

Weirdest jersey of the day: The guy who came to Shea today wearing the Don Mattingly jersey.

The Don Mattingly Dodgers jersey. The one with the number 8 on it.

Dude, you topped my Todd Zeile jersey.