I Want A New Drug

Folks, I'm not making this up:

Do you have a really bad memory, or past heartache, that you would prefer to forget?

Researchers at Harvard and McGill University (in Montreal) are working on an amnesia drug that blocks or deletes bad memories. The technique seems to allow psychiatrists to disrupt the biochemical pathways that allow a memory to be recalled.

In a new study, published in the Journal of Psychiatric Research, the drug propranolol is used along with therapy to "dampen" memories of trauma victims. They treated 19 accident or rape victims for ten days, during which the patients were asked to describe their memories of the traumatic event that had happened 10 years earlier. Some patients were given the drug, which is also used to treat amnesia, while others were given a placebo.

A week later, they found that patients given the drug showed fewer signs of stress when recalling their trauma.

Great! Give me one family size bottle full of that...I have a list of things that I would prefer to forget. Let's start with Tuesday night.

Yeah, let's start with the game that featured the first five hit game in the career of Kaz Matsui. Yes, that Kaz Matsui...who let loose with this gem after the game:

"It's all about New York," Matsui said of playing the Mets and Yankees, who the Rockies swept in a three-game series last month. "New York is center stage and the place everyone is aware of and watches."

Now he gets it. Great. Too bad he didn't figure that minor detail out when he actually played in a uniform that read "New York" across his chest. Thanks for figuring that out as soon as you got to Colorado so you get get five hits against the team from New York.

But really, shame on me for not seeing this coming...or seeing this coming and intentionally blocking it out of my mind. Is there a drug that will repress visions of former Mets haunting us with five-hit games in the future? When are the Montreal geniuses going to come up with that, eh? And if these guys are so smart, how come they couldn't come up with a drug that encouraged people to attend Expos games?

And maybe I did see the Jason Vargas disaster coming. And I was hoping against hope that I wouldn't come home, flip on the television, and have Vargas being lifted from the game the first thing I saw on my television screen. I mean, I didn't come home that much past the 8PM start time. But that's exactly what I saw. It was like paying $50 for a Mike Tyson fight on pay per view and getting up for a snack and missing the entire fight. I come home, wondering how Jason Vargas is doing, and I missed his entire outing! It's like Vargas was Michael Spinks...or Glass Joe!

This game was a lemon...and I want my money back. I want my money back so I can buy some of those drugs that will help me forget this game.

Maybe yesterday too.

And the first half of June.

And Adam Wainwright.

And the Kazmir trade.

And 1993.

And Don Aase.

You know, I'm going to need a second bottle of those pills...