This Fourth Firecracker Is A Dud

If somehow the Mets lose the fourth of July matchup with starts out as Johan Santana vs. J.A. Happ, I may never watch baseball again. -Metstradamus, yesterday

Did I just lose a retirement match? Do I need a parental control on my baseball package?

What's tonight's excuse? Pitchers with initials give you trouble?

So how did we know this one was over? Well outside of not hitting J.A. Happ for four innings and Chad Durbin for two and 1/3, for me it was when Carlos Beltran swung at ball four by his eyes with the bases loaded up 2-0 in the fifth. Beltran was 0 for 4 with two K's. I guess he needs more flippin' rest.

Or maybe just the pure ironic fact that Filthy Sanchez got through Ryan Howard and Pat Burrell in the ninth with no problem, but somehow not Pedro Feliz and Shane Victorino. But having said that, Victorino, a fast lefty with first base open, should have been walked. No doubt about it. Victorino is a pest who strikes out at a lower rate than Chris Coste, who was on deck, or anybody they could have pinch hit for him such as Greg Dobbs or Geoff Jenkins.

But why bother with even that little analysis. The Mets lost the one game in this series they had no business losing, after Johan Santana pitched a whale of a game. And of course, it's not only a loss, but a brutal loss ... because what other kinds of losses are we going to see in Philadelphia?

And since it's now July 4th, the magic day that people like to point to and say that teams in the lead on this day make the playoffs a certain amount of time, it's now the first day that I can say without fear of backlash that you're going to have a tough time convincing me that both this team and this season aren't a complete waste of time.

Enter Cliche Fireworks Reference Here

Yeah, like this was a picture you didn't see coming.

Before we get to what was good about last night's 11-1 thumping, don't you find it ironic that after seven innings of our announce crew (mostly Keith) fawning over how great Cardinals fans were, that it was a Mets fan in Busch II that brought nachos to the booth after Keith and Gary were pining for them? Think about it, a Met fan at home in New York had to call his friend in St. Louis (long distance), and tell him to go wait on line (and most likely miss a half inning on line) and buy nachos with money out of his own pocket ... and then somehow get into the booth and offer it to the men who talked about how great Cardinals fans were for eight innings (none of which, I may add, brought Keith Hernandez nachos last night).

Now that is a great fan ... and as far as I'm concerned, a great American. On July 4th, I think it's only fair that Keith tell the fans of the New York Mets what great Americans they are.

And as far as I'm concerned, Mike Pelfrey is a great American as well ... what with his seven innings and his six strikeouts and his hard sinker. The Mets can use more great Americans this weekend as the four game series with the Phillies looms. I'll say this: If somehow the Mets lose the fourth of July matchup with starts out as Johan Santana vs. J.A. Happ, I may never watch baseball again.

(Editor's note: Luis Castillo was placed on the DL, so to replace his spot on the roster, and the spot of Carlos Muniz, who was basically sent down by Troy Glaus, the Mets called up Argenis "I look like Carlos Beltran with the cool blonde frosting in my hair" Reyes, and Chris Aguila. Those hoping for hard hitting Val Pascucci to be called up, keep hoping. Our gangster manager has no idea who Val Pascucci is. All right, let's be honest: when I know more about a minor leaguer than Snoop Manuel, that's a terrible sign.)

(Oh, one more thing: I'm proud to say I attended Andy Phillips' only start as a New York Met. Phillips was picked back up by the Reds, making some of my Las Vegas vacations longer than Phillips' tenure as a Met. Oh, and Phillips had three hits last night for Cincinnati after gaining his Met independence. Great.)

Happy Fourth of July. Keep the M-80's away from the children, put some Peter Luger's steak sauce on that burger (just trust me), and buy a Gary, Keith, and Ron shirt (nachos sold separately).

Mets Win Despite Invisible Sabre Tooth Hamstring Eater

Is there an animal that lives about 80 feet up the first base line that jumps up and bites runners in the hamstring as they go by? And who's equipment bag is this animal stashing himself in?

Jorge Sosa was hustling to beat out a double play on a sacrifice bunt one second, the next second he was writhing in pain on the ground as if he was...well, as if he was Endy Chavez, who got hurt the exact same way in the exact same spot on the field in the exact same hamstring...

...against the exact same team.

Well whaddaya know, another conspiracy we can blame on the Phillies: carnivorous hamstring eating animals.

The Mets organization is saying that it's a strained hamstring, but they also said that Moises Alou just needed a day of rest too before "finding" a tear in his quad. Believe me, if the Mets could get away with calling it a "lower body injury", made famous by Pat Quinn and the Toronto Maple Leafs, they would. Especially since the more severe the injury, the higher the price for Mark Buehrle would probably become. (And maybe higher if wherever Oliver Perez was bitten turns into an issue. Mike Pelfrey, white courtesy phone.)

But the five innings they did get from Sosa were solid enough to get them another victory in Philadelphia, making sure that they will exit the city of brotherly crab fries in better shape than they will have entered it. And there's another rookie pitcher that will be waiting. Today it was J.A. Happ (he prefers that the A. is silent...who knew?) Tomorrow it will be Kyle Kendrick, a higher tiered prospect with a name that sounds like he should be running the Lenox Industrial Tools 300 tomorrow.

Of course, the scarier injury was one that was suffered (kinda) by Jose Reyes, who jammed his right shoulder on a first inning swing and had trainers check on him before and after his single in the frame. But when he scored ahead of Paul Lo Duca's first inning home run and he commenced with the handshake, we knew he was fine. Reyes then was seen smiling and laughing in the dugout before hitting the field in the bottom of the frame, while at the same time Tim McCarver was telling us that he wasn't sure if Reyes would be on the field when that inning came.

See with your eyes, Tim. See with your eyes.

And me thinks that Carlos Beltran is back, with four home runs (and if you remember his first at bat from Friday's nightcap, almost five home runs) in two games. The last home run almost saw Aaron Rowand climb the fence and make what would have been one of the most spectacular catches in the history of spectacular catches. It was in his glove. But in line with the way things are going for the Mets this weekend, the ball squirted out, and all remains well in the world of Carlos Beltran and the Mets.

But you know how I know things are going right with the Mets? Scott Schoeneweis pitched a scoreless inning. Will wonders ever cease?