It's A One Horse Race

Fernando Tatis really made an impression on Mets brass during Wednesday's spring training win over the Astros, when two straight fly balls hit by Tatis were dropped by Astros fielders, including Fielding Bible award winner Hunter Pence, leading to a key Mets run.

"It's like those balls he hit had buzzsaws on 'em man," said Mets manager Jerry Manuel. "Those balls he hit were some gritty ... it really takes a special kind of hitter to make those balls move like that to confuse the fielders. I think if he can do this a couple times a game like he did today, we'd really have a better chance to win on most nights."

And thus it was announced after the game that Tatis will start at first base this season. Omar Minaya subsequently announced that Daniel Murphy was traded to the Twins for Joe Mauer ... 's copy of MLB 2K10 for Wii of which he's on the cover (the trade had to be modified when Minaya realized that Mauer is actually on the cover of MLB The Show). And Ike Davis was traded to the Phillies for Ryan Howard, who was traded to the Cardinals for Albert Pujols, who was traded to the Yankees for Francisco Cervelli ... clearing the way for Tatis to be the Mets first baseman for the rest of your life and your afterlife. But don't worry, the Mets also announced that lasagna bolognese will be served in your personal hell, and those pesky birds will be redirected away from your food.*

*Outside of the two dropped fly balls this post is satire, in case you didn't figure it out by the time Omar traded the best player in baseball for a back-up catcher which, though plausible, actually didn't happen ... this time. Please come down off the ledge and have a Peking Duck Bun.

Blogging The Enemy

Well, here it is: the first ever true live blog on the Musings ... etc. We'll be following Brewers/Phillies on this Mets off day and see if this darn lead can be stretched to four games. It's Sheets vs. Moyer (neither of whom the Mets seem to hit very well so it will be nice to see them try to destroy each other for a change.)

We can talk about whatever you want ... the game, the Mets, whether Ryan Howard can defeat Prince Fielder in Sumo, cheesesteaks, beer, anything around the realm of this game. Just beware, I'm moderating the comments, and I'm in charge of approving the comments ... that's just the way this apparatus works. So don't be alarmed if your comment doesn't hit right away, and please don't hit resend 46 times. I'll get to you, I promise. Stupidity is encouraged. Just be nice.

Let's play blog.

This Fourth Firecracker Is A Dud

If somehow the Mets lose the fourth of July matchup with starts out as Johan Santana vs. J.A. Happ, I may never watch baseball again. -Metstradamus, yesterday

Did I just lose a retirement match? Do I need a parental control on my baseball package?

What's tonight's excuse? Pitchers with initials give you trouble?

So how did we know this one was over? Well outside of not hitting J.A. Happ for four innings and Chad Durbin for two and 1/3, for me it was when Carlos Beltran swung at ball four by his eyes with the bases loaded up 2-0 in the fifth. Beltran was 0 for 4 with two K's. I guess he needs more flippin' rest.

Or maybe just the pure ironic fact that Filthy Sanchez got through Ryan Howard and Pat Burrell in the ninth with no problem, but somehow not Pedro Feliz and Shane Victorino. But having said that, Victorino, a fast lefty with first base open, should have been walked. No doubt about it. Victorino is a pest who strikes out at a lower rate than Chris Coste, who was on deck, or anybody they could have pinch hit for him such as Greg Dobbs or Geoff Jenkins.

But why bother with even that little analysis. The Mets lost the one game in this series they had no business losing, after Johan Santana pitched a whale of a game. And of course, it's not only a loss, but a brutal loss ... because what other kinds of losses are we going to see in Philadelphia?

And since it's now July 4th, the magic day that people like to point to and say that teams in the lead on this day make the playoffs a certain amount of time, it's now the first day that I can say without fear of backlash that you're going to have a tough time convincing me that both this team and this season aren't a complete waste of time.

A Nadir At Every Turn

Is this the way the season is looking?

Keith Hernandez said at the head of tonight's game that last night (Wednesday) was the nadir of the season.

Keith failed to realize not only that nadir is much too fancy a word for me, but that a nadir is only as low as your next game, when you go to the hill with your ace and still lose.

So this is the nadir now, right? Sure it is. Until Friday.

So ... team, is it all right to boo now? Now that Ryan Howard is heating up, the Marlins (a team that makes less than Carlos Delgado and Luis Castillo) are steaming towards June in first place, and the Mets are closer to last place than they are to first place while everybody is calling last rites on you and you've given us no reason to believe otherwise, please do us all a favor and lay off the "boo hoo why are we being booed so much" rhetoric until you can get Larry Jones and Mark Teixeira out, or perhaps string together a few hits off of Odalis Perez, Tim Redding, and f***ing Jorge Campillo?

Your 2008 N.L. East Preview: Part Two

Today I attempt to answer the question: Who exactly is the team to beat?

When the Mets made the very un-Met-like move of acquiring Johan Santana for what many thought was less than market value, admit it ... you wanted to strip down to your underwear and run down the highway, right?

Well I lived that dream, my friend! (Which explains that week in late February that I wasn't blogging ... community service!)

But once the euphoria (and the drugs) wore off, I thought for a second. I mean, sure ... the Mets swung themselves an upgrade at the top of the rotation, one they so desperately needed. So one would think that that would make up the one game that the Mets lost the division by and then some, right? One would hope.

As you probably have figured out, I've got the Mets and the Phillies battling for the N.L. East in a two horse race (hell, the Braves are already in last place.) While the Mets seem to have the upper hand by a good margin, remember:

• Pedro Martinez still has to show that he can stay healthy again for a full season, which he really hasn't done since '05.
• Jose Reyes has to bounce back and become the Jose Reyes we all know and sing for.
• Ryan Church is a disaster waiting to happen.

And that last one worries me, because what made the Mets so special in 2006 has a chance of totally evaporating for the 2008 season, and that's their lineup. In '06 they set records for having an A.L. type lineup. Now, they start the season with The Artist Formerly Known As Carlos Delgado hitting fifth, Angel Pagan hitting sixth, and Brian Schneider hitting eighth. This means that Church is going to have to live up to the expectations that Omar Minaya has set for him by trading what was once a major part of the Mets future for him and Schneider. And it also means that there's no room for error for the top of the lineup. Reyes, Luis Castillo, Carlos Beltran and David Wright have to deliver with runners on base, every single time!

The Phillies have no such problems with their lineup, as Jimmy Rollins, Chase Utley, Ryan Howard, Shane Victorino, Pat Burrell, Geoff Jenkins, and maybe even Pedro Feliz and Carlos Ruiz are going to be murder on opposing pitching staffs ... especially in their Shoebox of a stadium.

But with Santana, John Maine, Oliver Perez, Martinez, and now Mike Pelfrey, the Mets potentially have a starting pitching staff that can be murder on opposing lineups ... and Santana is just the guy to neutralize big lefties like Howard and Utley. And dare I say it, their bullpen looked good in spring training (I know, spring training doesn't count, but the Mets did lead all teams in spring training ERA.) More importantly, Johan will supply the bullpen with some extra rest every fifth day, as he's sure to go seven innings in at least half his starts ... a foreign concept last season.

While the Mets' upgrade involves more of a sure thing, the Phillies' upgrade involves trading for closer Brad Lidge. Lidge is high risk, high reward. If he's healthy, and if he remains relatively implosion-free, the Phillies will be in good shape. But not only are those big ifs ... but if Lidge is a disaster, the Phillies will wind up depending on Flash Gordon to close. It's a scenario any Mets fan would find most appealing.

So as you can see, the Mets are in good shape. But considering the Mets haven't beaten the Phillies since World War II, the East is going to be a struggle. The Mets may be in a bad position in September, say ... seven games out with seventeen to play. But then ...

Mets: 94-68
Phillies: 93-69

But it solves nothing, as the Mets and the Phillies will meet in the 2008 NLCS (but I'm not ready to handicap that yet.)

Iguchi Kinda Rhymes With Taguchi

FEMA has declared the Mets clubhouse an official disaster area. Sadly, FEMA can't help them (it's just like real life).

I got calls from all across the country today to make sure I was alive.

Patchogue.

Los Angeles.

Chicago.

Twice.

Not that I answered the phone. You would think that people would know better than to call me fresh after a loss like that.

But one call I did take was from Art Howe. He congratulated the team for battling.

"We'll bounce back. We're not going to fold any tents." -Willie Randolph

Great, the manager has been reading the Art Howe "Book of Folksy Quotes." I give up.

Are you like me...waiting for the headline on Yahoo! Sports that says "Wagner Sets Crotch on Fire After Loss?"

(And for those who question Randolph asking Country Time to get six outs, I ask you this: Would you have trusted Aaron Heilman to face Chase Utley, Pat Burrell, and Ryan Howard?)

Just remember: they're not saying "boo", they're saying...oh I can't even finish that with a straight face. They're saying "boo".

Along with other expletives.

We're still in first place, right? Sure feels that way, don't it?

But it's the same thing every year. Mets lose "one of those games", and I get phone calls from Yankee fans all over the country asking if I'm OK, like they really f***ing care. They probably want to see me dead anyway. Whether it's Yadier Molina, or Braden Looper, or Luis Sojo doing the damage, the phone calls always come; "oh, another tough one, huh?" or, "just calling to say we suck", or "if you're in Philadelphia watching this game I'm going to shoot you".

It's the same f***ing phone calls every season. I mean, I actually wondered today what deal was made with the devil for 1969? And did the devil give a cut rate deal for my soul in exchange for '86? And then I left the house...and I saw a guy wearing a big placard hawking psychic readings by "Teresa", who apparently will show me the way to fix all of my problems. And the guy wearing the sign was also wearing a Yankee hat.

The only thing I'm asking the psychic is this: How are the Mets going to lose tomorrow?

Because it can't get any worse, can it?

Oh wait, the Mets are going to Atlanta. Damn. Time to visit the psychic.

Then I'll hit the shrink on the way back.

Aah, Your Mangled Hearts

You never know when Sir Charge from the Verizon commercials is going to pop up and take your money.

C.B. Bucknor doesn't need your money...just the searing flesh of Met fans. And that's what he popped up and took today with his interference call. (According to the poll, I'm in the minority so far...and I know it and accept it. But Bucknor blew it.)

This loss might have been the one to take the wind out of me. Most of my blogging brethren probably went right to their keyboards banging on their keyboards chanting "Hulk Smash". Some of them might need a new computer after tonight.

I couldn't do that. I couldn't watch any postgame recaps, and I probably will stay away from ESPN and all of its brethren for the rest of the night. Instead, I watched Hard Knocks. (The title alone has to be apropos of something, right?) The latest installment featured a riveting forty second montage of Chiefs head coach (and former Jets general) Herman Edwards sitting on the couch in his office doing nothing but wonder who his starting quarterback is going be. After tonight's debacle, I did the same thing...sat on my couch and wondered what the bloody hell is going on as the Mets' season is threatening to go down in flames.

While Edwards came up with an answer to his question, I have none. Sure, the Mets did this to themselves all series. Six runs in three games off of two slumping pitchers and a rookie is unacceptable and embarrassing. But tonight was the one that just made me throw my hands up in the air in disbelief and remind me just how torturous it is to root for this team sometimes. The Mets at least hit some balls hard. But all of them were caught. The scorcher down the line that Ryan Howard turned into a double play, and the two laser beams that Abraham Nunez caught to rob Luis Castillo of two hits down the line.

And then the ninth inning, and that fateful call. And more torture. When Shawn Green grabbed a bat in the dugout, I thought how nice it would be for another franchise's fans to refer to a Met as "First F***ing Last". You know what I mean: Terry F***ing Pendleton, Brian F***ing Jordan, Larry F***ing Jones, and Adam F***ing Wainwright qualify for us (as well as Armando F***ing Benitez and Kenny F***ing Rogers even though they wore our colors). When have you ever heard of somebody else's fans ever refer to a Met that way? Ever?

A home run by Shawn F***ing Green would have had a nice ring to it. Would have torn the Phillies' hearts out.

Instead, it's C. F***ing B. F***ing Bucknor. Sir Ump. Calling interference even though Marlon Anderson touched the base on his slide. Marlon Anderson punished for trying to make something happen and not be a zombie like the rest of this roster could be sometimes.

And while I'm on this tangent: if they're not zombies, they're too nice. Nobody liked what Jimmy Rollins had to say at the beginning of the season about the Phillies being the team to beat...least of all me. But he said it, and he's backed it up by jamming it down our throats with home run after home run. Nobody liked it when Brett Myers said that he hated the Mets, again, least of all me. But wouldn't you like one of your Mets to come out, pick this team up by the scruff of its scruffy neck, and say at least a little something that's brash and arrogant, and follow it up by getting some big hits and being a leader instead of being too worried about making somebody angry? It would probably prevent people from talking about eighteen year olds on Long Island or strained hamstrings or how bad the bullpen is...okay, maybe not how bad the bullpen is. But you get my drift. The Mets are badly in need of a leader right now, and not a cliche f***ing soundbite about how they have to forget about this and move on. Of course, if that leader emerged after the game tonight, I wouldn't know it, because I can't bring myself to read anything about this game right now. Maybe in an hour or two, but not now.

C. F***ing B. F***ing Bucknor.

Buckner giveth, Bucknor taketh away. It's a hard knock life indeed.

"One Shot"

The later portion of Tuesday night's loss had a very Deer Hunter feel to it. Not the video game, but the movie where Christopher Walken offs himself while playing Russian Roulette.

There's one problem: Can it really be a game of Russian Roulette if the gun only has bullets for one contestant?

Because apparently, the Mets wasted their lone bullet in the second inning, when Carlos Delgado hit a ball to the moon for a 2-0 Mets lead. Who knew that would be it off of Adam Eaton?

If the Mets don't hit Adam Eaton tomorrow night, not only should they be ashamed of themselves, but the Phillies are going to be back in this race with a load of confidence tomorrow. -Me, unfortunately, last night

Guess what cheech, we have a race. (And the Mets should be ashamed of themselves.)

Can't say there weren't plenty of chances to stretch the lead a little bit. Paul Lo Duca grounding into a double play in the fourth inning. Delgado just missing on a deep fly to right field in the sixth, followed by Lo Duca stranding Carlos Beltran at third base. Delgado striking out in the eighth with runners on first and second.

After that, and after Jimmy Rollins hit a home run off of Pedro Feliciano while Tom Glavine was doing his in-game interview on SNY, it was just a matter of when and how...not if.

(And while I'm on the subject, these in-game interviews have to stop for the good of humanity. Yes, they're informative...yes, they're fun. And yes, the Mets seem to lose every single time one of these interviews happen...especially to Glavine. So around the start of the seventh inning, Kevin Burkhardt needs to be tied to a chair and gagged for his own good...only to be let free when the game is safely over. Irrational? Yes. But is it important...)

Of course, it's always the "how" part of the equation that's most fun. How does a Lo Duca throwing error, plus a thirty foot bunt hit that Lo Duca let roll foul except for the fact that it rolled the complete opposite way and stayed fair to cause the 2-2 tie grab ya? Somebody had better get Paulie some Dramamine so that he can get to sleep and not have the nightmares of Tuesday's game that he's going to have?

The Phillies came back in the ninth with their closer, Brett Myers. Who do the Mets counter with? Guillermo Mota. That, apparently, is how you play Russian Roulette where the chamber in the gun is empty when the Phillies are holding it, and when the Mets take hold of the gun, the chamber has five hollow point bullets ready to pierce a hole in your brain so wide that even Doug Sisk can throw through it for a strike. Amazingly, the empty bullet slot came up in the ninth inning for Mota. Predictably, that same slot did not come up in the tenth for him, as he gave up a bloop hit to Shane Victorino, then a bomb to Ryan Howard to bring the Phillies to within four games of the divison lead.

Why was Mota in for two innings...again? Probably because Pedro Martinez called up from Port St. Lucie over the weekend because he spotted a mechanical flaw in Mota. Of course when Pedro talks, people listen. And Mota's two "Post-Pedro" scoreless innings on Sunday against the Dodgers gave everybody in the organization this warm and fuzzy feeling inside.

But did you know that you also get a warm and fuzzy feeling from drinking anti-freeze before you convulse and die? Apparently, that's what you get from Mota in his first inning of work before the Mets convulse and die during his second inning. Pedro spotted a mechanical flaw? Hooray! Who's going to spot the rocks in Mota's head which would cause him to throw a cookie to Howard on a 1-2 count?

How ironic is it going to be when the man who called collect to try to fix a flaw in Guillermo Mota's mechanics is going to be the same man who will put Mota out of a job when he returns? At least Met fans hope it's going to be really ironic. Because the Guillermo Mota experiment, which really should have ended long ago, has to end tomorrow after Willie and Omar get a night's sleep to think this over.

Not Worth The Paper It's Printed On

I'm guessing we can all agree that the Washington Nationals are the worst team on paper, correct?

And according to Jimmy Rollins, the Philadelphia Phillies are the best team on paper. Right?

Well, I've picked up the paper. Guess what it says:

Nationals 1-6
Phillies 1-6

The Nationals win the tie-breaker and thus are listed on the higher line....Because as we know, the first division tie-breaker is not head to head record, but less errors by players who make silly predictions. Jimmy Rollins' error brought home the tying run for the Mets today in their home opener, and opened the floodgates for the Phillies bullpen to give up six thousand more runs as the Mets won by a score of 6,005-5.

All right it was only six runs in an 11-5 victory. For the Phillies, it only seemed like 6,000 runs. For the Mets, it didn't seem like enough.

Here's my startling admission of the night: I never hope for sweeps. Sweeps, to me, are a lot to hope for. I've got one of those friends who wants to go 162-0 every season. Tells me on the phone: "You know, if we can win 19 of the next 20..." as if that kind of thing happened all the time in baseball. I'm always the one reigning him in, trying to keep his expectations somewhat reasonable so that he doesn't give himself a coronary episode if heaven forbid the Mets only win 6 out of 10.

That being said, I've gotta tell you: I want two more from these guys. I want this team demoralized immediately. I want the entire city of Philadelphia getting out of their houses at 2AM wandering around Logan Square wondering what the hell happened to their team. I want people at Pat Gillick's door with bats and billy clubs waiting for answers. I want Pat's and Geno's to be so disgusted with the Phillies that they pack up and move to New York. I want the Phanatic to wear blue and orange. I the city of Philadelphia to know that the defending division champs are not to be trifled with via cheap motivational speeches.

Yes, I'm hoping for a sweep.

A word about The Amburglar, if you will. You may disagree with me...no, check that: you will disagree with me. But I don't mind the decision to pitch to Ryan Howard in the sixth. Yes, there was a base open, but if you intentionally walk the struggling Howard, you bring up a Met killer with the bases loaded (a Met killer currently hitting .385, it should be noted). Damned if you do and damned if you don't...but Howard hadn't hit anything all season. And up until two strikes on Howard, Burgos proved that you can make him look silly.

But once Howard fouled off the first pitch after the second strike, I started to get a little nervous because Howard was starting to battle, and starting to time Burgos. Amburglar went to the well once too often, and there's no way that an off-speed pitch should have been anywhere near the strike zone...it was like he caught the Mota disease as he kept going to the junk instead of going upstairs with the heat, or throwing the splitter down by his ankles. Except that wasn't Scott Spiezio with his warning track power, that was Ryan Howard with his "I'm in a slump and if I get a pitch to hit it's going to the flippin' moon" power. So instead, we got what Keith Hernandez called "a helicopter slider" or some similar nonsense.

I was upset after the Burgos Bomb, and knew that it would be talked about for a while. But once the SNY crew was discussing the Gary Carter HR from Opening Day '85 I thought "you know what, it's the home opener. Deliciously evil things happen during home openers at Shea (unless it's 2003 and you're down 27-3)"...and I cheered up. And once Matt Smith took over for Wonderboy Cole Hamels, I cheered up some more.

And when Geoff Geary came in for Smith, the smile on my face grew wider than Sidney Ponson's pants size...because we all know the deeper you get into Philadelphia's bullpen, the better the odds that Charlie Manuel's face will turn beet red like his uniform (or those things the Braves wear on Sundays). It was fun to watch Geary walk a 78-year-old man, no? It was fun to watch Jimmy Rollins boot a Jose Reyes grounder to tie the game. And it was lotsa fun watching David Wright blast one off the top of the wall to put the game away in a grand eighth inning which bore seven runs of fruit for us.

And it will be just as much fun to pick up the paper tomorrow and see the best team on that paper in last place.

Your 2007 N.L. East Preview: Philadelphia Phillies

Memo to Jimmy Rollins: Print this post.

Because maybe if it's on paper, it'll read that you're the favorites to win the division.

The Phillies are the chic, trendy pick to win the N.L. East this season. Now when I think chic and trendy, I don't think of a guy eating a cheesesteak from Tony Luke's with Cheez Wiz dripping down the corner of his mouth to his chin, finally settling on the second "L" on his Aaron Rowand "Phillies" jersey. But yes, picking the Phillies have become as trendy as chai tea and half caf lattes at Starbucks.

It probably has to do with America's love affair with Ryan Howard and Chase Utley. It's merited. Chase Utley had a hitting streak of 35 games last season (snapped by the Mets in early August), and hit .309 in the three hole last season. Howard? He's a beast. Batting average: .313...OBP: .425...58 HR's and 149 RBI's are just monstrous numbers.

Yikes!

Jimmy Rollins, unfortunately for Mets fans, has the talent to match his bravado, hitting a decent .277 from the leadoff spot, with 25 HR's. The starting pitching is plentiful in Philadelphia, as there are six decent starters to choose from (a problem the Mets wish they had). And Aaron Rowand provides a heart and soul guy not seen in Philly since the days of Lenny Dykstra (yeah, that Lenny Dykstra).

But I'm about to lay the smack down as to why the Philadelphia Phillies will not only not win the division, but why they aren't even going to contend for the wild card...my top 10 reasons why the Phillies will come up empty:

1. The Bullpen: They got away with one last year. By all rights and purposes, Tom Gordon should have been reduced to fossil status last season. By the end of the year, he almost was...check out his ERA by month: 0.84, 2.19, 2.70, 4.63, 9.64 (in 4.2 August innings), and 3.60 in September. WHIP: 0.84, 1.05, 1.10, 1.63, 1.50, and 1.60. Batting average against: .114, .213, .229, .288, .263, .282. And outside of Ryan Madson, the names that Charlie Manuel has to choose from for middle relief don't exactly strike fear in my heart. Antonio Alfonseca? Holy extra digit, Batman! And do you realize that at press time, Matt Smith is the only lefthander in the Phils' pen?


2. The Starters: Let's not make these guys out to be the Glavine, Smoltz, Maddux, and Avery of their time. Cole Hamels is studly, but may very well have a sophomore jinx tagged on him (I doubt it...but it is a possibility). The Met hating Brett Myers is good as long as he hits the strike zone as well as he hits his...(come on, you know where I'm going with that, right?) Freddy Garcia was a good pickup, but is he going to keep the ball in the yard (little known fact: Citizens Bank Park is the size of your average suburban backyard)? Is he going to stay healthy? Is his fastball ever going to rise above 85 mph? And how come we have to hear Julio Franco jokes from the peanut gallery known as the national baseball media, yet Jamie Moyer is simply known as crafty? He's old! Not quite as useless as Julio on the field, but almost as old. Adam Eaton, mark my words, will turn out to be the biggest waste of free agent dollars in the 2007 season. It's going to haunt the Phillies if this is the guy that causes Jon Lieber to be traded somewhere.


3. Pat Burrell: Burrell's numbers aren't bad as a whole (25HR's, 95 RBI's). But his .258 average and 131 K's are not what you want protecting Ryan Howard. You want more damning stats? RISP in 2006: .222 in 153 AB's. RISP with two outs: .167 in 78 at bats. Bases loaded: .240 with 17 RBI's in 25 at bats. These numbers are bound to hover around that area or worse considering that the Phillies have been trying to trade him all winter...and that the Phillies "faithful" have made Burrell their official whipping boy, as detailed by me here.


4. Charlie Manuel: Look at the managers in the National League east for a second. You have Manny Acta in Washington, Fredi Gonzalez in Florida, Bobby Cox in Atlanta, Willie Randolph here in New York, and Manuel. If you had to pick one manager to potentially have rumors of an in-season firing surrounding him who would you pick? Who would you pick if you had to lay $100 bucks on it? Acta? With the lack of talent surrounding him that would be cruel. Gonzalez? Would there be a worse P.R. move than firing Gonzalez after letting go of Joe Girardi? Cox? He's been in Atlanta since the civil war...you think he's going anywhere at this point? Randolph? We're talking about the Wilpons here, even Art Howe got one year longer than he should have...you think they're going to develop a short fuse all of a sudden with Willie? Guess who that leaves...


5. Wes Helms: If you put the Mets and Phillies infields side by side, you could make the argument that Howard, Utley, and Rollins cancel out the Mets trio of David Wright, Jose Reyes, and Carlos Delgado. That leaves Wes Helms vs. Jose Valentin. That's a tough call, but considering that Valentin provides power to the lowest power position on the board, and that Wes Helms, who's never had more than 274 AB's in a season, I gotta say that Wes Helms has some proving to do. He hit .329 last year in 240 AB's, but also had 55 K's which would translate to about 120, 130 K's through a full season. Do you want Wes Helms in the same lineup with Pat Burrell?


6. 10,000: This team is headed towards a distinction known by no other franchise in professional sports history. They are 43 victories away from 10,000 losses in their history. Think about that...it's mind boggling! The San Francisco Giants, who have been playing baseball just as long as the Phillies, have a total of 8,702 losses. That's almost 1,300 less losses than Philadelphia. If the Phillies languish around .500, you don't think that 10,000 is going to hang over them like a scarlet number? (By the way, if the Phils start out 39-42, loss number 10,000 could come against the Mets on July 1st, Sunday night, on national television.


7. Karim Garcia: Come on. You expect me to take a team that has Karim Garcia on it seriously? Really? The Latino Bambino? Enemy of pizza delivery men everywhere? I frankly don't care if he makes the team or not. His aura already wafts through the city like that smell that hit NYC back in January.


8. Adam Eaton: I know I mentioned him way back in reason number two, but allow me to reiterate: This signing was so bad, it deserved it's own write-up. Adam Eaton got $24.5 million over three years for going 18-9 with a 4.55 ERA in 193 and 2/3's innings. Sound reasonable? Those were composite stats over the last two seasons. When Kris Benson got his "overpriced" contract, he at least pitched 200 innings in one season. And one more thing that may or may not have anything to do with anything, but Adam Eaton once landed on the disabled list...for stabbing himself in the stomach.


9. Pat Gillick: Genius my ass. His big plan was to trade Bobby Abreu to the Yankees for nothing, but have all this salary to improve the team. His big purchase with that extra money: Adam Eaton. And now, he's going to have to figure out what to do with Aaron Rowand. With trade rumors swirling around him, Gillick is going to have to hit a home run in dealing him. Does he get bullpen help? Does he get another starting outfielder back? Does Jon Lieber get traded for bullpen help? Is there any chance that Braden Looper can be returned to the Phillies in that deal so that he can log important innings for the Phils (insert evil laugh)?


10. John Kruk: He isn't going to make a throw, field a grounder, hit a double, or even put on a uniform (praise Buddha) for the team that he once starred for this season. But you know what he will do? Piss me off without fail. What that has to do with the Phillies finishing out of the money in 2007? I don't know. But John Kruk was a Phillie, he pisses me off, and he's already predicted the Phillies would win the division. I don't know how, but he will cause the Phillies demise...someway, somehow. This might be a good start:

Prediction: Third place, 82-80