See If They Throw Tomatoes At You

I knew that writing this would come back to haunt me:

So go. Enjoy your offseason. But lord help you if I see a picture of any of you in the act of actually enjoying your offseason. Lord help you if I see you in any stupid photo layouts for fashion magazines, or eating fancy steak dinners with your agents. The only thing I want to see you eating is the humble pie that you've forced all of us to eat as local and national media will continue to ridicule the Met fans you leave behind.

I knew it would haunt me because of the conflict it would cause in the depths of my feeble and stupid brain if David Wright was the one that showed his face in public after "The Collapse." Because what am I going to say? Stop going to Rutgers games like the one against South Florida and smile on camera and start taking some extra BP?

Stop going on television shows like "The Daily Show" (which I missed) and "The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch" (which I caught), and read up on the rule book which reminds us of what a force play is? (P.S. A FORCE PLAY is a play in which a runner legally loses his right to occupy a base by reason of the batter becoming a runner.)

Now, if we're talking Aaron Heilman, or Guillermo Mota, or perhaps Billy Wagner smiling goofily on the sidelines of some college football game, then it would rile me up. But when David Wright talks to Donny Deutsch and tells him that he has nightmares stemming from "The Collapse", I have to put my own emotions on the shelf. Besides, after all of the Yankee rigmarole that the nation has endured over the past month, somebody has to emerge among the rubble, remind people that operations are ongoing, and take the temperature of the community...to see if it's safe enough to emerge if you're say, Tom Glavine.

TG: Can I come out now?

DW: Umm, I wouldn't. Can I bring back anything though?

TG: Well if you see any Hot Pockets or Pizza Rolls...the combo kind?

Let's just say that it'll be a long time before Tom Glavine is invited back to any Mets reunions. But David Wright is one of the few people who can emerge safely. He's like the guy in that commercial who is able to throw a cactus at his co-workers because he's the guy everyone likes.

Why does everyone like him? Lots of reasons. One of them is the fact that he has a foundation. It's called "The David Wright Foundation" (I never would have figured that one out), and it helps kids. And if you want to help kids, you'll go to the Hard Rock Cafe in Times Square on November 15th and attend the third annual "Do the Wright Thing" Gala with David and Benji and Joel Madden of Good Charlotte. They tell you to: "Dress to Impress, Rock and Roll Attire is Best". So dress like Elvis. Or Marilyn Manson. Or a Blues Brother. Or maybe you could dress in one of those wacky outfits that Elton John would wear in concert.

On second thought, screw Elton John. He's a Braves fan.