Heaven's Waiting Room

(Metstradamus wakes up in a white room...with lots of chairs, and a perfect view of the clouds and sunbursts.)

MD: What the heck am I doing here? (Looks around) Hey, they've got the current issue of Sports Illustrated. That's a plus.

(Someone enters through the door.)

MD: Hello? What is this place?

Second person: Oh, you're in heaven.

MD: Heaven? Wait...I'm dead?

SP: Well, this isn't exactly heaven. You're in heaven's waiting room.

MD: Waiting room? There's a line?

SP: Not really. You're the only one here, right?

MD: Oh boy. I don't want to die. How did this happen?

SP: Hey, I'm not God, I can't answer everything. What was the last thing you remember?

MD: Well, I was in my friend's car coming home from the Jets game, and he put the end of the Mets game on the radio for me even though he's a Yankee fan.

SP: Wow, he may actually make it up here. Go on.

MD: So the Mets were winning 6-3 against the Marlins when I left the game, but by the time we got to the car it was already 6-5. And I started to feel my chest thumping.

SP: Oh, I see where this is going.

MD: And then the bottom of the ninth came, and Billy Wagner came in to save the game...except that his back had been a little creaky, so he gave up a dinger to Dan Uggla. Then I started to feel faint.

SP: Do you remember anything after that?

MD: Yeah...the third out that Paul Lo Duca dropped to put the winning run on base. After that, the next thing I remember is opening my eyes and being in this room.

SP: Did you feel anything right after that dropped third strike?

MD: You know, I felt like I had enough. Yup, I had enough of these late inning disasters. I felt really faint.

SP: Oh Metstradamus...you're not dead.

MD: No? Well why am I in a waiting room with a signed picture of St. Peter on the wall?

SP: Well first off, I got the signed St. Peter picture on eBay. But to answer your question my good man, through the course of a baseball season there always comes a time when a fan decides to, how do you say, "check out". They give up. They can't take the drama anymore and go into a baseball coma.

MD: With all due respect, I think you've lost your mind. I've never heard of a baseball coma. Every time I get frustrated, I never end up in a room like this. I just throw something against the wall. I must have had a heart attack!

SP: No, it's baseball coma. Very rarely does a baseball coma involve someone actually losing consciousness. Usually it just involves wandering around the house for 24 hours without sleeping, eating or talking. It doesn't usually happen in a car. You're obviously a rare case. Let me see here, I'm looking through your file...hmmm. It says here you blog about the Mets, right?

MD: That's right.

SP: And you were just at the Jets game, right?

MD: Yeah. They beat Miami, 31-28.

SP: Yeah, but it says here that the game shouldn't have been that close. It was 31-13 with about ten minutes left, yet you almost lost.

MD: Uh-huh...

SP: Yeah, think about it. You're watching a Miami team come back against your New York team, and you're already worried. And meanwhile, you're other New York team is in Miami trying to give this game away. You go to your car, you turn on the radio, and Aaron Heilman is starting to give that lead away. Then Billy Wagner gives up a home run, and that's it. You are obviously undergoing a severe case of "I can't take this anymore." Heck, I don't know if I could take it either.

MD: So I'm fine?

SP: You're gonna be. I just need to double check your paperwork here...oh yes. Here you go. It says here in your file, and I quote, "He has a lot more torture to go in his life...including a particularly bad stretch between now and the beginning of November."

MD: What does that mean?

SP: It means you ain't getting off that easy.

MD: But the beginning of November is the end of the World Series. Am I going to suffer all the way up until Game 7 of the World Series when the Mets win? Am I going to suffer up until Game 7, and they lose? Are the Mets going to miss the playoffs all together and every Yankee fan in the world laughs at me non-stop until the beginning of November when they have their ticker tape parade? Dammit, what else does that file say?

SP: Dude, I can't tell you everything. They'll put me in purgatory!

MD: Well can you at least tell me what's happening down on earth with today's game?

SP: Go ahead and turn it on.

MD: You get WPIX up here?

SP: Metstradamus, this is Heaven. We get everything up here...even Versus.

MD: Wow, this really is heaven. All right let's see, one, one...Aaron Sele's on the mound in a save situation?

SP: Hey, we're winning.

MD: Yeah, but Sele's in the game with a one run lead. We're finished!

SP: Now 'Damus, you're not getting back to earth with that attitude.

MD: But sir, this bullpen is hilariously bad.

SP: Now I don't want to hear any of this. Heaven is a place of faith and if you can't take even a sliver of faith back down to earth then your life will be filled with misery and pain, even through the good times.

MD: Oh, kinda like Jeff Kent?

SP: Yeah, like that.

MD: I guess I see your point.

SP: There you go. Now look up at the screen...what do you see?

MD: I see Scott Schoeneweis on the mound. I see a grounder to first. And I see the Mets win.

SP: Yes.

MD: Scott Schoeneweis. Aaron Sele. Joe Smith. They were all castoffs, and today, when the big boys imploded, these guys were lights out. Hey, I don't understand...

SP: If you truly understood baseball, could you really enjoy it?

MD: I suppose.

SP: Well, look down there...it's time for you to go back. You've got a lot to do.

MD: Oh yeah. I'm waking up. I guess I'll be okay. Hey, somebody's trying to help revive me by sticking a big needle in my chest. Who is that?

SP: Oh, that's Hugh Laurie.

MD: The guy from that show? He really does that stuff in real life?

SP: Metstradamus, you already know too much.

MD: Yeah, I know I'm not going to get a World Series ticket because he's going to be sitting in the front row. He probably doesn't even care about baseball.

SP: Yeah, but he's saving your life so I wouldn't bitch too much.

MD: Hey, I never got your name.

SP: Just call me Anulfo.

MD: Thanks...hey Anulfo, you said "we're" winning. Were you a Mets fan?

SP: Let's just say I was a friend of the program.

MD: How friendly?

SP: Remember 1977?

MD: Not really.

SP: Nobody does anymore. That's all right, you know too much anyway. You'll have the answers all in due time. I will say this: October 23rd, 2017...

MD: Yeah?

SP: It'll be around 11:37 PM...

MD: Yeah? Yeah???

SP: Just remember to duck. I can't say anymore.

Called Shot

Jose Reyes leads off the game with a single off of Matt Morris. This was overheard soon after:

"I want blood. Five runs in the first inning. Let's go."

Author of said quote? Yours truly. Yes, Metstradamus calls his shot and delivers with a virtual 500 foot bomb to center field (Not to be confused with Moises Alou's actual bomb to left field to make the prophecy come true.)

How does your soothsayer mark the occasion of telling the future? By trying to tell the future again.

"I don't think this one's in doubt anymore."

Metstradamus once again calls his shot and hits a virtual 320 foot shot to the warning track at PNC Park, proving once again that you quit when you're ahead.

Because from beginning to end, it was in doubt. Before you knew it, that 5-0 lead became 5-3 as John Maine struggled yet again. Then Guillermo Mota hit Jack Wilson with two outs to set up the fourth run, and every Mets fan that was in the building wanted to pull a Mike Piazza and chase him around the PNC parking lot.

Shawn Chacon and his throwing error opened the door for a five run Mets ninth inning to put the game out of reach at 10-4. But then Aaron Sele hit the mound instead of Billy Wagner to end the game...and predictably, all hell broke loose. So Country Time had to come into the game anyway and close things out. Thankfully, ten runs turned out to be enough.

Ten runs should be enough. Consider this: the Mets are 8-6 since Luis Castillo came on board (outside of an 0 for 6 against the Brewers in a 12-4 win, and an 0 for 3 against Florida last Saturday, Castillo has had a hit in every game that he's batted in a Mets uniform), and since Moises Alou started a run of 12 games out of 14 with a hit. His average has gone up in that span from .298 to .310, and he has had many big hits in the process. In those 14 games, the Mets have averaged 6 runs a game, and the only reason that the Mets only went 8-6 is because of Willie Harris, Guillermo Mota, and Aaron Heilman.

And yet, Steve Phillips comes on ESPN Wednesday night and says that he doesn't think that the Mets aren't going to make the playoffs because they're not hitting enough!!! For crying out loud, say that our bullpen stinks. Say our starters are struggling. Tell me that Moises Alou can't be depended upon 100% to stay healthy. Tell me that the Brewers, Marlins, Cubs, and Pirates aren't the best of competition. Any of that...I'll buy. Really, I'm not that difficult to satiate.

But all I had to do was go on the internet to find out that the Mets are hitting a ton. I mean, is it really that hard?

Yet these are the people dispensing information to the masses...and paid good money to do so. I give up.

If Looks Could Kill

I woke up on Tuesday, July 31st of 2007, thinking that there was a chance for it to be quite historic in the annals of baseball.

First it was trade deadline that came and went, with nary a whimper from the Mets during the last few hours...and I was flipping out in anger at my television. No, not because the Mets didn't trade anybody else. In fact, I was quite comfortable with the fact that the Mets didn't mortgage their entire future for Eric Gagne (although Gagne would have looked quite nice in a Mets uniform) or Chad Cordero (Jim Bowden probably tried to use his mind control on Omar Minaya thinking that he would fold like one of Jim Duquette's cheap suits, but to no avail...I kind of like Philip Humber anyway).

But because I had to listen to those boobs on Baseball Tonight for two and a half hours during their trade deadline special. (Just for clarification, I do not under any circumstances put Peter Gammons in the "boob" category...I like Peter Gammons and would gladly drink beer with him, so keep your complaints to yourself, please.) How John Kruk can go in front of a camera, brag about how Tad Iguchi is a winning player because he has a World Series ring, and then in the same breath tell us that Luis Castillo is just OK despite hitting 50 points higher than Iguchi and also having a World Series ring (I'm reminded that he was actually on the 1997 team, giving him two...two rings, which thanks to Toasty, strengthens my argument), while presenting himself as a non-biased observer of baseball absolutely escapes me. If the beer swiller would just take the Phillies pom-poms out from behind his desk and run around doing cartwheels chanting "Fricka Fracka Firecracka sis boom bah...Chase Utley Chase Utley RAH RAH RAH", I'd at least be happy that he wasn't putting on a front for the baseball loving American public.

But the moment when I wanted to throw a brick throughout the television was when former Mets GM (and current hall of hate member) Steve Phillips decided to add a little perspective to the trade deadline proceedings by letting loose with a story about how back in 2000 he was presented a ten player trade offer by Mark Shapiro with about 30 minutes left before the trade deadline, and by the way included Manny Ramirez, but he couldn't get ownership on the phone because there was two of them and he had to get approval and...

Excuses! You mean to tell me that Steve Phillips can't reach his ownership at a moments notice in the span of 25 minutes to get a trade approved? FOR MANNY RAMIREZ? Do you realize how different the 2000 World Series would have been with Manny Ramirez in the outfield? I need to be convinced right now that I don't want to punch Steve Phillips in the face...because unless the five names going back to Cleveland were Mike Piazza, Robin Ventura, David Wright, Jose Reyes, and the fetus of the next Hank Aaron, that's a fact I wish I never knew.

But then came tonight's game, and the hate that I feel for Phillips stands in awe to the hate that I feel for Guillermo Mota right now after he blew Tom Glavine's 300th victory (if you had Aaron Heilman in your "Who's Going to Blow Glavine's 300th Victory Pool" as I did, you lost), because Glavine's next shot at 300 comes on Sunday night, where this blogger has a previous engagement with the police...actually let me clarify: a previous engagement with The Police (capitalization is important here) and 76,000 of my closest friends.

Heck, forget me...how about the hate that Christine Glavine feels for Mota? Did you see the look she had on her face when Mota was walking off the mound? My crack staff heard an exclusive report that Christine Glavine was chasing Mota around the parking lot after the game (no word on whether Mike Piazza is laughing his ass off right now).

But give Christine Glavine's husband credit for going on the road, going to a place where he hasn't had a lot of recent success, and pitching his tail off (with help from Shawn Green and his sweet diving catch). It's a shame that the offense couldn't score a couple of more times for him, including on Green's double in the gap where I initially got really excited, and then gave up hope when I realized it was Carlos Delgado rounding third and heading home instead of a slightly faster runner like Luis Castillo...or Rusty Staub...or dirt. (Ask me, that was the turning point of the game right there...but nobody asked me.)

But who knew that it would get exciting after Glavine left. I mean, how about that catch by the man I like to call "Long Lastings Flavor" in the ninth...two men out and three men on...nowhere to look, but inside...where Lastings Milledge responds to pressure (cue the organs).

And how about Prince Fielder's two foul balls leading off the 12th which is straight out of every bad baseball movie you've ever seen (along with some good ones, I guess), before leading off with a single, setting up L.L.F.'s second diving catch to save the game in that inning? (So he misjudged the ball which forced him to dive...that's mere details my friends.)

How about another North American sighting of Moises Alou, as he stole a base in the 13th inning? When you add the stolen bases that Orlando Hernandez and Julio Franco have had this year, that means that the Mets have as many old people stealing as Enron did. Unlike Enron, Alou's thievery meant nothing.

Aaron "Doc Windgate" Sele continued the excitement by dancing in and out of trouble...until that unlucky 13th inning where Geoff Jenkins hit a frozen rope ending a night which not only saw history go down the tubes on all fronts, but a night where the Mets burned through their bullpen to the point where Thursday's starter Jorge Sosa had come in to pitch. What does that mean? Heck, it may mean that it's a good thing that Philip Humber wasn't traded, because we could see that young man on Thursday.

It also means that Christine Glavine is staring down Guillermo Mota all the way to Wrigley Field.

Mardi Blah

Perhaps Thursday's demotion of Joe Smith is a thinly veiled attempt to get the lad a short vacation. Perhaps, he's not going to New Orleans at all. Perhaps he's really going to Cancun or something to spend a week in the sun.

Because if he's hit a wall, as we all believe, then what will pitching in New Orleans solve exactly? The guy needs to be resting in New Orleans.

(Now may not be a great time to bring this up, but Jose Lima is 13-4 in the Mexican league.)

Speaking of hitting walls, Oliver Perez hit his in the sixth inning today, with weapons ranging from broken bat hits, infield hits, sacrifice bunts thrown to Scarsdale (at least Ollie's control to home plate isn't as bad as his control to first base), to hard hit balls off of David Wright's kneecap and long home runs by ex-Yankees. A smorgasbord of disaster for Perez, who's own error made the five runs he gave up unearned. (Mike DeJean thinks that Nady's line drive should have been and error on David Wright.)

But it was Smith that concerned the Mets brass enough that they took the completely unexpected step of sending Smith to New Orleans after yesterday's 8-4 loss to the Pirates. It started against San Diego, as he got rocked in two games at Petco. But Smith's meltdown today against the heart of the Pirates order, where the trademark movement on Smith's pitches was not there, was apparently the last straw...for now. I'm wondering how people are feeling this morning about the fact that Smith is in the minor leagues while Aaron Sele still has a job. Then again, Sele pitches once a month so if there's any arm that isn't dead, it's Sele's.

So we welcome the Jon Adkins Experience, which is kind of like those rides where you go straight down at 100 mph, except instead of down, you're going up...up...and over the left field wall. Hey, that's what we should do with Shea after the Mets move...make it an amusement park, slingshot fans from home plate over the outfield wall, and call it the Jon Adkins Experience. Or the Donne Wall Experience. Or whoever will sponsor it.

(It could be the Armando Benitez Experience, especially after what happened to him on Thursday.)

The other ride could be the Fluff Castro Experience, where you could attempt to slide into second base. But the area around it isn't dirt, but filled with a mix of quicksand and oatmeal. (Riders would actually have to make it to second base to win a prize.)

Hands Across Houston

So many words...so little sleep.

There was no way the Mets could lose after a catch like Carlos Beltran's catch on Saturday, could they?

Well, yeah...see: Chavez, Endy for reference.)

Yes, they have become proficient for losing games which contain a "catch of the year" candidate. And with the Houston Astros putting two, three, heck seemingly five runners on base per inning, there was ample opportunity to lose this game...especially when entrusted into such normally undependable hands such as Guillermo Motas hands, Scott Schoeneweis' hands, and Aaron Sele's hands.

Of course, it would have never gotten that far if the same Carlos Beltran as seen in the fourteenth inning would have done a little better than 0 for 6 prior.

It may not have gotten that far if Paul Lo Duca didn't try to take third base with two outs in the ninth, proving that one only needs the brain of an ostrich to feel he has the speed of a gazelle.

It may not have gotten that far if Tony Randazzo had given Tom Glavine a third strike against Morgan Ensberg.

It may not have gotten that far if the Mets hadn't made Woody Williams look like Walter Johnson, or the rest of the Astros bullpen look like the Four Horsemen of Notre Dame.

But you're glad it went that far, aren't you? You're glad you witnessed that incredible in the fourteenth, where Carlos Beltran ran up Tal's Hill and cradled the Luke Scott certain game winning blast into his glove as if he was John Stallworth gathering in a touchdown with his fingertips in the enemy end zone of the old Municipal Stadium, and subsequently getting pelted with dog biscuits by the Browns faithful. What could they have thrown at Beltran in Houston? Pulled pork? Nachos? Aggie fans?

(Editor's note: Football reference works here, since Tom Glavine's revelation on Saturday that wearing the Earl Campbell helmet in the clubhouse was the lucky helmet that gave the Mets their winning runs in the seventeenth. See that, Astros fans? You can't even depend on your native son to bring you luck. What's next, Jose Valentin breaks out of his slump while wearing Clyde Drexler's wristbands?)

And how many times do you see it: A guy makes a great catch to end an extra inning, and who comes up...three innings later to win the game in the seventeenth, but that same guy? Uncanny, isn't it? Well actually you never see it...so if you stayed up for it, you're glad you did.

You're glad you saw that catch, and the subsequent RBI to turn a horrific 0-for-6 into the best 1-for-7 you've ever seen. You're glad you saw David Wright's four hits in eight at-bats, including his big tying HR in the seventh. You're glad you got through all those tense moments of Mota, Schoeneweis, and Sele...because baserunners or not, all moments involving those three seem to be tense. You're glad you saw a game that really should have been a playoff game, especially set against the backdrop of Houston, and 1986, and Mike Scott (who may or may not have had his "box of tricks" found by Woody Williams which would explain how a guy who had one swing and miss all of his last game struck out six Mets on Saturday), and the sixteen inning game against which all sixteen inning games are judged.

Saturday night may have set a standard for which all future seventeen inning games must match.

People may say that this is the potential turning point of the season, the point that brings this club closer together. More likely, this is the game that enabled the Mets to get their first good night's sleep in a while...however short it may be considering they have a game in less than eleven hours from now. But no matter what this game does for the team besides gain a game on our closest competitors, it certainly makes this blogger feel a whole lot better about things. Now, just maybe, I can get a good night's sleep.

Hopefully, you will too.

Sliding Bullpen Doors

Here's the answer:

Shawn Green hit a dramatic home run in the eleventh inning against the St. Louis Cardinals in Game 7 of the 2006 NLCS sending the Mets to the World Series, where they defeated the Tigers in five games. Yes?

What would have happened if Yadier Molina had been abducted by aliens off the side of I-10 in Reading, PA last October?

That's correct.

(And now your Final Jeopardy answer: Roy Oswalt for Aaron Sele. The question we were looking for was "What is a pipe dream?")

Monday night's Cardinals/Mets game...the first Cardinals/Mets at Shea Stadium since you know what...would have to go into the ninth tied at 1-1, wouldn't it?

It would have to feature Billy Wagner facing So Taguchi in the ninth inning, wouldn't it?

It would have to feature Aaron Heilman in any capacity, wouldn't it?

All that was missing was Guillermo Mota shaking off Paul Lo Duca.

It even had the Mets facing a dominant lefty Tiger. No, not Kenny Rogers, this time it was Mike Maroth...and dominant he was, if no longer a Tiger. And even though he never even pitched in last year's series, it was too close a call. It was still too much of a reminder of what could have been if, as the Jeopardy contestant said, Yadier Molina had been abducted by aliens (or injured, as he actually was).

But regardless of the fact that this outcome came eight months too late, the Mets will take it. They'll take the excellent bullpen work by Wagner, Heilman, and for pure level of difficulty: Pedro Feliciano and his Houdini act in the seventh inning, getting Scott Spiezio (oh, the pangs of reminder) to ground out back to the box and preserve the tie, and set up Shawn Green's 11th inning swing (which was reminiscent of a five year old with a new Nintendo Wii swinging with that exaggerated uppercut from his foul ball to his game winning walk off, but hey...whatever works.)

Here are some funny things to consider:

• Did you notice the home run swing is back around the same time as the hair?
• Would this home run have happened had Julio Franco not missed this game due to injury? Because you know that Franco would have been out there at first base instead of Green against a lefty had Franco didn't come down with a sore birth certificate...I mean, sore knee? (Well, seeing as if Shawn Green played right field and not first base as he did on Sunday...which confused me, then that blows the theory to smithereens. There's a second shooter though, and I'll find him gosh darn it.)

It's just more alternate endings to the fork in the road that is the life of a Met fan. Sore knees, Nintendo swings, alien abductions...they're all fun to wonder about. But you know that what really happens the rest of this season will be much more inventive and interesting than those fictional situations. The baseball gods wouldn't have it any other way.

Not So Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat

When you put too many nutshells on the head of a sleeping animal, he's bound to wake up and bare his fangs.

When you put too many balls in the middle of the plate, that same sleeping animal will put its fangs right into your ERA.

Sometimes, one ball down the middle is one ball too many...and Oliver Perez's meatball to Carlos Guillen woke up the sleeping animal as the Mets lost to the Tigers 8-7 on FOX's game of the week.

(The good part about the Mets being FOX's game of the week is that you know that FOX wanted a certain other pitcher to make his 2007 debut on their network...instead, he made his debut on a Saturday for another television outlet. It's like the spoiled debutant going to the prom with the average joe while the football star hits the town with the winner of the science fair...and the debutant is hanging out by the punch bowl all night seething while trying to sidle her way to the football star to make people believe that they're really together. Good for FOX.)

Ollie's subpar outing doesn't worry me as much as Guillermo Mota's awful performance. His implosion was such that it actually provided the Wilpons a blueprint on how to do the same to Shea Stadium in 2008. Mota's ERA is 8.10 now, and more than that, every game he's pitched in has been a Mets loss. So basically, even when he's pitching well, the Mets don't trust him to hold a lead...there are other pitchers on the pecking order when the Mets are ahead, such as Heilman (let's give credit where credit is due with two scoreless innings today), Joe Smith and Pedro Feliciano. Mota isn't quite the human white flag (that honor goes to Aaron Sele these days), but Mota is the guy who's trusted with a one or two run deficit, which is kind of like going up to someone, handing him the lint in your pocket, and asking him to look after it while you go to the bathroom.

Not exactly the pinnacle of responsibility.

***

I would like to touch on this whole Paul Lo Duca/Cole Hamels situation if I may. Lo Duca, as you remember, flipped the bat mightily after he hit the third of consecutive home runs for the Mets on Thursday. Undertaker also had a little hop in him as he crossed the plate. Hamels, who was touched up for the three dingers, had this to say:

"When I strike a guy out, I walk off. I don't fist pump. I don't try to show up their team," Hamels said. "You get to the major leagues, that's where you're supposed to show your class...It was a big moment. Maybe the excitement got the best of him. There was a lot of game left, as we saw."

Will Lo Duca pay?

"I have to be careful here," Hamels said, grinning evilly. "Let's just say, it could have been a mistake on his part."

I'm not going to even touch on the fact that a guy starting his 36th game in the majors is telling a 10 year veteran how to play the game.

To be fair, Lo Duca has complained in the past about Alex Rodriguez admiring a home run against Alay Soler last season. And I will say this, when Lo Duca flipped the bat on Thursday, I thought he was going to get thrown at in his next at-bat. He came up in the eighth inning with nobody on and two men out, and it would have been an opportune time for a brushback pitch...and dare I say you could make a case that it would have been fair. But guess what, it didn't happen. Your opportunity to respond in an honorable way is lost.

Cole Hamels is like the drunk guy at the party that comes up to you, gets in your face, and tells you repeatedly that he's going to kick your ass, and the method in which he'll do it. Well in the hood, if you spend too much time talking about it, and not enough time putting your theory into practice, you're going to come up against the wrong hombre...the guy who will punch first and ask questions later. Paul Lo Duca is that guy.

Cole, you're a great pitcher. But you're no Nat King...so don't sing it.

Just bring it.

And The Jason Jennings Award Goes To:

We are slowly seeing the return of two disturbing trends.

One is the "Troubles at the Ted". After one season of respite, the Mets have lost three in a row in the house that Time Warner built after winning the first one. It's doubtful that doubt is creeping back into the minds of the Mets about this place, but three in a row is too long a streak for a team that's 14-3 in stadiums not named "Shea" or "Turner".

Another is the infamous "S.U.C.K.M.E" theory, where the Mets famously lose to rookies and jokers. First, it was Tyler Clippard. Tuesday night's "joker" was Kyle Davies, who is slowly becoming a Met killer. Davies hadn't gone eight innings in about a year...and the last time was against the Mets too. And not only that, he sent an Aaron Sele pitch into orbit for a three run home run. It wasn't a typical pitcher home run...down the line off the fair pole just over the way...no, this was a center field blast. Aaron, you really should be ashamed of yourself.

Jorge Sosa wasn't going to go 15-0 throwing one-hitters all the time. And he had some good pitches get knocked around. But not the best timing to lose your first against the team that you really wanted to beat...and against the team chasing you. Bad timing. An 8-1 loss means that the Mets are in the position where they have to save a little face and win these next two games. It's possible with Ollie Perez (who has two stellar games against Atlanta under his belt so far this season), and Tom Glavine going. However, the Braves counter with Chuck James and John Smoltz, and it's entirely possible that they win two more as well.

Mets Get Britn-i-fied!

Team bonding 101: Cut hair.

It's the oldest trick in the book. Shaved heads work probably as well as the playoff beard, with a little added instant gratification involved too. Hair on the floor and suddenly large ears will do that.

Twenty-one out of the twenty-five Mets, along with trainer Mike Herbst shaved their heads before today's game (and it's a good thing Herbst shaved his head, he looked too much like Ted McGinley, who you know as the death knell of every television show known to man, with that hair.) It worked, making them more aerodynamic and somehow in turn gave their bats more speed as well in the first inning, as they rode a three run first to beat Matt Cain and the Giants 4-1.

Of the four Mets who didn't shave their heads, three of them get a pass: Jose Reyes, because how much more aerodynamic does he need to be? Tom Glavine, because you don't mess with a future hall of famer on the night he pitches. And Aaron Sele, because he has family photo day on Thursday...professional photos are expensive, and remember that those things hang on the wall forever. For--e--ver! You don't want a team bonding activity immortalized on your living room wall.

Then there's Aaron Heilman.

I can't think of a good excuse for Aaron Heilman. Or at least I don't think we were told a good excuse by the SNY broadcast crew. I'm sure there is one, we just haven't heard it yet. It's all good though, because surely Heilman will follow suit and bond with the rest of the team, right?

Right?

Oh never mind. The last thing I'm going to do is get on Aaron Heilman after a win in which he didn't even pitch. Tuesday night was the cure for what ailed the Mets after the awful 9-4 loss on Monday. Tuesday night was the very reason why teams should still be scared of the Mets this season...because what teams are mentally together enough to do something silly like shave their heads and laugh it up after an ugly loss like Monday night? Most teams would simply forget about a loss like that and move on. These Mets? They take it one step further and have their best player shave everybody's heads before the next game. Worries? Not on this team.

Side note: How ironic is it that the Mets pulled off their most famous haircut bonding ritual in the home of Armando Benitez, who was involved in the most infamous haircut in Mets history, his shearing of Rey Sanchez during a blowout loss in '03. Tonight's haircuts are waaaaay different than that.

Night and day different.

***

It's too bad that the Mets of the 80's never did something like this, or else we would have gotten to see Keith Hernandez in all his cranial glory. Hernandez claims he would have never done this, so we're left to wonder what Keith Hernandez would have looked like bald. Well, if you're demented enough to try to imagine that, wonder no more:

Or what about the Mets of the nineties? Would you have wanted to see this:

Can you even imagine Mike Piazza going for something like that? I know he was crazy enough to crop his flowing locks and dye them blond...but bald? Thank goodness that timing is everything.

What You Already Know: The Rotation

"Ouch, my foot." -Achilles

Yup, this is the part of the program everyone is dreading. It's the starting rotation, ladies and gentlemen. Otherwise known as: "Disaster in the Skies".

But is the Mets starting rotation really the disaster that everyone thinks it is? Check out the ERA's from the spring:

• Tom Glavine: 1.29 in 14 innings.
• Mike Pelfrey: 1.29 in 14 innings.
• John Maine: 1.00 in 9 innings.
• Oliver Perez: 2.70 in 20 innings.

And keep in mind with Perez that four of the six runs he's given up game in the first game of the spring against the Tigers. Since then, he's struck out Big Papi and his grilling buddy twice each in a game, and has 15 K's overall in the spring. Not bad for someone who started out the spring by drilling a Sports Illustrated reporter in the leg. Also keep in mind that John Maine pitched shutout ball in a playoff game while facing elimination, yet questions surround him. Something tells me that if Maine wore Yankee pinstripes, he's have a Yankeeography already...but that's just me.

So that leaves one more spot to analyze, and don't automatically pencil in 35 starts for Orlando Hernandez. Many, including myself, assumed out of hand that the Mets signing of guys like Chan Ho Park and Aaron Sele were for the bottom of the rotation. But the bottom of the rotation isn't the problem. For all the crap you hear about the Mets rotation problems, ask baseball GM's if they would like to have Pelfrey, Maine, and Perez at 3-4-5. Ask the Nationals. Ask the Rangers. Hell, ask the Cardinals if they would rather have Pelfrey, Maine, and Perez rather than Adam Wainwright, Anthony Reyes, and Braden Looper (bold AND italicized for added effect).

It's the one-two punch that's the problem. The Mets tried to rectify that with Barry Zito. Didn't happen. So Tom Glavine is going to have to gut it out one more season as the ace. It's dicey yet possible. But with Orlando Hernandez and his myriad of injuries (Arthritis? ARTHRITIS??!?) and his mystery age hanging over him, Park and Sele become insurance for Hernandez and nobody else. And the Mets could really use either Park (8.68 ERA this spring) and/or Sele (6.11 ERA after a strong Thursday outing against Atlanta) to step up and take that Hernandez's spot, because in my humble "Monday Morning Quarterback" type estimation, the Mets are a better team with Hernandez as a long man out of the 'pen and not the number two guy in the rotation.

Yeah, I said it. He pitches this afternoon against the Cards and may change my mind (and as of now, he's given up one run in 5 and 2/3 innings so...mea culpa mea culpa mea culpa in that regard). But I heard (or read) somebody say it best: Orlando is going to get bombed every third start, and be spectacular every third start. It's the other third that will tell his season. Well, that's fine...but not for a number two starter.

So what is to be done going forward this season? Let's start here: As far as I'm concerned: Pedro Martinez is out for 2007. It's not because I dislike Petey...it's not because I don't want him back. It's because these Mets (and Met fans alike), can't hang even one hope on the return of Pedro Martinez...and especially on the return of Pedro Martinez to the form that we come to expect from Pedro, whether it be vintage 1999 or 2000 or even 2005. I want whatever Pedro does to be a bonus, almost like he would be the Mets trade acquisition in August and September.

Otherwise, the closest thing to a realistic acquisition for the top of the rotation would be Mark Buehrle of the White Sox, who is in his contract year. The Mets might also talk to Jamey Wright if the Rangers don't have him on their 40 man roster by March 28th. But is Wright any better than anyone who is already at the back of the Mets rotation? Probably not. And that's why we shouldn't worry all that much. Because gone are the days of having to sign the Jose Limas and the Geremi Gonzalez's of the world now that guys like Maine and Perez are settling in, and that Pelfrey has shown that he's ready for the majors. Heck, if we're really lucky (and if we're all good little boys and girls), then the minor league fairy might deliver Philip Humber under our pillows on a humid night in July. But I'm considering that a Pedro-like longshot for the sake of my own sanity.