Dogs And Ponies

“I am totally surprised by the reaction to my recent knee surgery. Any accusations that I ignored or defied the team’s wishes are simply false. I also spoke to Omar Minaya about the surgery on Tuesday. He did not ask me to wait, or to get another doctor’s opinion. He just wished me well. No one from team raised any issue until Wednesday, after I was already in surgery. I do not know what else I could have done." -Carlos Beltran

There's nothing. There's nothing Carlos Beltran could have done. There's nothing anybody could have done. There's nothing anybody could ever do. This is because Beltran works for trained animals, mostly dogs and ponies, in three-piece suits.

That has to be it. How else can you explain it? When other teams have major injuries, it's a press release. When other teams fire belligerent employees, it's a paper statement. When other teams open ballparks, there is much rejoicing. When the Mets do these things, it's the equivalent of a tanker truck spill blocking the Lincoln Tunnel combined with a 20-car pile up on the L.I.E. It's unbelievable how this team can take free lunch and make it into a world-wide health hazard.

So let me get this straight: Dr. Richard Steadman, Beltran's doctor, concludes that his knee needs surgery. Dr. Richard Altchek, the doctor hired by the Mets, agreed. So what is the issue here? The issue is that Mets management, none of whom to the best of my knowledge has a "Dr." in front of their names, needs to talk about this in a boardroom even though if the opinions of one of the best doctors in the country, and the doctor that the team hired agree with each other. So why the delay? So Beltran can miss the entire season? Why have a medical staff if you're not going to trust their opinion?

And correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't there supposed to be a change in the medical procedures and lines of communication which would have helped in these matters? Wasn't that supposed to be reviewed? That's what we were told on Apology Day, right? No, instead we get the same old garbage that results in another fiasco, which is what everything the Mets touch seems to turn to ... a damn fiasco. All because management needs to be the ones to make final call on medical procedures even though nobody in that front office is a doctor of anything.

It's amazing how the only people entrusted to think are the people that have no brains.

But that's where we are ... another mess that we're thrown in the middle of. A mess of which you have Mike Francesa expounding on his medical knowledge (another one who isn't a doctor), you have Michael Kay reminding us on the airwaves that Beltran really wanted to play for the Yankees all along, and you probably have players all around the league wondering how many pigs, dogs and ponies have to sprout wings and fly over the Pepsi Porch for them to sign here or waive their no-trade clauses to come to this embarrassment. Think of the consequences if this had happened before Jason Bay signed here. Then he'd really be off to Beirut. And who can blame him?

Oh, and good luck getting Beltran to come back here after 2011 when his contract is up, as he counts the days until he can move Curtis Granderson to left field. Because when the first thing you think of after an injury to one of your star players isn't "gee, how are we going to replace his production", but "gee, how can we nail him on a technicality so we can get a couple of million back", you're going to have some problems regaining his trust.

All in all, it's just another reminder that we don't root, root root for the home team so much as we root for a business. One that's run by dogs and ponies.

Counting Chickens

I learned last year not to count my chickens before they hatch...or in some cases even after they hatch.

The only proof you need is the 4-0 lead the Mets had on the Yankees last July 2nd in the Bronx, with David Wright batting against Ron Villone with the bases loaded. Villone had come in to the game after an early hook to Jaret Wright, and Wright had a chance to put the hammer down early in the game. Villone struck out Wright, and the Yankees wound up winning the game 16-7.

So here we were today, Darrell Rasner (who looks and pitches a little too much like Fresno Bobby Jones if you ask me), gets the early hook because of an Endy Chavez comebacker that fractured his finger, and in comes a man who had never made an appearance before the third inning in his career. As if the Yankees pen could get any more tired, here was a golden opportunity for the Mets to...once again...put the hammer down with David Wright at the plate after the Mets had tied the game.

One chicken...two chickens...

No, stop it. I will not count my chickens. But this time, Wright blasts one off of Myers for a 3-1 Mets lead and I'm starting to feel good. I'm feeling better after Wright hit his second home run off Myers in the third to give the Mets a 6-2 lead, and Luis Vizcaino coming in to burn out his arm.

Three chickens...four chickens...

Enough! The score becomes 8-2 with Glavine cruising along for an easy route to his 295th career win, and it officially becomes safe to bring in Scott Schoeneweis. He gives up one of Glavine's runs for an 8-3 lead...but even Mr. Met is counting his chickens. After the third run scored, you can clearly see Mr. Met twirling his finger around in the universal sign for "whoop-de-damn do". So after seven innings, either a five run lead is too large to blow, or the umpires are surely going to call this game because it's raining pretty hard. So it's safe now, right? I can resume counting?

Five chickens...six chickens...Alex Rodriguez hits a home run, oh it's a fluke...seven chickens...eight chickens...Jorge Posada hits another home run off Schoeneweis...nine chickens...ten chickens...Bobby Abreu walks off of Schoeneweis who has fallen behind every hitter since I started counting my chickens...

That's it! All of you damn chickens can now officially get the hell out of my yard!!!

For those of you who wonder why I find FOX more intolerable than ESPN need only look at today's eighth and ninth innings After lying in the weeds during an 8-3 game, all of a sudden it's 8-6 with Aaron Heilman coming in to face the Face of FOX, and here comes all those Derek Jeter video montages, and let's play that Joe Torre "This team has fight" quote and show Schoeneweis getting rocked again...and then Joe Buck lays down all those Derek Jeter stats like "He has more hits than anyone not named God", and "Derek Jeter has a lifetime batting average of 2,ooo", and my favorite "Derek Jeter's VORP is in triple digits!"

And then the ninth inning, after Robinson Cano's 17th error of the game made it 10-6, let's drum up those flashbacks of Country Time blowing that four run lead last season and see if he'll do it again. And here we go again with Yankee this and Yankee that and you thought that Michael Kay and Suzyn Waldman were in the booth and on and on and on and on and on and then Billy Wagner finally gets that last out and suddenly the only words that Buck can think of to say is:

"Mets win."

Now that I feel better, let's see...where was I? Eleven chickens...twelve chickens...Tyler Clippard pitching for the Yankees on Sunday night...thirteen chickens...fourteen chickens...