Monday, March 05, 2007

Tease Times Two

And so the latest round of teasing is upon us.

Only this time, the siren hiking her skirt up to show some leg isn't named Barry Zito. No, this time, the vixen is named Johan...not Scarlett "Johan"sson, but Johan Santana. It's sure to start up a whole new road that will ultimately be fruitless.
"If Minnesota wants to keep me, the earlier the better for a contract negotiation...The closer I get to free agency the more difficult it will be." -Johan Santana
No, the Mets aren't mentioned. But you know us fans, we'll start dreaming of Santana opening up Citi Field in 2009. It's inevitable.
But Metstradamus, you warned us about this before...why even bring it up again? -an inevitable quote from a dear reader
Because what choice do I have? It's either discuss the pipe dream that is Johan Santana, or discuss David Wright basically giving up his position so that Alex Rodriguez can become a Met...another impossible scenario.

This A-Rod thing could really turn out to be a cheesy afterschool special. Or it could even be Kit Keller joining the Rockford Peaches to get out of the shadow of Dottie Henson and beat the Racine Belles in the championship. Yes, I can compare A-Rod to Kit Keller and Derek Jeter to Dottie Henson because, as Susan Shapiro Barash notes, A-Rod and Jeter are displaying "very familiar female behavior" (Barash's words, not mine).

But the fact of the matter remains this: David Wright, if he has a flaw, is way too nice. He's politically correct to the hilt, and he isn't going to trash anyone, or especially take on anyone connected with the New York Yankees and their 26 World Titles (you know, like most sportswriters in this town). Here is Wright's quote:
"For Alex Rodriguez? Yeah, he's Alex Rodriguez. He's a Hall of Famer. He does everything in the game exceptionally well. I still think it's a little premature to be testing the waters, but he's a great player. You're talking about a player that makes any team so much better. The point is not to court A-Rod, because who knows if A-Rod is going to opt out or stay with the Yankees. But if it's something serious, I'd love to sit down and talk about it."
Here is what his quote should have been:
"For Alex Rodriguez? You know what, he switched positions for Jeter...if he wants to come here, he can switch positions again. I'm supposedly the Mets' version of Jeter...at least that's what everybody tells me all the time, right? Damn I get so sick of that. But if he can move for Jeter, he could move for me. The Yankees got Alex Rodriguez. You know who we'd be getting? Alex Rodriguez with newly developed mental hiccups. I can't play left field...are you kidding me? Ever hear of Todd Hundley? No way am I leaving a huge contract on the table by looking like Bozo the Clown out in left field so that Alex Rodriguez can stay at a position he's been playing for three years...you know, the same position I've been playing my whole freakin' life! Besides, I can't have Cliff Floyd calling me from Chicago laughing at me. We have a damn good team here. If he wants to come aboard, the more the merrier. Can he pitch?"
Santana? Rodriguez? Not happening. You say the woman is hiking her skirt up looking for a ride? Just keep on driving...she is most likely packing a chainsaw.

6 comments:

Mike said...

Bring me the arm of Johan Santana.

Nice job translating young Mr. Wright's press chatter. Send A-Rod to the outfield if he comes to Flushing.

(Word Verification: exjasm. I know it's not a real word, but it sounds bad.)

Mets Grrl said...

i had just started composing my own Memo to D.Wright, but you said everything so much better.

$#%@!

kyle in newport news said...

I saw a PSA starring David Wright on local television the other day. He's on a ballfield, and he leans over to pick up some trash, and he smiles into the camera:

"When you see trash, pick it up. It's that simple."

I just hope his advice doesn't reach Omar!

The Truth said...

Personally, I think we should bash Oliver Perez and Lastings Milledge.

Wait, you mean Ollie didn't walk anyone and looked pretty sharp today?

Milledge has been playing damn near flawlessly this entire spring?

I forgot, we can only talk when they do something wrong...

Anonymous said...

Check out these photos from Spring Training ...

http://postpix.palmbeachpost.com/pages/gallery.php?gallery=312138

petey said...

umm, kit was traded to racine.