Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Felix Hernandez's Bat Is Bigger Than A Honda

I guess I have to be the cranky one ... again.

Disclaimer: Felix Hernandez was the first American League pitcher to hit a grannie in 37 years. It led the way for a 5-2 Mariners victory in the first of a three game series. Good for him. Beat us single-handedly.

Did he really need to take an hour and a half to Cadillac around the bases? I mean, was he scared of busting up his foot trotting the bases hard because pitchers aren't designed to run the bases? (By the way: Hank, we'll stay in the 19th century. Your pitchers can hit just fine, thanks.)

Of course, nobody ... and I mean nobody ... will call Felix Hernandez out on it. "Awww, Felix hit a home run. How delightfully cool. It's the first grand slam by an A.L. pitcher since the 19th century. Why be a killjoy and ruin the moment?" I'll tell you why. Because in a world, and a city, where a goofy Jerry Manuel quote regarding fertilizer can be twisted into "the new manager calling Met fans s**t", you know that say ... a Johan Santana home run Cadillac trot would be all over the tabloid sports shows and Johan would be the new symbol of evil and somebody from one of the local newspapers would immediately call Goose Gossage for an interview and he would say "see, told ya ... the evil slow trot of Johan Santana is going to make people mad and motivated to beat the Mets". So yeah, I'm going to be the one to get on Felix Hernandez for taking a year to round the bases. Nothing personal ... but being 27-49 isn't going to garner any extra sympathy from a guy who sat through 1993 (even though he basically admitted that he had his eyes closed).

And yes, it's more proof that I'm old and I'm cranky. I understand that. I get it. I know that I take things like this waaaaaay too seriously. The top notch Mets blogging community saw my crankiness in full force as the largest gathering of Mets bloggers in the eastern hemisphere got together to see Santana vs. Hernandez, because some dope got the bright idea "Hey, let's go see the Mariners ... it'll be fun!" (Sorry.) No wonder I freaked out when Felix got hurt and he was limping off the field faster than he was trotting the bases. (Sorry 'bout that too.) Hey, I hope he gets well. (I clapped when he was carried off.) I was also hoping that Johan Santana would buzz him during his next at-bat.

But I hope for a lot of things ... for David Wright to live up to his gold glove status and not give up errors that set up game changing hits. For the Mets to take advantage of not having to face "King Felix" for more than four and 2/3's by getting some hits off the Mariners bullpen. For Johan Santana to beat an ace and not give up a grand slam to him. Oh well. I obviously should re-adjust my hopes to more realistic wishes ... like winning two out of three games from the worst team in baseball. That is realistic, right?

Hey, you think Willie Randolph and John McLaren are sitting in a bar during this series arguing over who got screwed worse?


Demitri said...

Metstradamus - I knew reading your hate list on the 22nd, that it would be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your skill is both a gift and a curse.

That and Gary Cohen putting the whammy on the Mets by saying that the Mariners had a terrible bullpen, and were short a few pitchers (including their closer) totally sealed the deal - zero chance for the Mets to win.

Rickey said...

like winning two out of three games from the worst team in baseball. That is realistic, right?

Not only is it realistic (theoretically anyway) but it's also terrifyingly urgent that they do it. Thanks again for organizing things 'Damus. Rickey had a blast meeting you folks.

Rickey said...

PS: Now add Rickey's site to your links you heartless bastard! Rickey demmands representation!

Ed in Westchester said...

Crap, I missed "The Gathering" by one game.

Anonymous said...

"seriously is that guy taunting the pitcher while he's writhing around on the ground?"


"holy crap, is that metstradamus?"

Metstradamus said...


I thought I had Rickey in the sidebar. Rickey should have been in the sidebar. Rickey is now in the sidebar as of last night.


Yeah, that was me ... the grumpy one. I saw you in the section for a little while but couldn't catch your attention. Thanks for sitting with us for a few innings.

Anonymous said...

haha, it was my pleasure. though next time, please hold the salami. once every 37 years is more than enough.

Anonymous said...

Fun to hang with you yesterday. Not fun to lose.

Jazz legend Walter Perkins always said " You can't buy swing."

That's the problem with this team, no chemistry or will to win.

Lots of money does not make a good team.



Rickey said...

Damus: Rickey is now placated. Many thanks!

weesle909 said...

For once this year, can I see a Met pitcher pick up his infielder after he makes an error?

Seriously, with this team:

Error = Unearned Runs

upstate met fan said...

I'm hatin' you and your list for predicting the Mariner's bullpen killing of the Mets hitting. This sucks!

upstate met fan said...

oh yeah... and screw Gary Cohen.. for jinxing all those no hitters and everthing else he's f*** up for us.

Anonymous said...

Your headline is the same line that Felix uses to pick up chicks.

Metstradamus said...

Upstate Met Fan,

I hate me too.


Anonymous said...

I was at the game. And did I let David Wright have it. He didn't hear me, but I made sure I got my money's worth, even though I only paid 15 bucks for $27 tickets. Maybe I shouldn't be cheap and pay full price. Every time I get free or reduced price tickets (sounds like school lunch) the Mets lose. I pay full, they win. It's very odd, yes.

Ceetar said...

"The top notch Mets blogging community saw my crankiness in full force"

so _thats_ why I wasn't invited! haha.

That grand slam just lends credibility to my "The Mets won't win until they hit a grand slam" theory. I have a lot of theories, but I like this one. 2006 ended with the bases loaded right? All down hill since then?

Metstradamus said...


IOU one.