Supersize Me

Very few baseball games exist that can turn me into a laughing hyena, an angry pyromaniac, and a babbling idiot. Most games accomplish one of the three. Some may hit two of those emotions. Rarely the hat trick. But a 20-inning game just about did it.

Top 1:

Who, exactly, is Jamie Garcia?

Bottom 1:

Skip Schumaker doubles, and there are Nyjer Morgan flashbacks. But Santana settles down and goes through the middle of the order in good shape.

Top 3:

Another 1-2-3 inning. Noticed that former Met Gary Bennett turns 38.

Top 4:

Still nothing against Garcia. Jason Bay's average plummeting faster than the stock market.

Top 5:

Crap, we're about to be no-hit by Jamie Garcia. No no-hitters in 48 seasons and we're going to have the deed done to us by Jamie Garcia. Laughter commences at the mere thought.

Bottom 5:

Here I start to think that Johan Santana is going to get screwed somehow. He's pitching too well. Somebody is going to blow it for him.

Top 6:

Hey, a hit! It's a Christmas Miracle!!!

Bottom 6:

Santana knifes through the middle of the order. So much for Pujols' success against Johan.

Top 7:

Jason Bay flies out to deep right. That ball must have been knocked down by the volcanic ash.

Top 10:

It's mentioned to me that a team that holds Albert Pujols and company to zilch through nine innings deserves to win. I mention that a team that gets one hit off Jamie Garcia for seven innings deserves to lose.

That must be why they call me Mr. Sunshine.

Bottom 10:

Alex Cora comes in for his third ever appearance at first base, and saves the day by making a leaping catch into the stands with the bases loaded and two outs. City of St. Louis groans, then thinks "Hey, Sam Bradford is going to need a receiver."

Top 11:

You know in the good ol' days, the Mets have torched the likes of Mitchell Boggs. Now, Boggs reminds us that even 2008 is a long ways away, as he gets the Mets down rather easily. Oh, and Corporal, you're not helping.

Bottom 11:

1-2-3 inning. Gary Bennett turns 42.

Top 12:

Ubaldo Jimenez finishes up his no-hitter against the Braves. One no-hitter in 18 years for Colorado. None in 48 for the Mets. This can't be a good omen.

Bottom 12:

How many bodies would have flown off the bridge if the Mets walked Albert Pujols to get to the pitcher, and Jason Motte beats them with a base hit?

Top 13:

John Maine runs for Rod Barajas. Thankfully, he didn't leave a trail of puke behind.

Top 14:

Blake Hawksworth comes in to pitch. I still think he's a Harvey Birdman character. He strikes out Mike Jacobs. Chris Carter hit .414 in the spring. Just thought I'd bring that up.

Bottom 14:

Once again, Pujols is walked for the pitchers' spot. My heart, once again in my throat as my brain thinks "This is it. Blake Hawksworth is going to win the game for the Cardinals and then waltz back into the romance novel he came from." Thankfully, disaster is avoided.

Top 15:

1-2-3 inning. Jon Niese pinch hits, actually has a good stroke going for him ... well, relative to the rest of the team, anyway.

The Mets now have four hits in fifteen innings. Gary Bennett turns 44.

Bottom 15:

Jenrry Mejia comes into the game and gets through the 15th without soiling himself. Nice to see a rookie make strides.

Top 16:

Mike Jacobs gets the first sacrifice bunt in his life. I look out the window to make sure there are no pigs with wings.

Bottom 16:

La Russa burns his last position player, and Ryan Ludwick burns a chance to win by Paganing himself out of the inning between third and home.

Top 17:

The Canadiens/Capitals game, which started at 7:00, and goes to overtime, ends. This game, which puts me closer to hell with every inning, lives on.

Bottom 17:

Raul Valdez comes into the game. Surely, this has to be it. This has to be the game. Okay, I'm prepared. Just make the death quick and painless, would ya?

Death won't come. Valdez actually has a curveball tonight.

Top 18:

La Russa's trying to give the Mets the game. Felipe Lopez, who hit a grannie to beat the Mets on Friday, is on the hill on Saturday. And he's throwing slop. But the only hit the Mets get is by Valdez (who Lopez hit the grannie off of ... irony), who's thrown out trying to go to second on a bad throw. Up until this point, I am thinking that there's I'm not going to be too upset if the Mets drop this game. Now, now that the Mets can't muster up a simple rally off a position player, that's out the window.

Mike Jacobs flies out to end the inning off of Lopez, who gets through the 18th scoreless. Proof that there's no justice in the world: Jacobs wasn't released before he hit the dugout.

Bottom 18:

I run outside with a glove and a ball because all the junk I've been told about how baseball is a hard game, and how there's no way in the world a regular joe could strike out a major league hitter is blown to bits. If Felipe Lopez can set the Mets down meekly, surely there's hope for me. I'm officially in training.

By the end of the 18th, however, I've blown out my arm. Prevention and Recovery my ass.

Top 19:

"Hey Dave, check this ... I'm going to put a center fielder in to pitch, and put a pitcher in left field. If this works, I'm going to be the greatest f***ing genius of all time! THE GREATEST, I say!" -Tony La Russa

I make up my mind that if the Mets go two innings without scoring a run off two different position players, I would take a torch to Citi Field. There would be no more Shake Shack, no more Beers of the World, and the only delicacy in the outfield would be Charred Home Run Apple. It would all be gone and the Mets would have to finish out the season playing their games in the Ebbets Field apartment complex. Then the Wilpon's dream will truly come true. However, lives are spared as the Mets score the first run of the game against La Russa's plan to have a pitcher play the outfield and an outfielder pitch, which was almost as good a plan as double switching Matt Holliday out of the game ensuring that Pujols would see nothing but walks in front of whatever pitcher has to bat (Editor's update: Okay, Tony gets a pass on that since Holliday was still sick). They still can't get a clean hit off of a position player, but at least Luis Castillo lays down a beautiful sacrifice bunt. Nice that the Mets can execute fundamentals with a center fielder on the mound.

Bottom 19:

In fairness to Frankie Rodriguez, he probably threw about 100 pitches in the bullpen warming up, sitting down. Warming up, sitting down.

That said, the Mets all star closer gave up the same amount of runs as the position player did in the top of the inning, by giving up the tying run on a Yadier Molina base hit. The fact that Frankie warmed up seventeen times didn't help fade away the Aaron Heilman flashbacks. At the end of the inning, Frankie points to the sky, as per custom. Why would he do this?

Because he was thanking the Good Lord that Ryan Ludwick was thrown out stealing second ... and that I couldn't possibly fly to St. Louis and set fire to his jockstrap with him in it.

Top 20:

Pagan reaches on an infield single, and Jacobs hits the first ball out of the infield off a position player. I still want him cut.

Jose Reyes hits a sac fly to give the Mets the lead again. A sac fly ... off Joe Mather. Not a hit ... a sac fly. Reyes, 0 for 7, is now being considered for 10th in the lineup. Jeff Francoeur disagrees.

Bottom 20:

Mike Pelfrey volunteers to come into the game, and after a quick two-out rally, the Mets finally end this and come away with a 2-1 win. That's two runs, off two position players, on three lousy hits off of them. And people wonder why Met fans are so bitter. Imagine if the Mets had lost ... where would this have ranked on the all-time gut wrenching loss list? Top ten? Top five? And how is it that this may wind up being the wackiest game you've ever seen in your life, and the one player on the roster that had nothing to do with it was Oliver Perez? Now that's irony.

At the end of the game, Gary Bennett turned 50.

And Omar Minaya signed him to a three year deal.

It's A One Horse Race

Fernando Tatis really made an impression on Mets brass during Wednesday's spring training win over the Astros, when two straight fly balls hit by Tatis were dropped by Astros fielders, including Fielding Bible award winner Hunter Pence, leading to a key Mets run.

"It's like those balls he hit had buzzsaws on 'em man," said Mets manager Jerry Manuel. "Those balls he hit were some gritty ... it really takes a special kind of hitter to make those balls move like that to confuse the fielders. I think if he can do this a couple times a game like he did today, we'd really have a better chance to win on most nights."

And thus it was announced after the game that Tatis will start at first base this season. Omar Minaya subsequently announced that Daniel Murphy was traded to the Twins for Joe Mauer ... 's copy of MLB 2K10 for Wii of which he's on the cover (the trade had to be modified when Minaya realized that Mauer is actually on the cover of MLB The Show). And Ike Davis was traded to the Phillies for Ryan Howard, who was traded to the Cardinals for Albert Pujols, who was traded to the Yankees for Francisco Cervelli ... clearing the way for Tatis to be the Mets first baseman for the rest of your life and your afterlife. But don't worry, the Mets also announced that lasagna bolognese will be served in your personal hell, and those pesky birds will be redirected away from your food.*

*Outside of the two dropped fly balls this post is satire, in case you didn't figure it out by the time Omar traded the best player in baseball for a back-up catcher which, though plausible, actually didn't happen ... this time. Please come down off the ledge and have a Peking Duck Bun.

It's So Big ...

Johan Santana: You know Nelson, this big chipotle cheesesteak sandwich from Subway restaurant is so big ...

Nelson Figueroa: Yeah, it's playing in the majors big.

Johan: No no no, it's winning the Cy Young big.

Nelson: No, it's pitching a no-hitter big.

Nolan Ryan: No no Nelson, it's pitching seven no-hitters after you leave the Mets big.

Angel Pagan: No Nolan, it's constantly holding at third base on singles to the outfield big.

Luis Castillo: No Angel, it's falling down the dugout steps and spraining your ankle big.

Hospital for Special Surgery: No Luis, it's diagnosing your injury and having people who know nothing about medicine prescribe a cortisone shot big.

Snoop Manuel: No doctors, it's not needing tendons to play baseball big.

Jose Reyes: No coach, it's not being able to run because of that tendon that I supposedly don't need big.

K-Rod: No Jose, it's blowing a 7-5 lead in the ninth big.

Johan: Wait a minute Frankie, it's not that big.

Sean Green: No Frankie, it's hitting the first batter you see in a tie game with the bases loaded with your first pitch big.

Albert Pujols: No Sean, it's hitting a grand slam to put the game away while playing lion to your christian big.

Johan Santana: Come on guys ...

David Wright: No Albert, it's having your season end in August big.

Carlos Beltran: No David, it's having your season end when all of your stars eventually land on the disabled list big.

Oliver Perez: No Carlos, it's having your season end when you let Derek Lowe go to Atlanta to sign a mediocre lefty to an overpriced contract big.

Fred Wilpon: No Oliver, it's having your season end when you get taken for $700 million on a ponzi scheme big.

Johan Santana: Yeah, I guess you're right.

Johan Santana: Hey, who took my f***ing chipotle cheesesteak sandwich from Subway restaurant???

Angel Berroa: (Mumbles with mouth full of sandwich) What?

Free Flowing All Star Hostility

I would have thrown a brick through my television after the American League's latest All-Star victory ... but I had already thrown the brick through the T.V. when I was watching a replay of the 1995 game earlier today, and Robby Alomar pinch ran for Carlos Baerga.

Oh, and a second brick finished the job when I realized that in 1995, Jose Offerman was an All-Star.

I don't know what's worse. Jose Offerman appearing in an All-Star game, or Angel Hernandez getting to umpire in one. What, was a hallucinating squirrel not available?

And count me as the millionth person who has complained about this, but how can we have a dedicated camera to get a shot inside the nostrils of some actor from Fringe, but no camera available to show us if the President of the United States threw a strike on the ceremonial first pitch???

Or was that camera sent to stake out Brett Favre's workout for the Vikings? Please, FOX, get out of the baseball business and stick to your little Dow Jones reality show where you mix stock tips and beer. ("Buy Apple! Hiccup ...")

Now it's all good, because all Tuesday means is that the Phillies aren't going to have home field advantage in Game 7 when they win the World Series in five games and drive me over the edge for good. But seriously, that starting lineup the N.L. put out there outside of David Wright must have been put together by Satan himself ... Hanley Ramirez? Chase Utley? Albert Pujols? Raul Ibanez? Shane Victorino? Yadier Freakin' Molina? All on one lineup? Whoopie!!!

Man ... if Larry Jones had started instead of Wright I would have had a drink with those Happy Hour guys to commemorate it. (Get me a vodka stinger with a Clorox back, and step on it!)

It's The Fifth Annual Hall of Hate Vote!

So it's the All-Star Break ... no Mets baseball until Thursday (although, if you're a Met fan, you haven't really seen baseball since May, so what does it matter to you?) But that doesn't mean that baseball can't fill your lives. First, you had Monday night's glorified batting practice/swing destroyer known as the Home Run Derby. And then tonight, you have the All-Star Game from St. Louis.

But in between, why don't you flex your frustration muscles and vote in our fifth annual Hall of Hate Elections.

Here's the standard background material for the uninitiated and those who haven't been here long (which doubles as a form letter since I pretty much cut and pasted this from last season's vote):

Soon after starting this blog, I created a daily hate list...five people, places, or things that put a bee in my bonnet for that particular calendar day. Mostly baseball players, but many times I would go off the board. From there, due to overwhelming positive response, it evolved into a more permanent and lasting "Hall of Hate", of which the original 25 members were chosen by me, here. It was meant to be a list that encompassed the biggest "enemies" in Mets history, the ones who the mere mention of their names makes one want to drink a bottle of ipecac just so you can puke all over your dog.

Not being enough to satiate the appetite of you, the hating fan, I opened balloting up for additional members, and so far you have voted in five candidates (most of them deserving) in 2005, and then to three more in 2006 to join the original 25, along with two more in 2007, and Tom Glavine in 2008. The balloting would usually coincide with whatever vacation time I was taking, but this season I decided to make it my very own All-Star festivity (and you don't even have to pay a couple hundred bucks to get in unlike the Home Run Derby.)

Here's the deal, you get one vote per computer. Amongst the list, you can vote for multiple candidates ... anyone you feel deserve induction (so you can check off as many boxes you want, but you can only click "vote" once). You have until 11:59PM on Thursday, July 23rd to cast your vote. Just as the case last season, only the top vote-getter gains induction into the Hall of Hate, so fill out your ballot with the utmost of care.

Here now are your candidates for the Hall of Hate:

Pete Rose: Picked a fight with a man half his size because his team was getting it's Big Red Tails kicked in during the 1973 NLCS. Received 63 votes in 2008 and was a distant sixth in the voting.

John Thomson: A recent nominee for his recent trashing of Paul Lo Duca as a reason for not signing with the Mets. Also, pitched like a wet dishrag in his prior stint for the Mets in 2002. Thomson dropped 54 votes in 2007 to just 22 last year.

Jimmy Rollins: His debut on the Hall of Hate ballot, basically for bragging about his team ... and then backing it up. Rollins proclaimed his team "the team to beat", and then getting key hit after key hit to knock the Mets out of the playoffs. Rollins' appearance on the ballot is partly hate, but partly a respect thing. Rollins finished in second place last season with 165 votes, just 12 away from the "winner", Tom Glavine.

Brett Myers: Hates the Mets, hits his wife. Myers' appearance on the ballot is not out of respect, but true hate. Myers finished fifth last season with 129 votes.

Jeff Torborg: Managed the 1993 Mets, who exposed him as a managing fraud. (Also managed the 2003 World Champion Marlins, but only during the beginning of that season when they stunk.) Received 55 votes and was eighth in 2007's voting, dropped to tenth with 24 votes last season.

Guillermo Mota: Was on the list in the past for transgressions against Mike Piazza. After shaking off Paul Lo Duca en route to giving up a series-changing double to Scott Spiezio, getting busted for a banned substance, and for basically dubbing 2007 as his own personal year of suck, he remains on the ballot after finishing a strong third in the voting in 2008 with 162 votes.

Mel Rojas: Was traded to the Mets as part of the Turk Wendell deal. The reason it's called the Turk Wendell deal is because Rojas was about as useful as a band-aid on a gunshot wound. Rojas gave up a home run to Paul O'Neill in 1997 that finally landed in 2002. Rojas' greatest transgression was his final act as a Met, which was bringing back Bobby Bonilla in a trade. Rojas finished seventh with 46 votes in '08.

Cole Hamels: Started off by lecturing Paul Lo Duca on how to celebrate home runs after about ten minutes in the league ... but makes the list with his "choke artists" rant over this past winter on WFAN. First time nominee.

Joe Torre: From "Clueless Joe" as a Met, to a hall of famer (and Roger Clemens apologist) as a Yankee. And now gets ready to stick it to the Mets with the help of Manny Ramirez as a Dodger. Dropped from fifth in 2007 with 77 votes to ninth with 33 votes in 2008.

Richie Hebner: Wanted no part of the Mets, and played like it at third base. He set the standard for giving baseball fans the finger during his only season in New York. Hebner has been dropping like a stone in the voting, going from 65 to 34 to 20 votes over the past three seasons. Remains on the list because, well ... he deserves it.

Eddie Murray: The first baseman of the worst team money could buy, the 1993 Mets. Is it really a compliment when you're the leader of misfits? In a weird statistical quirk, Murray has finished in 11th place for three straight seasons.

Tony Fernandez: Was successful at every major league stop he made, except Shea Stadium, where he had maybe three hits in half a season, and blamed gallstones. Tony received 18 votes in 2007 and finished last in the voting, but avoided last place in '08 with 22 votes.

Albert Pujols: Made the ballot in 2007 not-so-subtle digging into Tom Glavine after Game 1 of the NLCS, combined with being on the trainers table receiving "treatment" during the ninth inning of the 2007 All-Star Game, possibly costing the Mets a shot at home field advantage in the '07 World Series. Pujols was 4th in 2007's voting with 104 votes, but dropped all the way to eighth with 39 votes last season.

Shane Victorino: General pain in the ass, has shared Brett Myers' disdain for the Mets in the past while taunting the Mets by standing on home plate after scoring and clapping in the general direction of the Mets dugout ... yet somehow escapes criticism from the national baseball media because he's a "gamer" and because he's not Jose Reyes. Victorino was fourth in 2008 with 156 votes.

And as always, you may write in a vote here in the comments section. If someone gets enough write-in votes, then yes, I'll put him in (unless it's an obvious attempt by a rogue group of Yankee fans that want to experiment and see if they can get somebody like Tom Seaver or Gary Carter on the list just by creating computer systems that will write the same name hundreds of times. So don't even bother, because I hold final veto rights). And in terms of write-ins, if you write in a vote please make it easy for this old man and put the name in bold or something like that. (But please, before you come out with a comment like "Where's Bobby Bonilla" or "What about Chipper Jones", please refer to the original induction list along with the additions via fan balloting below).

Your Hall of Hate members:

Mike Scioscia-Charter Member
Jeff Kent-Charter Member
Robby Alomar-Charter Member
Rey Ordonez-Charter Member
Larry Jones-Charter Member
Bobby Bonilla-Charter Member
Vince Coleman-Charter Member
Ken Griffey Jr.-Charter Member
Roger Clemens-Charter Member
Mike Hampton-Charter Member
Mike Scott-Charter Member
John Tudor-Charter Member
David Wells-Charter Member
Armando Benitez-Charter Member
John Rocker-Charter Member
Donne Wall-Charter Member
Mike Stanton-Charter Member
Mike DeJean-Charter Member
Brian Jordan-Charter Member
Eddie Perez-Charter Member
Pat Burrell-Charter Member
Terry Pendleton-Charter Member
Jose Vizciano-Charter Member
Pedro Guerrero-Charter Member
Juan Gonzalez-Charter Member
Whitey Herzog-Charter Member
Art Howe-Charter Member
Dallas Green-Charter Member
Al Harazin-Charter Member
The 1993 Home Uniforms-Charter Member
Kenny Rogers-Voted in 2005
Derek Jeter-Voted in 2005
Mo Vaughn-Voted in 2005
Joe Randa-Voted in 2005
M. Donald Grant-Voted in 2005
Mike Francesa- Voted in 2006
Jim Duquette- Voted in 2006
Steve Phillips- Voted in 2006
Dick Young- Voted in 2007
Braden Looper- Voted in 2007
Tom Glavine- Voted in 2008

You have the power to decide who joins them. The candidates are already putting their campaigns together:

Your Fourth Annual Hall of Hate Vote

Hey, Aaron Heilman's implosion got ya' down? Don't despair because it's that time boys and girls. It's time for Metstradamus to go on vacation, which means it's time for you to take out your frustrations by voting for the next member of the Metstradamus Hall of Hate!

Some background for the unfamiliar (which eerily looks like the exact same thing typed last season ... which is why your blogger needs a vacation: He's burnt out.) Soon after starting this blog, I created a daily hate list...five people, places, or things that put a burr in my saddle for that particular calendar day. Mostly baseball players, but many times I would go off the board. From there, due to overwhelming positive response, it evolved into a more permanent and lasting "Hall of Hate", of which the original 25 members were chosen by me, here. It was meant to be a list that encompassed the biggest "enemies" in Mets history, the ones who the mere mention of their names makes one want to drink a bottle of ipecac just so you can puke all over your dog.

Not being enough to satiate the appetite of you, the hating fan, I opened balloting up for additional members, and so far you have voted in five candidates (most of them deserving) in 2005, and then to three more in 2006 to join the original 25, along with two more in 2007. The balloting would coincide with whatever vacation time I was taking.

Well it's that time once again. Metstradamus leaves you for a much deserved and much needed vacation ... but leaves you with a fun procedure to undertake for the next eight days. You, the people, get to vote on the next members of the Hall of Hate via the poll in the sidebar.

Here's the deal, you get one vote per computer. Amongst the list, you can vote for multiple candidates ... anyone you feel deserve induction (so you can check off as many boxes you want, but you can only click "vote" once). You have until 5:59PM on Sunday, August 10th to cast your vote. Later that night the winner will be announced on New York Baseball Digest with Mike Silva (exciting!) This will be the first year that only the top vote-getter gains induction into the Hall of Hate, so fill out your ballot with the utmost of care.

Here now are your candidates for the Hall of Hate:

Pete Rose: Picked a fight with a man half his size because his team was getting it's Big Red Tails kicked in during the 1973 NLCS. Received 76 votes in 2007 and was sixth in the voting.

John Thomson: A new nominee for his recent trashing of Paul Lo Duca as a reason for not signing with the Mets. Also, pitched like a wet dishrag in his prior stint for the Mets in 2002. Thomson was ninth with 54 votes last year.

Jimmy Rollins: His debut on the Hall of Hate ballot, basically for bragging about his team ... and then backing it up. Rollins proclaimed his team "the team to beat", and then getting key hit after key hit to knock the Mets out of the playoffs. Rollins' appearance on the ballot is a respect thing.

Brett Myers: Hates the Mets, hits his wife. Myers' appearance on the ballot is not out of respect, but true hate.

Jeff Torborg: Managed the 1993 Mets, who exposed him as a managing fraud. (Also managed the 2003 World Champion Marlins, but only during the beginning of that season when they stunk.) Received 55 votes and was eighth in last year's voting.

Guillermo Mota: Was on the list in the past for transgressions against Mike Piazza. After shaking off Paul Lo Duca en route to giving up a series-changing double to Scott Spiezio, getting busted for a banned substance, and for basically dubbing 2007 as his own personal year of suck, he re-appears on the ballot.

Mel Rojas: Was traded to the Mets as part of the Turk Wendell deal. The reason it's called the Turk Wendell deal is because Rojas was about as useful as a band-aid on a gunshot wound. Rojas gave up a home run to Paul O'Neill in 1997 that finally landed in 2002. Rojas' greatest transgression was his final act as a Met, which was bringing back Bobby Bonilla in a trade. Rojas garnered 65 votes and finished seventh in the 2006 balloting.

Joe Torre: From "Clueless Joe" as a Met, to a hall of famer (and Roger Clemens apologist) as a Yankee. And now gets ready to stick it to the Mets with the help of Manny Ramirez as a Dodger. Was fifth in 2007 with 77 votes.

Richie Hebner: Wanted no part of the Mets, and played like it at third base. If I'm correct, he set the standard for giving baseball fans the finger. Received 34 votes in 2007 and was tenth in the voting (down from 65 votes in '06).

Eddie Murray: The first baseman of the worst team money could buy, the 1993 Mets. Is it really a compliment when you're the leader of misfits? Eddie was 11th in last year's voting with 29 votes (after being 11th the previous year with 30 votes).

Tony Fernandez: Was successful at every major league stop he made, except Shea Stadium, where he had maybe three hits in half a season, and blamed gallstones. Tony received 18 votes in 2007 and finished last in the voting.

Albert Pujols: Made the ballot last year not-so-subtle digging into Tom Glavine after Game 1 of the NLCS, combined with being on the trainers table receiving "treatment" during the ninth inning of the 2007 All-Star Game, possibly costing the Mets a shot at home field advantage in the '07 World Series. Pujols was 4th in last year's voting with 104 votes. And speaking of Glavine:

Tom Glavine: Had a decent Mets career before derailing during the last three weeks, and certainly the last day ... compounded by his "disappointing not devastating" comment afterwards. But let's not forget his start as a Met, a 4,397-2 loss to the Cubs on Opening Day of 2003 ... a day so cold and so dreary that I, of all people, left in the sixth inning. I personally wouldn't vote for Glavine but there's enough of you that still hold a grudge that he needs to be on the list. I don't blame you.

Shane Victorino: General pain in the ass, has shared Brett Myers' disdain for the Mets in the past while taunting the Mets by standing on home plate after scoring and clapping in the general direction of the Mets dugout ... yet somehow escapes criticism from the national baseball media because he's a "gamer" and because he's not Jose Reyes.

And as always, you may write in a vote here in the comments section. If someone gets enough write-in votes, then yes, I'll put him in (unless it's an obvious attempt by a rogue group of Yankee fans that want to experiment and see if they can get somebody like Tom Seaver or Gary Carter on the list just by creating computer systems that will write the same name hundreds of times. So don't even bother). And in terms of write-ins, if you write in a vote please make it easy for this old man and put the name in bold or something like that. (But please, before you come out with a comment like "Where's Bobby Bonilla" or "What about Chipper Jones", please refer to the original induction list along with the additions via fan balloting below).

Your Hall of Hate members:

Mike Scioscia-Charter Member
Jeff Kent-Charter Member
Robby Alomar-Charter Member
Rey Ordonez-Charter Member
Larry Jones-Charter Member
Bobby Bonilla-Charter Member
Vince Coleman-Charter Member
Ken Griffey Jr.-Charter Member
Roger Clemens-Charter Member
Mike Hampton-Charter Member
Mike Scott-Charter Member
John Tudor-Charter Member
David Wells-Charter Member
Armando Benitez-Charter Member
John Rocker-Charter Member
Donne Wall-Charter Member
Mike Stanton-Charter Member
Mike DeJean-Charter Member
Brian Jordan-Charter Member
Eddie Perez-Charter Member
Pat Burrell-Charter Member
Terry Pendleton-Charter Member
Jose Vizciano-Charter Member
Pedro Guerrero-Charter Member
Juan Gonzalez-Charter Member
Whitey Herzog-Charter Member
Art Howe-Charter Member
Dallas Green-Charter Member
Al Harazin-Charter Member
The 1993 Home Uniforms-Charter Member
Kenny Rogers-Voted in 2005
Derek Jeter-Voted in 2005
Mo Vaughn-Voted in 2005
Joe Randa-Voted in 2005
M. Donald Grant-Voted in 2005
Mike Francesa- Voted in 2006
Jim Duquette- Voted in 2006
Steve Phillips- Voted in 2006
Dick Young- Voted in 2007
Braden Looper- Voted in 2007

You have the power to decide who joins them. Remember, your vote counts. And back to remind you for this recruiting campaign:

Anger Mismanagement

A lot of things bothered me about the Mets 14 inning, 10-8 loss to the Cardinals on Saturday.

Very few of these things happened on the field.

I mean, yeah the Mets left too many on the basepaths even though they scored eight runs ... and yeah, there were too many double switches in the sixth inning which I knew would come back and bite them if the game went into extra innings (which it did, with Country Time having to go two innings and Aaron Heilman having to go three, which against Albert Pujols is tempting fate waaaaaaaaaay too much.) But it doesn't get much more satisfying than Brandon Knight (The lost New Kid On The Block) bouncing back from a disastrous first inning to pitch five acceptable innings on the whole ... or more exciting than Carlos Delgado hitting two home runs (both of which were called by my Shea Stadium companion for the evening: "The Artist Formerly Known As Jinx" ... or more thrilling than Fernando Tatis jacking one to center field to tie the game in the ninth. I mean, the win would have been great, but I'm not going to waste my energy complaining about a game that probably would have ended 8-2 Cardinals if this was April or May.

No, I'm here to complain about what happened in the stands tonight. And please allow me to get right to the point:

You people who insist on standing at the bottom of the section having your friends take pictures of you while the game is going on in the background should never be allowed into a sporting event again.

Look, I know this is the last season of Shea Stadium. Fine. You want to preserve your memories. Fine. You want a picture of yourself in the House That Kranepool Built. Fine. But it's bad enough you stand at the entrance of the section between innings and block everyone from getting to the bathroom or the snack line before it fills up. Tonight, you took to standing at the entrance of the section while the play was going on and blocking our view of the game!

And believe me, I'm not writing this because of one bad apple ... or two, or three even. There were no less than 30 people who, either at the entrance of the section, or the top of the bar around row F which lied in between sections, had their pictures taken by their friends during play! DURING PLAY!

You know what's worse ... this wasn't happening from innings one to four while we're barely paying attention. This was happening in the fifth inning. The sixth! The seventh! This was happening in the BOTTOM OF THE NINTH INNING WITH THE SCORE TIED AT 8-8!!!

And not just one picture, mind you ... people were doing this in groups of seven or eight, one or two at a time! "Okay, let's take a picture with you on the right and me on the left ... all right, now switch places and let's take a picture this way ... all right now let's give the camera our bootylicious pose ..."

Let's get one thing straight, America: I DID NOT COME TO A BASEBALL GAME TO WATCH YOU PLAY AMERICA'S NEXT MEDIOCRE MODEL!!! SIT THE #$%& DOWN AND WATCH THE #$%&ING BASEBALL GAME THAT YOU, I, AND THE PEOPLE WHOSE VIEW YOU'RE BLOCKING PAID GOOD MONEY TO SEE!!!

I mean really, does anybody come to a baseball game to ... pray tell ... watch a damn baseball game anymore? I swear to you, during the bottom of the ninth while the family photoshoot was going on, there was a couple in the tunnel within eyeshot of the game making out. 8-8 in the ninth, and they're making out. What drove me insane was that when the ninth inning ended, the couple then left the tunnel and went back into the concourse like "oh, now it's safe to leave ... we won't miss anything." Unlike all the action they caught while they were playing tonsil hockey.

All right, I see that I need to lay down some new rules to live by. Here they are:

• If you came to a baseball game to get rip-roaring drunk, there are these hot new places that are especially made for you to do that. I don't know if you've heard of them, they're called bars. Check your local yellow pages for those.
• If you came to a baseball game to make out, you should know that for the money that the Mets are charging for tickets these days, you can probably take that money and get an hourly rate at the Lincoln Motor Inn. This way, you can make out in private and even grope each other if you'd like ... beds are much more comfortable than plastic seats. You can even use the television to have the Mets game on in the background. I say this as a public service.
• If you came to a baseball game to have family photo time while the game is going on so that you can capture the best of your family and the action of the ballgame at the same time ... there's a place for you too. Got a pen? Here goes: JCPenney! I'm sure if you ask, they'll key in a nice photo of Shea Stadium behind you. You could probably have JCPenney key in the Buckner play too so you can tell your friends you were there.
• And the most important rule to live by ... as always ... sit down and watch the game!!!

The sad part is this: While this was the first time I've noticed this run rampant ... it's only going to get worse as the games left at Shea count down until the end. And at the new field: With only season tickets and day of game tickets being sold at lord knows what price, this new contingent of spectator will only spread like wildfire. But this is what Fred Wilpon wants ... this is what Bud Selig wants ... this is what Roger Goodell wants ... this is what Woody Johnson wants with his PSL's that are designed to drive out the fan who chants for his team at key moments in the game, and bring in the spectator who chants when the scoreboard tells him to ("Everybody clap your hands!" Screw you and don't give me orders!!! I'll clap on my own time, thank you.)

And if this is who is going to be surrounding me at the ballpark or at the stadium or at the arena, then I will gladly take my ticket money and put it towards a 43" flat LCD screen and watch my sporting events from the comfort of my living room, while I'm blogging about the next thing that bothers me.

(Editor's note: My friend says I have anger management issues. I wonder if he figured that out when I was yelling at these people to sit down, or during the 11th inning when I yelled at Aaron Miles to go back to his treehouse and make me some cookies. I'm not sure.)

The Third Annual Hall of Hate Vote

Are you looking to take out some frustration after Friday night's 8-4 loss to the Reds? Why of course you are. Lucky for you, it's time for the third annual "Metstradamus Hall of Hate" vote, where you get to add another deserving candidate to the most hallowed of hated ground.

Some background for the unfamiliar: Soon after starting this blog, I created a daily hate list...five people, places, or things that put a burr in my saddle for that particular calendar day. Mostly baseball players, but many times I would go off the board. From there, due to overwhelming positive response, it evolved into a more permanent and lasting "Hall of Hate", of which the original 25 members were chosen by me, here. It was meant to be a list that encompassed the biggest "enemies" in Mets history, the ones who the mere mention of their names makes one want to drink a bottle of ipecac just so you can puke all over your dog.

Not being enough to satiate the appetite of you, the hating fan, I opened balloting up for additional members, and so far you have voted in five candidates (most of them deserving) in 2005, and then to three more in 2006 to join the original 25. The balloting would coincide with whatever vacation time I was taking.

Well, boys and girls, it's that time again. Metstradamus leaves you for the time being...but leaves you with a fun procedure to undertake for the next ten days. You, the people, get to vote on the next members of the Hall of Hate via the poll in the sidebar.

Here's the deal, you get one vote per computer. Amongst the list, you can vote for multiple candidates...anyone you feel deserve induction (so you can check off as many boxes you want, but you can only click "vote" once). You have until 11:59PM on Tuesday, July 24th to cast your vote. The top two vote-getters gain induction into the Hall of Hate, which is a departure from past years because we want to make this vote mean a little something more (and we're running out of guys). Future seasons will see one player voted in per year.

Here now are your candidates for the Hall of Hate (no, you will not find Brandon Phillips on here despite his six RBI's on Friday night):

Pete Rose: Picked a fight with a man half his size because his team was getting it's Big Red Tails kicked in during the 1973 NLCS. Received 116 votes in 2006 and was seventh in the voting. (But a recent poll for "Most Hated Met" during a broadcast saw Rose easily outdistance Hall of Hate original members such as John Rocker, Chipper Jones, and Roger Clemens with 43% of the vote. So you Rose haters are out there, I know you are.)

John Thomson: A new nominee for his recent trashing of Paul Lo Duca as a reason for not signing with the Mets. Thomson is now unemployed because he stinks (I'm told by our friend Greg at Faith and Fear that Thomson is actually a Kansas City Royal, so now he has a prefix to "Pain in the Ass"). Also, pitched like a wet dishrag in his prior stint for the Mets in 2002.

Dick Young: The New York Post columnist who basically ran Tom Seaver out of town while writing for the Daily News. With one column, Young destroyed an agreement between Seaver and the Mets, causing Seaver to be traded as part of the "Midnight Massacre" on June 15th, 1977. Received 145 votes as part of the general voting in 2006 and finished fourth, with more votes than anyone who did not make it in 2006.

Jeff Torborg: Managed the 1993 Mets, who exposed him as a managing fraud. (Also managed the 2003 World Champion Marlins, but only during the beginning of that season when they stunk.) Received 117 votes and was sixth in last year's voting.

Mel Rojas: Was traded to the Mets as part of the Turk Wendell deal. The reason it's called the Turk Wendell deal is because Rojas was about as useful as Manute Bol on ice skates. Rojas gave up a home run to Paul O'Neill in 1997 that finally landed in 2002. Rojas' greatest transgression was his final act as a Met, which was bringing back Bobby Bonilla in a trade. Rojas garnered 111 votes and finished eighth in the 2006 balloting.

Joe Torre: From "Clueless Joe" as a Met, to a hall of famer (and Roger Clemens apologist) as a Yankee. Was ninth in 2006 with 108 votes.

Richie Hebner: Wanted no part of the Mets, and played like it at third base. If I'm correct, he set the standard for giving baseball fans the finger. Received 65 votes in 2006 and was tenth in the voting.

Eddie Murray: The first baseman of the worst team money could buy, the 1993 Mets. Is it really a compliment when you're the leader of misfits? Eddie was 11th in last year's voting with 30 votes.

Tony Fernandez: Was successful at every major league stop he made, except Shea Stadium, where he had maybe three hits in half a season, and blamed gallstones. Tony received 27 votes in 2006 and finished 12th in the voting.

Braden Looper: Making his debut on the ballot for multiple meltdowns as a Met, combined with his gleeful mocking of the Jose Reyes chant after Game 7 of the 2006 NLCS. Looper was a tough add for me because in the annals of hate, Armando Benitez is so above and beyond Looper in terms of the rage it summons in me. But I kind of want to see how he would do despite having, in my opinion, more deserving candidates on the list.

Albert Pujols: Also making his debut on the list for his not-so-subtle digging into Tom Glavine after Game 1 of the NLCS, combined with being on the trainers table receiving "treatment" during the ninth inning of the 2007 All-Star Game, possibly costing the Mets a shot at home field advantage in the '07 World Series (Hey, Trevor Hoffman incurred my wrath briefly for blowing the '06 All-Star Game, but at least he wasn't on the damn trainers table). Speaking of which:

The All-Star Game Winner Getting World Series Home Field Rule: It's just that stupid that it needed to be included.

And as always, you may write in a vote here in the comments section. If someone gets enough write-in votes, then yes, I'll put him in (unless it's an obvious attempt by a rogue group of Yankee fans that want to experiment and see if they can get somebody like Tom Seaver or Gary Carter on the list just by creating computer systems that will write the same name hundreds of times. So don't even bother). And in terms of write-ins, if you write in a vote please make it easy for this old man and put the name in bold or something like that. (But please, before you come out with a comment like "Where's Bobby Bonilla" or "What about Chipper Jones", please refer to the original induction list along with the additions via fan balloting).

And in case you were wondering, Cole Hamels almost made this list. I opted against it because he's too young, and he might pitch for us one day. But Cole should definitely know that we're constantly monitoring his situation.

So get out there and do your civic duty and vote vote vote. Meanwhile, I'm off to far away lands to scout for pitching. I will return with a post on the 23rd. (Maybe the 24th if the jet lag is really bad.) Hopefully by then we'll still be at the top of the standings.

(P.S. I have it on good authority that Howard Johnson was chosen over Rickey Henderson as hitting coach because it is an odd numbered year. HoJo, as you know, was a much better hitter in odd numbered years. In 2008, Johnson will be demoted back to first base coach in favor of Rickey, only to get that post back in 2009.)

***

Quick update before I go on the plane: Because some obviously refuse to read the directions and click links, here are the members that are ALREADY IN the HALL OF HATE (Please refer to this list before you wonder about their absence):

Mike Scioscia-Charter Member
Jeff Kent-Charter Member
Robby Alomar-Charter Member
Rey Ordonez-Charter Member
Larry Jones-Charter Member
Bobby Bonilla-Charter Member
Vince Coleman-Charter Member
Ken Griffey Jr.-Charter Member
Roger Clemens-Charter Member
Mike Hampton-Charter Member
Mike Scott-Charter Member
John Tudor-Charter Member
David Wells-Charter Member
Armando Benitez-Charter Member
John Rocker-Charter Member
Donne Wall-Charter Member
Mike Stanton-Charter Member
Mike DeJean-Charter Member
Brian Jordan-Charter Member
Eddie Perez-Charter Member
Pat Burrell-Charter Member
Terry Pendleton-Charter Member
Jose Vizciano-Charter Member
Pedro Guerrero-Charter Member
Juan Gonzalez-Charter Member
Whitey Herzog-Charter Member
Art Howe-Charter Member
Dallas Green-Charter Member
Al Harazin-Charter Member
The 1993 Home Uniforms-Charter Member
Kenny Rogers-Voted in 2005
Derek Jeter-Voted in 2005
Mo Vaughn-Voted in 2005
Joe Randa-Voted in 2005
M. Donald Grant-Voted in 2005
Mike Francesa- Voted in 2006
Jim Duquette- Voted in 2006
Steve Phillips- Voted in 2006

Just so we're clear.