He's On A Mission From God

Heath Bell wants you to sell him your women.

And why shouldn't you? After all, he's made New York his personal playground with two saves out of three games here ... and if the Padres didn't play so sloppily it very well could have been three for three after tonight's 6-5 loss.

On the one hand, those who think that Heath Bell should pipe down with all his anti-Met propaganda have a valid point. After all, Bell hardly set the world on fire when he was with the Mets, and he should be thanking them for trading him to the Padres and affording him the chance to be the new Trevor Hoffman, instead of worrying about the social habits of his former team. If you look at the obsession meter, Heath Bell lies somewhere in between Lisa Sheridan and a Philadelphia Phillie.

On the other hand, if Gary Cohen's account from today's game is true (and why wouldn't it be), and that Bell was closing in the minors while being a long man while up on the New York part of the shuttle, then he does have a point. It does nobody any good to keep switching roles upon entering and exiting the majors. It reeks of no organizational plan. But again, that's our problem (apparently), and Bell should be happy to be gone. I'd be too if I had five saves the first week of the season after going nowhere with the Mets. But dude, enough. You know? Enough. Enough of your saves, and enough of your chatter. Go save the world somewhere else while Braden Looper comes to town this weekend and points out more of the Mets' organizational flaws.

Honestly, it breaks my heart to see a boy that young goin' bad.

And speaking of piping down:

"This is the most gratifying win I think I’ve ever been a part of as a Padre, watching the total team effort that we gave tonight result in a win." -Jake Peavy

Somebody show Jake a calendar and tell him it's April!!! Really? Most gratifying win? A victory in the first week of the season for a team that's one ten-game losing streak away from trading you to Milwaukee for Seth McClung and a case of Schlitz? Does anyone have perspective anymore?

Oh, and Mike Pelfrey might miss a start. If he does, expect the Mets to call up Chan Jose Lawrence.

Ghosts Return

As if I need more things to haunt me this winter, Metsblog alerts us to this great news:

The trade market opens in earnest today with the start of the annual GM Meetings. Already, executives are talking about the potential for stars as big as Minnesota ace Johan Santana and Florida slugger Miguel Cabrera becoming available.

But it might just start there. An executive familiar with Tampa's thinking said if the offers for Santana grow to a substantial level, then the Rays would test to see what they could get for Scott Kazmir.

The thinking is that because Kazmir is three years from free agency as opposed to one year for Santana, he might bring nearly as much in return.

The Rays need multiple high-end pitchers, and Kazmir, just about to enter arbitration eligibility for the first time, might be too expensive and ready to depart just as Tampa is projecting contention in two to three years.

How comical would it be if the Mets, with their No. 1 need being a No. 1 starter, found themselves trying to trade for Kazmir 3½ seasons after getting Victor Zambrano for him?

Yeah. That's really funny. It's so funny I want to cry my eyes out. And it's funny because you can count on me to be at Gerry Hunsicker's doorstep offering everything short of a lifetime subscription to Field & Stream to make this happen. Yeah, I know. I should want nothing to do with Scott Kazmir just for the bad feng shui he's caused in our lives just by being traded in the worst trade in baseball history (yeah, I said it...the worst!)

But so what if the Mets have to pay ten times the value they got for Kazmir in the first place (what do you get when you multiply ten by a negative number, anyway?) What, you're scared that the Wilpon's would admit that they made a mistake by trading him in the first place? The free world already knows that the Mets made a mistake!!! If you were to tell a person from New Zealand that you were a Mets fan, they cringe and say "Ooooh, Scott Kazmir." That's how widely known how much of a colossal vapor lock that trade was.

So now he may be available and we want to stick our heads in the sand? I know it's a pipe dream, but let's give Gerry Hunsicker everything short of the kitchen sink and the dirty water filled hot dog carts. Besides, do you really want the Yankees to trade for Scott Kazmir? No no, think about it: do you want to live in a world where Scott Kazmir is wearing Yankee pinstripes?

I know I don't.

C'mon Omar, have some guts and do it. You know you want to see a rotation of Kazmir, John Maine, Oliver Perez, Pedro Martinez and...well, everyone who could be that fifth starter will probably be traded to get Kazmir so...Brian Lawrence, anyone? Anybody? Jose Lima?

Victor Zambrano? Hey, why not, he's available.

(Meanwhile, there's somebody out there reading this after breathing in some second hand weed, and he's freaking out right now. He's running around in his underwear screaming about the time-space continuum being out of whack or something.)

C'mon, Omar. Let's make this week's GM meetings fun! I mean, there's barely anything going on at your meetings...well, besides Paul Lo Duca wandering around following Freddie begging to be re-signed.

The Quads Match The Collars

Instead of a players only team meeting, maybe the gang should have had a seance to try to conjure up some ghosts from 1986 to give them some luck.

Actually, I thought they already took care of that in the ninth inning tonight, when three straight hits with two outs in the ninth all of a sudden looked very eerie, and very familiar. Let's just say that if Chad Cordero had thrown a wild pitch at Ruben Gotay's feet, I would have dusted off my Ouija Board.

But Gotay struck out to end the game. There are no ghosts resurrected from 1986. Keith Hernandez's chair at RFK Stadium had no more hits in it. And Gene Mauch is playing craps in heaven, rolling seven after seven while yelling "Let it ride! Let it ride!"

I wonder if anyone inside that clubhouse during that players' only meeting realizes how close they are to the brink of history...as in the worst historical regular season collapse this side of the California Angels. Nobody has ever been seven or more games up past September 12th and been overtaken. However, our team is doing a really good job of trying to execute this trick.

(Editor's note: If the trick is turned, then 1964 would no longer be Baseball's Most Memorable Collapse, now would it? That would mean that somebody would have to write the story of Baseball's New Most Memorable Collapse. The author of this blog would like to volunteer his services to you publishers out there.)

Do they realize what they're doing to us? Think about it for a second. Think about all the firepower contained in the lineup of the team we root for...yet we're reduced to depending on the offensive production of Miguel Cairo.

Oh, you remember Miguel Cairo don't you? Once, he was the bane of the Mets existence when he wore your uniform in 2005. Now, he's the third place hitter on a team that regularly decides to bat their pitcher eighth. And now we're hoping that Cairo has a four hit day so that the Mets can stay 2 and 1/2 games in first place.

That's pathetic, but that's what our troops have reduced us to by giving up 47 runs to the worst hitting team in the National League...you know, part of that "easy" schedule we were "lucky" enough to draw these past two weeks. Don't they know nothing comes easy? Nothing comes easy to the team that has one pitcher in a boot, another pitcher in need of a boot, a third pitcher designated for assignment, and a fourth pitcher who was designated as the latest pitcher to blow a four run lead.

Oh yeah, and a 40-year-old left fielder with a tight quad...to match everybody else's tight collars. Joy.

So what's tomorrow's meeting going to cover?

Jayson Werth Is A Gangly Freak

Oh now that's terrible, Metstradamus. Guy gets nine hits in a row, and you're just mad that the last four were against your favorite team and you took it on the chin tonight. You're an awful, awful man.

Yeah, I am. It really is just an excuse to put Jayson Werth's head on a whooping crane. It was also meant to get your attention, one way or the other. Hope it worked.

Some may say, if I may use generalities, that a blowout is better than a close loss...because a blowout is easy to forget, while a close loss sticks in your gut for a while. We know all about close losses that have stuck in the Mets gut. And in this case, one could say hey...the Phillies smacked around a guy who generally gives up a Boeing 767 full of hits (it only seemed like Brian Lawrence and the bullpen gave up the actual amount of 767 hits tonight) in a park that's very dangerous for that type of pitcher. So the temptation is to pull a Derrick Coleman and tell the world "Whoop de damn do."

But I'm going to go the other way on this one. The Phillies needed a shot in the arm coming into this series with Chase Utley coming back from injury, and they sure as heck got it. Charlie Manuel gets everyone riled up by getting thrown out in the first inning, Utley hitting a home run (that was really just a glorified pop-up, right Brett?) and the Whooping Crane getting four more hits. This was a huge shot in the arm for Philly, and it's just what they needed with three more coming up against the Mets, and their batting practice machine coming off the DL to pitch for them tomorrow night (Adam Eaton). If the Mets don't hit Adam Eaton tomorrow night, not only should they be ashamed of themselves, but the Phillies are going to be back in this race with a load of confidence tomorrow.

But more of an atrocity than the Mets not getting any offense going against J.D. Durbin with one of the two runs created by Brian Lawrence (who has probably pitched his final game as a Met this season with a certain someone firing 88 pitches with nothing earned tonight), more of an atrocity than even C.B. Bucknor antagonizing the Mets' bench (he's going to be like a whack-a-mole this series, popping up and screwing up at every base from now 'till Thursday), was Mr. Met showing up in Philadelphia and being hauled away by security for the simple crime of trying to lead the fans in song.

Seeing Mr. Met having his arms thrown behind him is akin to a war crime. (Thanks to our friends at Metsblog, you can watch the war crime here.) And if you ever needed a reason to push Mr. Met into the Mascot Hall of Fame with your vote, this was it. Because Mr. Met has not only a large ball for a head, but he has an ample supply of large balls period...because now not only has he shown up in other visiting ballparks like Baltimore and Boston, but he's shown up in Philadelphia...the belly of the beast...in full Met regalia in front of hostile Phillies fans. Have you ever seen the Phanatic take a trip to Shea to face Mets fans? I think not. I mean, who does he think he is not making road trips...Vin Scully? Yet the Phanatic is in the Mascot Hall of Fame and Mr. Met is not. It's just more evidence of the deck being stacked against Mr. Met.

You have the power to change that. You have the power of your vote. Use that power. It's your right and privilege as an American.

Bullpen Blows Up, But Who Lit The Fuse?

My initial reaction to Thursday's version of "Your Season Has Come, And It's Going to Rip Your Heart Out and Show It To You!" was to blow up as bad as the bullpen did in the seventh inning and go ballistic on the food poisoning twins as I have done before, but the Libra in me has decided to be fair and analytical about this latest loss and look at it from both sides, especially since my Friday piece on Flushing University is all about not getting too angry and to try to enjoy this pennant race we're in (I was putting the finishing touches on it when the Mets were up 7-3, what can I say?) So here now, are both sides of tonight's coin (both, unfortunately, come up tails):

In Defense of Aaron Heilman:

Those who are regulars here at my virtual barstool know that I'm not a Willie-Basher. I'm a firm believer that even if you have no business being in a ballgame, you have to go at it the very best you can when you get in there. Sure, there's some extreme circumstances, but very rare is the manager who will make a dumb move like put in a pitcher seventeen days in a row including off days (at least this side of Dallas Green.) So if you're in there, you have to get the job done.

That being said, if Jorge Sosa wasn't going to be available for you (and he shouldn't have been since he's already pitched in four of the last five games), then you had to find a way to get Brian Lawrence in for the sixth inning. Sure, I understand the desire to have Ruben Gotay pinch hit with the sacks full to blow the game open...and frankly, that takes some guts to do that up 7-3. But to try to play Russian Roulette with Mota for two innings, and then when that doesn't work, only use Pedro Feliciano for a batter, and then basically run out of options and force yourself to ask Heilman to get six outs (and start that journey with runners on first and second), you're not putting your team in the best position to win.

Look, Heilman is a one inning horse, as proven by some guy named Molina...I forget which one. Mota's best role is pitching in the bullpen exclusively and never on the actual field. And if I may be frank with you, the way the Mets are using Pedro Feliciano is kinda creepin' me out. How Mota gets to pitch all this time and Feliciano doesn't leave the bullpen for a week is scaring me. Does Feliciano need a "Joe Smith" type rest? Is he mentally drained? Physically drained? Physically hurt? An emotional wreck ever since Pirate Master got cancelled? I don't understand it at all...and I'm not sure I want to.

But managing yourself into a corner and force Aaron Heilman to try to get six outs is not good baseball. And that's not Heilman's fault.

In Persecution of Aaron Heilman:

Physical errors happen. David Wright throwing one into right field while charging a ball is going to happen (especially to Sugar Pants). Mike DiFelice dropping a throw from right field happens every now and again (even though DiFelice has been ready to catch since birth, but I'm too old to split hairs.)

But one of the tests of a good pitcher is whether he has the intestinal fortitude to bounce back when you make a good pitch but your defense lets you down. Are you mentally tough? We got one hint of the kind of mental state Heilman was in when he fielded Jose Bautista's sacrifice bunt and pumped to third base even though he had no shot at third base, and allowed Bautista to reach first and load the bases.

So what does Heilman do after Wright's error? Toughen up and get the next man out? No, he gives cookies to Adam LaRoche and Jason Bay for them to pound on like chop meat. Was it the off shoot of being in the game longer than usual? Or is it a case of not having the mental toughness that a big game reliever should have? Unfortunately, you never quite know with Heilman. Maybe Heilman does have some bulldog in him. You would never tell though past the hangdog look on his face and his not-so-secret desire to be a starting pitcher. Maybe it's unfair to bring that up every time he blows a game, but if you make a mental mistake like pumping to third on a beautiful sac bunt, then one has to wonder.

So there you have it. I've been fair. You decide which side of the worthless coin that you're putting yourself on. I, meanwhile, will try to find some loose change in the wall by banging my head against it.

Old Men Need Oxygen

But when the old men need oxygen because they're sprinting around the bases at a high rate of speed, that's a good thing. It was certainly a good thing for Damion Easley today. Unfortunately, Easley (and Moises Alou, who only had to travel 180 feet) needed to be hosed down after his jaunt around the bases on his inside the park home run in the seventh inning. But fortunately...he hit an inside the park home run in the seventh inning.

(Give Alou a break though...poor guy has been doing nothing but running into walls and running into Lastings Milledge non-stop for the last 48 hours, yet still had the energy to get three hits in the last two days.)

It's fun to have games like the one we had this afternoon, a 12-4 victory over Milwaukee with one of our plethora of fifth starters going...this time Brian Lawrence, who got his first win since Game 3 of the 1979 World Series (that's exaggeration speak for August 16th, 2005). Not only is it fun because of the bushel full of runs scored, but because the other team is having fights in the dugout instead of the Mets, which is not a good sign for the other team, but a good sign for us. (Heck, I don't know another team that wouldn't fight after giving up an RBI ground rule double to Jorge Sosa...I would want to kill my manager after that, too.)

Lawrence will be cheered for his efforts today, a five inning outing in which he struck out three and didn't walk anyone, giving up three runs. It's all about perspective, as Mike Pelfrey had a similar outing against Washington last Saturday, giving up three runs in six innings, walking one and striking out five. Pelfrey, with his electric but straight fastball, was booed off the mound. While Lawrence, with his surgically repaired slider, gets an A for effort.

Lawrence was outpitched by a third of an inning. No, not by opposing starter Chris Capuano, but by Pedro Martinez down in Port St. Lucie. Martinez threw 50 strikes out of 67 pitches, and said that he felt better as he went along (while only hitting 86-88 on the radar gun so far). It's still a long road ahead for Pedro, but at least he's actually on the interstate, and not off the beaten path. And yes, I will still act as if Pedro does not exist until he takes his act to a major league stage...only for my own good.

I would also prefer to act as if this new and improved Braves lineup with Mark Teixeira doesn't exist either, but unfortunately it does. At this time, they have wiped out a 5-1 Astros lead with relative ease, proving that this is going to be a lineup that the Mets are going to have to reckon with the rest of the season. Which is bad because now that TBS has decided to put a microphone near Chatterbox Bobby Cox in the dugout, his voice is starting to grate on me like nails on a chalkboard. And I'm about to put my head through a damn wall. And the more runs the Braves score, the more I'm going to want to bleed through my eyes. This can't last.

And Willie Harris is starting to really get on my nerves (lousy Woody Williams...)

Beware: Falling Rocks

Hey? What's that dropping like a stone? Is it:

David Wright's batting average?

Lino Urdaneta's ERA?

Is it Carlos Beltran's leg strength?

Or is it the streak?

Of course, the answer is a resounding "all of the above", as the Mets dropped their first game in Arizona since it was sponsored by Bank One instead of Chase (lousy bank mergers). Livan Hernandez, who the Mets have hit well in his career, shut the Mets down over seven innings.

To be fair, the Mets had a "B" lineup out there, with Carlos Beltran's "tired legs" giving him a day off, David Newhan starting in left for Endy Chavez, who was in center for Beltran, and Ruben Gotay at second base, this wasn't the Mets best lineup. But David Wright's struggles continued as he took another collar and is now hitting a worrisome .239.

But the good news is that Lino Urdaneta pitched 2/3's of a scoreless inning, giving him an ERA of...well, it just gave him an ERA. Urdaneta had never gotten an out in the major leagues but gave up six runs. So his ERA was quantified with a symbol that I think Prince went by for a few years. But now, he has a career ERA that can be quantified with real numbers. Hooray for Lino. The best part is that his ERA for this season...is zero. The other side of the coin.

The Mets now head to San Francisco for a three game set, and Monday night's pitching matchup is interesting: Ollie Perez vs. none other than Barry Zito, who spurned the Mets to sign with San Francisco, as per his greedy agent's instructions. It will be interesting to see what the wealthy lefty will do against the Mets.

And hey, speaking of greedy Mets enemies, looks like another one makes his return to the evil empire. Let's welcome him back the only way we know how, shall we?

Our signing was a lot cheaper...and Brian Lawrence didn't have to make a huge production out of it.